Family fall out over a coffee table!

[PoppyBean]

I purchased a solid oak coffee table from my SIL about 4 years ago. She said she was getting rid, I said I loved it and asked how much she wanted for it, she wanted £30 so I paid and took my table.

I've just moved house and now have a toddler, my new lounge is an L shape and the coffee table doesn't really work anywhere in the room so I decided to sell it. I didn't really want to sell it as I still love it but it just doesn't fit. I done some research to see what's it's worth and what similar items are selling for and I sold it for £150.

SIL is fuming, says I've taken advantage and asked if i intend to share the profit. I said I paid the price you wanted you could of sold it yourself. I hadn't bought it to sell for profit and I'd be keeping it if it fit in my room but it doesn't.

Now my brother has text saying I've really upset her and she's shocked and disappointed at my greed.

SIL gifted me some baby items when my child was born. As they were gifted I asked what she wanted to do with them when I'd finished with them, she asked for some things back and said she wasn't bothered about the rest. I gave them away.

I think there's a huge difference between something you've been given as a gift, even if second hand and something you paid for so I don't feel like I have done anything wrong here.

Who is being unreasonable? Should I share the profit?

@whatk8ydid

I've read all of your posts PoppyBean but not other posters suggestions so sorry if this is repeating previous.

Why not send a response either to your brother or SIL saying something along the lines of "I've had a bit of a chance to sit and think about this. I'm sorry, I presumed the coffee table had been sold to me at a reduced rate as a favour, such as I do with hair and nails etc. I'd never mean to cause offense - I'm happy to split the profit to save any hard feelings, and to avoid this in the future maybe it's best to keep business and pleasure separate. How's your week been?".

Kill it with kindness, every time. From your initial post, I could see both sides. However considering ten years (!!) of freebies from you (it's not your fault she can't sell on a haircut) she's being rather ridiculous. Hopefully something like this will draw a line under things and either let her back down gracefully, or will mean you won't be expected to give free services away to her from now on. Good luck x

Excellent response. Closes down all the arguments and you can walk away on that higher moral ground. As others have said it's a shame some haven't read your additional posts. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

I think it would've been better if you'd given the backstory about the hair and nails to begin with. I understand why you didn't, but you would've got more balanced views based on the entirety of the situation.

With the hair and nails included, YANBU. Without them, YABU (legally correct obviously, but morally wrong imo).

I think I would point out to your DB (because he seems more reasonable) about the money you've saved your SIL over the years and say that's why you haven't given her any money from the sale of the coffee table. Leave it at that for him to respond.

@PoppyBean

I know the drip feed is annoying and totally changes the context but that's why I didn't add it originally, I think SIL is being greedy but I just wondered if what I'd done was really so bad in itself buts the consensus on here is pretty 50/50.

Yes it's only a coffee table and it's only £60 and I could just hand it over but as many have said I'd of given the table to her, as I've given her my services for many many years. It annoys me she can't see the bigger picture and the fact I've made £120 on a item she sold me 4 years ago is probably what her hair and nails would cost a month if she went to a salon and I've been doing them for 10 years.

I was miffed at the time that she was charging me £30 for the table as it came into conversation whilst I was doing her hair and nails for free but I didn't want to cause an issue over it as she's married to my brother and mum to my nephews and I loved the table so I let it go. But as she's now kicked up a big fuss over it I'm annoyed that I have the attitude that's its family and she clearly doesn't.

I don’t even think it changes things. I can’t believe that so many posters are so petty that they would care what a family member does with an item they sold to them FOUR years ago. It would be different if you had bought it off her and sold it a couple weeks or months later for that much profit.

But after four years it is fully your possession now- and what you sold the table for is nothing to do with SIL- regardless of whether you do her nails or not.

Family need careful management- don't you realise that op?
First problem- you told her how much you sold it for!
Second- you are applying the same rules to her as you would anyone else. In the grand scheme of things it's not a great amount of money and after telling her you should of split the money.

I imagine that whatever you decide to do about the table, that the next treatment session will be awkward. Do you expect these to continue? Are you planning to start charging more?

I would just send a text to brother saying that the money you made will pay towards the free hair and nail treatments you've been giving her for the past ten years
Don't feel guilty, she's been taking you for a ride for years.

Now my brother has text saying I've really upset her and she's shocked and disappointed at my greed.

Text him back.

Bro, I’m sorry SIL is upset. As I said to her, I paid you guys for the coffee table at the time - it wasn’t a gift from you both to us, it was a business transaction. I’m pretty shocked and disappointed at being called greedy - I’ve done SIL’s hair and nails for free for over a decade, I’m hardly making a profit if we wanted to start adding up every little thing. I’m really offended, actually. Seems totally petty and I’m surprised you’ve waded in too without seeing the bigger picture. Anyway, think it’s best we agree to disagree on this one.

My brother recently sold me a solid oak coffee table - if I decided I wanted to sell it I wouldn’t tell him how much for but if I hit masses more would send him a bit as a gesture... however you have done absolutely nothing wrong here, enjoy the profit!

Yes you should at least share the profit, it’s just not nice not to. I think it’s already too late though not to have damaged your relationship. Not worth it over £60.

I would give her half the profit minus the £30. But no longer do hair or nails. So she gets the £60 but loses more in the long run.

I think the fact you do her hair & nails changes the situation.

Also it's the sort of thing they might moan about behind closed doors, but just shouldn't confront you like that. It sounds a bit grabby.

Totally agree with posters saying to let it go and not let money come between family.
Difference is it think SIL should be the one to get the fuck over it. You sold your bought and paid for table. The money is yours. It’s not even an argument to be had.

@converseandjeans

I would give her half the profit minus the £30. But no longer do hair or nails. So she gets the £60 but loses more in the long run.

I think the fact you do her hair & nails changes the situation.

Also it's the sort of thing they might moan about behind closed doors, but just shouldn't confront you like that. It sounds a bit grabby.

This all day long. I'd love to see her face when she realises her monumental fuck up. Very short sighted and selfish isn't she?

@scubadive

Yes you should at least share the profit, it’s just not nice not to. I think it’s already too late though not to have damaged your relationship. Not worth it over £60.

Yet another one who clearly hasn’t read all the OP’s posts!

So she couldn't be bothered to sell it on marketplace and you could.
She chose to take the easy way out. She's cross at herself. Poor choices. Lesson learnt.
Ignore her.

Her loss
And tell her where to go next time she wants you to do her hair
Cheeky cow

Dear SIL I was a bit dissatisfied that you charged me for the coffee table in the first place given that I don't charge you to do your hair and nails. You benefitted at the time from getting rid of it quickly and I paid what you asked for it. When I posted on Facebook reluctantly no longer having the space for it you thought I was mad to ask what I did but just like I did, someone else was willing to pay and when I put it up for sale I went with the sales approach and price I was comfortable with, just as you did. I see now that this is all a very one sided situation so I will happily split the 'profit' made on the table and give you £60 but from now on if you would like your hair or nails done the price will be £x.

Dissatisfied should have been disappointed

Given the drip feed on the hair and nails I would message your brother and say you bought it and used it for 4 years. It was bought not given despite all the beauty treatments. Explain that every hair do and nail session should be X but for family you’ll reduce to by half and ask when she’ll be paying the outstanding balance?

I had similar issue.
Couple of years ago we gave our neighbours a full collection of toys (think similar to sylvanian families). It was worth at least £600 and was in pristine condition. We should've sold it but they have a little girl and we were being nice. No monies were offered for it all.

In terms of money both families are very similar salaries (quite open about this) but they have a lot more disposable income.

I found out they were selling it all on Facebook and made several hundred from it. Nothing was offered back to us at all. They knew it's worth and how much it had cost.

I felt really put out. I know it was a gift so legally theirs to do what they wanted with but morally it didn't fit well with me. I'd hoped they'd pass the kindness on and give it to someone else, they're not skint by any means. Or in my head, if it's been me I'd have said we didn't need it any more and offered it back or asked whether we'd want it or what we'd want to do with it. Then looked at passing it on.

I think if I was you, I'd be splitting the money, or maybe I'd have passed it on to someone who needs it.

Legally and rightfully what you've done is acceptable, but morally?????

maybe a tactical isolation for you, to coincide with her nails/hair will focus her grabby little mind!

Whan she has to go fork out for a set of nails she'll realise she did not care about that table after all!

Tell her you’ll split the money and then ask when you can drop off the backdated bill for the 10 years of free hair and nail appointments she’s had.

That should shut her up.

I think you’re both being unreasonable. She probably shouldn’t have kicked up a fuss, but i think as it was family, the decent thing to do would’ve been to say, oh that table was actually worth quite a bit so can I split it with you it buy you a nice gift to thank you.

£150 after an additional four years of use means it was worth what, at least a couple of hundred when she sold it to you for a nominal price? Point is, she did something generous when the opportunity arose, and you did not.

@Ostagazuzulum - yours was a very different situation.

If it was me I would have offered the money out of politeness so I did not make a profit from her table. If I was her I would have refused it citing that you had done my nails and hair and you should keep it. Offer her all the money over £30 - if she takes it become too busy to do her hair and nails. If she rejects it carry on as normal. At the end of the day you only paid £30 for this table and used it for 4 years. If you had of sold it for £30 you would have thought nothing of it. People give things away or sell them for cheap as they are thinking they are helping someone. They can put out if someone sells them for a profit instead of passing them and their good will on. I have an expense child’s table to my in laws once. They didn’t keep it for long and sold it. Their right but I stopped giving them things and now prefer to give my things to charity or sell myself.

I think you have been very greedy. She sold it to you for 30.00 as she didn't want to make a profit on a relative. Selling it for 150 and pocketing the difference is really not nice. You should give her half the cash at least. In fact, you really should not have sold it for 150.00!