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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Family fall out over a coffee table!

485 replies

PoppyBean · 29/01/2021 21:30

I purchased a solid oak coffee table from my SIL about 4 years ago. She said she was getting rid, I said I loved it and asked how much she wanted for it, she wanted £30 so I paid and took my table.

I've just moved house and now have a toddler, my new lounge is an L shape and the coffee table doesn't really work anywhere in the room so I decided to sell it. I didn't really want to sell it as I still love it but it just doesn't fit. I done some research to see what's it's worth and what similar items are selling for and I sold it for £150.

SIL is fuming, says I've taken advantage and asked if i intend to share the profit. I said I paid the price you wanted you could of sold it yourself. I hadn't bought it to sell for profit and I'd be keeping it if it fit in my room but it doesn't.

Now my brother has text saying I've really upset her and she's shocked and disappointed at my greed.

SIL gifted me some baby items when my child was born. As they were gifted I asked what she wanted to do with them when I'd finished with them, she asked for some things back and said she wasn't bothered about the rest. I gave them away.

I think there's a huge difference between something you've been given as a gift, even if second hand and something you paid for so I don't feel like I have done anything wrong here.

Who is being unreasonable? Should I share the profit?

OP posts:

FamilyOfAliens · 29/01/2021 23:54

@FlamedToACrisp

In your situation, I would give her £120, ie ALL the money, less the £30 I had already paid. I would also continue to do free beauty treatments.

And I would always think what a petty, greedy cow she was!

Really? How long have you been a doormat?

SueblueNZ · 29/01/2021 23:58

@FlamedToACrisp
Do you have "I'm a mug" tattooed on your forehead?

Love51 · 30/01/2021 00:09

When deciding how much money each party should get, don't forget that she owes you rent for the house space that the table has taken up in your house for the past 4 years!

Arobase · 30/01/2021 00:17

Legally you are of course in the right. However, morally and for the sake of family harmony, I do think you should give her half of the profit, i.e. £60. You're still making a good profit yourself.

And start charging her for the nail products.

Thewithesarehere · 30/01/2021 00:19

@Arobase

Legally you are of course in the right. However, morally and for the sake of family harmony, I do think you should give her half of the profit, i.e. £60. You're still making a good profit yourself.

And start charging her for the nail products.

I think OP should charge her with invoices that are backdated to the day she bought this table from her. This will be fair.

MrsMarrio · 30/01/2021 00:23

You bought the table 4 years ago? SIL needs to get a grip. If it had been straight away that's different and makes you look like a user. But you paid the money she wanted and had it 4 years.
Would she have said anything if you took it the tip? Or is she just CF with anything money related?
I've gave things for free to family members for them to the sell it at a later date, I don't go and demand the money for it, that's crazy!
I remember giving baby gifts to my brother and SIL when my niece was born ...my brother was the boasting about selling all the brand new items with tags on that people had got them to my DH (their full intention was making money) and then showing him the eBay auctions which just happened to be something we had bought them, DH gave him a piece of his mind.

HighSpecWhistle · 30/01/2021 00:26

She probably only gave it to you for £30 because you're family.

Don't be tight - give her half. Why do you think you're entitled to all of it when you only paid £30 for it? It's not like you've kept it in storage, you've had good use of it.

You're the one causing the family issues.

Rhubarbcrumblerules · 30/01/2021 06:56

I wouldn't be giving her anything however if you do go down the route others have suggested do not give her £60 as she has already had £30. To be totally fair split the £150 into two, so £75. Then take off the £30 so she gets £45 (plus the £30 she has already had = £75), and you keep £105 (less the ,£30 = £75)

If you do it the way others are suggesting she ends up £90 in profit and you get £60, not to mention all the free hair and nails.

Original poster

PoppyBean · 30/01/2021 07:01

I know the drip feed is annoying and totally changes the context but that's why I didn't add it originally, I think SIL is being greedy but I just wondered if what I'd done was really so bad in itself buts the consensus on here is pretty 50/50.

Yes it's only a coffee table and it's only £60 and I could just hand it over but as many have said I'd of given the table to her, as I've given her my services for many many years. It annoys me she can't see the bigger picture and the fact I've made £120 on a item she sold me 4 years ago is probably what her hair and nails would cost a month if she went to a salon and I've been doing them for 10 years.

I was miffed at the time that she was charging me £30 for the table as it came into conversation whilst I was doing her hair and nails for free but I didn't want to cause an issue over it as she's married to my brother and mum to my nephews and I loved the table so I let it go. But as she's now kicked up a big fuss over it I'm annoyed that I have the attitude that's its family and she clearly doesn't.

OP posts:

inquietant · 30/01/2021 07:04

@Hankunamatata

yabu. I would have gone half with sil. She gave you it cheap because you are family then you made a profit on her kind gesture

This. I think you have shown yourself to be rather ungenerous and if you'd given her £60 (£150-£30 split two ways) you would have made everyone happy.

inquietant · 30/01/2021 07:05

I see the hair/nails as separate issue tbh.

makingmammaries · 30/01/2021 07:07

I was going to say that you should be gracious and share the profit, but your update on the free beauty treatments actually changes everything and I think you might need gently to point that out, and also the fact that you made the effort to list and sell the table and she didn’t want to.

Monty27 · 30/01/2021 07:10

@snowstorm2012

I wouldn't have charged a family member/mate in the first place for a coffee table 🤷‍♀️

Same OP deduct storage costs and give her twenty quid

Bluntness100 · 30/01/2021 07:13

I was miffed at the time that she was charging me £30 for the table as it came into conversation whilst I was doing her hair and nails for free

Gosh, that is a drip feed. So you even wanted if for free at the time and not a discounted price? Wow.

If you feel such resentment over providing your services for free you should stop doing it, but trying to get cash or stuff from her via other means to make up for it or deciding you’re entitled because of it, isn’t ok.

But you should never have agreed to do these things if you felt such resentment over it.

TangoWhiskyAlphaTango · 30/01/2021 07:15

Yanbu she sold it to you for £30, you paid it. It's been 4 years! If you'd bought it to sell on immediately that'd be a different story.

She's being stupid & greedy

Teenagetrials · 30/01/2021 07:19

YANBU but life is too short to fall out over this. Do what it takes to sort it out, and move on xx

Original poster

PoppyBean · 30/01/2021 07:23

@Bluntness100

I was miffed at the time that she was charging me £30 for the table as it came into conversation whilst I was doing her hair and nails for free

Gosh, that is a drip feed. So you even wanted if for free at the time and not a discounted price? Wow.

But you should never have agreed to do these things if you felt such resentment over it.

@Bluntness100 It's not that I wanted it for free but when I was doing something for her for free I think it would be fair for her to gift the table.

I've never felt resentment for doing anything for her but why is it ok for her to profit from me but not for me to profit from her. That's what's upset me now she's kicked up a fuss.

If she went to a salon to have done what I do it would cost her probably £80 for her hair and £30 for her nails. If someone gave you a service for free would you not return the favour when you had the opportunity?

OP posts:

giletrouge · 30/01/2021 07:23

Give her the £60.
Start charging her for your time, even if 'mates rates' it's going to cost her that before long. If she doesn't want to pay you she can go elsewhere - you either get your time back, or you get your money back. The goodwill between you ain't never coming back is my guess.

Bluntness100 · 30/01/2021 07:26

If someone gave you a service for free would you not return the favour when you had the opportunity

Yes, personally I would. However I wouldn’t feel entitled to it as you do.

I really don’t think either of you are behaving with any form of dignity squabbling over money like this. I’m embarrassed for both of you.

THisbackwithavengeance · 30/01/2021 07:30

Difficult one.

One hand she gave you mates rates and you have clearly profited financially from the deal which makes you look a little shady.

However, it was 4 years ago so I think she is being a bit precious tbh.

You are technically in the right as it was your coffee table but I agree with others that you should give her the £60 and consider it money well spent.

But one thing, did you really not consider beforehand that she would see the FB listing and be pissed off?

InTheDrunkTank · 30/01/2021 07:31

Legally you're right but if you want to be a nice person you'd at least offer your sil some of the profits. She gave you a family discount to be kind and you're rubbing your hands with glee at the profit. It wasn't like you worked hard for it. Why not just give her half the profit just to be a decent person.

PurpleMustang · 30/01/2021 07:31

She is being a massive CF. You had the table for 4 years not 4 months. I would text her saying not problem I will give you the £60 you as think you are entitled too. And while we are at it I have saved you £xxxxx over time doing your treatments for you and spent £xxxx using my own products but it is ok for you to get something for free constantly but I cant accidentally make £120 on something you didn't want. She is obviously a taker in life but now its a case of how long do you want to carry on giving. I would be fuming.

Bluegrass · 30/01/2021 07:32

I don’t understand SIL at all. She doesn’t seem to be desperately hard up otherwise she’d have sold the table for as much as she could get, and yet she still wanted £30 quid off a family member rather than just offering it to them for free.

Now she is sniffing around for another, what, £60 quid after you sold it 4 years later. Christ almighty, who behaves like that ! I feel embarrassed for her.

I don’t think you can separate the nail and hair issue either.I think I would find out what a cheap local rate for the same service is and then give her a rough estimate of how much she would have paid over those 10 years if it weren’t for your generosity. She needs to see that figure written down, as that also represents your own time effort and expense.

Next to that I’d ask if she really wants your £60. If she pushes it and says yes then I’d give it to her but never do her hair and nails again.

She’ll have won a Pyrrhic victory, and will be reminded of that fact each and every time she hands over cash to someone to get her hair or nails done. Unbelievable.

Dowermouse · 30/01/2021 07:35

Meh, she can bugger off. You put in the leg work and got the market price for it, she got instant cash and got a few quid. That's life. I personally wouldn't have told her what my profit was though.

Palavah · 30/01/2021 07:36

@Hankunamatata

yabu. I would have gone half with sil. She gave you it cheap because you are family then you made a profit on her kind gesture

This

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