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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think women should not be banned from Social media for asking the question - Thread 3

988 replies

Thewithesarehere · 29/01/2021 21:26

Many women have been suspended from sm for asking the question:

“Do you believe that male sexed people should be allowed access to changing rooms and showers for female sexed people and teenagers?”
Seems like a perfectly reasonable question which we should be allowed to ask.

Let’s vote with our AIBU.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
24
RootyT00t · 30/01/2021 16:23

@Impatiens

I was responding directly to a poster who was claiming trans is merely, only, a mental health issue.

Really wish people wouldn't use language like this about MH issues, as if they are somehow lesser than other health issues of that there is some insult implied in categorising someone's mental state in that way.

Identifying as trans isn't a physical issue - there is no test that can be done to 'prove' that someone is trans, it can only be assessed by that person's verbal account.

No I know and we had this out at the time This is the problem with people coming into a thread an picking random sentences (and then I'm in trouble for posting Hmm)

I said way back that i had an issue with trans being labelled as merely a mental health condition. You and I spoke about this at the time. The poster then responded today to ask why I was dismissing it having misread my post - which brings it back to this.

Hopefully that makes sense.

ListeningQuietly · 30/01/2021 16:28

At my gym there is a member who has switched from wearing suit and tie to skirt and heels.
They still use the mens changing room because that is where their friends change.
And because they are a still a man.

Impatiens · 30/01/2021 16:28

Sorry but I still don't get it @RootyT00t - you've used the same language again: 'merely a mental health condition.'

If you think we've already covered it I'll go back and look but I am disturbed by your continued use of this dismissive, minimising language.

ListeningQuietly · 30/01/2021 16:29

A naked Transwoman is a man.
Its as simple as that.

Whatsnewpussyhat · 30/01/2021 16:34

And at least posters like Rooty come with an actual opinion and join in the conversation instead of those who just plop with the 'MN hotbed of transphobia' shit and whine that we've escaped out of our box and onto other boards.

They think they're safe.

One man decided those polish women didn't deserve autonomy over their own bodies. A man who already admitted he thinks women are less intelligent than men.
With no vote or consideration he reduced them to nothing more than breeding stock.

A man in America has brought forth a policy in which he wants women who have an abortion to be executed. This under the guise of pro life! This man thinks women are nothing but walking incubators. Less than human and so undeserving of basic human rights.
It was so shocking even a pro life group said WTF!!

Winesalot · 30/01/2021 16:37

Don’t worry Rooty. I have been one of those people who ask lots of questions and challenges others all my life. I am the pain-in-the- arse type like that. Dont stop challenging us as long as it is constructive. Far better and more interesting for those reading along than posters who merely point their pointy fingers to shame people with a different opinion.

RootyT00t · 30/01/2021 16:38

@Impatiens

Sorry but I still don't get it *@RootyT00t* - you've used the same language again: 'merely a mental health condition.'

If you think we've already covered it I'll go back and look but I am disturbed by your continued use of this dismissive, minimising language.

I can't really win this one.

I'm not minimising any mental health condition - you don't know me personally, my background or my line of work but if you did youd know you're preaching to the choir here . So I don't appreciate the use of disturbed and dismissive, thanks..

My original post on this was in relation to a post about a previous time when trans was treated as a mental health condition.

I said about 30 pages ago I do not believe trans is 'just' a mental health condition (disclaimer- I'm not taking away from the seriousness of that , but I believe it's a physical, complicated thing too. You disagree and that's fine and there's jack shit point discussing that yet again)).

My use of the word just was like so. I personally was asked yesterday to get a repeat of meds if I suffer from anxiety and depression. I said just anxiety, meaning only, meaning not the other. That does not take away from the fact I wouldn't wish anxiety on my worst enemy.

Hopefully I've debunked this enough now til it makes sense because I'm not sure how much more I can explain a sentence I used 30vpages ago. If you want to choose to believe I am minimising and dismissing MH that will just have to be.

JoodyBlue · 30/01/2021 16:40

Agree - the problem actually with our society is too few people ask questions. This is probably how we ended up in this mess.

RootyT00t · 30/01/2021 16:41

@Winesalot

Don’t worry Rooty. I have been one of those people who ask lots of questions and challenges others all my life. I am the pain-in-the- arse type like that. Dont stop challenging us as long as it is constructive. Far better and more interesting for those reading along than posters who merely point their pointy fingers to shame people with a different opinion.
I have to say, I'm learning a lot. at this stage im really giving what my Internalised views are not because I think I'm right but to hear the other side.

If that offends I apologise but surely that is better than 53 threads of arguing where nobody hears the other?

DeaconBoo · 30/01/2021 16:47

Rooty feel free to come and dip into the FWR threads as sometimes these all-encompassing ones are a bit scattergun. Or start your own!
I'd say put on a tin hat but AIBU is far worse in that regard.

Some of the threads are about specific court cases/issues that might need a bit of back story but it's a great way of getting the lie of the land.

I didn't go on the Feminism boards for years when I first joined MN. Thought it'd be dry and esoteric. The amount of shit women still get handed every day has sadly proven me wrong. If you're interested in social justice at all it's v handy and the posters there are great.

Re mental health condition. I can see the argument for 'unmedicalising' an 'identity'. Points to discuss: What would be the consequences for arguing that Gender Dysphoria isn't a requirement to identify as trans? (General question, not directed at you specifically).
What is 'trans' if not/in addition to unhappiness with your gender? What does gender even mean in this sense? Is the root of this dysphoria worth looking into?
How would de-medicalising it affect access to healthcare (in the US it can be the case that something being classed a 'mental health' condition vs a physical one means it isn't covered by some health insurance plans).
Should there even be any kind of gatekeeping to changing legal gender? What is the current requirement? (Accounts differ on how onerous this is)

RootyT00t · 30/01/2021 16:47

@DeaconBoo

I disagree AskingQuestions . Often these threads play out with one person asking questions and getting bombarded various responses.

There are definitely threads with deliberate wilful misunderstandings, derails and name-calling but I've appreciated some of Rooty's posts.

It's really frustrating for a lot of people who have been trying to point out issues on here for years only to have people plop in and say 'well you all think XYZ and you're wrong' but I don't think that's necessarily what's happening here.

There are so many aspects to all this that are concerning and it's difficult to gauge what someone already knows or doesn't, even down to whether they actually believe there are fixed biological sexes or whether that's a social construct or that the existence of chromosome disorders 'proves' that sex is a spectrum etc. Trying to unpick preconceptions and where you stand on them is important!

Thanks Deacon 😘
Impatiens · 30/01/2021 16:50

@RootyT00t - I also have plenty of experience of MH issues which is partly why I'm on high alert to what I see as dismissive language around them. Another reason is that I'm fascinated by the mind-body connection and the numerous ways that can manifest itself.

You don't want to discuss why you believe that there's a physical element to being trans, despite there no evidence at all of that, well ok. I would have thought it was a really important part of the whole debate but..

lifeturnsonadime · 30/01/2021 16:55

@JoodyBlue

Agree - the problem actually with our society is too few people ask questions. This is probably how we ended up in this mess.
I think the reason we are in this mess is that we are not allowed to ask questions (hence the Helen question resulting in the twitter ban).

We are bigots if we ask questions.

Regarding Trans not being a medical issue, this is interesting when you consider the medicalisation of young children that has been going on and the number of people who are fighting to overturn the Bell v Tavistock decision.

RootyT00t · 30/01/2021 17:00

@DeaconBoo

Rooty feel free to come and dip into the FWR threads as sometimes these all-encompassing ones are a bit scattergun. Or start your own! I'd say put on a tin hat but AIBU is far worse in that regard.

Some of the threads are about specific court cases/issues that might need a bit of back story but it's a great way of getting the lie of the land.

I didn't go on the Feminism boards for years when I first joined MN. Thought it'd be dry and esoteric. The amount of shit women still get handed every day has sadly proven me wrong. If you're interested in social justice at all it's v handy and the posters there are great.

Re mental health condition. I can see the argument for 'unmedicalising' an 'identity'. Points to discuss: What would be the consequences for arguing that Gender Dysphoria isn't a requirement to identify as trans? (General question, not directed at you specifically).
What is 'trans' if not/in addition to unhappiness with your gender? What does gender even mean in this sense? Is the root of this dysphoria worth looking into?
How would de-medicalising it affect access to healthcare (in the US it can be the case that something being classed a 'mental health' condition vs a physical one means it isn't covered by some health insurance plans).
Should there even be any kind of gatekeeping to changing legal gender? What is the current requirement? (Accounts differ on how onerous this is)

Thanks Deacon. I've always been 'interested' in trans, if you will, but as some of the other posters pointed out I've come at it from a place, an age and a generation where our automatic reaction is to stick up for people to be who they are, etc etc. I had no idea about any of this twitter stuff. I did dip my toe into the JKR stuff, but soon escaped.

I think where the problem comes is that when people are passionate about something, which in this case is womens rights, the go to response if YOU'RE WRONG, YOU'RE MISOGYNISTIC, YOU KNOW NOTHING. and the other side automatically goes to YOU'RE A TRANSPHOBE. And we get nowhere. I stuck it out yesterday because in between the ducking and diving, I read some fantastic posts, learned a great deal to be honest, and my frustration late last night this morning came because new posters, or lurkers, were jumping on to highlight a sentence I'd said 23 pages ago so that more people could discuss it despite the fact I'd already conceded that i needed to learn about that particular area.

I do understand that your (not you directly, but all of the posters) job is not to educate me, but coming as someone who as I debated in an earlier post, doesn't spend a lot of time on twitter, doesn't do a lot of research, partly as I work and have my own very complicated life to deal with, I'm coming at these issues as someone who is going purely from what I see in the world. And as a human being, if you engage in a topic and people shut you down and abuse you (I'm talking early doors and the shit plopper this morning, everyone else has been fantastic, even the ones who disagree with me), your human reaction is to dig your heels in further, really isn't it.

I digress. I think my uncomfortableness, if you will, is that the original mental health condition debate on these threads came wrapped up in transgender as a 'concept', being completely denied. I originally read it as it's "just" a mental health condition (I say those words with trepidation, given the previous problems with this expression). But what i mean by that, is that when you put something as "just " anything, you don't look at what causes it. Do these young people, for example, feel they are trans because it is a mental health issue? or is it social media? Or is it the influence of these nutters on twitter and in mermaids and the like? Or is it related to autism, particularly in girls? Or is it a 'feeling'? What is it? None of us know this, because we are not trans. And even if we were, it's different for everyone.

That relates to your question. To me personally, I believe(d) that gender dysphoria is being unhappy with your identity, or non binary, but not necessarily "wanting" to "be" the other sex which falls under trans. I might be wrong in this regard, I'm sure someone will tell me if I am.

Gender is such a difficult thing in this day and age that the whole thing becomes so complicated.

My understanding of the current process is that you have to live as the other sex for a year before you can be considered for treatment. I'm fairly sure, although I'd have to look, that it used to be longer. WHen I'm ranting on about people not being allowed in changing rooms, these are the people I'm thinking about. Not someone who has lived as transgender their whole life. The person going through the year, presumably still feeling those feelings of not being who they are /accepted (I'm being careful here as this caused a stink earlier when people said it either was a mental health condition or it wasn't, whereas my point would be the fact that being transgender may CAUSE issues in terms of confidence, anxiety, moods etc that doesn't necessarily make it a mental health condition, if you will) , that they then are being put into a space different from everyone else.

I have read various versions of children being given treatment, but my understanding is that hormones cannot start until age 16.

Gurufloof · 30/01/2021 17:00

A women's endometriosis group told they must no longer use genderered' language to talk about themselves. Not allowed to use the words woman, women, ladies, girls, gals etc etc but are allowed the word 'guys' because apparently male terms are not gendered

Also the world will now have cured endometriosis (and womens cancers, pcos, fibroids, miscarriage, stillbirth, premature birth etc etc)
As now you can double the amount of "people" who could have these things.
So instead of 1 in 200 stillbirths every year, its 1 in 400.
1 in 10 women with pcos becomes 1 in 20 people with pcos.

Hides true facts about womens health. Leads to less services in an already decimated area.
And it's already happening.

RootyT00t · 30/01/2021 17:00

[quote Impatiens]@RootyT00t - I also have plenty of experience of MH issues which is partly why I'm on high alert to what I see as dismissive language around them. Another reason is that I'm fascinated by the mind-body connection and the numerous ways that can manifest itself.

You don't want to discuss why you believe that there's a physical element to being trans, despite there no evidence at all of that, well ok. I would have thought it was a really important part of the whole debate but..[/quote]
Well, we can, I'm happy to, but my primary concern is that I genuinely (and I mean that) don't want to upset you any further as I have done with my MH terms, and I'm not that academic to do otherwise.

So if you feel comfortable now that I'm not being dismissive of mental heatlh, I'm happy to.

Winesalot · 30/01/2021 17:03

I get that.

I also read your post about your concern about young people and social media and gender issues. I believe that you may find many issues where many of those posting yesterday and your own opinions do agree.

In regards to the ‘generational’ differences obviously, some of us grew up in times when we were sold an equality dream and felt we were moving towards that finally. But we are still no where near equality yet. To keep being told that there is no conflicting areas over whose rights get priority, makes me feel I am back in 70s.

What is being sold to my teenager as being equality, truly doesn’t bode well for her future. And many of us with experience are concerned, but being told we are uninformed. That makes me laugh. A lot. Because many of us have qualifications that would indicate that is untrue.

Whatsnewpussyhat · 30/01/2021 17:06

any poster who thinks we should hark back to the days of it being a mental health disorder should not be allowed to discuss these topics on social media

I think this was a direct response to one of my posts.
I did want to know how thinking you were in the wrong body could be anything other than a mental health condition? It's a perfectly reasonable question.

We aren't allocated bodies at birth or given a choice. If you think your body is wrong it is body dysphoria. A mental health condition. No different than anorexia.

As PP said, it cannot be a physical condition because their bodies are perfectly healthy.

Saying it isn't a mental health issue is not helpful at all. children are being sold this as a cure all for every problem.

It was very deliberately made 'not a mental health issue' to allow the adult males with NO dysphoria to call themselves women.

What about the large number of transexuals who are hurt when their very real condition has been reduced and minimized. Called truscum. Told they must call themselves trans now because transexual implies reassignment surgery and 90% dont have it but still want access to female spaces.

Look up Rose of Dawn, Miranda Yardley, Blair white, Scot Newgent, Buck Angel etc. Etc. Trans people who hate what is being done to female rights and children in their name.

RootyT00t · 30/01/2021 17:08

@Winesalot

I get that.

I also read your post about your concern about young people and social media and gender issues. I believe that you may find many issues where many of those posting yesterday and your own opinions do agree.

In regards to the ‘generational’ differences obviously, some of us grew up in times when we were sold an equality dream and felt we were moving towards that finally. But we are still no where near equality yet. To keep being told that there is no conflicting areas over whose rights get priority, makes me feel I am back in 70s.

What is being sold to my teenager as being equality, truly doesn’t bode well for her future. And many of us with experience are concerned, but being told we are uninformed. That makes me laugh. A lot. Because many of us have qualifications that would indicate that is untrue.

I get that, too.

There's a clear 'generational' divide, if you will.

I'm in my 20s and have grown up in the age of social media. I have always worked in environments with young people in one way or the other (I stayed out of the posts yesterday on how it is in schools, because in all honesty it is different depending on your job role, the pupil themselves, and where you work). I was brought up in a household and a life experience where men and women were equal. They just were. I was probably a teenager before I realised how things 'used ' to be, and still are in many parts of the world.

From my own experiences, possibly unusually I've had more bad experiences with women than I have with men. I'm always therefore a bit of a knee jerk when it comes to the misogyny thing - I was once told on a thread I'd been brainwashed into being a slave for men. People who say things like that may believe it, but it doesn't help because you then feel like your own experiences are being minimised.

I'm not a massive academic. I never will be. I've got to where I am from a bit of hard graft and learning in life (I had this discussion yesterday about not living my life on statistics because I genuinely don't). Where I totally agree with you is your last post. We are genuinely told in our generation that you can be anything you want to be, you can do what you want, be who you are. A quick flick of the number of threads on here confirms that - my DD had an argument with her teacher etc and 350 posts saying go on herself. In the real world, if you had an argument with your boss, that wouldn't go well.

It's been really fascinating to read some of the posts from 'older' posters about the rights they fought for.

I suppose I'm at the 'start' of this journey, as I haven't observed the 'fight'. I suppose what I'm doing is doing what I believe is the fighting, but for the wrong side.

RootyT00t · 30/01/2021 17:13

@Whatsnewpussyhat

any poster who thinks we should hark back to the days of it being a mental health disorder should not be allowed to discuss these topics on social media

I think this was a direct response to one of my posts.
I did want to know how thinking you were in the wrong body could be anything other than a mental health condition? It's a perfectly reasonable question.

We aren't allocated bodies at birth or given a choice. If you think your body is wrong it is body dysphoria. A mental health condition. No different than anorexia.

As PP said, it cannot be a physical condition because their bodies are perfectly healthy.

Saying it isn't a mental health issue is not helpful at all. children are being sold this as a cure all for every problem.

It was very deliberately made 'not a mental health issue' to allow the adult males with NO dysphoria to call themselves women.

What about the large number of transexuals who are hurt when their very real condition has been reduced and minimized. Called truscum. Told they must call themselves trans now because transexual implies reassignment surgery and 90% dont have it but still want access to female spaces.

Look up Rose of Dawn, Miranda Yardley, Blair white, Scot Newgent, Buck Angel etc. Etc. Trans people who hate what is being done to female rights and children in their name.

Argh, this bloody sentence is going to haunt me forever. (along with Barbara.....)HAve you read my recent responses on this?

What I said was is I don't think it's "just" a mental health condition - again, trepidation on this one, as I can't keep explaining what I mean by just. I'm not minimising it, I just mean that I don't think it's only a mental health issue.

Not inspired by these men on twitter, I had no idea this was a thing.

Why do I think it's not just a mental health issue? That's honestly quite hard to word. I feel absolutely uncomfortable when I see it compared to things like anorexia. I really do.

I suppose coming at it from an LGBT perspective......I have a gay friend who still hadn't come out in his 20s (I understand that sexuality and gender aren't the same thing, but bear with me). I have heard his story and apart from paining me that he ever felt the way he did, he knew from being a young child that he was 'different'. He didn't know he was gay, because he didn't feel attracted to anyone, that came later as it does for many people. But he knew he was different. I've heard similar stories from people with transgender issues. Now I don't like the term 'mental health' in relation to this (weirdly enough, in spite of what's been picked up as a result of my posts previously, because I don't think it is fair to compare it to the likes of anxiety and depression).

I appreciate I haven't really answered the question. I just don't like the thought of it.

I didn't know until yesterday about the number of people who don't transition. Weirdly enough, this now creates a situation where people feel "forced" to transition, if you will, to "prove" their status, which is even more worrying.

lifeturnsonadime · 30/01/2021 17:17

*Rooty have you watched the Blair White you tube video that was posted upthread?

I think it would really help get an alternative perspective and to see that it's not just middle age women that believe that TWAW is not the way forward.

RootyT00t · 30/01/2021 17:22

@lifeturnsonadime

*Rooty have you watched the Blair White you tube video that was posted upthread?

I think it would really help get an alternative perspective and to see that it's not just middle age women that believe that TWAW is not the way forward.

I've got the TERF wars one on just now that winesalot posted, life. Will add it to the list

(but have the masked singer booked in at 7, ironically enough...;) )

RootyT00t · 30/01/2021 17:23

Oh I think it's the same one, @lifeturnsonadime

Winesalot · 30/01/2021 17:26

@lifeturnsonadime

*Rooty have you watched the Blair White you tube video that was posted upthread?

I think it would really help get an alternative perspective and to see that it's not just middle age women that believe that TWAW is not the way forward.

I second watching this, if it was the one I posted.

And please also take note of the trans people on this vid. It has quite a few people that Pussyhat mentioned. Many of the points of view we post about here are shared by trans people too. They just have their voices drowned out.

Impatiens · 30/01/2021 17:27

Why do I think it's not just a mental health issue? That's honestly quite hard to word. I feel absolutely uncomfortable when I see it compared to things like anorexia. I really do.

OK I understand your discomfort better now in relation to your feelings about your friend - being gay/lesbian also isn't something that can be 'proved' with any physical test but I would be aghast at it being classed as a MH issue.