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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think women should not be banned from Social media for asking the question - Thread 3

988 replies

Thewithesarehere · 29/01/2021 21:26

Many women have been suspended from sm for asking the question:

“Do you believe that male sexed people should be allowed access to changing rooms and showers for female sexed people and teenagers?”
Seems like a perfectly reasonable question which we should be allowed to ask.

Let’s vote with our AIBU.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
24
Fastedbrownie · 01/02/2021 01:20

@Ereshkigalangcleg

I think it's kind to teach children that they are not the be all and end all of everything, and that they can't always have what they want, and that other people matter too.
But it's not a want, I have a child who ultimately would've pissed herself before using a male toilet. It's a symptom of a mental disorder (yeah, I'm truscum. Whatever.), it's not something that can be talked around and reasoned with by appealing to the person's better nature.
Ereshkigalangcleg · 01/02/2021 01:20

It's a fundamental need, not a want,

Peeing is. Not peeing in the female toilets. That's a want.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 01/02/2021 01:22

But it's not a want, I have a child who ultimately would've pissed herself before using a male toilet. It's a symptom of a mental disorder (yeah, I'm truscum. Whatever.), it's not something that can be talked around and reasoned with by appealing to the person's better nature.

It is a want. This is why we need third spaces. People don't get to just ride roughshod over everyone else.

Langrycleg · 01/02/2021 01:22

I think many parents would recognise the behaviour here. But there are alternatives to peeing on the car seat! And the rest we manage or don’t manage, and scream and cry but life goes on.

NotBadConsidering · 01/02/2021 01:24

No. That's not what transitioning with blockers looks like. My sd doesn't have a beard, but what she does have -at 5'10 and weighing 53kg- is natural c-cup breasts.

Breasts that have a risk of cancer increased by 46 fold compared to other males.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 01/02/2021 01:25

If women and girls are supposed to "be kind" where is the kindness to us? Where is the consideration for us? For all of the women and girls who have been raped, abused and mutilated by men? For the women whose religious beliefs do not allow them to share spaces with people with male genitalia? Where is the kindness for them? Why are their needs less important?

Yes. If I will piss myself rather than go to a toilet with males (as some schoolgirls have out of mortification), will that mean anything to anyone? Should I expect that someone will consider my feelings?

Fastedbrownie · 01/02/2021 01:25

@Langrycleg

I think many parents would recognise the behaviour here. But there are alternatives to peeing on the car seat! And the rest we manage or don’t manage, and scream and cry but life goes on.
Well, when you find the alternative be sure to let me know.
PoleToPole · 01/02/2021 01:26

I have treated sixteen year old girls who would pee themselves before sharing a bathroom with someone with male genitalia. Why are their feelings less important? Using female spaces when you are not biologically female is a want, not a need.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 01/02/2021 01:28

The alternative is that you recognise that your stepchild's undoubtedly difficult toilet issues aren't the be all and end all of everything, that everyone must bow to.

334bu · 01/02/2021 01:28

Actually I would be more worried by the weight. Is this not very underweight for a male bodied person?

Langrycleg · 01/02/2021 01:29

I think we are on the same page Erish
And I think you are right Fasted it is a neonato health disorder, although we can sympathise we do no favours by pretending they are what they wish for. It can only lead to disappointment ultimately. And others views and feelings are valid.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 01/02/2021 01:29

I'm pretty sure that toilet issues are a thing for many children, male and female.

NotBadConsidering · 01/02/2021 01:31

@Thewithesarehere

A genuine question here: Is 5’10 and 53 kg healthy BMI? I can’t calculate on the top of my head (and probably need to sleep 💤 ).
No. This is a BMI of 16.7. I would be concerned about this adult, and I would not be convinced their bone density is healthy as an adult male with this weight.
Fastedbrownie · 01/02/2021 01:31

@Ereshkigalangcleg

The alternative is that you recognise that your stepchild's undoubtedly difficult toilet issues aren't the be all and end all of everything, that everyone must bow to.
No, but they something I must bow to, and don't pretend that if push came to shove, you wouldn't either. Again, difference between lived experience and ideological position.
Ereshkigalangcleg · 01/02/2021 01:31

Well, when you find the alternative be sure to let me know.

If your stepchild is an adult, you're speaking from an ideological perspective, aren't you?

Ereshkigalangcleg · 01/02/2021 01:34

No, but they something I must bow to

That's up to you. I don't bow to the wants of males to use female spaces. That's why this issue is so much talked about. Because women are saying no, they don't agree.

Langrycleg · 01/02/2021 01:35

Not neonatal, mental.
And I literally meant a bottle for use in the car. Certainly not ideological but practical.

pumpkinbump · 01/02/2021 01:37

It must have been awful, and for the child, believing they're a girl and not understanding why they just couldn't use the female toilet. But, the trouble is, we can't pick and chose what trans people can use the female toilet. It's all or nothing, to allow some is to open the floodgates to the male population. That just can't happen in the interest of safety.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 01/02/2021 01:37

And you don't have to bow to it. You could tell your male stepchild they have no right to use spaces intended for the privacy and dignity of women and girls. But of course you won't. Because the feelings of women and girls are less important, and it's easier to ignore them.

NotBadConsidering · 01/02/2021 01:38

Fastedbrownie

There are few points you’ve raised on this thread. Firstly you’ve advised your adult step child is healthy and has good bone health, but the measurements you’ve provided suggest an underweight adult male. I would be concerned about this and encourage them to talk to their doctor. I would also hope such a doctor was flagging the latest research about how males on oestrogen have a significant increased risk of male breast cancer compared to other males. This was only published in the BMJ two years ago so likely after your SD was put on oestrogen, but that is part of the problem. These long term health implications aren’t known and are being discovered regularly.

You also never answered why we have single sex spaces in the first place?

And you yourself said some of those trying to access women’s spaces are men with a fetish. Can you explain how we are meant to tell the difference between the different types?

Fastedbrownie · 01/02/2021 01:39

@Ereshkigalangcleg

Well, when you find the alternative be sure to let me know.

If your stepchild is an adult, you're speaking from an ideological perspective, aren't you?

I'm talking from past experience.

But I'm serious, if you find a reasonable and workable alternative that is not something degrading like pissing in bottles in the backseat, let me know.

Despite what you might think, sd didn't simply wake up one morning and declare she was a girl, and we went 'lol, cool. Let me grab a dress and syringe, daughter.' No. It was a very long, hard, and emotionally draining process under the guidance of multiple medical professionals.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 01/02/2021 01:41

But I'm serious, if you find a reasonable and workable alternative that is not something degrading like pissing in bottles in the backseat, let me know.

Third spaces. As I said before, it's the only fair option.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 01/02/2021 01:42

Despite what you might think, sd didn't simply wake up one morning and declare she was a girl, and we went 'lol, cool. Let me grab a dress and syringe, daughter.' No. It was a very long, hard, and emotionally draining process under the guidance of multiple medical professionals.

I realise this. I still don't think their feelings trump those of women and girls just because you find it more convenient.

PoleToPole · 01/02/2021 01:45

But I'm serious, if you find a reasonable and workable alternative that is not something degrading like pissing in bottles in the backseat, let me know.

So what would yo suggest as an alternative to my two female Muslim residents who cannot use the same facilities as biologically male bodied people? What are they supposed to do? What about my patients recovering from sexual trauma?

Fastedbrownie · 01/02/2021 01:45

@Ereshkigalangcleg

But I'm serious, if you find a reasonable and workable alternative that is not something degrading like pissing in bottles in the backseat, let me know.

Third spaces. As I said before, it's the only fair option.

Yeah, sure. I'll add that to the list, right below the chamber of requirements and right above switching off her kidneys.

When I say alternatives, I mean realistic ones. Not fantasy.