Something unkind which has stayed for you forever 😟

[Heartbrokenstill]

My grandmother who I never saw from year to year.. I was about 7 when my mam and dad took me to hers at Christmas (I never ever got a Xmas gift or card/birthday card/gift from her) I was a shy quiet child and she had a real Christmas tree in her sitting room and I put my hand underneath a beautiful tree toy just to look.. not taking it off the tree or anything and she smacked my hand away.. mam and dad was drinking tea and never saw she died years ago but I still feel the sadness of the little 7 year old I was all them years ago .. Don't know what I want from this post but lockdown really makes you feel low... I am nearly 60 no just to give you a idea how long ago it was

I lost triplets in late pregnancy, it was extremely traumatic. My mother 2 days later told me "get over it, I've had a miscarriage before it's nothing to dwell on others go through much worse." Even though she quit her job over me loosing them as she "couldn't cope". And she's constantly reminded me since that others have been through worse.

It has really effected me, as it damaged my mental health. My DB has been through mental health trauma in the past and she never dared to say anything like that to him...

I got suspended from work for my reaction to mine. I had a miscarriage. I didn't know I was pregnant until the day before the miscarriage, and hadn't told anyone except DH (it was the third time I had been pregnant since having DS and each one had ended in mc). When I realised I was losing it, I phoned in sick. The next day I went back to work, I hadn't bothered going to the doctors because I knew what was happening and how to deal with it. My manager asked me why I had been off the day before so I told her the truth, and she looked me straight in the eye and said "you probably lost it because you're too fat". I was a size 16 at most and devastated at the loss, so I pushed her up against the wall, called her a bitch and told her to repeat what she had said.

Her manager came flying in the office and separated us, and she bleated that I had called her a racist name. Of course because I was in the wrong for my reaction, the manager believed her and I was suspended while an investigation was carried out. When it came to it, the office junior who had been in the corner, unnoticed by me and my manager, confirmed my side of the story and said that I had definitely called her a bitch (which I had admitted readily) but made no reference to her ethnicity, and that I had been provoked by unkindness. I negotiated a transfer to another team, and the other manager was disciplined for false accusations (what I had done was serious enough, it didn't need embellishing to make me sound worse).

I've never forgotten those words though. It's not a normal reaction to someone who is telling you their baby has died inside them.

I was maybe 12 or 13 or so, and a much older popular boy at school made a comment in front of lots of people saying “are you pregnant your stomach is huge”. It was just a stupid comment from an insecure older boy (who isn’t a bad person) but has stayed with me for life and I can remember the feeling of wanting the ground to swallow me up and feeling absolutely mortified. I’ve struggled in a lot with eating disorders, self image and confidence (despite being a size 8 my whole life). I always sucked my tummy in after that and never let anyone touch it!! Currently I’m pregnant and despise my body and stomach, just feel awful (which rationally I know is ridiculous because I’m pregnant!) but it’s funny how a little comment can really stay with you forever and have a lifelong impact. I can’t stand looking in the mirror at my pregnant belly which makes me really sad!!

I had PND, and a friend encouraged me to go to a village coffee morning/toddler/babies group just to get out of the house. I admit I didn’t say much.

There was this Valkyrie-looking, bouffant blond hair and nails, husband a pilot, she drove a massive 4WD car and everyone made a big fuss over her twins, she was the alpha Mum of the group.

On what must have been her last day at the coffee morning she just let fly at me, what a shambles I was, how I didn’t say very much, her normal “posh” voice turning into raging Buckfast-drinking harpie. She never came back.

Just why? I had done nothing to her!

There was a boy in my English class when I was about 14 who had a really severe stutter. The teacher used to pick us at random to read sections of a book out loud to the class. He always chose this boy too even though it was virtually impossible for him and he sobbed with embarrassment the entire time while trying to read. I think we all hated that a teacher a bit because of it, it seemed really unnecessary.

I remember when I was 13 I had a teacher who hated me and made no secret of it. In those days - and still now I guess - your 'status' at school depended on how much money your parents had. Mine didn't have much.

We were in class one day and I coughed once. At the back of each classroom was a storage room. This teacher pushed me into the storage room and told me I'd have to sit in there for the rest of the week so I didn't 'infect' the other students. One of the boys - father a supreme court judge and wealthy AF - had a streaming cold at the same time - coughing, sneezing and wheezing all over the place. She made a fuss of him, coddled him and allowed him to stay in class.

Money talks, and that lesson has always stayed with me.

My 'best' friend at college taking me aside one day and telling me name by name all the people I had upset and who didn't like me. My crime was to laugh too much at the boy's jokes. I burst into tears I was so shocked and hurt.

With hindsight I can see it was female jealousy but it came out of nowhere and was quite vicious. I had never had a boyfriend, never went anywhere near anyone's partners and was quiet and shy, wouldn't say boo to a goose. She also told me I couldn't go out with someone that had asked me. I spent the rest of my college years following her around, keeping my head down.

Our minds record the thoughts and feelings of whenever we are hurt. Sometimes my mind like to replay all the bullying at school I received, right up to present day where a family member treated me like sh!t. I think its our minds way of coping with the situation. I wish i could offer a magic solution, but I have none. All I can say is you're not alone, and to try and think of something else whenever you feel this memory re playing.

One memory sticks with me and haunts me always. When I was in year 6, for whatever reason, I was treated like an outcast. I was a quiet, kind and gentle girl. One Christmas a girl called Callie brought in beautiful china faced/soft bodied clowns and presented each girl with one on the last day before term- all the girls except me. The teacher stood by and watched. On their birthdays everyone used to hide and jump out and shout Happy Birthday! Never did it for me. I was left out of games all the time. I have a memory of sitting on a grass bank, chatting to a greenfly- my only friend, while all my class played 'bang bang you're dead'.

One Christmas a girl called Callie brought in beautiful china faced/soft bodied clowns and presented each girl with one on the last day before term- all the girls except me. The teacher stood by and watched.

That's so sad. Something very similar happened to me, at the same age, only it was little boxes of chocolate the girl gave out in registration with great ceremony and there were two of us she left out. However, thankfully our teacher was on the ball - he kept the girl behind after registration and gave her a bollocking and then the next day, apologised to me and the other girl and said he would never have allowed her to give the presents out in registration if he had known that was going to happen. Sometimes a teacher's reaction can make so much difference.

My mother used to tell everyone over and over that I got the brains and my sister got the beauty. My sister was bond with big blue eyes and I am dark with a long nose and a few skin issues. As a child dealing with issues with my looks and bullying anyway, it wasn't kind or helpful.

One day as a child we had to go and meet some bloke she was shagging (happened regularly, she's been married multiple times, engaged multiple others and there have been loads of other men over the years) and i overheard him tell her that he shouldn't say that because he thought I was going to be a stunner when i was older. I then heard her reply "I doubt it".

Still working my way through reading the others. Mine are both from my mother.

1. I went through puberty quite early (got my period aged 10), and developed hips/breasts very fast. My mother, seeing me undress: ‘blimey, look how hideous those stretch marks are. You’ve ruined your body.’

I’ve hated how I look ever since.

2. There was a lot of family trauma in my teen years and I used self harm to cope. My mother was aware. One evening, when I was about 14, I was in the bath, quietly crying, because of events of that day, and she barged in without knocking. She saw my arm with my self harm cuts, and said ‘my god, you really are a freak, aren’t you?’ And then left, closing the door.

It took me until my mid-30s and lots of therapy to realise I wasn’t the one with the problem.

@plebsticle, I had one of those mothers. Promiscuous, multiple adulterer, multiple marriages. Saw me as a rival. Told me one day that she had a perfect nose and that people paid to have noses like hers. Mine on the other hand was like my uncles and had a bulb on the end. All three of her children, including golden child, are NC with her. I wonder why

All of these are heartbreaking. I hope everyone who has ever been made to feel less of person than they are, can now see that the cruelty was a reflection purely of the callous person that inflicted that pain.

I do understand what one of the PPs meant in their post re unintentionally forgetting cruel things that you may not have realised had an impact on someone.

I don't imagine my husband's stepmother realises it was hurtful to say she probably won't bother to see us again once his DF dies! She said this in front of my DFil, myself, DH and our young DC who were old enough to understand! Sick and twisted mental hag she is and still is unfortunately!

My stepfather was horrible. He ignored me from the moment we moved him with him when I was just 5 until I left home at 18. Made it very clear his own children were more important than my and my Dsis 😥 . My father walked out on us when I was a baby. Unsurprisingly I have abandonment, self esteem and trust issues.

On the other hand, I'll never forget not stepping in when some girls were taunting another girl at school about her nose. I didn't say anything, neither to encourage nor to stop them. I'll never forget the guilt, especially when she came in to school the next day with a plaster over her nose having tried to sand the bump on her nose off 😥😥

I rang up my supposed "best friend" as we were supposed to be going as a group to get our A level results. She told me that she was now going in later on her own. My dad took me to get my results, and I saw the group walking back from the school. Rather naively I stopped to say hello, not realising what had happened. My "friend" told me to fuck off and that no one liked me, and I always thought I was so superior and cleverer than them. Another "friend" was smirking in the background.
I got back into the car in total shock and went to get my results. I'd got all A's and B's and the group had got D's and E's. I cried when I got home. Still hurts to think about it. We had all been such a tight group with no indication anything was wrong before this. Spoiled what should have been such a happy day.

I used to get bullied a lot at school for being a bit of a weird kid, it's made me a very hard faced adult which upsets me from time to time because inside I'm quite sensitive and insecure.

I also used to get called ugly at various points of my life from various strangers/people I'd met. I also got called attractive by lots of people but the ugly comments are the ones that stuck.

It’s odd. It’s taken me to my mid-60’s to realise just how abusive my childhood was.
How I was walloped when a sibling stole money from my parents, I was shut in my stripped bedroom for the day on many occasions for something I couldn’t remember saying or doing. I was hit with a clothes brush across the back of my legs so that the bruises wouldn’t show (and blamed for her hitting me across my lower spine which has left me with permanent back pain).
I didn’t recognise I had self-harmed and developed eating disorders as a teenager until a couple of years ago.
My father never ever said a word. I spent my childhood in a state of high anxiety, constantly asking if I’d been a good girl whenever we went out. Terrified if the answer was ‘No’.
I am 67 ffs, I should get over it but the FOG remains. My father died recently and I felt very little; my mother’s tongue is as sharp as ever.
Wtf wilI break free?
My DH and DD knows some of this, nobody else does.

I was about 7 and 2 older girls passed me in the street. One of them said "I hate that kid".

I didn't know them and they didn't know me. I still wonder why.

I was bullied at school. Badly.

I was also tormented and bullied by my brother and his friends at home. My parents never said anything to them, even when 5 of them pinned me to the ground in front of them.

I was being dramatic apparently.

My mum described me as a big girl in my wedding dress.

I'd had a baby 3 months before.

Such heartbreaking stories on here - my heart goes out to all of you!

Mine’s very minor compared to a lot here but it did stick with me.

In primary I had a close friend (S). One year a new girl (E) started at the school. She was American and in our tiny village primary in England seemed very exotic! She was popular immediately.

She made a beeline for befriending S which would have been fine only it came at the cost of pushing me out of every game and every conversation. I was very shy and didn’t have many other close friends, so often I would leave school crying to my mum over such and such a thing E had done.

In a year or so E had a big birthday party and nearly all the girls in the class were invited to a sleepover at her massive house in the country. Much to my surprise I was also invited (suspect S may have convinced her as she felt sorry for me!)

I was thrilled! So I went and all seemed fine until E announced we’d play hide and seek. I went to hide - and kept hiding but nobody found me. Fair enough, it was a big house. Eventually I wandered out as I was beginning to get a little scared all by myself in a new place and found all of them sitting together in the kitchen tucking into ice cream. They’d obviously been there awhile.

E smirked at me when I came in and S looked embarrassed but didn’t say anything. I just remember feeling so small and worthless.

Luckily a little while after E moved back to America and S and I have stayed friends since.

When I was in my 20’s I was talking to guy for a few weeks, getting on well (via text), chatting on Facebook etc. Seemed really nice. He asked me out. We arranged to meet. On the day we were due to meet he stood me up. After about 30 minutes of waiting I sent a message asking where he was. He just sent me a picture of a gollyw*g in return. (I’m black.)

Oh my god @OlympicProcrastinator that is revolting. I am so sorry xx

Thanks ReggieKrait Racism is something I’ve faced my entire life but this one stuck with me because of the length of time and effort put in by the perpetrator.

@OlympicProcrastinator
No words. That must have been really horrible to experience, sorry for you.
What a horrible person he was.