Something unkind which has stayed for you forever 😟

[Heartbrokenstill]

My grandmother who I never saw from year to year.. I was about 7 when my mam and dad took me to hers at Christmas (I never ever got a Xmas gift or card/birthday card/gift from her) I was a shy quiet child and she had a real Christmas tree in her sitting room and I put my hand underneath a beautiful tree toy just to look.. not taking it off the tree or anything and she smacked my hand away.. mam and dad was drinking tea and never saw she died years ago but I still feel the sadness of the little 7 year old I was all them years ago .. Don't know what I want from this post but lockdown really makes you feel low... I am nearly 60 no just to give you a idea how long ago it was

@Fizzyhopscoth that's disgusting. Your poor Dsis. Hope she is okay now. That must have been traumatising.

Reading all these has brought back some truly awful memories for me. As an adult, I chose not to have kids as I was so traumitised by the way my parents treated me.

My mum, was obsessed with the fact that I might be having sex (I wasn't) I remember being out riding bikes with my friends at 13, it was such a rainy and muddy day. I cycled home late for dinner and my white jacket had got mud splashes all up the back. My mum and dad started having a go at me for being late for dinner (fair enough) and told me to go upstairs and run a bath. Once upstairs, my mum stormed into the bathroom and said 'why is your jacket dirty, is thats where you were lying down' she said it with such venom, it was awful, the fact that that's what my mum and dad thought. Even writing it down now makes me feel ill and so ashamed.

Another time, I was on the bus to school and was sick (maybe 14), I headed home and when I told my mum she said 'that'll be morning sickness then' it was such a weird thing to say but she genuinely meant it when she said it. Of course it wasn't, just an upset tummy.

Growing up, my mum always told me to my face that she had wanted boys (she had 2 girls), how it wasn't fair that she got girls and her friend got boys. Girls were nothing but trouble and oh how she had wished for sons.

My dad...well, thats a whole other post.

to everyone on here x

My Dsis is doing well. She's got a kind, generous, forgiving, beautiful soul. She just needed to hear me say I believe her. She seemed unburdened after that. I on the other hand am not a forgiving person. I have enough rage and bitterness towards our DM for both of us. I went NC with DM because of it and have not spoken to her for nearly ten years.

My grandmother was usually kind to me, but I remember sharing with her aged 16 or so that I was teaching myself how to bake. I was really pleased with the bread I'd made. She laughed at me for ages and told me I was far too old to learn and she couldn't believe I didn't know how to do all that already.

It made me feel dreadful and really inadequate, I stopped, and never tried again. I still don't really know where it came from since she didn't do home baking herself and my parents relied on very unadventurous convenience food.

My dad died when I was only 4 years old. When I was about 8 or 9 I had a minor argument with a girl in my class. She said ‘I’m glad your dads dead’

Primary school was horrendous. The kids didn’t like me and neither did the teachers. One time I was playing by myself swinging my packed lunch box around and accidentally hit a girl in the face with it. I apologised straight away and was mortified but all the girls huddled together and then ran off to tell the teacher. The teacher said to me in front of everyone - “you’re a horrible, nasty piece of work”. I was about 8 years old and autistic (undiagnosed at the time).

My mum cut my hair and everyone at school called me “baldrick” - yes, even the teacher.

My mum travelled to the other side of the country to visit her boyfriend but promised she’d be back on my birthday. I was 10 so it was a big deal for me going into double figures. On my birthday she rang my grandma (who I was staying with) to say she had missed the train and wouldn’t be back for my birthday after all. A short while after that I told my mum that I wanted to live with my dad and my grandmother said “tough, because he doesn’t want you either!”

Mine would probably be, my brother loudly and continually telling me how ugly and fat i was throughout our childhood, in front of our parents , who did nothing. I have a tricky relationship with my mum, she would dress me in the most awful clothes..stuff for older women , knee lengh pleated skirts, big cardigans, even though ir was obvious it ostracised me. Everyone else was wearing baggy jeans (90's) and i had to wear stuff like that to meet my friends in town. Once when me and her we walked past a group of men, and one of them said "i still would" or something to that effect and she called me a hussy. I really struggle with confidence now and spent most of my early adolescence misinterpreting sex for love.

I had always been slim but put on a bit of weight in my mid twenties, prob about half a stone (crap lifestyle at the time). I worked in a pub three nights a week (the source of the crap lifestyle 😁) and one of the regulars shouted over to me 'Hey MacDuff, what's happening to you, have your clothes shrunk in the wash or have you been on the pies?'. Everyone looked round at me and laughed. I was so mortified, these were my friends who just thought this was a bit of a 'laugh'. The fella who said it came to me later and apologised as he said he could tell by my face I was hurt and was sorry. But it was done - he said it, I took it in, and almost 30 year later I can see it as the starting point for my issues surrounding food and eating. I had never even thought about my weight before then but I have every single day since.

I won't pretend that this is in any way as bad as some of the awful things said to people that have been mentioned on here, particularly by our own families and I'm lucky enough that that was never the case for me. But it does show that just one comment really can stay with us and shape our lives.

Oh I’ve just remembered another one! When I was 15 I met up with a lad via a pen pal thing. He was 19. He came to visit us and I thought we hit it off well, a month or so later I went to visit him (and stay with him, his mum and dad and sister). He showed obvious disinterest in me this time and seemed bored and irritated by my presence so i took the hint and once I got home, I didn’t contact him for a while. He then sent me a letter out of the blue asking how I was and apologising for the way he was that weekend saying his parents marriage was ending and he was trying to act like everything was normal but couldn’t. I felt sorry for him, said it was fine etc etc and we basically wished each other well and that was that.

Well!! A few years later I googled my own name when I was bored and came across an old picture of myself from when I was a teen. Something I would NEVER have posted online. I clicked onto it and discovered a whole blog post written about me from this ridiculous arsehole. He described me as the dullest person he’d ever met, made a joke about how I’d clearly never heard of make-up, said he and his mates had had many a laugh over the story of “spotteddog” (he actually named me fully!) and said out of all the girls he wrote to at the time, I was the point where he realised he’d hit Rock bottom.

I remember the feeling when I discovered it and I believe a small part of my faith in humans was chipped off that day and will never be mended.

When I was a child I had a stammer. It was quite bad, home life was not great, I spent most of my childhood stressed, we were a free school meals family but despite this I got a place in a grammar school.

At 15, o'level year, there was a huge row at home about nothing very much, normally the cost of school uniform or something.

My df said he wasn't paying, it was pointless me doing o'levels because I was so stupid I couldn't even speak properly, couldn't answer a phone, no-one would ever employ me and I should quit school and get a factory job because then I would at least be of some use.

Every minute of study after that was about me telling my df to go f*ck himself. Nine O'levels, 3 A- levels, two degrees, professional qualifications, career.

That stayed with me. I wasn't the slightest upset when he died. The world is a much better place without him.

Almost identical sentiments to me about my father mintjulia.

One of his favourite rants was that he had no legal responsibility to "keep me or look after me" after the age of 16, then he would say "none whatsoever" just to drive his nasty little point home. It was only later that I realised that he hadnt left home until he got married at 25! He used to also like to say "we owe you nothing, nothing at all", until I got sarcastic and started bursting into the song with similar words.

He once lost his temper and pinned me by the neck when I was in a car with him, and told me I had "a fat cheek, a fat lip and a fat backside". I was 17, and thanks to the confidence instilled in me by the rest of my family, none of whom liked him, the biggest impression that left on me was to puzzle over why he used two singulars instead of plurals. In retrospect, I should have reported him to the police for assault.

Except I think he was glad to see me leave for university at 18. He made sure I didn't feel welcome back in the holidays too, because he mentioned in advance that he wanted to charge me for my board! Whoever heard of that! I actually never went home again. It ceased to be my home. I either stayed with relatives (who were scathing about him) or had live in holiday jobs.

"It often feels that the people who post like this really believe they have never done anything wrong in their lives that could have hurt others."

I don't see anyone saying that.

I have said and done many cruel things myself. Often I've felt justified which I now see was wrong. As I get older, it gets easier to hold my tongue. And far easier to apologise.

The others getting Christmas presents, but not me.

My mum passed away when I was 12. My DF remarried when I was 13 but I never got on with my SM. Anyway, DF and SM had been away on holiday leaving me and DSis(14) alone in house for a week (would be unthinkable now). On their return SM lost her shit because we hadn't cleaned the kitchen to her liking. She then proceeded to say 'no wonder your mother went to an early grave'.

This comment has stayed with me. She's dead now. I attended the funeral but no tears were shed.

greenlandthemovie. I'm glad you managed that level of detachment. It helps.

I tried to work out why mine was so unpleasant. I didn't cost him anything, the council paid my bus pass, family allowance and my mum's job paid food and I got a weekend cleaning job at 13 to buy my clothes. In the end I could only think he resented the fact that I, a mere female and a 'useless one' at that - his words - was being given an opportunity to progress. A chance he hadn't had. He was jealous and resentful. He didn't believe in the education of women and later did his best to scupper my UCAS application.

It must have irritated him for twenty five years that he'd produced daughters. Such a sad way to live. I am thrilled with every little thing my dc achieves.

@TheSultanofPingu

The stories of adults being unkind are so depressing. What is wrong with some people!?

It took me until my 30s to realise that unkindness is the downfall and the fault of the person giving it. The hardest part is the recipient realising that and being able to move on.

If someone is rude to me, unkind or unpleasant, I am now able to see it for what it is and move on but it’s not as easy to be able to start to do that naturally and maintain it.

@heidbuttsupper My mother had this strange obsession with the idea that I was having sex! When I actually did for the first time (lord knows how she found out) she literally told everyone like I was the town harlot!

@Itsmadhere it's the weirdest thing! I never, ever told my mum when I did actually start having sex

Bloody hell thespotteddog what a creep, especially as he was considerably older than you (at those ages). Can you ask the site to take it down as it has your full name and photo?

heidbuttsupper

My mum was like this too! It was weirdly prurient and uncomfortable, she later said it was because a lot of her sisters got pregnant young. Combined with her tendency to tell anyone who would listen about any developments in my life (starting periods etc), it meant I became pretty secretive with her which she still can't understand.

I used to stay at my aunts old farm in Ireland for holidays as a child. We found a little group of kittens in the hay in the barn one day and played with them for days. One morning I went out to see them.and they had gone. My aunt just casually announced she had drowned them all in a bucket the night before . I often wonder why she just didnt tell me she had found them owners. I never liked her after that, even into adulthood

@heidbuttsupper I think a lot of it with my mum was jealously and guilt. Her marriage with my Dad had failed miserably, she'd cheated on him numerous times and he left and started a brand new life without her. I think she was jealous that I had my whole life ahead of me. She made damn sure my early relationships failed and made my teenage years and early twenties miserable.

A few more things have come to light recently. As my brother's ex has escaped him as he was abusing her in a lot of ways but telling everyone else that it was her abusing him.

Apparently when my nan was dying, I was only sniffing around for money. Not true. They were the ones stripping her flat bare and binning it before she'd even passed! There was a rug in her front room and I knew it was just going to get binned (mom confirmed this)so I asked if I could have it and apparently my brother was so enraged by me having this rug, he spent 90 minutes on the phone to social services and when he finished, he phoned my mom and they laughed about it.

There was an occasion when my eldest was tiny, I think I posted about it here actually. Social services came to see me and said they had had a report and the accusations were my flat was dirty, I wasn't feeding her properly, and she hadn't had immunisations done (we had just moved in and the doctors kept losing her paperwork, this was the only reason they were late!) The thing is, the only person I had mentioned that to, was my mother.

I knew the first incident was her, but to have it confirmed was just a kick in the face. She swore blind she hadnt done so and every week I saw her she was always saying "well it wasn't me that reported you"

Apparently the reason for this malicious report was because I'd given my DD half a baby spoon of baby rice, at 12 weeks. I know it wasn't probably the right thing to do, she spat it straight out anyway and I only did it because her bottles didn't seem to be doing the job, I got advice from the HV to put her bottles up etc, but my mom just did that, I was a first time mom, we all make mistakes, she acted like I'd fed her a steak!

Awaits flaming cause it's probably all my fault anyway

@Mintjulia

greenlandthemovie. I'm glad you managed that level of detachment. It helps.

I tried to work out why mine was so unpleasant. I didn't cost him anything, the council paid my bus pass, family allowance and my mum's job paid food and I got a weekend cleaning job at 13 to buy my clothes. In the end I could only think he resented the fact that I, a mere female and a 'useless one' at that - his words - was being given an opportunity to progress. A chance he hadn't had. He was jealous and resentful. He didn't believe in the education of women and later did his best to scupper my UCAS application.

It must have irritated him for twenty five years that he'd produced daughters. Such a sad way to live. I am thrilled with every little thing my dc achieves.

I was fortunate to be surrounded by strong aunts (my mother was very conciliatory) and female friends. I remember on one outing a complete stranger was rather sarcastic to my father when he started making his usual stupid remarks, and I always remember her cutting him off with a few choice words. I think she provided a bit of a role model for me, along with equally scathing aunts that I got sent to stay with quite often.

I'm pretty sure that my father resented me for interrupting his love affair with my mother. In reality, she grew fed up with him and had affairs but he managed to stop her from divorcing him by becoming a "professional invalid". And as all the sarcastic relatives in my family had no hesitation in pointing out, he was a spoilt brat, doted on too much by his own parents. No excuses from poverty either - we all lived in a house in the country with land (rented, but still, the lifestyle).

He wasn't particularly sexist, in fact I think he would have been quite happy for a woman to go out to work and keep him.

So I really had a little army of strong women looking out for me. If I'd told them about that assault, there would have been Big Trouble. I just remember feeling really embarrassed, and I couldn't wait to get away from home at 18 and never returned. I can remember no affection from my father whatsoever, and as a result, feel none for him. He died some years ago and I felt nothing as he was really a stranger to me whom I barely knew.

What it did leave me with was a tendency to make excuses for men who are also spoilt brats in relationships, but at least I'm aware of that now.

@Itsmadhere that is really interesting as my parents marriage was also failing at that time