Something unkind which has stayed for you forever 😟

[Heartbrokenstill]

My grandmother who I never saw from year to year.. I was about 7 when my mam and dad took me to hers at Christmas (I never ever got a Xmas gift or card/birthday card/gift from her) I was a shy quiet child and she had a real Christmas tree in her sitting room and I put my hand underneath a beautiful tree toy just to look.. not taking it off the tree or anything and she smacked my hand away.. mam and dad was drinking tea and never saw she died years ago but I still feel the sadness of the little 7 year old I was all them years ago .. Don't know what I want from this post but lockdown really makes you feel low... I am nearly 60 no just to give you a idea how long ago it was

About 7 years ago the recession hit us hard. A local competition meant we won over 10000 euro. It suddenly meant that we weren't going to lose our house. My mother tried to claim that she had bought that particular ticket and that she had given me the money for it. She did no such thing. She knew what dire straits myself and DH were in and didn't seem to care that her lies could see us and her own grandchildren on the streets. She threatened to bring me to court etc and didn't speak to us for a month. The rest of my family were ringing me up wondering if I was sure she didn't buy the ticket. She really didn't. Anyway I claimed the money, she didn't challenge me in the end, but I've never forgotten it. She was never a great mother, often abusive when I was small but I never thought she would stoop so low.

@HyacynthBucket I had similar: my father died unexpectedly when I was 9. It was the 1970s, and I'm sure my mum was so blinsided by it she wasn't thinking clearly, but she sent me back to school after 1 day off, and I was expected to carry on as normal. She cleared out all dad's stuff, and it was like he had never existed (as far as I know, they had a loving marriage, so it wasn't like she wanted him gone). For months I cried every night, and she must have heard me, but she never said anything. I also wasn't allowed to go to his funeral, even though I'd already been to 3 other family members' funerals, so would have known what to expect, and was a quiet, well-behaved only child, so wouldn't have been a bother.

I try to rationalise that the cruel comments, hitting etc were just a reflection of the way she was brought up, but it's still hard. I did hear from other relatives that she was proud of me, but she never said it to me. Then, by the time I had kids, her dementia was manifesting, and I got a lot of direct criticism, but at least she was always nice, and welcoming, to them, so they have positive memories of her. I'm just glad she's gone.

oh, and she also sold my possessions while I was at uni: my bike, my records (which she gave to the decorator who was doing some work at home), and dumped my toys.

My parents picked me up from my part time job after they’d been to my parents evening at school. I asked them how it had gone and my mum said “well, you’re no genius”. I just sat in miserable silence for the journey home.

After getting my exam results I had a few phone calls from friends to see how I’d got on. My uncle was staying with us at the time and has made a remark about me being popular (meaning the phone calls) and my mum said “oh God, no she’s not!”

My mum telling I was so fat I was “bursting out of my clothes”.

When my little sister (the golden child) announced her first pregnancy, my mum prattling on about how much she wanted a granddaughter (I had 2 boys already) and that my boys “were great, but...”

My dad calling to say they were planning to come and visit us and my mum adding that they wanted to go an event happening local to us and “that’s really why we want to come.”

My mum second guessing nearly everything I say. For example, I’ll make a statement and she’ll say “oh I don’t think so”.

When I was little I was absolutely terrified of thunderstorms, so scared I use to rock.

My mum caught me rocking and called me an imbecile!!
I didn't know what it meant then but I knew it wasn't nice.

Just remembered another I was 9 at the time parents divorced mowing with the aunt who would make my life hell she told me if I was naughty she’d phone the children’s home, imagine the fear of this, years later I often wondered would my life have been any better. At least my bedroom was my safety place

When my inlaws said to me that my severely autistic learning disabled non verbal son was hard work and he broke things so theyd rather the other children visited instead.he has only been to theirs 5 times in his life,hes 10.

"you are a dirty, lazy bitch just like your mother" said by my Dad's wife when I was 11.
I've never forgotten it.

@FunkBus

My mother said so many shitty things to me growing up.

I once said I was going to meet a friend, she said 'who? you don't have any friends.' (I was very self conscious about my lack of friends.)

When she found out I was cutting myself, she called me a freak.

When I told her I was going to study hard, she said 'yeah let's see how long that lasts.'

The whole 'I love you but I don't like you' thing that seems so common in this kind of dynamic.

After a massive falling out with my brother that ended in us all crying, her tearfully turning to me and saying 'well you've always been the odd one out that no one really wants around.'

When I got pregnant: 'thank God I don't live near you so I don't have to babysit.'

Your reply has went straight through me, sounds like we have the exact same mother.

[quote villanova]@HyacynthBucket I had similar: my father died unexpectedly when I was 9. It was the 1970s, and I'm sure my mum was so blinsided by it she wasn't thinking clearly, but she sent me back to school after 1 day off, and I was expected to carry on as normal. She cleared out all dad's stuff, and it was like he had never existed (as far as I know, they had a loving marriage, so it wasn't like she wanted him gone). For months I cried every night, and she must have heard me, but she never said anything. I also wasn't allowed to go to his funeral, even though I'd already been to 3 other family members' funerals, so would have known what to expect, and was a quiet, well-behaved only child, so wouldn't have been a bother.

I try to rationalise that the cruel comments, hitting etc were just a reflection of the way she was brought up, but it's still hard. I did hear from other relatives that she was proud of me, but she never said it to me. Then, by the time I had kids, her dementia was manifesting, and I got a lot of direct criticism, but at least she was always nice, and welcoming, to them, so they have positive memories of her. I'm just glad she's gone.[/quote]
Oh my goodness- so so similar to me, except I was only 2 when my dad died. Obviously I don't remember him but every time as I grew up i wanted to ask about him, I was hushed and snapped at. Th is was the mid 60s and it's only since my mum died 2 years ago that I've felt able to put the few photos I found of him up in my house. It's definitely scarred me

@mrsmadeevans your story made me cry,I'm so sorry for the child you were,I hope you have such a good and happy life now.

Princepessa2070
My dm reported me to social services for thinking I wasn't feeding my dcs enough.She told me the day before the health visitor came.
The health visitor apologised that she had to check up and said it must be hard for me with a dm like that.My d's were well cared for.

A teacher when I was 7 years old. We were all lined up to have a go climbing a rope in the school gym. 10 or do people in front of me and when it was my turn, he stopped everyone and went and tested the strength of the rope before he let me have a go. I was a bit tubby as a kid, but never huge and it really, really hurt me. Everyone laughed and I’ve never been so humiliated in my life. I told my mum, who was furious, but it was the 80’s and it just got laughed off.

Have now read more of these and I'm so sorry for everyone treated unkindly. They've stirred memories of an occasion for me.

I must have been about 7 and my single Mum was seeing a (married ) man in our small village. One day she had a trip out with him planned that involved dragging me out of bed about 6am and round to the elderly neighbour that looked after me sometimes. I vividly remember being hysterical with confusion and tiredness and not wanting her to leave me. She dumped me on the poor neighbour and went anyway.

That same relationship caused me to be bullied at school for years afterwards. It wasn't exactly a secret in our tiny village and kids can be very cruel in mimicking what they hear at home.

It's 30 years ago now and I understand the situation more but I can't fathom how she could be so cruel and selfish in the face of a heartbroken child. There were many more incidences but none that stick out so clearly. We have a relationship of sorts now but not a close one. I moved several hundreds miles away at 19 and see her once or twice a year at most.

'All you've ever been is a spoilt selfish little brat, even when we were kids you always gave the sob story act to make people feel sorry for you. You've deserved everything that's happened to you, the bullying, the suicide attempt, the sexual assault and the abuse, you deserve it all you selfish c*nt and I hope you get infected with HIV and die alone'.

'Funniest thing is if you dropped dead no one would give two fucks, your parents would just take one look and bollock you for inconveniencing them'.

In primary school I was made to write with my right hand even though I'm left handed (and like a pp have beautiful handwriting) and I just remember my 'teacher' repeatedly going 'why are you so bloody stupid' under her breath. Never forgotten that, all these years later that's the main thing that pops in my head despite everything.

To flip it round though, one of the aforementioned school bullies once cut a big chunk out of my long hair. I remember I was in Year 4 at the time.

My amazing teacher (Mrs Riley, god rest her), responded by calmly and quietly taking the scissors to the perpetrator's head. At home-time she asked his Mum to come in, explained the whole situation and said she'd happily do it again anytime.

Apparently when I was a toddler I had picked up a couple of things off the ground outside and put them in my mouth..as toddlers do.
Anyway my mum had this god awful blue stuff that I can remember occasionally being rubbed around my mouth as I sat on the kitchen counter(a slightly older child maybe 3 or 4) but I never understood why I would be dragged in and this horrible stuff put on me.

Til one day I was about 5 or 6...I was outside the front garden with my friend and we were kicking a piece of old toast that had been thrown on the ground...just being kids.
I remember clearly seeing my sister (9 or 10 at the time) playing with the older kids a few meters away....she looked down at the toast...smiled and ran towards our house screaming 'Maaaaaaaaaaa' (were Irish)...she got in the house obviously told my mother I had picked the toast up and eaten it...my mother charged out of the house grabbed me inside and rubbed this stuff forcefully all over me whilst I screamed and she screamed at me to hold still. The stuff made me gag.
I wiped my tears amd stopped gagging in the sink long enough to see my sister standing in the hallway smiling and laughing at me....

Of an evening my mum had a job selling catalogues or something to do with Catalogues Gratto /Great Universal etc. One evening she had to take me with her, I remember we went to this one house and their door knocked was in the middle of the door so I could reach it, I was about 6/7. So i went to do the knock on the door and as I lifted my hand she smacked it out the way, and I still remember her words she said “you'll do a kids knock”. Then she went on to knock on the door, like a rhythmical rat-a-tat tat” knock, she was always heavy handed aswell - when brushing my hair etc so the knock was loud. I just remember the sudden shock when she smacked my hand out the way and it hurting a bit. I look back now and think subconsciously in my little child’s mind it upset me so much, thinking I’m not even good enough to knock on someone’s door. It makes me angry now , here I was at 6/7 being traipsed round the street and she does that. Have never forgotten it, I’d never do anything like that to my children.

Oh I’ve just thought of something else! One day my mum came home I think for
Work, we had a babysitter every Friday. Anyway after the babysitter left my brother (her favourite) told her I’d said a swear word , i must have been maybe 8, I can’t remember if it was “shit” or something worse that I had said. So she took me upstairs and she sat on the side of the bath and held my head in her arm and started sticking a bar of soap in my mouth aggressively - as in the old phrase I’ll wash your mouth out with soap and water. Now, as a mum myself I just can’t imagine how any mother could do that. I’ve not thought about that in decades until now. I want to confront her about it now it’s come into my mind.

Diamondella that's really tough I understand that kind of hurt as a little child.

I was a very talkative and excitable child. If parents were watching the telly I would be annoying and talk a lot or ask questions. I was usually just shushed.

One day I turned excitedly to say somthing I thought funny in relation to the tv show. I had half my sentence out when my mothers slipper came flying across the room and hit me in head,accompanied with the words 'shut the fuck up' I understand it was extremely annoying but I remember feeling so stupid and embarrassed but afraid to cry and make noise.
It also didn't occur to me that I could just walk out of the room so just sat there silently crying.

Diamondella oh just read your update. Its horrible being small and having anything shoved in your face or mouth. Extremely distressing.

diamondella My mother did the same to me when I was four, and she was the one who taught me the swear word.

@LivingOnTheVeg that's awful. Hugs

My mother told me that once I turned 18 she didn't have to love me unconditionally.

My Mum is a nasty piece if work. We walked on egg shells around her. She said and did nasty things to us all the time. But I think we got numb to it. The incident I remember as the worst was not directed at me but I was there. I arrived home to my Mum screaming and hitting my Dsis (age around 11). Calling her a slut and a whore. Telling her she hated her and she wished her dead. Then she spat in her face.

It wasn't until years later. That my DSis confessed to me that a family friend had abused her. That was our mums the response after she told her.