Something unkind which has stayed for you forever 😟

[Heartbrokenstill]

My grandmother who I never saw from year to year.. I was about 7 when my mam and dad took me to hers at Christmas (I never ever got a Xmas gift or card/birthday card/gift from her) I was a shy quiet child and she had a real Christmas tree in her sitting room and I put my hand underneath a beautiful tree toy just to look.. not taking it off the tree or anything and she smacked my hand away.. mam and dad was drinking tea and never saw she died years ago but I still feel the sadness of the little 7 year old I was all them years ago .. Don't know what I want from this post but lockdown really makes you feel low... I am nearly 60 no just to give you a idea how long ago it was

This thread is amazing .
I have chatted to my DH about the way we were brought up, the lack of 'I love you's expressed from our parents, and the way it has shaped us as adults and how we express our love and joy towards our children.
It has also hit a raw nerve on how we treat each other as spouses and how hard it can be to show affection to each other.

This thread has been a real eye opener to me. Thank you.OP

At university we went to a local nightclub for student night once a week. One of the rooms had a roped off 'VIP Area' which was raised level with chairs and tables which you could book for special occasions like birthdays. You created a list of friends to sit there with you and got a few free drinks and your own dance area. One girl form the sports team I was on booked it for her birthday in second year but on our way to the club she kept hinting she didn't want me there, pulling a face to the others every time I said anything and refusing to look at me. We had never been best mates but got on ok before that night. I tried to make peace by buying her a bottle of wine but as I approached the VIP area with it she closed the rope and ignored me. She literally shut me out. It doesn't sound like much but it's stayed with me for more than 20 years!

I'm 59 yrs old and I remember at primary school the girls did knitting whilst the boys went to woodwork. The knitting teacher was not a trained teacher just some woman who came to do knitting with us.
She was so scary never ever smiled and always scowling. We had to
go out one at a time as she checked our knitting. I had dropped a stitch and didn't know how to fix it. She threw my knitting into the middle of the floor where I had to collect it and give it back to her to fix. I was petrified.
Next call out to her I had done it again so she slapped me over the back of my bare legs and threw my knitting on the floor again.
Before the next call out I asked to go to the toilet but ran home instead.
She was asked not to come back.
I met up with her later in life as I volunteered at our local hospital as I wanted to become a nurse. I recognised her instantly she didn't recognise me.
I will never forget her and often wonder what she got out of those knitting lessons.
Suffice to say I still can't knit but I did go on to become a nurse and a midwife and as far as I'm told a kind person.

Yes its been nice OP genuinely cathartic, and thank you Safclass for your kind words, you bet. (I think that was for me.)

Lots of incidents from my childhood.
Was cast as a holly berry in Xmas concert because I was short and fat.
Was told not to bother coming again when I tried to join the school choir.
Cruellest was other children at school ignoring me...
When picking teams I'd be the last left and then the person picking said "you can have her" meaning they'd rather be short on their team than have me.
Or when none of the girls would make a space for me so I had to sit on the boys table, for a whole term, and the teacher never intervened.
You can't complain when others kids actually haven't done anything. Just ignored you.

Once I started work I was corrected for making friends with staff on my team because I was senior to them and it was abusing my position to expect them to be friends with me.

In my 40s now and only recently accepting I'm a person worth befriending and entitled to friendships

In my early twenties I worked in a menswear shop in a large shopping centre. The men were unkind. The manager used to ask if I had put weight on (I was a size 10/12) and another used to drop comments sometimes when I walked past. One day I was watching the front of the shop and a very handsome police officer came in to chat to me. They didn't bother me again after that !

My 14th Birthday and I invited a load of friends to come out for pizza. A group of girls that I was friends with apparently told people not to come, or that it was cancelled. When I arrived at the restaurant they were there but no-one else. We waited for a while but when it was clear no one else was coming we were put on a smaller table. I had to sit there watching the staff remove balloons and splitting up tables whilst the girls all sniggered. They told everyone at school that no one turned up for my birthday.

When I was 23 I found out I was pregnant, I was having horrible morning sickness which lasted a lot of the day. I told a few select people in work so we could chat about it and offer advice/cover for me. Unfortunately I miscarried when I was 8 weeks, I took about a week off work to recover and when I went back one of the women who I had told who must have been about 50 ish said to me my miscarriage doesn't count as a miscarriage because I was only 8 weeks and hadn't connected with my baby.

Whenever I think about the baby I lost it is always tarred with this comment. I have a healthy DS now but I still remember how cold she was about it.

I had of unkind things said to me as a child as I was in hospital a lot with a visible difference, so the absences from school then turning back up with bandages caused a lot of fear and nastiness. The worst two were on one day aged about 7 when a group of girls formed a circle around me in the playground and started chanting at me; the second was then going to a teacher crying and being told 'sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me. Now off you go'. I became the 'class clown' for the rest of my school days after that

I was a real Tom boy at school and never followed fashion etc. Partly because I really lacked confidence. Anyway, one day the girls in my form were all wearing these pretty headscarves as hair bands and persuaded me to wear one too even though I had short hair. They were really kind and chose a blue shimmery one and helped me put it in, all telling me it looked lovely.
I was so pleased to wear something girly for once and push myself out of my comfort zone. I went into class and the teacher said
‘Grape what on earth is that on your head? You have short hair, you can’t wear things like that! Take it out you look ridiculous’
I was so crushed!

That's for this thread, it's very cathartic! Some people have had awful things happen to them which make mine seem trivial in comparison, but I'll share anyway. I was never good a maths at school and struggled with algebra more than anything. One night my dad was getting stressed trying to make me understand some kind of equation and in the end he threw down his pen in disgust and told me I was thick and to 'stick to your dancing!' I burst into tears because I wasn't even a dancer, my sister was.

I love this thread. It's so very sad and happy all at the same time

Wow @FunkBus what a horrible way to be treated by ones own mother. So sorry you went through that. 💐

My mother in law sat in a chair ready to be presented with her 10 hour old first granddaughter. I approached from the side, she glanced round, poked my tummy and said" oh dear, you look like you've still got one in there".

It's that feeling of humiliation in front of others isn't it. Aged 11 my brother came up to me in front of a packed room and tripped me. The humiliation was horrible-he did much worse over the years. I still hate him to this day.

My husband when I had PND and was a sahm to three children, two with additional needs. He said in an argument bthat "I contribute nothing". It haunts me. Made me feel totally worth less.

The only thing that’s stayed with me is when I was a child my brother told me I have a big nose. I’ve never forgotten it and it’s stayed with my ever since. I’m 30 and all I want is a nose job I’m that self conscious over it but can’t have the surgery.

@Justvisitingthisplanet

Lots of incidents from my childhood. Was cast as a holly berry in Xmas concert because I was short and fat. Was told not to bother coming again when I tried to join the school choir. Cruellest was other children at school ignoring me... When picking teams I'd be the last left and then the person picking said "you can have her" meaning they'd rather be short on their team than have me. Or when none of the girls would make a space for me so I had to sit on the boys table, for a whole term, and the teacher never intervened. You can't complain when others kids actually haven't done anything. Just ignored you.

Once I started work I was corrected for making friends with staff on my team because I was senior to them and it was abusing my position to expect them to be friends with me.

In my 40s now and only recently accepting I'm a person worth befriending and entitled to friendships

This one made me cry, especially as you seem lovely. People can be bastards. I’m really sorry.

My grandmother used to say nasty things too. Once, when me and my parents visited her, and I went out to play with other children and came back a bit muddy, because I'd slipped into a little stream, she turned to my parents and said "What is wrong with it? Is it blind?" I distinctly remember her referring to me as "it". She had been a nurse too, before she had kids.

DM - I had grade 8 with distinction on 2 instruments. "Your brother was always the musical one" He failed his grade 1 violin and gave up....

Girls at school

"London Mummy is queen of the grots
With her greasy hair, specs and spots"

I was in primary school and, as you can do, caught head lice'. My nana (who lived with us) didn't wake me up for school and I overslept. I was panicking and she said in a really nasty voice:

'You're not going in. You've got NITS you dirty girl. You're disgusting, I'm ashamed of you'. And wouldn't speak to me all day. Like it was my fault and I'd done it deliberately to 'bring shame'. I tried telling my parents but they were just 'oh you know what she's like'.

These stories are so sad. It really makes me aware of how easily unkind words can harm someone, and that these incidents can stay with people for decades.

I was not good at maths at school. On one occasion - I was probably about 12 - our maths teacher was handing back our maths test papers after he'd marked them. He slapped mine down on my desk and said in a loud scathing voice, "The worst I've seen. The weakest of the weak." I was absolutely crushed. He was a cantankerous old man and I suppose it was different times, but still.

In high school I think Year 9 we had to walk up 5 lots of stairs to get to the food tech department and I was having severe knee pain in both knees no idea why but they were killing me. I got to the lesson sat down and was telling my friend they were hurting me the teacher asked me what the problem was so I told her and in front of the whole class she said knee pain is caused by being fat and carrying extra weight. I was in no way fat in fact she was morbidly obese. I was so embarrassed.

I've recently been told that when I was repeatedly getting reported to social services by an anonymous source, it was actually my brother. And my mom encouraged him to keep going and visiting me all throughout, and take photos of my home to gather 'evidence' on me. All while listening to me vent about this mystery person reporting me. It was a really upsetting time!!

Going to take me a while to get over that. Family, eh.

I’d be cutting contact for that, Principessa, and I think it’s the first time I’ve said that. How could you trust them again? I’m very sorry.