Something unkind which has stayed for you forever 😟

[Heartbrokenstill]

My grandmother who I never saw from year to year.. I was about 7 when my mam and dad took me to hers at Christmas (I never ever got a Xmas gift or card/birthday card/gift from her) I was a shy quiet child and she had a real Christmas tree in her sitting room and I put my hand underneath a beautiful tree toy just to look.. not taking it off the tree or anything and she smacked my hand away.. mam and dad was drinking tea and never saw she died years ago but I still feel the sadness of the little 7 year old I was all them years ago .. Don't know what I want from this post but lockdown really makes you feel low... I am nearly 60 no just to give you a idea how long ago it was

As a family we used to go to sort of house parties at my parents friends house. All very kid friendly. Other families used to bring their kids of a similar age and we all used to sleep over in the living room. At one of these parties I went to say hi to my Dad, he turned around and narrowed his eyes at me and said, 'why are you here. Nobody wants you. Go away'. I was about 8.

Another time, we were in a car crash (nothing serious) and an ambulance was called. The paramedic was talking to me about the crash and I burst into tears. My mum laughed at me and made fun of me for crying. I must have been about 11. Tbh there are so many stories like that from my mum.

I was 18 and went to Ireland to meet my grandma for the first time since childhood. First thing she said to me was "gosh your fat arent ya"
I find it quite funny now but at the time it was awful.
My stepdad used to tell me I'm a nobody, nothing, never have been, never will be. It's definitely stayed with me. I wasn't realy sorry when he died.

My dad is generally ok, but has said some immensely cruel things which sting terribly.
After I’d finished my Masters degree I went overseas to follow my then-DP (later DH) and my dad said I’d never amount to anything more than a housewife, like my mum.
Years later, I wrote a glowing acknowledgment to him and my mum in my PhD thesis which I bound and presented to him. He never said anything about it until I asked what he thought and he said they’re just words.
I have no idea why he does this. I’m now LC with him as I am afraid he’d do the same to my DD. She’s his only grandchild but he has no time for her at all.

Some really sad stories here. I have a few myself but that's not why I'm posting. I did quite a specialist course at uni and so we are tripping over people we were at uni at all the time, even 30 years later. A few years ago a friend of mine was doing some work around the country. After his project finished we were chatting about the different people he had bumped into over the course of his work. He asked me if I remembered a guy from the year above, which I did but nothing more than his name and what he looked like. Then my friend told me that he'd had a drink with him whilst he was doing his project and the guy had a real thing about me - not in a good way. Apparently I am a nasty and horrible bitch and he can't wait to see me get my comeuppance and the same goes for all his mates. The mates are people I might know by sight but nothing more. I have no idea what I said or did to him. Don't recall even ever having a conversation. I am still friends with lots of people in my year and some people two years above. No one can even remember me talking to him. But clearly I did something horribly hurtful.

My stepdad always made me feel worthless as a child . Just small nasty comments that chipped away at my self esteem . He would tell me I wasn’t wanted and now I’m an adult it still affects my confidence. He even told me I shouldn’t have my son as I’d be a really bad parent. Well guess what my son is now 17 and I kept him away from his vile grandad and he’s an amazing boy . Hate is a very strong word and instead I just feel very sorry for him as he’s now a very sad old man .

Such sad stories on here from ignorant or harsh people.

Children are so vulnerable and I wish people didn’t have to be so cruel.

My father when asked about his coldness toward his grandchildren said, “why would I love a child just because it’s come out of you?”

I had a teacher in the 1980’s that regularly shook me hard, my head snapping back and forth on my neck (exactly the sort of shaking that kills babies) if I didn’t spell something correctly. It was often the word ‘because’ which to this day, I spell phonetically in my head like a child.

@PuddyMuddles4

My DM was lovely - a good mother. However, one thing she did has never left me.

She had taken me and DSis to the park one day. I was around 5 and DSis 4. We were on the swings, DM said it was time to go home but we didn't want to leave. She said fine then, she would leave us there. She got in the car and drove off. I am now almost 50 and I can still vividly remember us crying and running after the car, screaming at her to come back. I don't know how long she stayed away - as young children it seemed like forever, sitting there sobbing - there was nobody else in the park and we were all alone. She came back eventually, we got in the car and it was never spoken of again. It is probably my most vivid childhood memory.

This is the kind of thing that worries me. Obviously she made a bad decision, but sounds like otherwise a very caring parent.

We all make bad decisions, and it scares me, reading some of these (not the abusiones but the one bad decision ones) that one day my DC's won't remember our nightly snuggles, or special adventures, but some time I've accidentally or thoughtlessly hurt their feelings. My mum was also very loving, but a hugely vivid memory is when I was 12 or so, and tall and awkward, but thought I was looking really pretty before a party, so did a little twirl and sashay, and she wrinkled her nose and said 'what do you think you're doing?' and I felt gawky and ugly all over again

@Eeeemac Don't try to make people feel worse, you're basically defending those who have said things or done things that have deeply affected them. That's unfair.

Every group photo I showed my dad from uni or holidays "you're always on the end or at the back because the others don't like you" WTF?

This thread is hard for me.
I'd had a few very minor ones. When young. Not as bad as some people on here.

But the one that hurt the most was more recently, ds's primary school senco. And then the police. And social services. It still makes me shudder in fear that 'honourable' institutions such as police, school, social services, there are a few people, bad eggs, that adore the power they have. to abuse the system.

My DM.

If you had been born a boy I wouldn't have had any more children. I'm her first born and have younger brother.

You are cold and unlovable. I was a teenager.

We don't really have a relationship.

@NotGoodEnuff no she doesn't hide it she can't really as you can tell she is half Indian lol even if you dyed her hair the genes / features are strong whereas I don't im just tanned. Yes she has had racists abuse growing up in the 60s with an Indian dad and white mum absolutely

I know what you mean!

I had a social worker tell me that I “make people look bad when I don’t want them in my life anymore” when discussing the abuse I suffered from my ex, all because she didn’t believe me. He was then arrested for assaulting yet another woman and I never received an apology.

Overtherubicon

My mum is wonderful now, but made lots of nasty little comments throughout my childhood. She also had a very bad temper and would explode at the tiniest little thing, making home life quite unhappy.

I struggle to forgive some of the things she did, I also struggle to understand why my dad didn’t stand up to her.

Mine was when I was a teenager, I was a size 12/14 and most of my friends were size 8/10. They all went to Blackpool pleasure beach for the day and I didn't go with them, my phone rang and it was the group of lads that we were hanging about with at the time, I answered and one of them said 'are you on the big one..........or are YOU the big one'

I'm nearly 36 now and I still think about it all the time, I don't think that one will ever leave me

I always felt very strongly that my GM didn't like me much.

My DM used to have her own informal 'weight watchers' thing with some people she knew at our house.

My GM came over one of these evenings. I was laying on the sofa relaxing, and she grabbed me by the leg, shook it and said 'when are you going to join weight watchers then?'

Around the same time I was called tree trunk legs by some boys at school (aged about 13) I have not worn a skirt since and I've never forgotten....I've never been bigger than a size 14.

My mum was born just after the second WW. She would say some nasty comments to me. For example she had the classic tiny waist they all had them. She use to tell me I would be huge as my waist was a lot bigger. I would spend ages doing side stretches. It took until I was in my 40s to understand that we all have different body shapes and I was never going to have my mums waist. Another classic was I needed to wear make up if I wanted a boyfriend. I think it was that generation. My mums childhood was harsh and poor. There was no love between her parents. Uncles would overstep the mark when tickling and cuddling my mum and her sister when younger. There was no child protection. My mum was expected to get a boyfriend and get married. Her expectations for me in the late 60s were screwed.

When I was 7 or 8 my teacher ( a nun ) was checking my work in my maths exercise book. I’d made a mistake and she ripped up the whole book in my face and threw the pages in the air whilst shouting at me that
I was stupid and useless. She then made me tidy up the mess. This was in front of the whole class and I couldn’t stop crying. After that I never paid attention during maths as I was convinced I wouldn’t understand it as I was “stupid”.

I don’t believe my mother ever liked or loved me. She would speak as if I was a constant disappointment and would constantly compare me to other children. She would regularly hit and berate me. I was a very quiet, withdrawn child and wasn’t naughty. If either of my brothers were naughty then I was the one to get hit and punished as I was the eldest and should have been watching them. I was regularly told that I was useless from a very early age. I remember feeling “ashamed” on a regular basis and that I would never be good enough for anyone. There are many incidents that I recall which make me shudder. I’ve always been a people pleaser and had low self esteem as a result of some of this.

I’m NC with my mother - have been for well over a decade and have no interest in ever speaking to her again. I have a wonderful little girl and another on the way and could never imagine treating her in the way I was treated.

When I was around 5 i had a bunny soft toy that i adored. I always played with it, cuddled it. My Dad bought it for me.
One day a cousin came round and she liked my bunny and said she wanted it, i told her its mine. My parents however, said no we will give it her she really likes it. I cried and cried for my bunny as she walked away swinging it in her hand turning back smiling. I felt my happiness was put to the side for the expense of someone else and I felt like i didnt mean anything. I have low self esteem thinking other people matter more than me to this day. I never got another bunny or atleast not like that again it was a one off. I had other similar experiences growing up having to sacrifice my feelings for the expense of other peoples happiness.It has got better over the years but I struggle being a people pleaser. And when i become aware im doing it I switch to being cold and distant.
Hopefully il find a healthy middle ground one day.

These posts are awful very sad, I'd imagine living with your verbal abuser would have a lifetime affect.
Remember them as they were horrible insensitive people.

My GP when I told her at 18 or so that I was self harming and suicidal .

Told me they’d cart me off if I didn’t start being more careful, that I was a silly little girl doing stupid things and everyone would always look down on me, for being mental:

‘Doctors can’t stand people like you, it wastes our time. You can tell me if you must, it can be our secret, because I won’t try to have you committed but anyone else would, so I’d keep very quiet indeed.’

This was in 2007-10 so not that long ago .

It was a good three or four years before I ever admitted it again, to a different GP in a different surgery . Still remember the look on her face when I told her my previous attempt to get help - she ended up in tears .

I still have that wobble when speaking to doctors, NHS24, etc now, that they might think the same thing - it’s definitely stuck .

@Heartbrokenstill

Baked bean.. I think what you say is so true.. A different generation I really looked up to her even though I only saw, her a handful of times.. It was my mums mother and she was never there for my mum my grandad fetched my mum up x

@Heartbrokenstill, I think this says it all. Your Grandmother may have been beautiful, but perhaps she was emotionally damaged in some way. You didn't see her often and it sounds like she didn't know much about children. It would have been common practice in those days to tap a toddler's hand away from something they weren't allowed to touch, and she probably instinctively did that. Only you weren't a toddler, and that is why it has stayed with you. It was unfair in your mind, because you wouldn't have damaged the tree ornament, you were only looking. Would you have felt any better if she had shouted at you not to touch? You sound like a very sensitive child (so was I) and I think perhaps it's the unfairness of it that has stayed with you.

Ugh, so so many from my parents. They made quite clear that they found me annoying and a disappointment. They had an idea of a cookie cutter daughter and I wasn't it. Unfortunately my sister was and has always been the golden child.

My eldest was diagnosed with ASD and ADHD recently and the consultant remarked that if was assessed I would likely get a diagnosis too. It explained why I've suggests been slightly "off wavelength" all my life and I think this is what my parents hated about me because it made me awkward and "embarassing". I can't imagine treating my own child like that. I accept and love him just as he is.

One of the worst: age about 13 or 14 I was out walking the family dogs one afternoon when a man came up to me and groped me. I was terrified and ran home. My mum did call the police and I made a statement. But after they'd gone she told me I was "asking for trouble" as I "went around looking like a tart". I was wearing jeans, a t-shirt and a cardigan FFS. It was so nasty and uncalled for. A couple of months later I saw the man again. I just crossed the road and kept quiet. No way was i confiding in my mum again.

I had bad acne during puberty/teens. Aged about 12 my dad came into my room randomly, looked at me in disgust and said "look at the state of your face, it looks like it exploded " with real anger and vitriol, as if it were something I'd chosen in purpose. I had a quiet cry after he'd gone and then my mum barged in (no privacy, ever) and demanded to know why I was crying. When I told her she said be pull myself together and not be a baby and that I should be more understanding of my father as "it's very hard for him, he's never had to see anyone grow up before". WTAF?

So many incidents like this. I blocked most of it out I think until I was a mother. I now just can't fathom how anyone could treat their own child like that.

My DM telling me when I was about 10 that I would never be pretty as I was unusual looking, taking me to the Dr telling him I was fat and needed a diet (I was not a fat child at all, in fact quite petite) these are just a couple comments destroyed my self confidence. Then as a teenager being sat in the lounge while DM and DB told my BF (who eventually became my DH and said he had never seen people behave so disgustingly) what an awful human being I am, how he would be better without me and goaded me and goaded me to try and make me cry. I’m now NC with DB 11 years and going strong and I’m LC with DM who likes to tell me how I “hang on to things” or “she doesn’t remember that”. My DP now is amazing and has tried to build me back up but I dont think I’ll ever shake off the lack of confidence in myself