Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Something unkind which has stayed for you forever 😟

670 replies

Heartbrokenstill · 29/01/2021 17:46

My grandmother who I never saw from year to year.. I was about 7 when my mam and dad took me to hers at Christmas (I never ever got a Xmas gift or card/birthday card/gift from her) I was a shy quiet child and she had a real Christmas tree in her sitting room and I put my hand underneath a beautiful tree toy just to look.. not taking it off the tree or anything and she smacked my hand away.. mam and dad was drinking tea and never saw Sad she died years ago but I still feel the sadness of the little 7 year old I was all them years ago Sad.. Don't know what I want from this post but lockdown really makes you feel low... I am nearly 60 no just to give you a idea how long ago it wasSad

OP posts:
Nutfreecelebrationcake · 30/01/2021 01:35

Auntie and uncle expressing surprise when they found out I had dyslexia (diagnosed mid-20's) - "we always thought you were just lazy!"

Uncle when DS was tiny - "most people are really careful with their babies but you just kind of don't care and are happy to be more careless and unbothered" - really, really knocked my self-confidence as a mother for years, I had severe PND and I can still recall them visiting, and me putting on a show to "prove" how competent and happy I was; I guess my forced jolliness came across as looking a bit weird Sad

StarryGazeyEyes · 30/01/2021 01:36

Bibidy - another redhead who had the piss taken our of her relentlessly. Until I got older and everyone thought I was a (rather goth but) Pre-Raphaelite beauty, although by then the damage was done and I spent years trying to change how I looked. Now my curly red hair runs free and everyone envies it (plus I save a fortune going with what nature gave me). Your beauty isn't dependent on others opinions - I even make a living now by channeling those looks into my art - your instincts are right and you are beautiful x

CorianderBee · 30/01/2021 02:14

@spidermomma

My grandpa used to always give my cousin money when we was on days out, bought her a car etc but never did me or my brothers get anything. Didn't bothered me one bit but I remember crying all night in the kitchen once how he gave her money for some sweets whilst we was out and left me out whilst in the car! Was his funeral last year and that was in my memories. I didn't really bother with them much after he did this, I refused x
I have cousins who endured similar. Their grandparents in the other side to me clearly favoured their dad's siblings kids. When one of them did GCSEs in the same year as my eldest cousin (who is now a physics professor and published researcher) he promised the other cousin £1000 for every A* he got. He claimed to have got 10 and was given £10,000.

He had got Cs and Ds. My cousin, who got around 8 A*s didn't even get a card.

His sister is severely dyslexic and dyspraxia but managed to get mostly A and B and has a science degree. She also got nothing.

Heartbreaking to watch.

justilou1 · 30/01/2021 02:19

My parents were both horrible people, but my mother was physically and emotionally abusive. She had really long, sharp nails like talons and I remember her grabbing my face really hard and coming in really close with her stale smoky breath spitting “You’d better study really hard because you’re never going to be beautiful, or good at anything, and nobody’s going to even LIKE you, let alone love you!” Sadly, this was not just once.

DioneTheDiabolist · 30/01/2021 02:20

Something a teacher said to my mum. Turned out he was an utter cunt who hated girls like me.Angry

Pyewhacket · 30/01/2021 02:29

My mother is French and when my parents split up she went “back home” and took me with her. It was awful. I was subject to abuse and bullying because I spoke with an English accent. At the age of 14 I came home and went to live with my grandparents on their Dorset Farm but I never forgot the unkindness meted out to me and you wouldn’t get me in the EuroStar for love nor money.

Tinkerbell456 · 30/01/2021 02:42

When I was seven, we moved from the UK to Australia. I had a favourite doll who was as tall as me and she walked. My parents put her in a jumble sale. My father me to this sale and there Jennifer Eccles was. I begged him to buy her back. Nope.

Boobahs · 30/01/2021 02:52

I've always been overweight and when I was about 14/15, I had a crush on one of the popular boys at school. One day we were walking home and he was across the road from us, something was said and he shouted back at me "You're so fat even WeightWatchers wouldn't have you!" That's always stuck with me, just really for how unkind it was.

He tried to add me on FB years later and is now a big fat fucker so Grin

CorianderBee · 30/01/2021 02:56

Just remembered a weird one that didn't stick in my mind in a bad way until many years later.

My male year 4 teacher used to always say I was pretty and 'sugar sweet' and 'such a little lively thing'.

He is a convicted peadophile now who was arrested with 5,000 child sex abuse images.

shardenfreud · 30/01/2021 02:57

NCed for this ...

Sometimes the bullies get their karma without you having to do anything.

I went to a school that looked "lovely" on the outside - the kind of place MNers would be discussing on the Education topic. The teaching was very good. But there was an unpleasant undercurrent in the culture, a sort of very low-level but constant bullying - hard to put your finger on and not like some of the really horrible things reported on this thread, but producing a sort of low-grade social anxiety the whole time. Others I went to school with say similar about the place. Looking back now, I can see that nastiness and exclusionary behaviour was directed to pupils who were less well off financially (and was basically about the usual stuff, class and race) .. but at the time it just came off as a bunch of girls being mean.

One girl in particular - a couple of years older than me - had singled me out and was pretty horrible to me over a sustained period of time, maybe a year or two. Just one example - "I can see you're wearing make-up Sharden. You shouldn't bother. You are fat and ugly so it won't do anything". You get the gist.

Fastforward a few years and I am at uni in a city far away from my home town. I think my mum was sending me copies of the local paper - this was pre-internet. I open the paper that week ...

... and would you believe it, the bully is dead! I will disguise the details a bit for anonymity, but in short she had taken up a dangerous sport. She'd been participating in the sport when she fell and was killed, probably instantly.

It was a very unlucky accident (for her) but - and this is why I have NC-ed - I was delighted, served her bloody well right. I cut the obituary out of the paper and stuck it in my diary, where it remains to this day.

PS I still love make-up, have loads of it. And all the bullies/abusers/cruel people mentioned on this thread (whatever their own sad backstory) can fuck right off.

PeggyHill · 30/01/2021 03:19

I think it is often the very small things that stay with you.

Looking back over my childhood I would say I was quite unlucky in that it was shitty. A lot happened which shouldn't have, and a lot of it was a big deal. But when those moments that stay in your memory and come back to you when are trying to sleep at night... it's not the big things. It's little things like what happened to you in your OP. Those are the things that stay with us.

Tinkerbell456 · 30/01/2021 03:20

What happens that makes some people think that they can treat other people with such nasty cruelty?

DioneTheDiabolist · 30/01/2021 03:22

Most of the time, it's being treated cruelly themselves.

FunkBus · 30/01/2021 03:45

"Most of the time, it's being treated cruelly themselves."

I don't think so. I think a lot of people are just arseholes.

shardenfreud · 30/01/2021 03:59

Sometimes cruel people have been treated cruelly themselves for sure. Maybe the pattern was set when they were young.

But the older I get the more I basically agree with @funkbus. People behave like arseholes because they are arseholes and/or because they can get away with it (ie they are in some sort of position where they have power over others which they then abuse).

DioneTheDiabolist · 30/01/2021 04:03

Yis might be right.

HeadLikeAFuckinOrange · 30/01/2021 04:06

Asking my Stepdad aged 5 if I could take his name when my DSis was born, so that we would all be the same. I was NC with my bio DF, and wanted to be the same as everyone else in my family. He said no as I wasn't his DD. I'm in my 40s now and still remember how unwanted and different I felt

Glitterblue · 30/01/2021 04:22

Aw OP, that's heartbreaking 😢

Mine is from when I was about 14, and very slim when I look back at photos I was a size 8. My mother is particularly skinny and a neighbour said to me "my goodness, you're not as slim as your mum, are you?!" I've had issues with my weight ever since.

IncorrigibleTitmouse · 30/01/2021 04:30

@Borisjohnsonshairbrush Just wanted to extend a hand of solidarity. I am NC with my father because of the abuse we suffered at the hands of his second wife. He knew, he did nothing, then when I tried to address it with him as an adult he said he’d sue me for slander in spite of most of his own family of origin going NC with him because of it. He’s a waste of oxygen, sorry to hear you went through similar.

IncorrigibleTitmouse · 30/01/2021 04:33

@FluentlyExasperatedMadam I’m very sorry that happened to you. That sounds very sinister and inappropriate to me.

PuddyMuddles4 · 30/01/2021 05:01

My DM was lovely - a good mother. However, one thing she did has never left me.

She had taken me and DSis to the park one day. I was around 5 and DSis 4. We were on the swings, DM said it was time to go home but we didn't want to leave. She said fine then, she would leave us there. She got in the car and drove off. I am now almost 50 and I can still vividly remember us crying and running after the car, screaming at her to come back. I don't know how long she stayed away - as young children it seemed like forever, sitting there sobbing - there was nobody else in the park and we were all alone. She came back eventually, we got in the car and it was never spoken of again. It is probably my most vivid childhood memory.

HeronLanyon · 30/01/2021 05:10

One if my dgms telling me aged 5 or 6 that I was ‘unladylike’ when I came in having fallen off my bike with an awful cut to my knee (big scar to this day).

Have never forgotten that or how I felt at that moment.

She was a ‘difficult’ gm. I didn’t see her much and didn’t know her well. I came to understand more about my lovely old late mum when I thought about how my dgm was.
There were lots of things which I can as an adult understand went into how she was.
That moment though goes down as the most deeply let down I ever felt as a child and it’s stayed with me.

jan9876 · 30/01/2021 05:42

It has been heart breaking reading all these. It is the way it makes you feel inside that is so awful, and the thought of anyone making my dc feel like that is heart breaking. I am also going to be more careful how I speak when my dc could be in earshot as I am guilty of talking about them and discussing issues etc when they could have heard. One comment taken the wrong way could hurt their feelings, and they are just sensitive and their feelings haven't matured. We have to be careful don't we. Feel awful reading for everyone these!

hollyhope · 30/01/2021 05:53

DS had to be resuscitated at birth( Apgar score was nil and was slow to respond).One of the crash team doctors told me, as he left the labour unit afterwards, “Well, if he was going to be a professor, he won’t be now.”
His callous, throwaway comment marred my early months with my baby; I was always looking for signs of problems: was a first time mum and not very confident.
DS is 31 and he’s absolutely fine.
This thread reminded me of that doctor’s unkindness.

FunkBus · 30/01/2021 05:56

@hollyhope

I am open mouthed at that. What on earth????

I'm so sorry that was said to you.

Swipe left for the next trending thread