Négatives / benefits to being childfree when you are older

[Seaair2]

I’m pretty sure I want to remain childfree - its not that I don’t like children but I just don’t think I want to be a full time parent. The responsibility, the worry, the lack of me time, I’ve just never felt like it’s for me. But people often make me question this, I’m just interested for those of you who are older and childfree - honestly what are thé benefits / negatives of being childfree? I think I decision / way of life is perfect, to choose one think means you can’t have another but just interested to hear peoples thought. So many people say, gosh no children you ll regret that!

@formerbabe

I haven’t found any yet, but I will let you know if I do

I wouldn’t hold my breath, though, if I were you

@agelikewine

You've made the choice that's right for you..but don't pretend that there's absolutely no advantages to having children...ok, they weren't enough to sway you but they still exist.

Sway you?

What on earth are you talking about?

Remaining childfree was not a finely balanced decision for me, with a carefully curated list or pros and cons. It was a glaringly obvious no-brainer. There was never even a decision to be made.

Why do you find it impossible to grasp the concept that some people always knew they never wanted to become parents?

@AgeLikeWine. You seem to want to imply that I'm denigrating your choice. I'm not. I accept that's your choice and you're happy with it. I'm simply saying that there are benefits of course...you might not think they're worth it but even objectively you can surely acknowledge them. For example, I'm in a relationship...I don't want to be single. I can see there are some positive aspects of remaining single but for me they're not worth it when weighed up against the benefits of being in a relationship.

42 year old mum of one here, child free till last year, now very happy mother of one awesome girl and hoping for another one (yeah, I know I’m an old bird, but one can hope)

I’m only gonna point out the pros of being childfree (before meeting Mr Right I thought I’d never want children):

You can do what you want. Your time and your money is yours. Wanna play games all weekend? No problem. Wanna jet off for a two week trip to Japan next month? No problem. Friday nights out? No problem. Sleep till lunchtime on a Saturday? Yay!

It was a great life.

Life is different now with a baby, so great and we are so blessed, I wouldn’t ever want to be without my wonderful daughter. But I see how it’s not for everyone. Fortunately we no longer live in a time where a woman is judged by her status as a wife and a mother.

That said, there was only one thing that bothered me when I was childfree: the idea that one day I would be old and on my own, without family.

@AgeLikeWine.
Of course you made a decision...

You knew you never wanted to be a parent.....so you made a decision not to have children.

Fairly typical comment though right?! That’s what a lot of people think. Lack of imagination I guess.

People with children like to think they understand a life without them as well as a life with, just because they had a period of their life without children, as everyone does. It’s not the same at all if you experience life without children into your forties and fifties. My life is massively different in my forties from my twenties and thirties, even without children. I am a different person, I have grown through not having children just as you grow through being a parent.
Also agree with posters who say those without children (especially single people, which I’m not these days) make a lot more effort socially than those with. Having a partner and/or children makes you more insular, you feel safe and don’t feel you need to make deep or meaningful relationships outside your couple/family environment.

I meant the comment about child free/childless people working too hard as they don’t have much else to do is a fairly typical assumption.

I'm 50 and child-free by choice, OP. I can truthfully say I don't see any negatives now and I have never regretted my choice.

I have had people be condescending to me. They told me I'd feel differently once I met the right man etc etc. I've been called selfish and, laughably, then been asked who will look after me in my old age! Isn't having kids then expecting them to give up part of their lives to look after you in your old age the very definition of selfish.

My partner and I are in our 30s,childfree and staying that way.

This is the biggy..... You won't ever experience the unconditional love of a child and (if you are lucky and are a good mum) have this continue until you die
I agree with a pp who said they cant see how this unconditional love can be so different and more than the unconditional love we can have for members of our family and loved ones.

Its strange to me that someone, a stranger,could believe they know how much I love and feel...compared to themselves.

We all love people so much we would kill for them. We all have unconditional love. Whether that be with a child,an adult,partner,a friend,our family members...couldn't we all agree that we all love people and nobody wins on this imaginary Love Scale?🤣

I have never in my life spent even one second trying to convince someone not to procreate....yet I never stop hearing parents telling me how I should/need to ..and I'm missing out and I'll never know what it's like . I just smile and nod .
I'd like to tell them all about the things they're missing out on sometimes I just cant seem to get a word in edge ways over their screaming kids

@BoofyBoo

Fairly typical comment though right?! That’s what a lot of people think. Lack of imagination I guess.

People with children like to think they understand a life without them as well as a life with, just because they had a period of their life without children, as everyone does. It’s not the same at all if you experience life without children into your forties and fifties. My life is massively different in my forties from my twenties and thirties, even without children. I am a different person, I have grown through not having children just as you grow through being a parent.
Also agree with posters who say those without children (especially single people, which I’m not these days) make a lot more effort socially than those with. Having a partner and/or children makes you more insular, you feel safe and don’t feel you need to make deep or meaningful relationships outside your couple/family environment.

That’s a very generalised comment about people with children not feeling the need to make deep or meaningful relationships outside the family..... Lack of imagination I guess 🤔

Errrr AugmentedToast ... I think we still very much live in a society where a woman is judged by her status as a wife and mother!

Kitkat 151 😂

@starsparkle08

I’ve got a disabled son aged 9 . He has autism adhd learning difficulties and challenging behaviours . Life hasn’t turned out as I had expected but I love him of course ( though I don’t like his behaviours ) It’s very sad as I now wish in the future he dies before me which sounds so awful . But I know he will always need me and he won’t be able to live independently so I will always want to be his advocate . You never know when you have children what the future holds . I assumed as I didn’t smoke or drink whilst pregnant and took my vitamins I was guaranteed a ‘normal’ baby . Life is hard for the both of us and is greatly upsetting on a daily basis . My heart breaks for my son it really does . I would wave a magic wand for him in a heartbeat

Much love to you starsparkle08. Your wishes are not awful, just very understandable. Not what you wanted for anyone.

The unconditional love you feel for your children and they feel for you is what makes everything worthy.

But children don't have unconditional love for their parents!

The unconditional love you feel for your children and they feel for you is what makes everything worthy
That's mad??? I have this love. I know the feeling you're describing. It's so warm. But I dont have kids??

You won't have anyone to look after you in your old age (if you're lucky)

My parents have said they'll order pills of the internet before that happens, both of them has parents who expected to be looked after.

Being childfree is a choice you make everyday until you suddenly don’t have a choice. As long as you have kept that in mind then go with what you want. Life’s too short to go down an unhappy route just because it’s expected.

formerbabe

Genuinely, what are the advantages of having children? I cannot think of a single one, only disadvantages.

@NothingIcando

My partner and I are in our 30s,childfree and staying that way.

This is the biggy..... You won't ever experience the unconditional love of a child and (if you are lucky and are a good mum) have this continue until you die
I agree with a pp who said they cant see how this unconditional love can be so different and more than the unconditional love we can have for members of our family and loved ones.

Its strange to me that someone, a stranger,could believe they know how much I love and feel...compared to themselves.

We all love people so much we would kill for them. We all have unconditional love. Whether that be with a child,an adult,partner,a friend,our family members...couldn't we all agree that we all love people and nobody wins on this imaginary Love Scale?🤣

I have never in my life spent even one second trying to convince someone not to procreate....yet I never stop hearing parents telling me how I should/need to ..and I'm missing out and I'll never know what it's like . I just smile and nod .
I'd like to tell them all about the things they're missing out on sometimes I just cant seem to get a word in edge ways over their screaming kids

Nobody’s trying to win anything.... but if you ask anyone with a child if that love for them is different than that of their love for any other person they will tell you that is is..... Unconditional maybe doesn’t explain it that well....l I would call it a feral untamed love......... and i would never tell anyone they should have kids.....I don’t really care what anybody does or doesn’t do

Happy for those that don't want children and as an older mother who spent many fun years child free if you broke down my weekends now compared to before kids on paper there is no contest - don't have children

But I am so happy with these two wonderful (for most of the time!) humans that now exist, that I enjoyed my life before but now it's a different life that is a progression that adds on to the one I had before rather than taking away, that I laugh a lot more and keep young playing with my kids - how much fun I have even though life is not simple

If you were one of my childless friends you wouldn't hear about that but rather about my poor sleep, home work issues, time limitations, worries about this child or that - I would never let you know the complete joy I have - as it would be too crass, too cliche and saccharine . . . Like talking about a new boyfriend to someone whose relationship has just ended

My childhood,teenage years and early 20s were horrendous because of my big sister. She tormented me and damaged me immensely.
I was conceived ...for company for her. That's why my parents brought me into the world . 'Because you dont just have one'

My mother now blames herself for not seeing it sooner. My father is in denial.

My sister (who never wanted kids) went on to have 3 children in the last few years because ''thats what you do'' is now living a horrendous existence at 38...she is emotionally abusing her eldest child and repeatedly expressing she hates motherhood and cant cope. My parents are worried sick for the children as their father is as bad as my sister.
Its a shit show.

I'll be extremely happy with my partner and friends.

@WatchWatch

formerbabe

Genuinely, what are the advantages of having children? I cannot think of a single one, only disadvantages.

You must be lacking in imagination. It's fine not to want one but can you not imagine why other people might?

It's fine not to want one but can you not imagine why other people might?

Wanting children and there being advantages to having them are different. I'm asking what the advantage to having kids is. I can't see any.

I understand people want them, but lots of people want things that have no advantage.

If you have children, unless you are very wealthy and can afford to outsource their care a but, your life becomes more limited than a lot of people realise. It's a burden putting others first for quite a long time. It can be a dead end for your own hopes and dreams. I have two.

Ill add that I adore kids!! I've worked with children every single work day of my adult life(pre covid) Children bring me a lot of joy. So Im definitely not someone who just dislikes kids! For me...working with them every day..has cemented it for me that ill never have any.
I get the best from kids and get to hand them back with none of the stress or tears.
I have the best of both worlds I believe.

but lots of people want things that have no advantage

Like what?