If you’re not in work, how much money do you get for spends from your partner?

[ShutUpAlex]

If they’ve already covered all the bills etc, how much would you expect to get for personal, walking around money into your own account?

I'm a SAHM. We're not entitled to any benefits or even child allowance (well technically we're entitled to 42p a year so not worth it) and my DH gives me £50 a week.
Pre-covid, that covered baby groups, travel and a coffee with mum friends.

@BeaSmithers

I'd say if you're not working, then nothing. I assume you get benefits for your bipolar disorder and keep all this yourself?

Whoa!

Reading at least the OP's posts is always recommended.

Plus it's always nice to see that empathy and compassion would be alive and well if and when needed .

0 as you will get pip and can you not use that for personal spends

Depends on your situation! We had a joint account when I was married and so didn't have personal accounts, we spent what we wanted because we were both sensible (ok downright tight) with money and didn't overspend on clothes, gadgets etc and talked before more major purchases (aka he asked me if it was ok as I kept track finances)

@Oooohbehave she isn't a SAHM, she is working and her partner is temporarily at home with the children.

OP as you are the one who cannot control their spending then you having a limited budget makes sense. Your partner should have access to money for anything the children want/need. He might be enforcing the limited budget on himself because he knows you are spendy so he reigns himself in to balance it.

I am a long term SAHM and just access the joint account, but then I am not a big spender, I don't particularly enjoy shopping.

We both work part time and share the childcare between us. He earns a lot more than me. I don’t get pocket money from him, we have a joint account and everything is shared equally because we are a family.

What does your £500 have to pay for? In your situation I would suggest weekly rather than monthly

I'd hate to be given money or have to ask for it, no wonder so many divorces.
For many on here seems they get treated fairer by divorcing, at least you get half.
How undignified to be given housekeeping, or spends, just no.

This is an interesting thread, because it's something I don't feel able to relate to

Personally, I could not imagine being given 'spending money' each month like a child being given pocket money.

So if you don't earn, and your partner does, what if you go out & you fancy buying a new dress- does this have to negotiated/discussed with your other half?

Or if you buy it anyway, are you then out of pocket for the rest of the week/month?

Do you need to ask for extra and maybe explain yourself why?

Genuinely curious about how these types of set-ups works and the dynamics etc

@BeaSmithers

I'd say if you're not working, then nothing. I assume you get benefits for your bipolar disorder and keep all this yourself?

You can access courses that help you develop reading comprehension skills, would you like me to look some up for you?

My spouse and I have had different times of working and not working, and we've always had it so we have the same amount of 'fluff money'. We share a goodbudget account that we use to track it.

It's been £12 a week/~£50 a month each for a while, that's usually been more than enough though sometimes I have months where I spend nowt and then have a month or two where I end up depleting it. That doesn't include clothes, unless maybe if either of us wanted fun clothes, and toiletries and such we buy as part of groceries. If it needed to include everything either of us bought mostly for ourselves, I'd probably budget closer to £100 and lower other areas.

I find it odd how people think everyone with any condition gets PIP. That's really not how it works. And it's definitely not the case that the person with the condition isn't working as some seem quite happy to assume...

YABU

Your partner works and there is 1000 disposable left. You get half each which is £500 but you want more??

TurquoiseDress to answer some of your questions, having a monthly amount of £600 for myself plus £300 carers allowance means I can do what I want with the money and not have to justify or explain my spending to anyone. Some months I may spend only half of that amount or less, another month say just before a holiday I may get a whole new wardrobe of clothes, nails, hair, botox etc, etc. If I was to spend all this from our joint account it would really mess out money up.

I don’t get pip, I don’t need it.

Usually when he is working, we put all the bill money in the joint account then just keep the rest of our wages in our personal accounts for spending money. Obviously it’s different atm and I don’t want him to go without so I’m putting half of mine I to his personal account (money I can’t touch just incase!)
I just wanted to check this was the fairest way as I’m obviously and idiot when it comes to money but also don’t want to be one of those financially abusive partners.

My personal opinion is if there is £1000 left to spend you should get 500 each or put more in to savings and have less each. He would pay someone else a lot more than that to what you do as a SAHM. Obviously if the children are under school age. If kids are in school and you spend your days at leisure then that might be a bit different because you could get a job for spends but you choose not to.

We don’t have anything separate except pensions, everything goes into the pot, We both know roughly what each other earns, we both have access to the funds . I cannot imagine either of us querying the other spending money. We are lucky to be comfortable now but when we were first together things were very tight and we used to have a spreadsheet for big bills, mortgage etc. Equally I wouldn’t go out and make a really big commitment without telling him but then if it was a big purchase we would probably have discussed it anyway .

Just to be clear this was the same when I haven’t been working , all the money is ours. In thirty years I can’t remember dh ever asking me to justify spending money.

I think £500 is a huge amount given at the moment there isn’t much to spend the money on. It is not likely that you can go and eat out or go on days out to theme parks or soft play centres.
I had £150

We each get our pay wage, child benefit paid into a joint account (whereby we pay mortgage, all household bills, credit card etc). Each month we transfer a figure (the same nominal amount each) into both our sole accounts to be spent on whatever we fancy. His in pre covid times might be nights out beers/curry, clothes, curry etc. Mine might be at the hairdressers, make up, nights out, clothes.
If we want food shopping, a new TV, or to buy presents etc we pay with joint credit card. We discuss expensive purchases.

We have a joint account into which everything is paid, and then anything that is a joint expense comes out of it.

We each then get exactly the same amount for “petty cash” which covers:

clothes
cosmetics and toiletries
hairdressing, nails, facials, hair removal
hobbies
socialising separately
presents for friends and each other (family presents come out of the joint pot).

We haven’t ever had a row about money although DH likes to tease me about my running away fund as I have much less expensive hobbies but don’t repay that money into the family account.

I know posters are saying £500 is a lot as there's not much to spend on but I know in my house the dc need clothes/coats/shoes etc at times.
They also are eating a lot more as they are off school and my gas and electricity bill has gone up a lot as we are gone during the day.

I needed to purchase a device so both dc could access everything needed as our home pc crashed at Xmas and is still being looked at so £500 can disappear very quickly.

Recently needed two new tyres and that was £150

It's amazingly scary how quickly it goes

When I moved to Australia with Aussie DH, I had no credit rating here at all so couldn't have cheque account or credit card in my name.
We have a joint account and I have a credit card under DH's name, but of course he could see everything that I bought.
I got him to give me $400 a month into a savings account for "private" spending money - out of which I bought some stuff for the kids, for me and for his birthday etc. presents. ($400AU is approx £225)

Most of the kids' stuff comes out of the joint account though, as I usually buy it on the credit card (which is paid off through that acct) - I used to pay for some of their extracurricular activities from my acct, but if I did that now I'd have no money left! I use it mostly for frivolous, unnecessary or slightly contentious purchases (like a $200 pair of boots for me, for e.g.; or Harry Potter Lego or similar)

wtfisgoingonhere21
I would have thought things like fuel bills, tyres and home pc stuff would come out of general bills/savings and not from personal spending money.

DH works, I'm a SAHM. All money is family money and if either of us wants to buy something non-essential (such as clothes for ourselves or some nonessential tech thing), we discuss it with each other first.

We've had equal spending money since we moved in together (10+ years ago and we've married since).

We budget quite strictly using Monzo pots so we have things like car maintenance, birthdays/Christmas etc covered out of our joint account. DH is by far the higher earner, in part because we have 2 small children and I work PT around the kids.

We get around the "child" costs by putting the child benefit into a pot for things they need. The £140ish a month covers pretty much everything including clothes, shoes, playgroups.

We do have to pay some of it back as DH is in the higher tax bracket. For anyone saying it isn't worth claiming; if you are a low earner then it gives you national insurance contributions until the children are 10, so if you don't claim it then your state pension may be affected.