If you’re not in work, how much money do you get for spends from your partner?

[ShutUpAlex]

If they’ve already covered all the bills etc, how much would you expect to get for personal, walking around money into your own account?

@ShutUpAlex

We have a joint account for bills but separate personal accounts because I have bipolar disorder and if that’s have a manic episode I could bankrupt us both!

That’s a bit different then. If all expenses are covered then a couple of hundred £ should be ok. Depends what your DH earns really

Ok well how much do you get now and ow much do you want to get?

We made our account joint. There have been times we both work, I have had time off or part time work with the children being small, DH has been redundant for a while before and we always just use common sense as to how much is in the joint account after bills etc and how much we can save.
I wouldn’t have married someone who expected it all to be separate after having children, I think it is madness having to ask for money while raising children together.
Of course this doesn’t take into account wankers and being who can’t budget.

We’ve split the remaining £1000 50:50. But I’m worried that the person who is it at home would actually need a bit more than the person at work because they do all the house stuff and childcare stuff. Working partner isn’t really spending much money at all and invisibly doesn’t mind transferring more money over but stay at home partner would never ask.

Partner works, I’m not. We have two kids. I do get some money transferred to mine and I need it for something. But generally I just use his bank card or PayPal when I need to buy things. I don’t feel I need to ask but we’ve been together a long time just not married. Nothing excessive! He knows I don’t go mad but I haven’t got a set amount 😀

Despite that I’m not working currently. There’s no mine and your money. It’s just our family money. We are sensible but not tight either.

Oh FFS well it's not really relevant then is it because you have a medical condition where spending vast amounts of money on frivolous things is a diagnostic feature.

Of course you can't have joint control of finances if you have had past manic episodes where you have spent a fucktonne of money on nothing.

£500 a month just for walking around money?? Surely nobody needs anywhere near that much, particularly at the moment when we can't go anywhere or do anything, unless that includes all the food shopping?

50:50 is fair

Why would the person at home need more disposable income if all the bills are already paid. Disposable is for extras like lunches with mates, a new outfit etc. If they haven’t enough out of £500 a month for treats then get their own job.

This thread isn’t really about my bipolar though that’s why I didn’t mention it at first. it’s about if £500 is really enough money for stay at home parent to be comfortable with?

@MaskingForIt

I wouldn’t expect anything from someone who was just a partner. I’d get a job and pay my own way.

If only life was that simple . Maybe op is a sahp, maybe she’s off work for other reasons ( I mean we are in a pandemic right now and jobs are hard to come by).🤣🤣 some people are happy to provide for their partner and family!

I should imagine £500 would be plenty.

Your bills are very very low!

@ShutUpAlex

This thread isn’t really about my bipolar though that’s why I didn’t mention it at first. it’s about if £500 is really enough money for stay at home parent to be comfortable with?

Epic drip feed and yes, £500 per month walking around money, with all bills and essentials covered, is plenty.

"We’ve split the remaining £1000 50:50. But I’m worried that the person who is it at home would actually need a bit more than the person at work because they do all the house stuff and childcare stuff. Working partner isn’t really spending much money at all and invisibly doesn’t mind transferring more money over but stay at home partner would never ask."

If bills are separate why would the person at home need more for personal spending money?

£500 is more than most families have as disposable income each month. If £500 fun spends isn't enough for someone they need to either up their income or reduce their non essential spends.

I don’t know, I’m terrible with money so don’t trust my own judgement when it comes to how long money is supposed to last because I do have a tendency to spunk it away!

Your setup sounds fine in theory. A 50:50 split of spending money, where you can have some of your partner's share if you need it. If you had free access to all of it and spent it all on magic beans during a manic episode then you'd have to dip into savings which could cause problems.

If you are often short, list your expenses at home, present them to your partner, and come up with a more reasonable plan. Maybe 300 for you every 2 weeks so you don't have it all at once

I don’t, I just don’t like it.

He even just transfers (to my personal account) me money from the joint (I have my own joint account card) because he was fed up of me not spending anything and I just transferred it back.

I just don’t like spending money I didn’t earn, I know I’m off on mat leave and ‘earning’ it in a different way but I just don’t and can’t spend frivolously like I do when I earned it.

I cannot wait to work and earn again.

bills are separate why would the person at home need more for personal spending money?

So they can buy themselves things?

I don’t really understand? I don’t get given anything. Once all bills are paid then we can each spend whatever is left however we need. We both have access to all monies.

Nobody in their right mind ever gives up work to be a SAHP without full access to the household money. I’m not his staff, I’m his wife and mother of his children.

@MsSquiz

I haven't worked for 2 years and had DD last December. When I gave up my job, we agreed that would do ad hoc admin work for DH (he's a company director and is rubbish at admin), I would also be responsible for the majority of housework and would be a SAHM when a child came along. For this DH "pays" me £600 pcm. And from that I pay my phone bill, my dental plan & anything else I want. Household bills including food shopping comes from the "joint" account - an account DH pays into but I have access to.

That's what works for us

He should pay you £1,040 a month to use up your personal tax allowance. It's more tax efficient.

The company would have to pay a small amount of NI, but that's worth doing anyway so that you qualify for a state retirement pension if you haven't yet paid NI for long enough.

I lived frugally off my savings mainly. He didn't give me money but if I needed stuff he was fine for me to transfer from his account to mine. I'm a person of small material needs so didn't take the piss. As long as our child was fed, clothed, entertained that was OK. I always asked family for money for bday and Christmas for a haircut or stuff. I used to give him blow job vouchers for bday or Xmas. He did not mind them.
When I started work again when child was 5, I was like a kid in a sweetshop 😅

Does walking around money also mean clothes and hobbies for children as surely that should come from the joint pot. Otherwise I would say £500 is plenty.

@ShutUpAlex

bills are separate why would the person at home need more for personal spending money?

So they can buy themselves things?

No if bills are separate from the £500 why would they need more money to buy themselves than the person working? That hardly seems fair, surely you can see that?

So you currently have £500 each and you think it isn't enough and your husband should give you some of his portion to top up yours? Interesting.

What would you spend £500 a month on? Blimey nowhere near that here

OP, I think you’re confusing personal money with household expenses. Household expenses and childcare expenses should be coming out of the joint pot. Personal money for you and your partner come out of what is left AFTER that.