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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you’re not in work, how much money do you get for spends from your partner?

251 replies

ShutUpAlex · 29/01/2021 10:17

If they’ve already covered all the bills etc, how much would you expect to get for personal, walking around money into your own account?

OP posts:
stickygotstuck · 29/01/2021 15:59

@unmarkedbythat

Fucking hell, why is this thread full of people who can't read properly?

I don't think it's just this thread! Sad

TableFlowerss · 29/01/2021 16:08

I currently work part time, DH full time. After everything is paid, including spends of self etc.... we save about £1000 each month.

If I want something I just buy it, but that would eat in to our £1k savings each month.

TableFlowerss · 29/01/2021 16:09

DH brings in the main lions share of our money. Mine is next to nowt!

doadeer · 29/01/2021 16:14

I would just expect to have access to all the money not have an "allowance" that would make me feel like a child

doadeer · 29/01/2021 16:15

Oh I just read your update ignore what I said

BillMasen · 29/01/2021 16:25

I do wonder if this from his point of view might look a bit like :

“Me and dp have the same disposable income, they work I don’t. I have to pay for loads of things for the kids and home out of mine but they spend all theirs on gadgets, clothes and fun stuff. Is this fair?”

I’ve seen very similar questions asked a lot

RosaBaby2 · 29/01/2021 16:28

I've not read the whole thread but I'd see if you can get some transferred to you weekly if really bad with money then you won't spend it all in a oner.

ArchbishopOfBanterbury · 29/01/2021 16:44

We have joint "family" money and separate, equal "personal spends" money.

That way noone is missing out on personal needs or wants, and the kids have enough for their needs too.

Liverbird77 · 29/01/2021 16:48

I am married. I am a sahm. We have a joint account and I can spend whatever I want. I don't though. I am very, very frugal and keep and eye on our finances.

HorseOfPhillipMoss · 29/01/2021 17:03

We both work so income is a fair bit higher, but we have £500 a month spends each, we also cover our own cars and mobiles from that (both claim work expenses which go some way towards covering cars so easier that way). I don't often spend all of mine, so also have a smaller pot of savings which is generally referred to as mine but if we needed it for something I'd happily give it, DH often does spend all of his mainly on comics.....

We put £300 a month into spending for DS some months most of it isn't used, others more than £300 if eg change of season and growth spurt, and if it builds up and we want to get him something, toy for the garden/paddling pool etc we'll get it from DSs spends account. DS hobbies, swimming lessons etc come from the joint account as do all joint bills and groceries.
If we're out as a family and get lunch I might pay or DH might pay or we might have it from the joint account depending on other expenses that month. I am also an avid saver of clubcard vouchers so bigger days out Legoland, zoo etc often come from there and we have annual passes to local farm, aquarium and soft play so those days out cost little.
We also save £1000 a month for us and £150 for DS

MsSquiz · 29/01/2021 17:21

@LakieLady he does cover my contributions. I don't officially "work for him" so he pays me from his personal account (some would consider this housekeeping money I guess but it's for my personal spend, not towards the house or bills)

I do also have my own savings & invested money (inheritance from my DM) and it's in our pre nup that he will lay no claim to those

cherrypop86 · 29/01/2021 17:28

He pays the rent and gives me £400. I pay the rest of the bills from benefits I receive. It works for us. I have more money in my account than him but I do the food shops and any extra spends we need so it works out fair.

yoyo1234 · 29/01/2021 18:05

Seems you have a set up that works for you as a family. I'm sure he would ask if needed. £500 each is quite a bit for spending do you both have pension schemes? Is the £500 savings pensions as well ( or is that paid into by a work scheme?). You may need to increase pension funds.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 30/01/2021 14:46

@TurquoiseDress

This is an interesting thread, because it's something I don't feel able to relate to

Personally, I could not imagine being given 'spending money' each month like a child being given pocket money.

So if you don't earn, and your partner does, what if you go out & you fancy buying a new dress- does this have to negotiated/discussed with your other half?

Or if you buy it anyway, are you then out of pocket for the rest of the week/month?

Do you need to ask for extra and maybe explain yourself why?

Genuinely curious about how these types of set-ups works and the dynamics etc

I'm one in this situation, except that as well as having a personal savings account, into which he puts the monthly amount, I also have access to a joint credit card and the joint main account.

I don't have to justify spending money to him, but if I'm considering buying something that's over $100, for e.g., I'll either buy it out of my personal savings (allowance money), or I'll discuss it with him. He never says no - but I do feel slightly "off" about just spending large sums without clearing it with him first. Mostly I feel slightly "off" about spending large sums anyway, but that's just me!

I'm not a big spender on anything other than food, and stuff for the DC. Food is of course for the whole family in general, and the kids might get more stuff than DH would think advisable (although he's completely shit at refusing to buy them anything they ask for if he takes them out shopping, so he's no leg to stand on there!)

Probably the last big expenditure that I had was paying for my poor car to pass its rego (MOT equivalent) - it had a few things that had gone wrong, which added up to a bill over $3000. I paid $2000 out of my personal account and the rest out of the joint account, because DH has Views on spending money on cars, which are the opposite to my Views on buying a newer car for far more money than fixing an otherwise reliable older car. Saved a heated discussion.

I also had some money as inheritance from my Mum - that went into my personal savings account as well, and therefore the chances of me draining that account to the point of asking for extra is next to nil - but I wouldn't anyway because of the joint account and credit card access.

I realise I'm probably unusual in this, and grateful that I don't have a financially controlling DH.

MsSquiz · 31/01/2021 08:05

I'm in pretty much the same situation as @ThumbWitchesAbroad

It works for us, as I have "my own" money in my account for clothes, hair appointments or (when we were allowed out) going out with friends, etc. I also save some of that money into my own savings account.

Purchases for the home or DD, food shopping and bills all come from the joint account that I hold a card for and DH tops up.

DH has a credit card for large purchases (holidays, etc) and it's paid straight off

Most bigger amounts of money to be spent are discussed. I generally don't buy things for the home or DD without mentioning it to DH as we both live here and are her parents. But it's not like asking for permission. I even do that if I'm buying a more expensive dress than usual (for example) and it's paid for from my account, I will ask his opinion.

It's just how it works for us, in our financial situation

Bayleaf25 · 31/01/2021 08:18

£500 just for ‘spends’ is loads, even if I bought my own clothes and toiletries out of that I’d still have plenty left over.

Jeremyironseverything · 31/01/2021 08:27

I didnt get an allowance. I just spent what I wanted. I knew how much money we had coming in, so spent with this in mind. Bigger purchases I discussed with him first, but then he also discussed his bigger purchases with me. It helped we both had the same attitude to money so it was never an issue. Occasionally we had a conversation about "being careful this month" as funds were low, and we'd both cut back on unnecessary spending.

Mishna · 31/01/2021 08:31

Presumably it's his choice not to work despite the children being old enough to go on walks etc. He wouldn't be getting any more money from me.

DianaT1969 · 31/01/2021 08:45

One thing you should be aware of. Having a partner who wastes money creates a strain on a relationship, regardless of disposable income. If you can limit your waste to £200 for example, and put the rest in savings, it would be better for you family. Do both parents have a similar pension fund?

BritWifeinUSA · 31/01/2021 08:50

My husband doesn’t work and I do. He takes care of the home. I don’t give him pocket money and we don’t have separate accounts. That seems very childish to me. Once the bills have been paid the rest is “our money” to be spent by either, both or none of us depending on whether anything is needed or wanted. I don’t keep tabs on his spending because I don’t need to.

notdaddycool · 31/01/2021 08:50

We have a joint account for everything. It’s shared money. You but what you want but there is a level above which we discuss together. Once it was about £20 more it’s probably £100, it’s not in stone.

HamAndButterSandwich · 31/01/2021 09:30

Well we just have a joint account but if we had separate account we would pay essential bills and have a budget for food in the main account, transfer whatever we'd agreed into savings then take half of whatever was left each for personal spending.

HamAndButterSandwich · 31/01/2021 09:31

All this is predicated on the idea that you're a team though. If money was short and you had the opportunity to work you would do.

Original poster
ShutUpAlex · 31/01/2021 12:33

He’s not choosing not to work. He missed out on furlough and because I work very long shifts it’s easier for him to just stay home with the kids atm until restaurants open again.

OP posts:
Chuckleknuckles · 31/01/2021 13:43

In our case, we currently have one income. Having accounted for mortgage, bills, savings, holiday funds, school fees, we split whatever is left and take half each.