If you’re not in work, how much money do you get for spends from your partner?

[ShutUpAlex]

If they’ve already covered all the bills etc, how much would you expect to get for personal, walking around money into your own account?

I don't have an amount.
I have a credit card with a limit of £1900.
I buy all of the shopping and anything I need. He pays it without questioning what is been spent on. But I don't take the piss. If I wanted something big I would ask about it.

In your case if its 500 each but out of your 500 you cover the kids stuff including, toys, days out, clothes etc then that isnt fair. Id have a specific amount for you personally then separate account for kids stuff? If that makes it easier for you not to overspend.
I'm a stay at home mum, monthly income roughly 3000, all bills and food etc around 1600. No split for the extra, joint account and both have equal access. I spend most because I buy all the kids stuff, things for the house etc. Not sure my partner even looks at the bank account to be honest. If anyone needs or wants anything we just get it. Large purchases are discussed and bought when we've saved for it.

Ok I will speak to him about having a set amount to put in the joint account for kids stuff.

ice creams with the kids, days out

Oh, for us that would count as family spending to be budgeted for, not as fun money for the SAHP. If DH takes the kids for a swim and a McDonalds that's not his fun money, that's family spending. If he goes off on his own for a swim and a coffee, that's fun spends. It's like when I do my budgeting- soap, toothpaste, shampoo, deodorant etc I expect to come out of the general grocery budget, foundation, hair dye, perfume etc is personal spends. Mind you I might be a bit OTT about our budget, my office mates certainly think so.

Expenses for the DC should come out of shared money, and each partner should have access to their own money on top. The amounts depend on what is affordable and priorities.

Clothes for growing DC are essential. Clothes for DC who already have plenty and just because you like them, not so much. Days out for DC are nice to have, but need to be affordable.

Each partner should be able to buy their own clothes, tech etc, but this might be lower priority if the budget is tight.

Ideally everything joint, including for DC should come out of the joint pot and personal come out of a personal pot. Separate bills from day to day spending, and don't touch the bills account, except to check each month that there's enough money in for the next month's direct debits. Send some money on pay day to a difficult to access savings account for annual and irregular expenses like car repairs, Christmas etc.

Does the person with the bipolar disorder have the discipline to run 2 accounts - perhaps have 2 cards in different colour, so if you're buying for family/DC, pay with the blue card, if buying for self, pay with the red card - I'm not sure if this is practical though?

Ok, so you work, he’s at home with the kids. You don’t have childcare costs, and after all essentials are paid and some is put into savings for the kids you have £500 a month each. You think he would benefit from having a bit more (to spend on kids outings and such), but you spend yours very quickly so it’s not like you’ve got it building up at the end of the month.

To me, £500 a month sounds plenty! I would only think more for the SAHP would be necessary than for the WOHP if the SAHP ended up buying the kids clothes etc, or if there was an expectation that they pay for regular, expensive trips. Certainly at the moment, with bugger all to do, there’s no need for the SAHP to need a larger budget.

What did you originally agree? I would assume the choice for one parent to not work is a joint one, and that you agreed to this arrangement? Have you spoken to your DP about if it’s enough money? If you’re worried he wouldn’t feel comfortable asking for money you can phrase it in terms of the kids needs.

He has my card for the joint account as I don’t really need it and I’ve asked him to hold it for me @BarbaraofSeville

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

*I'm not saying they do, but counting things that go towards the children as "fun money" for the SAHP isn't fair. That is a family cost.

So anything for the kids comes disproportionately more from one parent's pot than the other.*

But lots of those things are fun for the parent too. When I was on maternity leave, I put the childrens tickets for things in joint but not mine, because we rarely did the expensive things on weekends when they cost more & are very busy, so I got to enjoy far far of the fun experiences that DH. Why is it fair that the family money gets spent on my ticket & lunch in local lovely country park just because the children are with me, while DH has to be at work and doesmt spend family money on lunch out with his colleagues

If you are going to go into that level of detail why should your husband have to pay for anything for you since he is working and you aren't?

The majority of people do not consider costs associated with the children to be the responsibility of the SAHP.

If you are happy with that in your relationship then knock yourself out, but most people would not consider that to be fair.

@crazychemist tbh we didn’t really make an agreement! We weren’t expecting him not to get furloughed so it was a bit of a shock but an “it’s ok, we will manage on one wage”.

It different here both work
But I earn more than DP ( I have 2 children previous partner and 1 with DP )

We pay the same percentage in 40 percent of wages in to “ home account “ this covers bills and food/ kids
We then keep what ever is left out of our wages personally.

Means I do have more spending money but then again mine ends up on the kids / house etc anyway 😅

Your set up sounds fine.

SAHP shouldn’t be paying for kids hobbies though so if it’s actual hobbies then that should come out of the joint pot and then what’s left should be split 50:50.

@ShutUpAlex if he is furloughed then surely he is still getting a percentage of his wage so where is that going ?

He’s not furloughed.

What do you spend the £500 on? That seems like loads of money for frivolous spending?

In our house as the part-time worker, I do generally buy bits and bobs for DS like supermarket clothes for nursery, puddle suits, sunhats, nappies etc as needed because the child benefit goes into my account.

@Candyfloss99 I will spend 500 on literally anything. Usually clothes, shoes, takeaways, new gadgets etc (for the kids, mostly).

I'm not working atm. DH puts £500 a month into my account. It covers my petrol, daily stuff for teen DD (bus fares, lunches, stationery, pocket money etc), DD's phone and mine, top up food shops, anything I need clothes or toiletries etc.
I have savings and pay a share of the bills.
We don't have joint finances and no way would I want them. We don't have a lot of spare cash and really need to sort out our finances.

All bills, overheads, food, joint family expenses (including kids clothes, birthday presents, family days out), cars, dental bills, pets, phones, come from the joint household account. Into which all income goes.

A budgeted amount goes into joint savings, for house maintenance, new boiler, holidays etc.

A budgeted amount goes into each partner's sole account for 'disposable spending' - pocket money if you like, but enough for clothes shopping.

@unmarkedbythat

From the other side, atm I work and DH is at home. We have never had a concept of personal spends. Our money is one pot whoever brings it in. After the bills are paid any money left over is there to be spent by whoever needs/ wants something, we know how much it is fair for either of us to spend without discussing and we know what sort of amount is a "check with the other person this is ok" sort of figure. I don't think it's helpful to discuss actual figures because all our financial situations are so different- I know people who could drop £300 on an item and consider that small scale spending in the same way I would think of spending a fiver, and people for who spending a fiver on a non essential would mean weeks of careful budgeting to free it up.

This.

Every since we've moved in together 10+ years ago and throughout our marriage, our incomes were just one big pot with no halfsies, no split bills, and no you cover this i cover that sort of thing. Im not working at the moment and things haven't changed, the currently one income (DH's) is our money as a family and no questions asked if DH or me wants to buy something. We consider ourselves financially responsible and we know how much we can spend on what so it's never been an issue. I understand this is only one view point though and may now work for most.

I read your last post OP about MH issues and I think you are wondering about this perhaps because you don't think what you get from your spouse is sufficient?

And each gets the same amount of 'disposable' spending money. The point is that it is money that can be spent without discussion with the other. If one wants to blow it all on coffees, or cycling equipment, so be it.

I work. The thing is every SAHP I know complains that they don't get enough access to "the family money". I work with lots of people who are the WOHP and they feel they get nothing left either. I think the reality is often on one salary after all the bills, food and things relating to children and car repairs and home improvements and what have you, there often simply isnt much fun money left at all and certainly not enough for both parties to always spend what they like.

I don't expect anything from my partner, really.

He puts a specific amount in my account per month, I pay for food & cleaning stuff etc, plus my petrol and clothing for DS. If I need a pair of jeans I'll buy them but I won't take the piss and buy good ones.

He's very generous, happy to top my account up if needed and encourages me to buy things for myself but it doesn't sit right with me, really.

If you are going to go into that level of detail why should your husband have to pay for anything for you since he is working and you aren't?

He shouldn't unless he wanted and agreed I should stop work. We would have been much better off financially if I had returned to work three or four months earlier. Why should one party be require to pay theur partners share of everything if they would rather their partner returned to work (assuming they have a job to go to) and their partner is choosing not to and making the family worse off?

Whatever I needed. I’m working now but had five years where I earned very little - family finance so we decide together what is spent. Spending on join credit cards, paid off from joint accounts. Anything out of the ordinary I would have a conversation about (like ‘I need a new winter coat, let’s look at the finances and come up with a budget for that but he would do that to) but other money we both just get what we need. I’d have been massively offending to have to go cap in hand to my husband for money!

My fiancée will be back to work as soon as restaurants open btw! He’s a chef, this isn’t a permanent fixture in our finances.