If you’re not in work, how much money do you get for spends from your partner?

[ShutUpAlex]

If they’ve already covered all the bills etc, how much would you expect to get for personal, walking around money into your own account?

Both have the exact same amount of disposable income each month to do as we please

@ShutUpAlex

Yeah it’s literally just fun money. Takeaway, ice creams with the kids, days out, bottle of wine etc.

If it benefits everyone, it should come out of the "everyone" pot.

That needs to be reallocated.

Unless....are you the one who wants the takeaway? Do you disagree on how often the DC get a treat?

It isn't personal spending money then. If you are working and have no costs associated with work, why is it fair for the SAHP to use their personal money for all the Monday to Friday costs of the kids? The childcare is basically the job of the SAHP so one job has costs associated with it, the other doesn't. That isn't fair.

The kids should not be a cost to one parent more than the other. Spending for the kids should be the joint account, and then if you have a personal allowance it should be for personal spending.

If either partner wants to buy the odd thing here and there for the kids from personal money that it fine but it shouldn't be the SAHP's responsibility to pay costs associated with the kids 5 days out of 7.

Obviously this is in the normal world, not lockdown.

It depends. Are both parties fully happy with one party not working? If so, SAHP gets equal access to whatever spending money is available.

No if I want a take away I but it for all of us and vice versa. He takes the kids out during the week and pays but I take us all out at the weekends and pay etc.

We’ve never done this before as we’ve both always worked so am just trying to make sure that no one is getting shagged financially.

It sounds fine op, you have an equal split and sounds like you are both pretty fair about sharing costs

@ShutUpAlex

No if I want a take away I but it for all of us and vice versa. He takes the kids out during the week and pays but I take us all out at the weekends and pay etc.

We’ve never done this before as we’ve both always worked so am just trying to make sure that no one is getting shagged financially.

So SAHP pays for 5 days out of £500 but working parent only needs to cover 2 days with the same amount, therefore leaving more money for themselves?

Assuming you are not working because you are caring for joint dc I would expect full and equal access to all family money.

Luxxlisbon

Sahp doesnt need to spend money on days out 5 days a week!

I would expect both my partner and I to have exactly the same amount for discretionary spending, based on a budget that we had jointly and equally agreed and which already covered all household bills, saving, and expenses relating to any children.

The amount each partner is putting into the pot is irrelevant, assuming that the reason you are not working is due to child rearing or unavoidable unemployment.

As long as SAHP doesnt get constantly saddled buying all the kid related clothes and shoes and birthday presents etc and doesnt wind up constantly picking up the bill for the ballet lessons or what have you it sounds ok

He takes them out about 3 days a week for a walk, usually followed by an ice cream and a hot chocolate.

@ShutUpAlex

No if I want a take away I but it for all of us and vice versa. He takes the kids out during the week and pays but I take us all out at the weekends and pay etc.

We’ve never done this before as we’ve both always worked so am just trying to make sure that no one is getting shagged financially.

That should all go in the family pot.

Budget absolutely everything that is predictable so your disposable is really disposable.

Car tax, servicing, house insurance - all those things that pop up yearly? Add em up and divide by 12 and set up a standing order into a separate account for yearly stuff. If you want to go further add in a bit extra for eg 'white goods will break' that sort of thing.

If he's out at work you should figure out travel, parking, train, lunch costs etc and consider those expenses (whether he eats out or takes sandwiches is a separate topic). Same your expenses for childcare - softplay, lunch, vists to places, eating out, treats - try and get a plannable amount and set that aside. Keep an eye on it so you can adjust as needed but eventually you'll settle on a figure that works.

Then for your potential overspendy nature - put your disposable money in a separate current account with no overdraft facility so you can't spend more than you have. Keep family/household money in a separate account.

I manage all the money and always have, when I worked and DH didn't and now DH works and I am currently not. It works for us... DH gets paid, I sort out all the bills do all the shopping and get him whatever he wants. If he wants money he tells me and I hand it (back) over

Who pays for all the clothes, shoes, toys, lessons or swimming entries etc

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

Luxxlisbon

Sahp doesnt need to spend money on days out 5 days a week!

I'm not saying they do, but counting things that go towards the children as "fun money" for the SAHP isn't fair. That is a family cost.

So anything for the kids comes disproportionately more from one parent's pot than the other.

No way should the expenses incurred for entertaining children come out of one parent's 'fun money'! That is completely unreasonable.

Neither of us are SAHP or currently have kids at home, but if it helps we split our 'fun' money 3 ways. One third stays in the joint pot and covers things like takeaways, days out, things for the house etc that are for everyone, and we then each have equal money that is just for us - that's for things like haircuts, coffees while out and about, presents for each other etc. In reality it doesn't really make much difference and we'd never really quibble about whose account things come from - if the joint pot has run low but we fancy a takeaway or whatever either of us would happily pay for it from our personal accounts - but it is nice to have money that's purely ours as well.

I'd say £500 sounds plenty even for a SAHP to have to pay to entertain DCs with (unless they have really expensive hobbies that are coming from the SAHP's personal spends, my DC had weekly riding lessons for instance that would have swallowed up a fair chunk of that so we always treated DC expenses as joint not individual regardless of who took them to the lessons) - also where do things like clothes and holidays get paid from, is that included in bills and savings? If you are worried you could always swap to the thirds system and let your DH/DP have control of the joint pot and see how you go with it? But if he feels fine with the 50:50 split then if it ain't broke don't fix it?

Would it not make more sense to say have a joint pot of 500 quid that is used for days out, ice creams, takeaways etc. Because it benefits everybody and then have say 250 quid each personal money?

*I'm not saying they do, but counting things that go towards the children as "fun money" for the SAHP isn't fair. That is a family cost.

So anything for the kids comes disproportionately more from one parent's pot than the other.*

But lots of those things are fun for the parent too. When I was on maternity leave, I put the childrens tickets for things in joint but not mine, because we rarely did the expensive things on weekends when they cost more & are very busy, so I got to enjoy far far of the fun experiences that DH. Why is it fair that the family money gets spent on my ticket & lunch in local lovely country park just because the children are with me, while DH has to be at work and doesmt spend family money on lunch out with his colleagues

We haven’t really thought about clothes yet as it’s only been 2 months since he’s been home. I’ve bought clothes out of my money. I don’t really mind though. It doesn’t really make any difference which account it comes out of atm as it’s all coming from my wage anyway.

@ShutUpAlex

This thread isn’t really about my bipolar though that’s why I didn’t mention it at first. it’s about if £500 is really enough money for stay at home parent to be comfortable with?

Yes. Because that is 50% of the disposable income. And yes, you may have child activity expenses, but equally working partner will have work related expenses like haircuts, professional clothing, and any additional certifications/qualification/licenses the employer doesn’t pay for. if not WFH: also transport, occasional office lunches/events, contributions to work mate birthday or farewell gifts/cakes.

@MaskingForIt

I wouldn’t expect anything from someone who was just a partner. I’d get a job and pay my own way.

This. The thought of being financially dependent on someone else makes me shudder. Definitely not for me.

Wow. I can't even believing you're querying if 500 is enough for a stay at home parent. I'm a single working parent and 100 % of costs fall on me and I have LESS disposable income than you for the remainder of the month once everything is paid and I still manage.
I'm not sure why you just wouldn't ask your partner if he doesn't mind.
This is a pointless thread with drip feed information and you've just really taken the biscuit by asking if £500 is an acceptable amount to live on when working parents have less than you at their disposal.