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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think DD’s taken this a step too far?

524 replies

usernamenotavailible · 29/01/2021 00:22

DH’s birthday is coming up. DD16 just sent me a screenshot of a t-shirt she’s bought him (picture attached). DD is very PC and is big on inclusion, DH is very much not. Won’t add my personal views as I don’t want to influence anyone else, but I’m somewhere in between. AIBU to think DD shouldn’t have bought this and should I do anything?

AIBU to think DD’s taken this a step too far?
OP posts:
MissingLinker · 29/01/2021 08:34

The issue here is not your husband and daughter having different views, it's the fact that your daughter has deliberately got him a present that she knows he won't like for a bit of point scoring.
It's attention seeking and I can't agree with the posters who say that it's all part of being sixteen and that you should let it go. Most sixteen year olds know not to act like this. Now that she's bought it, you have the opportunity to tell her that it's an inappropriate gift. Do that.

Thislittlefinger123 · 29/01/2021 08:34

Presents are for the recipient, not to make a passive aggressive point. How would she feel if he bought her an equivalent tshirt in reverse for her birthday?

AllMyPrettyOnes · 29/01/2021 08:34

@Dinocan

Yep. It'd be grounds for divorce.

It’s his 16 yo dd, not his wife. Completely different.

Thanks for that Hmm

If the OP came on saying her husband had bought their daughter a gift to purposely cause tension, or possibly even an argument on her birthday, everyone most definitely would be calling him a twat, or telling her to LTB.

FamilyOfAliens · 29/01/2021 08:34

Surely most parents are able to have heated discussion with their teens without it descending into an actual row?

Giving someone a birthday present of a slogan t-shirt with your own personal opinion on it isn’t having a discussion.

starrynight21 · 29/01/2021 08:37

If this is her opinion, surely she should be the one wearing it. Gifts are for the recipient, not for the giver to score points.

lottiegarbanzo · 29/01/2021 08:38

I'd ask her to think through what he might get her, in retaliation and how she'd feel about that.

I think she'd realise that he wouldn't do that, because it would not be very nice and would upset her.

Her gift says 'I don't like or respect you and refuse to view you as a person, only as existing in relation to me'. That's pretty immature for a 16yo but also very totalitarian.

If she gives it to him, then, were I him, I'd be buying her some literature about the holocaust, to remind her where that sort of dehumanising, dogmatic, totalitarianism (the telling other people what they may think, the particular message is irrelevant) ends.

Lucieintheskye · 29/01/2021 08:38

'Should I do anything'? Yes, get rid of your vile husband?

chestnutSquash · 29/01/2021 08:41

@Lucieintheskye

'Should I do anything'? Yes, get rid of your vile husband?
What a nasty post.
babbaloushka · 29/01/2021 08:43

I think it's good you've got an environment where she feels comfortable opening discourse, and a DD who is engaged and interested in current affairs. Maybe a little bit far for his birthday, but she's 16 and probably doesn't quite see the boundary.

Mrgrinch · 29/01/2021 08:43

@Lucieintheskye

'Should I do anything'? Yes, get rid of your vile husband?
Seriously? Because he doesn't believe that men can become women?
NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 29/01/2021 08:43

I think forcing your views on someone else is pushing it on any day but doing it with a birthday present is (alas) showing her age and not in a good way.

I would let her do it, as a learning experience in how not to influence someone.

I would warn your DH in advance so that be is prepped to laugh it off, toss it to one side and not be drawn into a row about it .

Hoppinggreen · 29/01/2021 08:44

It’s a shit birthday present

FamilyOfAliens · 29/01/2021 08:44

@babbaloushka

I think it's good you've got an environment where she feels comfortable opening discourse, and a DD who is engaged and interested in current affairs. Maybe a little bit far for his birthday, but she's 16 and probably doesn't quite see the boundary.
How is giving someone a t shirt with your own opinion on it “opening discourse”?
JustDanceAddict · 29/01/2021 08:44

Oh dear! I would never wear that and I’m prob somewhere in between where trans is concerned. I wouldn’t wear a slogan tee though whatever it said - even if it said ‘I love cats’ as I’m a middle-aged woman 😆
There’s gonna be ructions... tell her to cancel it or wear it herself for bed.

JustDanceAddict · 29/01/2021 08:45

Lucieintheskye

'Should I do anything'? Yes, get rid of your vile husband?

^^ WTAF ??!!!!

Livelovebehappy · 29/01/2021 08:46

Typical action of a teen with their idealistic and black and white vision of the world. Hopefully dad will just laugh it off, and the only fallout being putting it at the bottom of his drawer. She will learn with age and life experiences that we are all entitled to our opinions.

RobinWoodPrinceofLeaves · 29/01/2021 08:47

To me it sounds like its just a t-shirt and a bit of a joke present. Nothing wrong with that. Adults getting presents from their teen child wouldn't be expecting anything fancy.

Sure its a waste but arent most presents a waste at some point?

Im a gender critical male but Id see the funny side and start wearing it.

FamilyOfAliens · 29/01/2021 08:48

It’s such a shame that when she thought about what she could get for her dad on his birthday, the first thing that came to mind was a t shirt with her own opinion on it, to demonstrate that she thinks she’s superior to him.

Butchyrestingface · 29/01/2021 08:49

@Lucieintheskye

'Should I do anything'? Yes, get rid of your vile husband?
Looks like the teenage daughter has found her mum's thread. Grin
Mmn654123 · 29/01/2021 08:49

@ParadiseIsland

I think it’s sad that your first reaction was that, as his dd, there was no way she could influence him tbh.

Says a lot about how stubborn her father is....

Or how rational
Original poster
usernamenotavailible · 29/01/2021 08:49

He definitely won’t take this as a joke. DH & DD don’t have the best relationship anyway, I doubt she’d do something like this for my birthday. I think DD might have a trans friend which is why this is so important to her (this isn’t the only thing they disagree on but she’s not done this before). Also saw the toilets argument earlier in the thread, we’ve tried to have that discussion and “it wouldn’t be a problem if toilets were mixed sex anyway” (don’t agree personally but that’s what she thinks). I’ll warn DH I think and then let him handle it.

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 29/01/2021 08:51

@Lucieintheskye

'Should I do anything'? Yes, get rid of your vile husband?
Acknowledging reality isn’t vile You however,
ancientgran · 29/01/2021 08:52

I've got 16 year old GS living with me. Don't they know it all at 16, it can be quite wearing.

LouiseBelchersBunnyEars · 29/01/2021 08:52

Op has clarified that the purpose of the dd buying the present is to get her dad to change his mind, not have a lighthearted joke about their differences of opinion.

If someone did this to me, I’d think they were a bit self centred and lacked social skills

Aelfrid · 29/01/2021 08:53

So for the price of one t-shirt, she's bought:

A warm glow of adolescent self-righteousness
An Insta-moment
A dig at her dad
A t-shirt she can 'take back since you hate it so much, Dad' and wear herself as was the plan all along

Bargain, I'd say.

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