AIBU to think DD’s taken this a step too far?

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DH’s birthday is coming up. DD16 just sent me a screenshot of a t-shirt she’s bought him (picture attached). DD is very PC and is big on inclusion, DH is very much not. Won’t add my personal views as I don’t want to influence anyone else, but I’m somewhere in between. AIBU to think DD shouldn’t have bought this and should I do anything?

@ancientgran

It’s a shame they couldn’t have just refurbished the toilets you posted about, as it sounds like that’s all that was needed, rather than making them mixed-sex.

Swallowing trans ideology wholesale without applying any critical thought whatsoever is in no way challenging the establishment.

Exactly. The message on this t-shirt is utterly, yawningly mainstream.

Challenging woke-think is where the real controversy is happening.

Can't imagine this going down at all well in reverse. I hope she's prepared to receive something with a slogan she doesn't agree with for her birthday.

This.

Birthdays are not the time for stuff like this.

Perhaps you could buy him a copy of "irreversible damage" by Annabelle Shrier for him to open at the same time.

@Love51

Would she need you to order it online or can 16 year olds order stuff themselves?

Why wouldn't a 16 year old be able to order a t shirt?

Agree Completely with what EdgeofACoin has written, the t shirt is taking what is now the establishment line.

However, aside from the actual message I would be upset if my child bought me something like this on my birthday that was just to sneer at me and my views on whatever subject and think it would sour the whole day, perhaps others would find it funny but I’m not sure I would.

[quote FamilyOfAliens]@ancientgran

It’s a shame they couldn’t have just refurbished the toilets you posted about, as it sounds like that’s all that was needed, rather than making them mixed-sex.[/quote]
No it really wasn't. If out for a stroll in the evening it was actually quite scary to go into them due to who would be hanging out in there. Went in with a GC once to be confronted with an addict who had been injecting and obviously hit the wrong place and there was blood spurting everywhere. The new toilets open to the road/prom so no fears about who is lingering in the old blocks.

The other thing is we now have equal access to facilities for men/women/disabled/parent and child. So much better than the usual women queuing when men having immediate access and if you were lucky one disabled toilet.

It's his birthday. Not the time and will be a waste of money.

Obviously there's a lot going on with this debate in your household OP but in isolation I think it's really shitty to deliberately buy someone a birthday present you already know they won't appreciate.

That's hardly a gift. Tell her you don't give people an argument for their birthday.

That's pretty disrespectful. Another day!

No matter what your views are, it's a shit t-shirt with a shit aggressive message, and I can't imagine anyone would want to wear it.

I think the best approach is to warn him, then when he opens it, as a PP suggested, not react at all, set it aside and just carry on.

You say your daughter is very PC but is she....or is it because she knows someone who is trans and is virtual signalling. Oh well, as long as she realises that by buying him that god awful t-shirt she will push his point of view further in the other direction. Really not the best way to try and get someone to see things from another direction, but then she's 16 so thinks she knows it all. She will look back on this one day and cringe and think she was a right dick.

Agreed it's not appropriate for his birthday gift however so shocked about the hatred on here about trans 😳🙄

Personally I would just let her and stay out of it (you seem a bit of wet blanket to be honest considering you are 'somewhere in between' on views of whether people should be accepted if theya re different from you). Your DD is 16 and I think the fact she is willing to stand up for what she believes in is admirable.

Also if your DH finds that T Shirt offensive or is that threatened by it that he has an argument and shouts at your DD, then he is even bigger a tool than he sounds to be from his 'opinions'. Personally, I would be questioning why you are content being married to a man with discriminatory beliefs and wondering how you managed to have an open-minded and accepting daughter.....

A more accurate tshirt would be
SOME PEOPLE ARE TRANS
SOME PEOPLE ARE NOT TRANS
NO-ONE CAN ARTICULATE THE DIFFERENCE WITHOUT RESORTING TO CIRCULAR DEFINITIONS OR REGRESSIVE SEX STEREOTYPES

ancientgran
Your post describes the seafront toilet arrangements where I live. Ours aren't newly refurbished so we obviously don't live in the same place. I much prefer them, they feel even safer than single sex blocks. It feels like the perfect solution.

@Hedgehog123

Agree Completely with what EdgeofACoin has written, the t shirt is taking what is now the establishment line.

However, aside from the actual message I would be upset if my child bought me something like this on my birthday that was just to sneer at me and my views on whatever subject and think it would sour the whole day, perhaps others would find it funny but I’m not sure I would.

Yeah I agree, it's upsetting as it's not nice to have it pointed out to you that you're a dick by your own child. However, if it is necessary because you hold dickish viewpoints (don't know if you personally hold the same views as the DH) then quite honestly, I think the daughter's in the right. Birthday or not, if you're a dick to others you don't get to not ever have that pointed out because its uncomfortable or upsetting to you....maybe he should just try being less of a dick and then he could have a nice 'unsoured' birthday.

@FOJN

ancientgran Your post describes the seafront toilet arrangements where I live. Ours aren't newly refurbished so we obviously don't live in the same place. I much prefer them, they feel even safer than single sex blocks. It feels like the perfect solution.

Maybe we copied you? It does feel so much safer, don't know why people would be against them.

wondering how you managed to have an open-minded and accepting daughter

Open minded and accepting, but only if you have the same beliefs as her...

I agree with many other posters who have said it much better. It's immature behaviour, and I would be really hurt if someone went out of their way to use a birthday present as a point scoring exercise.

I completely agree with the first post. If she likes to occupy the moral high ground she should also see the logic in not wasting natural resources on something that will never be worn.

I don't like 'messaging' T-shirts anyway. Baby shirts with things like 'lock up your daughters' or kids T-shirts with slogans like 'born to play Fortnite' or whatever, I find intensely cringeworthy - this is marginally better but still in the same vein. If I saw a middle aged bloke wearing this, I'd think he either was trans, gay or heavily part of that scene - although all of my gay friends are very tasteful to be honest, so a bit of an insult. As he presumably isn't any of these, DD should be able to realise that he won't want to project this image of himself.

Tell her if she want to get anywhere in terms of influencing she needs to work on her diplomacy. Why not ask her to get him a proper present and arrange a family debate night where your DH argues dad's point of view and vice versa with a good prize so they put some effort in.

@mamaoffourdc

Agreed it's not appropriate for his birthday gift however so shocked about the hatred on here about trans 😳🙄

Where exactly?!

If it will upset him then I would ask her whether she actually wants to upset him on his birthday. My DH isn’t the most inclusive of people in reality-though he can talk a bit of the talk, he doesn’t understand it and I think deep down doesn’t agree with it but wouldn’t want to offend anyone. He would be hurt to receive this on his birthday though. There are ways and means to discuss issues as well as there being a right time. This, on his birthday is neither IMO🤷‍♀️

ancientgran

A few miles down the coast they went with a mixed sex block but then had to employ a toilet attendant to monitor men wanking in the toilets and using cameras between the gaps in the cubicle walls. I hate them.

@mamaoffourdc

Agreed it's not appropriate for his birthday gift however so shocked about the hatred on here about trans 😳🙄

What hatred? Where?