DSS stole money off me and mum won’t pay it back.

[TheBadElfParade]

I’m utterly furious about the situation.

DSS’s mum found some money in DSS’s pocket the other night when she picked him up from school. He was with us the evening before as she was poorly.

He told her that we had given it to him when she questioned it. My partner got aN unexpected text and said he hadn’t given him anything.

Low and behold, we have some money missing.

My partner picked him up From school And asked him about it. For the record he is 7, but knows that it is wrong to steal as we have had a similar situation before With him, in addition to lying.

He got upset and admitted where the money was from and that at he found it when he was sneaking around in our bedroom and took it. He was playing with my child at the time but didn’t tell my child he had found it. Both of our children know not to go in the bedroom without our permission. This happened at the weekend We are presuming so he had kept on to this money for a few days.

My partner messaged and explained what had happened and asked for it back.

We got a reply saying not that’s not what he told me, and that she had put it in an breakable piggy bank so we can’t have it.

Am I being unreasonable to be fuming with her about this and want my money back? We are obviously ups about the whole ordeal and my partner is struggling with the fact he would steal off us in the first place. This is the second time she has deliberately kept on to our money when we had a shadow payment of double child maintenance going through one month and she kept on to it for three weeks, even after we informed her that the loss was affecting household bills. She’s not the kind of person to be kind to myself or my partner at all. She has threatened that if my partner dares takes it out of maintenance next month (it’s not a CMS plan, it’s a private arrangement between themselves) she will mention it in court.

@Devlesko mother has the money an now knows it was stolen so of course she should give it back fair enough with ds had spent the money or whatever but why should the mother keep the STOLEN money 🤔

i'd take it out of the maintenence. if you have it in writing (or a text message) from the mum confirming that she is not willing to give it back to you, then you take it out of her money the next month. if she has access to it and you don't, then let her mention it in court - it was her choice to put it in that piggy bank, and by keeping it then she's had £20 more than was agreed by you, so match it with less next month. your family should not have to suffer based on her choices.

I would be sceptical about the piggy bank. She probably just spent it.

I think it’s your husbands problem to deal with tbh. The kids not your son so I dont get why you are all sitting together crying and talking it over. He should be doing it in private with his dad.

So many posters don't seem to understand.

Keeping money you know doesn't belong to you is illegal. It doesn't matter how it came to be in your possession. Even if you found it in the street, it's still illegal.

The child stole the money.

The mother has decided to keep the money.

Can you see how the mother is culpable?

And who is to say that it's even in a piggy bank and not in her purse ready for tomorrow night's takeaway?

@isadorapolly

I think it’s your husbands problem to deal with tbh. The kids not your son so I dont get why you are all sitting together crying and talking it over. He should be doing it in private with his dad.

erm i dont know, because it was ops money?

dss stole from me once, directly from my purse, you better believe i was involved in having the conversation about why that is wrong.

Of course it should come out of her maintenance. If he'd spent it already it would be entirely different.
There was 20 quid in OPs bag in her bedroom.
DSS took it.
DSS mum took it from DSS.
DSS mum has refused to give it back to OP.
DSS mum is up by 20 quid, OP is down by 20 quid. 20 quid deducted from maintenance payment would put them both at 0 again.

You dont get to keep the things your kid steals.

I disagree with most. I personally wouldn't take it out of her maintenance. You don't know what mum will say to your boyfriend's son about it. Your boyfriend's son sounds like he needs some help, a minor punishment maybe but careful handling.

What does your boyfriend think about punishing the mother of his child, his ex? How long have you and this current boyfriend lived togther?

I’m not sure about some of you and how you go about parenting your children, but in this household we teach proper morals. Some really concerning comments on here over what people think is acceptable?

Yes it’s distressing when one child goes against those morals when you make so much effort to teach them otherwise.

Child stole off me. It’s been dealt with. Now the mother has decided to steal off me. She is in the wrong and it is as simple as that.

If my child had stolen off their father and his wife I wouldn’t feel entitled to keep that money, I’d be well upset over it and I’d be apologetic about the behaviour. They would have their money back if my child hadn’t spent it. It’s called being a decent and responsible human being.

@Azerothi it’s not a punishment, it’s a consequence of her behaviour.

Of course you reduce the maintenance by £20. Why would you not? She can get her tweezers and get her ill gotten gains out of ds's money box.

What does your boyfriend think about punishing the mother of his child, his ex?

But she has the money.

You could point out to her that this is receiving stolen goods and it would be such a pity if you had to take it to the police ...

I don't get why people are excusing the mum?

If your child stole £20 out of a little old lady's handbag or a strangers wallet, would you refuse to give it back because you'd 'put it in your child's piggy bank'? Of course not. You'd give it back and be mortified. As she should be! Stealing is stealing.

Get over it? If you let a seven year old steal with a mild consequence, he’ll be stealing from shops and worse next. The child needs a severe lecture, and any gaming taken away for good as reparation. If these child already has form for lying, he is headed down a very dangerous road already. This could be a turning point in his life if handled well.

Maybe report her online. She is indeed a thief...

Considering how petty you are being over this my guess is that child feels the only way he can get anything from his dad is by stealing it. His dad needs to address that by trusting him more, love bombing him, addressing his insecurities, not taking money out of maintenance (and leave the child without enough to live on) and blowing every tiny thing he does out of proportion.

Have you even READ the thread?

There is nothing that even hints at the child is deprived in any way by his father. He has proven that he can't be trusted as this isn't the first incident of him stealing, so trusting him more isn't going to help that in any way. There is nothing to suggest that the father, or OP for that matter, don't already show their love for the child.

Stealing isn't a "tiny thing" they have "blown out of proportion", it's theft and something no child should ever be allowed to get away with.

And as for your suggestion that they would be leaving the child without enough to live on, you obviously missed that the mother works full time, her partner works full time, and they have a good income.

Did you need a parachute for that gigantic leap you've made, @GrumpyHoonMain ?

I don’t think the police would take this thing seriously the whole thing is laughable really isn’t it. She will use any desperate attempt to get her own hold over things.

We have had some police involvement over Christmas and on DSS birthday because she didn’t like that the court order was in my partners favour and she called the police on him (for sticking to the court order). They pretty much shrugged it off.

I am grateful that I am not that sort of person.

She has been known to steal from her own mother in the past, including her mother’s benefits, I pretty much assume she will lie through her teeth anyway.

Maybe op should just empty her purse into her dss bag before he goes to his dm's...??
Gonna be hard to manage his klepto ways with a dm like his op...

It’s better that children cry when they are little than parents cry over them when they are grown. If you want teenagers to have good character, they need to be lead up in straight and proper ways.
Excusing little children’s flaws without appropriate punishment has lead to much of society’s current moral problems. No is a wonderful thing.

If she put it in the 'unbreakable piggy bank' and then discovered he had stolen it from someone from school would she still be refusing to pay it back or is it just because she hates her ex (the OPs partner).

My nephew did the same sort of thing when he was young. His parents din't seem bothered. He'd steal any opportunity he could. He'd go to a party and steal sweets etc. visit family and steal coins and notes if left around

he now 41 and still a sneaky shit

The exes choice is she pays you back with another £20 note or it is taken off next months money .

He stole of hs father, why should the mother have to pay it back, that's weird.

Because the money has been located and the mother is withholding it for no good reason? She wasn’t expected to pay it back out of her own pocket, rather just give the same stolen money back.