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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DSS stole money off me and mum won’t pay it back.

265 replies

TheBadElfParade · 28/01/2021 15:02

I’m utterly furious about the situation.

DSS’s mum found some money in DSS’s pocket the other night when she picked him up from school. He was with us the evening before as she was poorly.

He told her that we had given it to him when she questioned it. My partner got aN unexpected text and said he hadn’t given him anything.

Low and behold, we have some money missing.

My partner picked him up From school And asked him about it. For the record he is 7, but knows that it is wrong to steal as we have had a similar situation before With him, in addition to lying.

He got upset and admitted where the money was from and that at he found it when he was sneaking around in our bedroom and took it. He was playing with my child at the time but didn’t tell my child he had found it. Both of our children know not to go in the bedroom without our permission. This happened at the weekend We are presuming so he had kept on to this money for a few days.

My partner messaged and explained what had happened and asked for it back.

We got a reply saying not that’s not what he told me, and that she had put it in an breakable piggy bank so we can’t have it.

Am I being unreasonable to be fuming with her about this and want my money back? We are obviously ups about the whole ordeal and my partner is struggling with the fact he would steal off us in the first place. This is the second time she has deliberately kept on to our money when we had a shadow payment of double child maintenance going through one month and she kept on to it for three weeks, even after we informed her that the loss was affecting household bills. She’s not the kind of person to be kind to myself or my partner at all. She has threatened that if my partner dares takes it out of maintenance next month (it’s not a CMS plan, it’s a private arrangement between themselves) she will mention it in court.

OP posts:

Notcrackersyet · 29/01/2021 05:13

@agonyauntie2020
Ah you are so right. The OP has outrageously referred to her child as ‘My child’. Being a stepmother in a blended family obviously on mumsnet she must only refer to her child as ‘my DSD’s DSB’.

Daisypaisy2 · 29/01/2021 05:38

Don’t take the money from the maintenance OP. It’s not worth the hassle.

What IS WORTH the hassle is! Why has DS stolen????

PeggyHill · 29/01/2021 06:01

Oh my God, this thread is nuts. Of course the mum should return the stolen money! I can't believe how many people are trying to justify this!

Same4Walls · 29/01/2021 07:46

@PeggyHill

Oh my God, this thread is nuts. Of course the mum should return the stolen money! I can't believe how many people are trying to justify this!

It's insane isn't it. Only on mumsnet would you get people actively blaming the person who had been the subject of a theft. I honestly don't understand how so many posters seem to think the OP is at fault or understand the logic behind their view that the mum is entitled to keep the money.

CakeRequired · 29/01/2021 07:52

It's easy to see where the child is learning to steal from. His own mother. She thinks it's fine to keep money that isn't theirs. She is reinforcing his theft by doing that.

I'd be wondering what else is she doing around her son. Is she stealing from in shops or what?

Bollss · 29/01/2021 07:54

@Thewinterofdiscontent

I can maybe see the other side if the Op and her partner don’t get on with the mum though.Maybe the Op is a right cow too in RL ? I mean mum did text the dad to find out about the money and he said knew nothing about it. So then I expect she asked her son again and he made some other excuse which mum accepts as she has no other explanation. So when Op phones up a few days later it might as easily be her and the partner trying it on. We don’t know the back story. Having worked in a shop I know lots of people were convinced they paid with twenties rather than tens so who is to say Op did have a twenty missing.

Oh my actual god. Really?

The op had a 20 missing and the child had a 20 but perhaps it's all in ops head because she's a right bitch and mum and son are totally innocent?

Righty ho then.

CorianderBee · 29/01/2021 09:38

Text back saying that that is rewarding him for stealing and you'll be knocking the £20 off CMS?

Geppili · 29/01/2021 09:42

@Daisypaisy2 Exactly!

CounsellorTroi · 29/01/2021 09:49

@Devlesko

Why is he stealing? That's the main issue. He stole of hs father, why should the mother have to pay it back, that's weird. In a household with 2 parents one parent wouldn't expect the other o pay it back, I don't understand how geography should change this.

She should have to give it back.

Sillyduckseverywhere · 29/01/2021 14:30

I really can't believe how so many people are excusing THEFT on here.
There's a hell of a lot of projection.
I don't envy any of your exes new partners if that is seen as acceptable to you.
The boy has been (mildly IMO) punished
The ex needs to return the money that SHE KNOWS was stolen.
I'd be fucking mortified if my son stole, I'd want to put it right, she sounds like a nasty piece of work.

sapnupuas · 29/01/2021 14:39

I don't think people are fully comprehending that the OP is not asking the mother to reimburse the £20 at her expense, but merely return her property.

If he'd stolen it and spent it, then I don't think it would be up to his mother to pay her back, but the fact is it's in their house, unspent. She will not be out of pocket.

diddl · 29/01/2021 14:44

I agree that the mum should pay the money back.

She has refused to so now what?

The boy is too young to involve in adult squabbles-although he'd probably happily break the piggy bank to give back the money.

If it's there of course!

Daisypaisy2 · 29/01/2021 15:09

@sapnupuas

I don't think people are fully comprehending that the OP is not asking the mother to reimburse the £20 at her expense, but merely return her property.

If he'd stolen it and spent it, then I don't think it would be up to his mother to pay her back, but the fact is it's in their house, unspent. She will not be out of pocket.

No I understand that. But stealing is a major thing. It does seem OP isn’t too fussed about WHY her partners Son is stealing.

She may get the money back and he probably will do it again..

sapnupuas · 29/01/2021 15:21

But the focus of this thread isn't the son stealing, it's the mother refusing to give it back.

InTheDrunkTank · 29/01/2021 16:36

In a household with 2 parents one parent wouldn't expect the other o pay it back, I don't understand how geography should change this.

Because the mother has the money. Surely it isn't that confusing. If one of my kids stole £20 from me or their dad's wallet. I would retrieve the £20 from them and put it back in the wallet it came from. Given that neither OP or her DH can retrieve the £20 the mum needs to take the £20 note out of wherever she put it and give it back. If it really was in an unbreakable money box I would either break it or just pay the money back out of my own funds and let the child know that they owe me £20 so it would be taken out of pocket money or future gifts.

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