To think my dad is right to give more of grandmother's inheritance to me and my brother than his 2 older kids?

[sadirahunet]

My grandma, my last living grandparent died a few months ago, however due to everything going on etc they are only really now dealing with the financial side of things. My mum and dad have struggled greatly throughout our whole lives, but have done their very best for us. Parents live in a council house, brother lives with them. I'm a single mum barely scraping by in a shitty private rental. Older half sibling's are significantly older (late teens when I was born) but from what I know dad was always around for them during their childhood and they both say he's been a brilliant dad. We're all close-knit. His choice regarding grandma's money only comes from a financial perspective of who he thinks needs the money more and isn't favouritism or prioritsing his second family etc. I am absolutely certain of that.

When both of my maternal grandparent's died in the same year, my parent's only got a few thousand which was swallowed up by general life things. As for my half-siblings, their mother owns a house which is in a very well-off town near us, easily worth 400k if not more. Granted she has gone on to have 1 more child with her husband so there's 3 kids to consider there. I don't know much about her parent's as obviously her and her parents are nothing to do with me, but I do know they are divorced and both own a house each, again in a well-off area with ridiculous prices. They are in their late 80s.

Dad is likely going to get about 60k (DGM has 7 kids). He wants to split it into 4 quarters. The plan is to keep 15k, give me and my brother 15k each, and split the last quarter between my half-siblings. He would like me and my brother to put it towards house deposits which we both intend to do. I know my dad, he adores us all and would do anything for all 4 of us. I know for a fact that this isn't favouritism. It's just that my half-siblings are likely going to benefit from inheriting money from 3 different houses worth 400k+ in the future, 2 of which will probably happen in the next few years. Whereas me and Dbro, this money from our grandma is literally it for all we will ever inherit unless our parents come into a huge windfall, which DHalfSiblings would benefit from as well anyway.

DHalfSis is absolutely fine with the arrangement and agrees it's fair considering the circumstances. However DHalfbro and his long-term girlfriend who he has a child with are whinging and playing the 'second family' card. Dad is very hurt and before all of this, we all got on brilliantly and there was never any kind of bitterness. AIBU to think there arrangement is fair and DHalfBro isn't considering the wider picture? I know for a fact if it was the other way round he'd have given DHalfSibling's more and rightly so.

What’s he thinking? Ouch for the older children, that’s a shitty thing to do.

You’re coming across really badly here, OP. All kinds of spurious justifications for why you should receive more of your Dad’s money than your siblings (they aren’t guaranteed an inheritance; what if the cash they theoretically stand to inherit gets spent on care home fees, for e.g?), all the while with you ‘protesting’ that you don’t really want the cash but your Dad is absolutely insisting you take it.

Yeah, most people on this thread can see right through you. And if you’re not careful, you’ll permanently damage your ‘close-knit’ family relationships as they’ll probably have the measure of you soon, if they haven’t already.

You need to take a very long, hard look in the mirror.

He should treat all his kids the same. You can’t assume a future inheritance because anything can happen to jeopardise that. Plus in some cases a child “needs” more because they’ve squandered money or not worked as hard (not saying this is you OP but just countering the need argument).

Fairness is even more important when there has been a second family.

YABU. It should be split evenly. It's very sad you are trying so hard to justify getting more than your siblings. Who cares if they do inherit from their other grandparents, why should they lose out now and be made to feel less important.

I think he should keep it himself for his own needs not give it to his arguing working age children.
Also, what is this expression 'due to inherit'? What does that mean? My parents are well off. I am 'due to inherit' nothing, thank goodness. Surely 'due to inherit' means someone has died and the will has gone to probate. You seem to be using it to describe someone who is alive and well and entitled to use their money for whatever they want?!?!?!?!?!?

Not RTFT as only skimming while the kettle boils. My experience is that there's nothing like a will to bring out people's true colours.

Splitting 60k equally 5 ways (4 kids and your dad) gives everyone 12k which is not so different for you. You say in the OP that you're scraping by, is 15k really enough to get you on the housing ladder, and is that extra 3k worth the family relationship breakdown for your dad's sake?

He should keep it or split it fairly.

I'm interested to know where in the country somewhere could be brought with a 15k deposit? Presumably some of that would be needed for legal costs too if money is tight?

I believe that if you have more than one child you treat them equally. My DGPs had lots of grandchildren and we were all treated equally.

This will cause so much resentment.

I am going to be in a clear minority here but it is generous of your dad to split his inheritance between his children while he is still alive. Mind you, my siblings and I only got a couple of thousand each when my mum died so I think of any inherited sum as a bonus.

You say your 'half siblings' describe your dad as a 'brilliant dad' so it seems really sad that a disagreement about how he distributes a comparatively small sum has started to affect your relationships. It's not as if your parents are so comfortably off that they have no need of the money themselves.

I know technically its his money, but am I right in reading its your maternal grandmother’s inheritance? So it’d be going slightly more to her grandchildren and the half-siblings aren’t her grandchildren?

That would seem reasonable if seen as being from her than from your Dad.

Also the context you provide about the house etc are IMO important overall, but they may not see that - thats an indirect benefit when they were kids that they’ll likely dismiss even though its probably worth more than the difference they’re arguing about now

If you're not a grabby person and don't want to really take the money from your Dad anyway, then why aren't you insisting to him that he splits it all equally?

You don't know what your half siblings will inherit in the future, money could be taken up with care home fees or anything!

Speculating on what others might inherit from elsewhere in the future is possibly just conscience salving to a certain extent. You can't possibly know enough to able absolutely certain of the other parties financial situations in full and to be sure that they will remain unchanged right up to the point of death/inheritance.

From experience, care home fees can decimate a potential inheritance along with bonkers spending decisions made while vulnerably on the cusp of recognised dementia.

The only way to avoid resentment that will NEVER go away is for your Dad to split funds equally.

It is up to your dad what he does with his money. However, if he gives any money he has inherited to his children, he should give all of his children equal amounts. If I received less than my siblings it would definitely make me feel less loved. Your half brother is already upset by this. Relationships going forward will definitely be impacted by your father's very unfair decision.

IMO, your dad should keep the whole of his inheritance and only pass it on to all his children after his death. I wouldn't want parents, who live in a council house and have struggled with money all their lives, to give any money to me. I would rather they spent it on making their own lives more comfortable now. Your dad has no idea of the circumstances of his future and whether he might need that money. He might feel £15k is a lot but it really doesn't go very far.

Oh FFS. When I say my dad is insisting, I mean he is insisting. I’ve said many, many times keep it and enjoy it with mum but he isn’t having it. He is a grown man with all of his marbles and has made his bloody decision.

Parents should treat their children equally when it comes to inheritance, anything else is going to lead to bad feeling somewhere.

I wouldn’t want my siblings, half or not, feeling like they’re being treated unfairly by their own parent for the sake of me having a couple of extra grand.

You say your Dad insists, but he can’t insist you accept it any more than you can insist that you don’t. Your dad is being incredibly unfair.

I don’t think he should assume that his older DCs will inherit X amount in the future as this could easily get swallowed up by care fees for example. I do think it’s unfair not to split evenly.

All siblings should be treated equally. It’s totally inappropriate to base his decision on their current (or presumed future) financial position. Anything can change in that regard.

It’s kind of him to share any of it. Your post sounds grabby.

I don't think I can add much that hasn't been said already. But you seem determined to stick to your guns.

FWIW my friend's parents had an incredible 750k house. As an only child of course it was all going to her. Her mum died first and as she was the main carer for her dad all sorts of complicated care issues came up. Fast forward a few years hes in a care home. The house has gone. The funds are fast being swallowed up and my friend is panicking about what will happen when that happens.

You can't rely on that inheritance.

Your dad is being totally unfair. He is going to rip the family apart. All you can do is tell him. But don't try to defend it. It's abhorrent to favour one set of children over another.

Oh FFS. When I say my dad is insisting, I mean he is insisting.

Right ok. Is he marching you to the bank at gunpoint to make a 15K deposit in your account?

What I think you should do is show this thread to your DF and explain to him that while you are incredibly grateful to him for the offer you feel that your DSB is far from the minority in his opinion and you’d hate for their relationship to be badly damaged. I don’t think you will do that because I think you feel that the money will really help you and I think you feel a bit miffed about them receiving this money then receiving more in a couple of years. I don’t think anything anytime on here will change your opinion, I just hope it doesn’t come back to bite your DF. It definitely would if he did that in my family.

Potential future inheritances are totally irrelevant though. Your half siblings could end up with nothing if there's an acrimonious divorce or the house has to be sold to pay for care home fees.

At the moment there is 60k and your dad has four children. Either you all get nothing or he splits it evenly between all four of you - anything else smacks of favouritism and will potentially cause him to lose his relationship with his children for food.

@sadirahunet

Oh FFS. When I say my dad is insisting, I mean he is insisting. I’ve said many, many times keep it and enjoy it with mum but he isn’t having it. He is a grown man with all of his marbles and has made his bloody decision.

Yes but you agree with him. I can understand why, but it still doesn't mean it's fair. I'd be hurt too, if I were your older siblings. They're absolutely right when they say it's about second family unfairness. Is a few grand really worth a fallout?

It should be an equal split.

MIL lost her Mum last year. There wasn’t a huge amount of money, she got about £15k.

DW and I are fine. We earn decent salaries, own a 3 bed semi in the NW. Foreign holidays occasionally but not every year. We’re not struggling, we are better off than many, we have a small amount of savings, no extravagant lifestyle or anything.

BIL earns a 7 figure salary. Owns 5 massive houses, 4 in Kent (one he lives in, the others he rents out, all worth in excess of £1m), the other a holiday home in Cornwall. Several foreign holidays a year, new cars every couple of years etc.

MIL split the money equally between DW and BIL. It was the right thing to do.