To think my dad is right to give more of grandmother's inheritance to me and my brother than his 2 older kids?

[sadirahunet]

My grandma, my last living grandparent died a few months ago, however due to everything going on etc they are only really now dealing with the financial side of things. My mum and dad have struggled greatly throughout our whole lives, but have done their very best for us. Parents live in a council house, brother lives with them. I'm a single mum barely scraping by in a shitty private rental. Older half sibling's are significantly older (late teens when I was born) but from what I know dad was always around for them during their childhood and they both say he's been a brilliant dad. We're all close-knit. His choice regarding grandma's money only comes from a financial perspective of who he thinks needs the money more and isn't favouritism or prioritsing his second family etc. I am absolutely certain of that.

When both of my maternal grandparent's died in the same year, my parent's only got a few thousand which was swallowed up by general life things. As for my half-siblings, their mother owns a house which is in a very well-off town near us, easily worth 400k if not more. Granted she has gone on to have 1 more child with her husband so there's 3 kids to consider there. I don't know much about her parent's as obviously her and her parents are nothing to do with me, but I do know they are divorced and both own a house each, again in a well-off area with ridiculous prices. They are in their late 80s.

Dad is likely going to get about 60k (DGM has 7 kids). He wants to split it into 4 quarters. The plan is to keep 15k, give me and my brother 15k each, and split the last quarter between my half-siblings. He would like me and my brother to put it towards house deposits which we both intend to do. I know my dad, he adores us all and would do anything for all 4 of us. I know for a fact that this isn't favouritism. It's just that my half-siblings are likely going to benefit from inheriting money from 3 different houses worth 400k+ in the future, 2 of which will probably happen in the next few years. Whereas me and Dbro, this money from our grandma is literally it for all we will ever inherit unless our parents come into a huge windfall, which DHalfSiblings would benefit from as well anyway.

DHalfSis is absolutely fine with the arrangement and agrees it's fair considering the circumstances. However DHalfbro and his long-term girlfriend who he has a child with are whinging and playing the 'second family' card. Dad is very hurt and before all of this, we all got on brilliantly and there was never any kind of bitterness. AIBU to think there arrangement is fair and DHalfBro isn't considering the wider picture? I know for a fact if it was the other way round he'd have given DHalfSibling's more and rightly so.

I wouldn’t want to fall out with a sibling or parent over this, but also these things aren’t fair sometimes. Our grandparent owned a valuable house and left it to my sibling, not any of his own children nor me who is the elder grandchild (because I’m a female). His money, his choice.

I can't help but feel that it is VERY unfair to divide inheritance unequally among children you apparently treat equally based on some vague idea of what they one day MIGHT inherit from another parent.

Always always always shared equally.

Also agree the children shojldnt accept such a large proportion of the money from a parent who has struggled their whole life with a lack of moneu and is now living in a council house. I think working-age kids should maybe let him keep it tl see parents through their old age. Seems a bit thoughtless to take it and have parents continue to struggle for the rest of their lives.

@RedMarauder

That’s why I’ve asked if people would be so horrified if my mum’s parents were alive and me and Dbro were promised huge interitances off them and half-siblings were due to get nothing in future except from this £60k, would dad be so unreasonable to give them a bit more? I would see absolutely no issue there.

Yeah I think it's really unfair, he should treat you all equally and if they do fall into money later in life, well that's only their business. For such a small amount of money it will cause a big amount of family drama.

Believe me, I have already gone over several times to dad that I don’t want to take the money, at least not so much but he insists.

It is on the condition it goes on a deposit.

I think your Dad should keep more of the money and give all his children the same amount each. Perhaps keep £50k and split the remainder equally. I haven’t expected to “inherit” when my parents received similar bequests from their parents.

You say the half siblings will inherit fron elsewhere but their may not actually happen. The other GPS are actually alive. They may end up using all their money on care costs. Money in years to come does not help HalfBrother and his gf and child now.

£15K is unlikely to be enough for a house deposit for you.

Yes it is Dad's money to so as he wants but your GP and your Dad were and are their GP and Dad too. Pretty poor behaviour from Dad not to treat all his children the same.

I think as a family you should tell your dad to keep all of it himself. 60k isn't much. And easier to do this and keep family peace.

I agree you should all be treated equally but ultimately it’s up to your dad, it will tarnish his relationship with his older children though if he gives them less.

But OP, theoretical inheritances dont allow your half siblings to buy their own houses now. They may or may not inherit anything and in the mean time they don't have the ability to buy a stable home for their families.

You think you should be enabled to put a deposit down on a home. Shouldn't they have that opportunity for them and their children also, whilst their children are small?

Its really unfair. Your dad is going to find his family separating over this. I would think your dad's relationship with his older two children isn't as strong as you think it is if he's willing to throw it away over 3k.

Sorry just saw your 734 post op

*He should treat all of his children the same.

In my opinion he should also keep more of the money himself to cover his own needs before handing over 3/4 of it to his working age kids*

I agree with every word of this @AStudyinPink

I will add that when Ddad divorced his first wife he walked away from the house they bought together so she could stay there with the kids without having to worry about her home

And? His ex then paid for it for however long she was single and then with her husband. She then moved on and paid for the next property. Property that could well be lost if a care home is required at any point. What then? That family walks away with nothing at all and you got double from your dad?

I think your DF’s view is very fair, your half- siblings have an extra parent. I would reframe it as:

DF shares his inheritance equally with DM
He gives all his children x amount from his half
DM gives her children y amount from her half.

That would make it more comprehensible and possibly more acceptable.

I'm completely on the fence with this one tbh. When my dad dies he won't have much to leave (I think he has about £30k in savings). I have two siblings who are financially worse off than me, but I would be really hurt if he left it to them rather than split it equally. Yours is a slightly different scenario I guess as it's your grandparent. Not sure what is the "correct" thing to do.

Stop the expectation they will inherit because they might not.

He should keep the money for himself. You sound selfish

He can do what he wants with his money. But when it is so obviously unfair then he has to deal with the consequences of people being pissed off

YABU However you try to justify it, it's still sowing the seeds of division.

In the poorest sibling, but at a different level, ours are the only ones not going to private school. We are very unlikely to inherit anything from my wife’s side, some of my siblings partners will do very well. From my parents we’ll all get the same, and it seems fair. 60 split 5 ways is 12 grand, is it really worth falling out with family over £3k?

I think his behaviour is shocking and he should split the money equally.

OP it is always bad to post inheritance threads on ABIU as posters see the situation as black and white. They also forget it is the person giving the money who decides who it is going to. As a potential recipient you don't a choice in how the money is divided....