To think my dad is right to give more of grandmother's inheritance to me and my brother than his 2 older kids?

[sadirahunet]

My grandma, my last living grandparent died a few months ago, however due to everything going on etc they are only really now dealing with the financial side of things. My mum and dad have struggled greatly throughout our whole lives, but have done their very best for us. Parents live in a council house, brother lives with them. I'm a single mum barely scraping by in a shitty private rental. Older half sibling's are significantly older (late teens when I was born) but from what I know dad was always around for them during their childhood and they both say he's been a brilliant dad. We're all close-knit. His choice regarding grandma's money only comes from a financial perspective of who he thinks needs the money more and isn't favouritism or prioritsing his second family etc. I am absolutely certain of that.

When both of my maternal grandparent's died in the same year, my parent's only got a few thousand which was swallowed up by general life things. As for my half-siblings, their mother owns a house which is in a very well-off town near us, easily worth 400k if not more. Granted she has gone on to have 1 more child with her husband so there's 3 kids to consider there. I don't know much about her parent's as obviously her and her parents are nothing to do with me, but I do know they are divorced and both own a house each, again in a well-off area with ridiculous prices. They are in their late 80s.

Dad is likely going to get about 60k (DGM has 7 kids). He wants to split it into 4 quarters. The plan is to keep 15k, give me and my brother 15k each, and split the last quarter between my half-siblings. He would like me and my brother to put it towards house deposits which we both intend to do. I know my dad, he adores us all and would do anything for all 4 of us. I know for a fact that this isn't favouritism. It's just that my half-siblings are likely going to benefit from inheriting money from 3 different houses worth 400k+ in the future, 2 of which will probably happen in the next few years. Whereas me and Dbro, this money from our grandma is literally it for all we will ever inherit unless our parents come into a huge windfall, which DHalfSiblings would benefit from as well anyway.

DHalfSis is absolutely fine with the arrangement and agrees it's fair considering the circumstances. However DHalfbro and his long-term girlfriend who he has a child with are whinging and playing the 'second family' card. Dad is very hurt and before all of this, we all got on brilliantly and there was never any kind of bitterness. AIBU to think there arrangement is fair and DHalfBro isn't considering the wider picture? I know for a fact if it was the other way round he'd have given DHalfSibling's more and rightly so.

I had an aunt who has never had her own children so had a 7 nieces and nephews to consider for her will. She gave the lot to 2 of them. No one has any clue why she picked those 2. One was my sister who inherited a life changing sun of money while I got nothing. Neither of us were close to her. It was her money to split as she liked. Same for your dad. Maybe the disappointed sibling has a history of feeling second best which has caused him to doubt the basis for the decision, maybe he's money grabbing and thinks you deserve nothing.... Both are possible. So unless your dad acknowledges this is causing some upset and addresses it, it won't go away.

Personally I think he’s being stupid giving it away anyway. 60k isn’t much and it would be best in a pension or put away for his retirement if he has nothing but a govt pension.

At a push if you and dbro need housing deposits it would be better as a formal loan. Arrange repayments and again, he will have it back for his old age when he needs it. Or put a charge on the houses so if they are sold he gets his % back.

If there’s any left when he dies it gets split 4 ways.

No it isn’t fair. It should be split equally. However, it is your dads money and his choice. This is why amounts should never really be shared in this situation.

You have no idea of the financial split applied to the sale of that property and whether there was any equity in it at all

Why assume the OP has no idea about this or that it is highly unlikely?
My husband gave up his share of the house he shared with his ex a couple of decades ago. He literally signed over all of his equity to her. The house had about £100k equity which was quite a lot 20 years ago. Yes, she had to pay the remaining mortgage but the mortgage was only a few years from being paid off, the repayments were quite small and he paid more than the minimum required child maintenance. These things do happen. Not everyone asks for a mersher order, some people just want a stable roof over their children’s heads.

So did your granddad and dad favour the second family? I would assume so.

The cash was from your grandad and you should all have an equal part to spend on something that is meaningful and will act as a reminder of grandad.

The best thing you can do is suggest to your dad that he keeps 20 for himself and gives each child 10k. Let your brother know you have put this idea forward.

It is upto your dad how he distributes his money. I would certainly base it on the future needs of my children than anything else. Its his money, let him decide.You cant please everyone in life.

I think it's up to your dad how he splits his inheritance. It's his money and he doesn't have to give anyone anything. He doesn't sound like he is in a great financial position so maybe he would be better keeping the money for himself? Also your DB should talk to your dad if he has a problem with it, not take it out on you!

YABVU

Yes, it's your dad's money and yes, he can do with it as he pleases but treating his children differently is appalling behaviour.

@NewtoHolland

I think I'd be telling him to keep it all if he's in a council house and struggling.

Exactly. Op you come off horrendously grabby here. Saying your siblings will be fine when their mum dies

I have to ask, what if it was the other way round? If me and Dbro were due to inherit hundred’s of thousands from our maternal grandparents providing they were still alive, and Ddad knew that his older children were getting absolutely nothing beyond the money from his mum so gave them a bit extra, would it sound so horrifying? Really?

Half siblings have also been promised inheritance from both grandparents already. This was mentioned in passing a few years ago.

I think equal share too - Splitting it 5 ways still gives you 12k each! Everyone’s happy and it’s still a good amount of money! I think going for the 15k at the expense of your half siblings is a bit greedy.

Very very unreasonable. Things change and there's a lot of mental gymnastics going on here to try to justify a shitty decision.

I am not grabby in the least ffs. I haven’t made the bloody decision. I feel bad taking any money off my dad but he insists.

I think that’s shitty.
People shouldn’t inherit less because they made better life choices. I would be upset if I was them too!

It actually sounds like your dad should be keeping the vast amount for himself. He needs it if he is struggling in a council house. It is his inheritance after all. Perhaps give all 4 kids a small token, equal amount each.
You are being very unreasonable and entitled. I would be upset if I where your half siblings. Their finances have nothing to do with you.

It does smack of favouritism. Your dad should probably split it 5 ways so that he’s fair to all his kids. This is the kind of thing that causes resentment within families.

Ultimately it is your dad’s choice to do as he likes with his money but he is being very unfair. His children should be treated the same. Why should his older children be given less because their mum has a house? Do you really want to fall out with your half brother over a few grand? If not, I’d encourage your dad to make an equal split

@sadirahunet

I have to ask, what if it was the other way round? If me and Dbro were due to inherit hundred’s of thousands from our maternal grandparents providing they were still alive, and Ddad knew that his older children were getting absolutely nothing beyond the money from his mum so gave them a bit extra, would it sound so horrifying? Really?

Half siblings have also been promised inheritance from both grandparents already. This was mentioned in passing a few years ago.

You have no way of knowing what, if anything, half siblings will inherit in future. My assumption these days is that any assets/equity will get swallowed up in care home fees so there will be very little to inherit.

I agree that it should be split fairly.

Yeah, as above poster said - the mental gymnastics to justify this are shady. It's absolutely not fair - you don't see to care about the emotional fall out which says a lot.

As a side note what your der siblings will or will not inherit is totally hypothetical and none of your business anyway.

Why assume the OP has no idea about this or that it is highly unlikely?
My husband gave up his share of the house he shared with his ex a couple of decades ago. He literally signed over all of his equity to her. The house had about £100k equity which was quite a lot 20 years ago. Yes, she had to pay the remaining mortgage but the mortgage was only a few years from being paid off, the repayments were quite small and he paid more than the minimum required child maintenance. These things do happen. Not everyone asks for a mersher order, some people just want a stable roof over their children’s heads

This. My dh did the same. She took over a 50k mortgage on a 400k house. It’s in the south east so is an ex council 3 bed so no way could it be sold for anything smaller without affecting the kids. So he chose to walk away with nothing.

Paying a decent amount of CM meant he could never get another mortgage or even save for a deposit. He lived with his parents until he met me.

My house is mine, in my name, always has been. I have left it to my kids only, and can imagine a similar furore when dh’s kids (and their mum) realise they’ve been “left out” of inheriting my house.

So has this given you food for thought about your brother's POV now that the majority of people here think you're being unreasonable or are you going to hope for some validation?

Also agree your dad should keep the money and use it to move out of his council house (therefore freeing it up for someone who hasn’t inherited 60k. Inheriting money and continuing to live in a subsidised accommodation for lower incomes is unfair)

I don't think you feel that bad the way you justify it all and you don't speak of the other family with much respect. Tell him it needs to be fair and you can only accept the money if all kids are treated equally as you don't want the fall out.

On MN children of second and subsequent families are hated. They should always get less than the children of first families from the NRP.

There are lots of reasons why a parent or grandparent will decide to give certain children less, and while some of this is pure favouritism in other cases it is pragmatic.

I know a few situations of unequal inheritance and in fact in my family we had unequal inheritance from one of my parents with my younger siblings. I was one of those who "lost out" financially, but had that parent around until I was an adult.

I know grandparents who gave set aside money for their grandchildren to get higher education and/or first property. However if the grandchild already past that stage they don't get the money.

Other people I know got more money from a parent as they did years and years of care for that parent which affected their lives greatly in terms of job prospects, children and their personal relationships. They did not expect that the parent would finally get pissed off with their siblings not pulling their weight and either write them out or give them less.

Your father is driving a wedge between his children and damaging his own relationship with them.