To think my dad is right to give more of grandmother's inheritance to me and my brother than his 2 older kids?

[sadirahunet]

My grandma, my last living grandparent died a few months ago, however due to everything going on etc they are only really now dealing with the financial side of things. My mum and dad have struggled greatly throughout our whole lives, but have done their very best for us. Parents live in a council house, brother lives with them. I'm a single mum barely scraping by in a shitty private rental. Older half sibling's are significantly older (late teens when I was born) but from what I know dad was always around for them during their childhood and they both say he's been a brilliant dad. We're all close-knit. His choice regarding grandma's money only comes from a financial perspective of who he thinks needs the money more and isn't favouritism or prioritsing his second family etc. I am absolutely certain of that.

When both of my maternal grandparent's died in the same year, my parent's only got a few thousand which was swallowed up by general life things. As for my half-siblings, their mother owns a house which is in a very well-off town near us, easily worth 400k if not more. Granted she has gone on to have 1 more child with her husband so there's 3 kids to consider there. I don't know much about her parent's as obviously her and her parents are nothing to do with me, but I do know they are divorced and both own a house each, again in a well-off area with ridiculous prices. They are in their late 80s.

Dad is likely going to get about 60k (DGM has 7 kids). He wants to split it into 4 quarters. The plan is to keep 15k, give me and my brother 15k each, and split the last quarter between my half-siblings. He would like me and my brother to put it towards house deposits which we both intend to do. I know my dad, he adores us all and would do anything for all 4 of us. I know for a fact that this isn't favouritism. It's just that my half-siblings are likely going to benefit from inheriting money from 3 different houses worth 400k+ in the future, 2 of which will probably happen in the next few years. Whereas me and Dbro, this money from our grandma is literally it for all we will ever inherit unless our parents come into a huge windfall, which DHalfSiblings would benefit from as well anyway.

DHalfSis is absolutely fine with the arrangement and agrees it's fair considering the circumstances. However DHalfbro and his long-term girlfriend who he has a child with are whinging and playing the 'second family' card. Dad is very hurt and before all of this, we all got on brilliantly and there was never any kind of bitterness. AIBU to think there arrangement is fair and DHalfBro isn't considering the wider picture? I know for a fact if it was the other way round he'd have given DHalfSibling's more and rightly so.

You're certain it's not favouritism but the half brother seems to feel otherwise. Your dad is hurt, well, so is his son.

I can certainly see the logic but splitting inheritances like this usually causes trouble, especially if it's not actually what the deceased person themselves wanted. It's supposed to be about your connection, not a time to analyse lives and make judgement calls. I don't see why him allowing the kids to stay in the house when he divorced means he can do what he likes with the inheritance.

Would you feel hard done by if you had all inherited the same amount?

equal spilt is the only fair way. anything else is likely to breed discontent.

It is unfair.

You’re predicting that money belonging to other people will move into the hands of your siblings and there are many reasons why this might not be the case. Lifelong mortgage due to poor pension, going private for urgent medical treatment to avoid waiting list, being placed in a care home to name but a few.

It also reeks of favouritism

It's not your half siblings fault that your mother's family are not able to will you anything.

What belongs to your Dad, what is his, should be shared equally between his 4 children or should be discussed and agreed with his 4 children.

Your and your siblings life choices that mean you are perhaps struggling a hit kore financially, are not your older half siblings fault or responsibility either.

So yes I think YABU.

I will add that when Ddad divorced his first wife he walked away from the house they bought together so she could stay there with the kids without having to worry about her home. She then sold that and got a new house with her husband a few years later.

You have no idea of the financial split applied to the sale of that property and whether there was any equity in it at all. It was usual in the past for the woman to remain in the family home under a mesher order and that home be sold on remarriage/cohabitation or when the kids reached majority. The man would then recieve his share. If the house was sold in the 90s, there may have been no or negative equity - there may have been a debt to pay on sale.

It's highly unlikely your father gave her a house, and in any event the new house is owned with her husband who may disiherit your half siblings if their mother predeceases him and leave it all to his own biological child. So your half siblings may actually receive nothing at all from their mother's side due to her remarriage.

You’re predicting they will be better off long term but who knows, you might be loaded by the time your 50 and they might be paupers

YABU. And tbh if your brother is annoyed at you as well you can hardly be surprised given you seem to be completely happy to benefit at his expense.

Ultimately it's up to your dad. But the decision is based on many assumptions, which may or may not happen.

I will add that when Ddad divorced his first wife he walked away from the house they bought together so she could stay there with the kids without having to worry about her home

And left her with the full mortgage to pay?

Imo if your dad is planning on splitting inheritance unequally he should not say anything about how much he intends to give anyone. That's just asking for trouble!

I don't think he should split it according to how much he thinks his first children will eventually inherit, since he can't possibly know how that will work out. His older children may not be left anything, or as much as he thinks it ought to be, what would he do if they inherited very little from their mother's side? There's no guarantees.

Divided equally is the most sensible procedure least likely to cause bad feeling, so YABU sorry.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

It was the early 80s. The mortgage was paid off.

I think it's entirely up to him to decide - it's his money! My DM is leaving a greater share of her house to my DBro in her will. I'm not thrilled about it, but understand and accept her reasons.

It's your dad's money so he can do with it whatever he wants. But people have arrived at their own conclusions as to his motives. I can see how could happen. The only way he can go ahead with his plan without causing a family rift filled with resentment would be too sir you all down and discuss it openly otherwise it will all just simmer away.

If your half siblings' grandparents need care at a thousand pounds a week their homes could well be sold to pay for it. There might not be anything left for them to inherit in five years' time. Of course you think this is fair because you're benefitting from.it. I can't believe you're even entertaining that this is in any way fair.

Why not split into 5 parts and get 12k each, seems much more reasonable to me. I couldn’t imagine giving one child a different amount to the others on the basis that one child might get some inheritance from the other parent. I would hate to be the child that gets less.

Your comment about the house shows how you really view your father’s first marriage, wife and your half siblings.

If you’d all just been given the same amount, would you feel pissed off, and entitled to more?

Totally unreasonable of your father to split the money unevenly between his children, especially considering there is no guarantee your older siblings will come into money on their mother’s side. You have a mother too and it’s not their fault her parents didn’t have money. Plus if your Dad does before your Mum it’s possible she will then leave all of their shared finances solely to you and your brother and your half siblings will miss out there. Your father is BVU and this screams of treating the second family better than the first. I agree with Potcallingkettle that 12k each is the most fair thing to do.

What?! Of course he is prioritising second family. Talking about what your half siblings might inherit if someone died at some point, so they shouldn't inherit now, is ridiculous. Either of them could die in the meantime.

Also, why are you not insisting your df keeps all the money to better his life? You and your brother sound like young adults. You have tome to sort yourselves out.

Splitting it in 5 like PP said would be less hassle surely.

I think I'd be telling him to keep it all if he's in a council house and struggling.

What's their Mum's house got to do with inheritance from grandparents though? Stop trying to justify shitty behaviour OP.

[quote sadirahunet]@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

It was the early 80s. The mortgage was paid off.[/quote]
You really can't know the truth of this or how the proceeds were split.

It’s completely fair enough. He wants all his kids to own their own homes and believes his older kids will get other money to do thus. But it might have been better for him to talk to your half siblings to explain first (maybe he did?) Or - to have held onto the money himself, and given it to who needed it as house deposits.

Anyway as your half sister thinks it’s fine I think your half bro will come round so I wouldn’t worry about it.

@Potcallingkettle

For the sake of so little difference, it would keep the peace to split equally. £60k split 5 ways would give Dad and all four of you £12k each. Not too different to the £15k you get the other way but everyone is fairly treated then.

100% this. You would still get £12k as would your sibling. It's not worth a family fall out for the sake of £3k each to you and your sibling.

It's not fair and money always brings out emotions.