AIBU to wish for a dog-free park?

[PerspicaciousGreen]

I live in a lovely outer London borough with about ten parks within half an hour's walk, full of young families, great place to bring up children... except for the dogs.

My 2yo DS is TERRIFIED of dogs and, unfortunately, so am I. He's got it from me, I know, and it's just awful. I was so scared as a child I'd cry if I had to walk past a dog on the street and after years of work I got to the point where I felt I wasn't very comfortable around dogs but could live a normal life. However, seeing my DS being nervous around them has brought it all back and honestly now I come out in a cold sweat if I see a dog. I try to put a brave face on it for him, I really do, but he can tell I'm scared and we just wind each other up, I think.

So I find myself barely able to use any of the parks because every single one is full of dogs all the time. The one closest to our house, the fenced-off playground is right next to the entrance so we can do a sprint in and then it's OK. But one time several months ago, someone's dog got in (to their credit, they leapt in straight away and manhandled it out again) and he STILL talks about it and looks for dogs before he will play.

But the other ones, it's like a tiny little island of playground in the middle of acres and acres of dogs chasing each other, barking, etc. It's not even about whether their owners are responsible or not any more. If a dog so much as looks at DS, he freaks. And there are lots of owners who trot out the old "He's just being friendly!" while I hold a sobbing DS and try not to cry myself!

There is just no open space in the whole of our neighbourhood that doesn't have dogs in it. I'd love to be able to go for walks, take him out for a picnic, kick a ball around... But we can never relax because there's always a dog. Even if we weren't scared, we'd end up tripping over them or having one come over for a taste of our sandwiches.

I know IABU to be so scared of dogs. I do. But AIBU to wish there was one dog free park in this apparent suburban park paradise?

I think that you need to really work on your fear of dogs tbh. It’s a pretty irrational fear, very very few dogs would eve cause you harm, and if they are unfriendly/not good with children, most owners would keep them on a lead and warm you not to get too close. There will be exceptions, but they are few and far between. My dog LOVES little kids and she always wants to say hi. I don’t let her, unless they actively invite her, as You never know how people feel about a crazy puppy hounding up to them, but I have seen on many occasions parents imparting their own irrational fears onto their kids.

I would love a park where no one who was scared of dogs and acted irrationally around them visited. But you can’t have everything. You will have to learn to deal with you fear, and i will have to deal with my frustrations and how some people can act. That’s life.

Sorry for all the typos!

One of mine is terrified of dogs. Wouldn’t think twice (or look twice) about going into the road to avoid one. It really REALLY winds me up when a dog comes pelting over to us in a park and the owner is all “don’t worry, he’s just being friendly!”
No. Call your dog away. Train your dog to recall first time every time and not to jump up at people.
Or don’t let them off the lead.

As a dog owner I definitely think there should be areas where dogs are free to run in every village, town, beach, forest etc. Outside of that, even if not on a lead, I think all dogs should be muzzled in public places.

We live just outside London and have this setup with a large dog free park with play equipment etc and a smaller dog park (there are also country parks a short drive away for longer dog walks). It's brilliant most of the time you get the occasional dog in the wrong park but most people stick to it. The dog park is a meeting place for owners and generally looked after.
Mine had a dog phobia when they were younger after my oldest was knocked over by a dog when we were crossing a park to the play park and the owner just let dog out the car and it ran 200m towards us. She is now just mildly fearful as she has met people with lovely calm dogs in a controlled environment. People on a walk who say there dog is friendly and let it run up to her is the worst thing as it reinforces the fear.

I'm also getting very tired of the ever increasing nuisance caused by bad dog owners

AIBU to wish for a dog-free park?

This might work if it was backed up by licensing of animals, with penalties, and designated off-leash/on-leash areas.

As posted upthread I live in Victoria where all dogs are on-leash unless in a designated off-leash areas, which are very few.

OTOH it does my head in when people choose to picnic on the beach/ground, place tiny babies toddlers on off -leash areas and then piss and moan when dogs go over. This in clear sight of picnic sites/beaches where dogs are not allowed, where they could picnic in peace and shade. They have thousands of hectares of public land where dogs cannot go, yet they chose to do this.

Feeling a bit ranty.

Lol, didn't realise this was going to turn into a referendum on my entire life! I'm astonished at the people who have never had a dog run up to them when they didn't want them to. The last straw for me and DS was when a dog ran up to us when we were sitting on a bench, jumped up on it, and ate the banana skin he'd just put down right next to him! Took me a minute to even identify the dog's owner, he was so lackadaisical.

I actually got to nip to the shops by myself this morning and walked home through the park on purpose to "test myself". It was fine. Wasn't delighted by the dogs, but totally able to deal with it and just walk along. Different story when I'm with DS - I get so upset at how upset he is that I scare myself, I think.

He will get over it, I'm sure. He used to be scared of flies, then of motorbikes, now it's dogs. It'll be something else in a year's time. But I still wish I could have just one dog-free park out off all of them nearby!

But can people PLEASE stop suggesting we get a sodding dog! How's that supposed to work, then? I personally purchase, feed, house, walk and train an animal that I'm not comfortable around just on the offchance that it makes DS feel better with ALL DOGS EVER? Badly behaved dogs are even worse with other dogs than with "unaccompanied" humans. I'd never be able to walk it for all the massive Alsatians "making friends" with my little chihuahua by jumping all over them. And you must be a terrible dog owner if you think getting a dog is the same as popping to Ikea for a new sofa. I've already got two small creatures (DS and his baby sister) to feed, house, take for walks and train not to poo on the floor or chew on the furniture. It's a massive commitment to take on a dog, and the fact that there are so many badly behaved dogs/owners out there shows how often people underestimate it!!!

And seriously, if someone was scared of spiders would you tell them to get a pet tarantula? Scared of drowning, get a job in the navy? What about if someone was scared of strange men - tell them to get married??

Ignore the dogsplainers Opie!

I can see the appeal of a dog free park, and I'm a dog owner.
I do think you need to work on reactions though. A dog jumping up on a bench next to you and eating a discarded banana skin is not a big deal. It's pretty funny really. If the dog had snatched food out of your hand, or lucked you in the face, I would agree with you. But the dog didn't harm you in any way.
I don't let me dog bound up to people, despite him being a softest thing in the world, because it's rude. And we do train him. But like small children, there are occasions where he doesn't listen and we have to dash after him.
So I don't think YABU, but equally I do think you need to work on getting over your fear and stop encouraging your child to be terrified.

"I find it odd when I read comments saying "I'm fed up of random dogs bounding towards me"

I've never in my life ever had a dog come up to me and randomly jump up at me. And my dog has never randomly approached people he doesn't know."

You and I must live on the same alien planet. I have livrd in a semi rural area most of my life where dogs are everywhere and have been been chased, or knocked over, or drooled on, or had food snatched out of my hand by these out of control feral beasts I read about on MN on a weekly basis.

Have never been even. My kingdom for an edit function...

I've been herded by a border collie puppy once when I was out running. Wasn't sure whether to be insulated that he thought I was livestock...

Everyone there is a thread about does and parks, there are multitude of posts about very unruly dogs and blasé owners.

I find this so puzzling as this is nowhere near my experiences of parks in my town and I walk my dog to one every day.

Some dogs are without a lead in areas where they should be in one, but these are always older, calm dogs who just walk next to their owner.

I've never seen a dog being boisterous around a child, not once. I have seen kids wanting to approach cute dogs, but this is an aged fine with either the owner and parents encouraging it it the owner and parent saying no.

I can't help but wonder whether those with hatred or dear of dogs have a tendency to dramatise what they witness.

YANBU. I'm also outer London and we're lucky enough to have 5 parks within a 20-minute walk of us. But DS so often ends up with dog shit on him and it's so fucking annoying.
I'm mildly frightened by dogs and find it a bit intimidating when one runs up to me so I can't imagine how it must feel to be phobic and for them all to be as big or bigger than you! Your poor DS.
One licked my DS's face the other day - when it first ran up to him I was petrified but it was too quick for me to intervene. Fortunately it was just a lick, not a bite, but it was really frightening for us both. The owner was just laughing and going "Ah, he loves babies!" but I was furious. They're all "friendly" until they're not.

@dontdisturbmenow

Everyone there is a thread about does and parks, there are multitude of posts about very unruly dogs and blasé owners.

I find this so puzzling as this is nowhere near my experiences of parks in my town and I walk my dog to one every day.

Some dogs are without a lead in areas where they should be in one, but these are always older, calm dogs who just walk next to their owner.

I've never seen a dog being boisterous around a child, not once. I have seen kids wanting to approach cute dogs, but this is an aged fine with either the owner and parents encouraging it it the owner and parent saying no.

I can't help but wonder whether those with hatred or dear of dogs have a tendency to dramatise what they witness.

🙄So because you've never experienced/witnessed something, it doesn't exist?

My grandparents had a working springer spaniel called Mick. Mad Mick we called him. He was a dreadful bouncer. This would have been the late sixties and early seventies, when I was at primary school and before. I'd have to brace myself before going into their garden. He didn't frighten me though, even though for a while he was bigger than me.

Since then neither me or my children have ever been jumped on my an unruly dog. Either before or after we became dog owners ourselves 13 years ago.

I think though that there's been an explosion in dog ownership even pre pandemic, and particularly in urban areas. We are rural and dogs are mostly off lead and have great recall and are really no bother. In fact the presence of so many dogs and walkers means no where is ever 'lonely' or scary. I feel safe walking alone with my dog wherever I fancy - clifftops, fields, footpaths, woods.I wonder though if in the cities, where there is less space, different etiquette ought to apply?

Where are you in London @PerspicaciousGreen? Walthamstow Wetlands is dog free (and lovely). If you’re in the Haringey area your DS would be welcome to meet my very calm and friendly whippet.

*I've never seen a dog being boisterous around a child, not once. I have seen kids wanting to approach cute dogs, but this is an aged fine with either the owner and parents encouraging it it the owner and parent saying no.

I can't help but wonder whether those with hatred or dear of dogs have a tendency to dramatise what they witness*

I don't hate dogs, I just don't particularly like them either - if I woke up in a world where dogs had never existed I'd be fine with it. So I don't think I am overdramatising when I say my DS has been chased at least three times as a toddler/ small child by big dogs, jumping up at him, and I myself when walking across a park have been jumped up at by a bloody big dog which wouldn't leave me alone, while the owner faffed about a long way across the field bleating at it.

I also live in London, and our parks are the same - our local park has a dog-free area, but there are still off-leash dogs running around in it all the time. Dog owners are campaigning to get rid of the dog-free area “because it isn’t fair to restrict access to the park like that”, and annoyingly they seem to have the support of the Park Friends. The playground is also full of dogs.

DS actually loves dogs, I would just like there to be some part where he could ride his bike without risking running over a loose dog, where we could have a picnic without dogs coming over to try to steal food, basically a bit of the park where fucking badly behaved dogs and their shitty owners didn’t go.

I can't help but wonder whether those with hatred or dear of dogs have a tendency to dramatise what they witness

Nope, it’s not all dogs. Just a minority of the ones off-leash in the park. There are plenty of off-leash dogs harmlessly chasing a ball in the grass, and I have no issue whatsoever with the ones on leash, as long as the owner keeps hold of them.

I always find it odd when fear of dogs is called a "phobia". A phobia is an irrational fear. It's perfectly rational to be afraid of a strange animal not under any obvious control that has the capacity to maim you or kill your small child if it starts running towards you. Dog lovers can't see it because all they can see is a lovely dog; but imagine if people were setting large snakes loose in the park because they're "perfectly friendly".

I'm not scared of dogs qua dogs; but off lead dogs are a menace because YOU DON'T KNOW when one comes dashing up if it's "friendly" and only a risk to my clothes, or badly trained, aggressive and looking to chase/bite my 4yo. I get s lot of eye rolls from dog owners when I pick her up when off lead dogs come running at us. But I'd rather have them think I was precious than run the risk of their pooch biting her in the face.

She's not scared of dogs incidentally, she loves them. But I have trained her very hard to understand that if it's a dog we don't know, we go nowhere near because we don't know if it's a nice dog or a nasty dog until we know it better.

Oh and YA definitely NBU OP. I'd love a dog free park. Really really do not see the appeal of the dumb smelly things and would prefer not to be exposed to them.

Unfortunately this country is stupid over dogs so it's unlikely to become a generally available thing any time soon.

@ChardonnaysPetDragon

Yes there are shit dog owners just as there generally shit people.

Shit cyclists roaming parks, shit groups of teens smoking weed and drinking, shit personal trainers using the playground equipment and do on.

Plenty of shit to go around.

Shit cyclists ignoring the no cycling rule in one park is another lockdown bugbear. Go to the multitude of cycle paths or the three other parks where it's allowed.

@Changechangychange

I also live in London, and our parks are the same - our local park has a dog-free area, but there are still off-leash dogs running around in it all the time. Dog owners are campaigning to get rid of the dog-free area “because it isn’t fair to restrict access to the park like that”, and annoyingly they seem to have the support of the Park Friends. The playground is also full of dogs.

DS actually loves dogs, I would just like there to be some part where he could ride his bike without risking running over a loose dog, where we could have a picnic without dogs coming over to try to steal food, basically a bit of the park where fucking badly behaved dogs and their shitty owners didn’t go.

It’s a shame that the dog free area isn’t being respected by dog owners - surely the park should enforce that better? I wonder how many people are using the dog free area that don’t have dogs and if that’s an element of the park thinking of making the whole park open to dogs?

I think one of the issues is that - in normal times - a lot of parks are mostly used by dog walkers and joggers. I’m in London and in a normal January in my local park those are the only park users. Maybe kids and families but only at weekends. Most kids and parents aren’t using the park during the week (apart from school holidays). If you make more of the limited green spaces in London ‘dog free’ you risk them being not used very much at all for much of the year/much of the week. Obviously bit different during the pandemic.

In my local park there’s a large area which is dog free and is popular with picnics, small kids etc. There’s also a playground which is dog free.

Everyone abides by those rules, the rest of the park (most of it) allows dogs.

It seems fair to me. If that park was made dog free completely, it would be underused, and I and a lot of other people would have to drive elsewhere.

I don’t disagree it’s a good idea to have some parts of parks dog free - I just don’t think it’s a good idea to have whole parks dog free.