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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think inherited money is not family money

479 replies

Viviennemary · 26/01/2021 18:41

There have been a lot of threads about partners not sharing their earnings when the other person earns less or is a SAHP. And of course money needs to be dealt with in a fair way and shared with the other person having access.

But what about inherited money. I think that belongs totally to the person inheriting. Of course if it was a huge sum you would probably give something to your partner but I certainly wouldn't think it was half theirs.

OP posts:
itsbiganditsorange · 26/01/2021 19:15

My DH spent much of his recent inheritance on our new kitchen.

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 26/01/2021 19:15

I was going to say, we share it all, negatives and positives. But I've just realised that I've kept the house I had before we married, to myself (and for our child), just in case, whilst sharing my inheritance!

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 26/01/2021 19:17

When Dh inherited money from his df, I (stupidly) made a silly comment about buying something. He got really upset and said “that was left to me”. I thought I was being unreasonable and apologised and didn’t touch a penny. He realised when at the end of the month I was scratting about for money that he was being a dick, apologised and said of course it’s family cash. I was still very wary and never dipped into it without discussion. (And looked at him in a new light)

LibrariesGiveUsPower45321 · 26/01/2021 19:17

We see inherited money as pretty much joint, but the one who inherited gets final call on how it’s spent.

In our situation Since we’ve been married I’ve inherited way more than DH - we put it as deposit for a house. Another smaller sum I used to buy a car which is in my name but he drives as much. It works both ways, he is the higher earner and I was SAHM for two years and everything he earned was family money then. That’s how marriage should work on the whole in my view, though we have had separate savings accounts at times.

londonscalling · 26/01/2021 19:17

I automatically think an inheritance becomes family money.

However, it's difficult. If my parents died and left me their house and I used it to pay off my mortgage, what would happen if I got divorced? My parents would want me to have the house and not my ex husband!

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/01/2021 19:18

I inherited a house. It is in my name and I rent it out. But the income goes into our joint account. Dh will inherit the house if I die with instructions to give it to dd once received. It wouldn’t make sense to make it joint for tax reasons. I will probably change this when dd is older. But she’s still a minor.

funinthesun19 · 26/01/2021 19:18

It goes without saying that I would want to share it with my children, and if I was in a happy, long term relationship with a good man, I would want to share it with my partner too.

If I was with someone for a shorter space of time, our relationship was rocky (might use the money to leave in that case) or if he had children with someone else, I would probably be a bit more cautious about pooling it.

LaceyBetty · 26/01/2021 19:18

I'm not sure I'd want an inheritance from my parents to be shared someday by my children and any step-children (I don't have any to be fair) because it went to my husband after my death. That's a big issue in a lot of families. It is just not true that the law always deems it family money on divorce or death. It depends on many factors like if the money was separated from other money, the needs of a dependent spouse etc. That it is family money is not the default at law.

flourandeggs · 26/01/2021 19:19

Inherited money is not money to spend, it is to pass on to your children.

SimonJT · 26/01/2021 19:20

If you’re married it should be family money.

bourbonne · 26/01/2021 19:20

@flourandeggs

Inherited money is not money to spend, it is to pass on to your children.
What, forever? Who would ever spend it?

Don't you think the deceased wants you to spend it?

unmarkedbythat · 26/01/2021 19:20

Family money is family money. If I earn money, it's family money. If I inherit from someone, it's family money. If I win the lotto, it's family money. There is no concept in our house of "his money" and "my money". We are one pot whatever the source. If the person leaving or giving money to me doesn't like that idea then they shouldn't leave or give it to me.

Iknowwhatudidlastsummer · 26/01/2021 19:20

@flourandeggs

Inherited money is not money to spend, it is to pass on to your children.
not true at all

You'd be a poor parent to splash it all on yourself with no benefit for your kids whatsoever, but why shouldn't you spend it.

Biscoffontoast · 26/01/2021 19:20

I received an inheritance last year and regard it as mine, however we have always had separate finances and DH is notoriously mean with money. If things had been different I would see it as ours rather than mine. That said, I have used some of the money to do things that benefit us as a family, such as home improvements and a family holiday.

unmarkedbythat · 26/01/2021 19:21

@flourandeggs

Inherited money is not money to spend, it is to pass on to your children.
What's the point of inheriting it then?
bourbonne · 26/01/2021 19:21

*wanted, obviously I don't think they're checking up from beyond the grave.

Scottishskifun · 26/01/2021 19:21

@Mumski45 I don't have any problems in my marriage but we save very differently my DH uses stocks and shares I don't. We have joint savings for house stuff, separate accounts for own savings. Same with joint account for house/child expenses separate accounts for own spending. If we have a big expense we each pay a percentage out of savings. It all works out even in the end and actually we get better returns by saving in different ways.

Its what works best for people!
Mumsnet is always saying to women that they need financial independence why would savings be any different?

SimonJT · 26/01/2021 19:21

@flourandeggs

Inherited money is not money to spend, it is to pass on to your children.
In that case inherited money would never be spent by anyone.
GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 26/01/2021 19:21

All the money either earned or inherited by me or dh is ‘ours’.

I suppose it depends on what sort of relationship you have, but I’ve never thought of doing anything different.

If I had a spouse who was likely to blow an inheritance on extravagances, I might well think again, though.

Iknowwhatudidlastsummer · 26/01/2021 19:21

If DH decided to make an inheritance "HIS" money, I'd probably start stashing away the silverware and be ready for some problems

cptartapp · 26/01/2021 19:21

All my inheritance went into my savings for early retirement (except for a new car I needed anyway). Anything DH gets from his parents will go into his.
He out earns me and wants for nothing.

honkytonkheroe · 26/01/2021 19:22

Completely joint here too. In fact literally every money is joint. On the other hand I'm caught up in a Will dispute (I'm not contesting the Will but was a named beneficiary) and the Solicitor's fees are joint.

Windchangeface · 26/01/2021 19:22

In a non prenup marriage everything is shared. That’s quite literally the agreement you’re signing up to. So no it would absolutely be family money.

In a non marriage or marriage with prenup then I suppose there’s no legal obligation to share it then that’s a bit different.

mummymayhem18 · 26/01/2021 19:22

I inherited from my grandparents after they died. It all went to me rather than my mum. I paid off husband's mortgage on our current house we were in at the time which was a semi detached,my name wasn't on the deeds because I didn't have good credit at the time and was in a average paying job. He earns a decent income of about 65K a year. We sold that house and he paid me the money back that I had loaned him and he kept all of the profit which was about £85K. I then bought a detached house for us in a road nearby on the same estate but a quieter road. The house I kept just in my name as I was paying for it completely. It was £248K to buy and then because it needed complete re modernisation I then paid at a guess another £50K on top of that. So now currently we obviously have no mortgage and husband pays all the bills. We always agreed when we had children that I would look after them. I haven't worked since halfway through my pregnancy and my daughter is now nearly 15. The only reason I don't work now is due to bowel and bladder conditions,gynae problems and anxiety that these conditions bring me. I wish I could but can't see how I could as I'm virtually housebound regardless of Covid and lockdowns.I look at it in the way that I paid all my share up front in 1 go so over £300K and he now pays his share with the bills. I also have another property in my name which I bought for my mum to live in. I think of it as my daughters inheritance one day when she's older and my mum is no longer with us. The reason I wanted to pay for the house and renovations and other jobs like getting the driveway and patio done etc myself so was in the event that we did ever divorce later down the line then I was keeping things more simple and trying to protect things for me and our daughter. My husband earns good money so if we divorced he could easily get another mortgage/rent, pay all the bills and have money left over as he gets take home about £3800 a month after tax etc. Whereas me even if I was able to work it would only be a near minimum wage job in retail as I don't have great qualifications or experience since having a child 15 years ago. It does really worry me if we do divorce as I know I will struggle to manage. I don't mind about having to sell the house etc but I know I'm in a vulnerable position.

ithoughtisawapuddycat · 26/01/2021 19:23

I got some inheritance and even though we've been married 20 years, it is in my account not a joint account.

What we spend the money on is a joint decision and benefits us both (paid off the mortgage) but hubby still sees it as my money.

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