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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think inherited money is not family money

479 replies

Viviennemary · 26/01/2021 18:41

There have been a lot of threads about partners not sharing their earnings when the other person earns less or is a SAHP. And of course money needs to be dealt with in a fair way and shared with the other person having access.

But what about inherited money. I think that belongs totally to the person inheriting. Of course if it was a huge sum you would probably give something to your partner but I certainly wouldn't think it was half theirs.

OP posts:
littlepattilou · 26/01/2021 19:03

@Viviennemary YABU. I would definitely share it with DH and give some to DD too. I wouldn't dream of keeping it to myself.

Anyone who is married, and keeps their money to themselves - (general earnings, lottery win, or inheritance,) can't have a very good marriage IMO.

GordonsAliveAndEatsPies · 26/01/2021 19:03

I am likely to inherit a lot more than DH and it’s likely we would use the income from it jointly but the capital would - in the main - pass to DC (I may choose to siphon off some in the meantime for our use but that would be entirely my decision and highly dependent on what it was for).

The problem of doing any different (to me) would be if I died first, he remarried and then the money that should have been for the kids ended up going in some random direction and not to them.

If we divorce all inheritance (so far him) and a few pre acquired assets (so far me) on both sides are not up for grabs.

Lily193 · 26/01/2021 19:03

No such thing as 'family money' here. DH and I have have both received substantial inheritances from which we've made some joint investments. The rest is free for us each to spend or invest as we wish. We don't have a mortgage or any other debts though.

GappyValley · 26/01/2021 19:03

It’s very weird to think that money obtained as a result of your personal blood sweat and tears at work has to be shared
But money that just falls into your lap with no effort is personal money

Chicchicchicchiclana · 26/01/2021 19:03

It depends on literally hundreds of factors. You can't make a blanket proclamation.

Bollss · 26/01/2021 19:04

It would be joint here

x2boys · 26/01/2021 19:04

Family money here if I inherir off my parents ( and it's not a given obviously ) it would be a fair amount that would benefit us massively as a family I can't imagine just keeping it to myself it's

Lazypuppy · 26/01/2021 19:04

Definitely not joint in our house!

GordonsAliveAndEatsPies · 26/01/2021 19:05

Should clarify regarding divorce that that’s what the prenup says, that’s not just idle talk

saraclara · 26/01/2021 19:06

It depends on the length of the relationship.

I'm at the other end of this. Old enough for my will to feel like it's actually something that might be enacted (though hopefully not) in the reasonably near future.

Half of what I have, I consider to be my late husband's. He left everything to me, but I'm sure he would have intended our DDs to eventually inherit. One of my daughters is in a relatively new relationship. The other has been married for a year. I do worry that anything I leave could be appropriated by their DPs who might not hang around, or could claim it in a divorce. The girls know I see it as their dad's money too, and I'm sure they'd also be devastated if someone their adored DF didn't even know, went off with some of the proceeds.

So would they see an inheritance from me as joint/family money? I don't know. But I hope their DPs would respect that they don't really have the same rights to it.

User0ne · 26/01/2021 19:07

It would be family money for me and DH

Coffeeallday · 26/01/2021 19:08

I believe it’s family money. If you’re in a true relationship you share the good and the bad. If you aren’t prepared to share it with your ‘partner’ then you shouldn’t be in a serious relationship with them.

However, if the relationship does go south I think it’s immoral to then stake a claim on an ex partner’s inheritance.

Iknowwhatudidlastsummer · 26/01/2021 19:08

Absolutely family money for me too

BUT if I was with someone who already had a family, it would be very different. I wouldn't want his family, his children to get everything. I probably would give them a little something, but I have nieces and nephews, friends too.

With my children and a different partner, the money would go to my own kids eventually.

bourbonne · 26/01/2021 19:08

If you leave something in your will to a married person, wouldn't you be aware (or be made aware) of the fact that it's potentially going to be a shared asset? It would be a bit naive to leave a sum to "my niece Jane" who is married to John, and expect it to be entirely ringfenced to Jane's interests.

VettiyaIruken · 26/01/2021 19:09

Each to their own but it is to me. I've had a few small inheritances and they've all gone in the pot and been used for things that benefit us as a family.

GameSetMatch · 26/01/2021 19:09

It would be family money in our house, we have a shared bank account and shared finances but I could see why someone would keep it to themselves who wasn’t in my position.

Heathcliff27 · 26/01/2021 19:09

When my mum died I inherited a few thousand pounds plus some jewellery. The cash went on family holidays. I will be keeping the majority of the jewellery but a couple of non sentimental bits I will eventually sell and buy 1 piece of jewellery for myself with the money.

Cactuslockdown · 26/01/2021 19:10

Joint in our house too, but used for sensible things... investments, extension etc. I wouldn’t be too happy if DH took the money and spent it on an expensive watch for example...
Legally it all goes in the same pot too (pre-nup not withstanding) as my DB found to his great coat with money grabbing ex-SIL Angry

Cactuslockdown · 26/01/2021 19:10

Great cost Blush

Emeraldshamrock · 26/01/2021 19:10

Definitely shared as family money. If my relationship was based on separate finances and he was a tight arse I'd feel differently.

CayrolBaaaskin · 26/01/2021 19:11

Why is money you earn family money but money you are given, not? That makes no sense to me.

LaceyBetty · 26/01/2021 19:11

A big consideration for blended families.

Dozer · 26/01/2021 19:13

Legally it’s ‘family money’ (accumulated wealth) if you’re married.

If you’re not married, the person inheriting decides.

Scottishskifun · 26/01/2021 19:13

@saraclara that's the crux really the person who's will is leaving it to that named person.
I would never dream of telling my DH that money left in his name by his family goes into a central pot. Its been left to him and is for him to decide what to do with it.
When he did have a inheritance he split in half - half spent on the mortgage rest into shares.

Mumski45 · 26/01/2021 19:14

I don't get why it would not be family money unless there is a problem in the relationship. How can one part of a dimly want or need to be better off then the other. Would a Dad want to be going off on fancy holidays flying business class whilst your wife and kids are in economy.
Or would a woman want to have a significantly higher disposable monthly income than her partner.
In an equal relationship I can't see how this would be fair.

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