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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think inherited money is not family money

479 replies

Viviennemary · 26/01/2021 18:41

There have been a lot of threads about partners not sharing their earnings when the other person earns less or is a SAHP. And of course money needs to be dealt with in a fair way and shared with the other person having access.

But what about inherited money. I think that belongs totally to the person inheriting. Of course if it was a huge sum you would probably give something to your partner but I certainly wouldn't think it was half theirs.

OP posts:
SugarMiceInTheRain · 26/01/2021 18:52

Joint here too assuming married. Everything here goes into the family pot. I suppose if you had vastly different spending priorities it might be wise to protect it so it didn't get frittered away. But in our case it has bought a family car, or enabled us to buy a bigger house.

LaceyBetty · 26/01/2021 18:52

@mintbiscuit

It’s accumulated assets within marriage. So joint. You divorce it all goes in the pot with your pension, wider savings and property to be divided appropriately. That’s the law
Not necessarily.
TwoZeroTwoZero · 26/01/2021 18:53

Unlike most responses on the thread so far, in our house the majority of it, 3/4 or so, would be shared but the person receiving the inheritance would probably keep some back to spend as they wish. We have separate accounts so we're different from a lot of mnetters in that respect anyway.

OwlBeThere · 26/01/2021 18:54

Why would you not want to share an inhertance with your spouse and/or children? I can’t imagine getting a lot of money and keeping it to myself.

addicted2spaniels · 26/01/2021 18:54

Dh had a substantial and very unexpected inheritance when his father passed away. He paid our mortgage off with it, he bought us both a new car and we've had lots of household jobs done like new windows and boiler. But it's very very much his money and not mine and he has made these decisions.

I feel a bit funny about it, tbh, because he'd rather have had an active father in his life growing up than this at the end of his dads life. Almost feels like a little too late.

Frouby · 26/01/2021 18:54

Dh got a small inheritance this year, couple of k. I encouraged him to buy a watch he's wanted and we've put the rest away for a holiday when things are eventually back to normal.

VinylDetective · 26/01/2021 18:55

@moonlight1705

Well if I inherited (not a given), I would use it to pay off the mortgage and do things on the house. I wouldn't 'give' half to my DH but he and the family pot would massively benefit.

However I would take a lump sum just for myself if funds allowed to do something just for me.

That’s what I did. We don’t have “family money” and never have. The left over money is in my name only and is referred to as “the care home fund”.
Sexnotgender · 26/01/2021 18:55

@OwlBeThere

Why would you not want to share an inhertance with your spouse and/or children? I can’t imagine getting a lot of money and keeping it to myself.
Because they might be an abusive arsehole?

Or selfishly, or any other number of possibilities.

Scottishskifun · 26/01/2021 18:56

We do a bit of both. My DH has inherited money, he used a chunk to reduce our mortgage bands and then the rest went into stocks and shares in his name.

His grandparents have also been very generous (trying to reduce their estate size) this money is always used on house works so is pretty much joint.

Standrewsschool · 26/01/2021 18:56

I think it’s family money as well, apart from family heirlooms. However, the person who inherited it would probably get a larger share to treat themselves.

Floralnomad · 26/01/2021 18:57

All money here has always been joint money , with equal access so an inheritance would be treated no differently .

MrsBrunch · 26/01/2021 18:57

Joint. A marriage is a marriage, you share everything.

Onceuponatimethen · 26/01/2021 18:57

We share all finances including my cash from my family

Plussizejumpsuit · 26/01/2021 18:57

I wouldn't dream of thinking of any inheritance as mine alone. All of our family know us as couple who have been together 16 years. And know we're very happy. So I imagine anyone who did think to leave us money would think of it as money for us both. But then we share money equally regardless of who earns what.

Justcallmecaptainobvious · 26/01/2021 18:57

Money is joint in our house, so it would be joint. Reasonable perhaps for the inheritor to get a nice something from it - jewellery etc, depending on the amount.

I think there’s even less argument for inheritance to be kept separate than earned money. What I earn I work bloody hard for, what I inherit is a matter of birth (ie totally unfair).

BringPizza · 26/01/2021 18:58

It depends on how everything else is divided. In this house everything is shared. My first inheritance was put up for the DC, I spent the second one on a new car for DH.

evouk · 26/01/2021 18:58

It would be joint for us as we're a family unit

BonnieDundee · 26/01/2021 18:58

I'm kind of on the fence with this as I think the law says it is not family money but when I inherited, it went into the pot and I was happy about this

junebirthdaygirl · 26/01/2021 18:58

My dh has a fairly sizeable inheritance. He bought one or two things he had always wanted. Most of the rest went on education fees for our children as in our country parents pay. He was happy to do that and it took enormous pressure off us. The remaining amount is his but he has kept it in savings. I inherited a very modest amount which l shared with my late teen kids so they could have a treat..eg holiday.

FelicityFoxwell · 26/01/2021 18:59

I inherited a lot of money in 2019. 700K. So a considerable sum

It went straight into our joint finances. We upgraded to a bigger house, we invested some and we have some premium bonds between us.

I've always considered it as ' our money.' Yes, my parents had to die for me to receive this money but they loved my husband a lot - both of them adored him. And he's a fantastic husband and our relationship is good and he's a wonderful stepfather to my kids

So... it didn't cross my mind to bank it for me and 'give him a treat.'

It's our money and that's that.

However I understand those in unhappy relationships would just keep the lot to themselves.

Calmandmeasured1 · 26/01/2021 18:59

My DH has inherited money which he is happy to just put in the family coffers. I prefer to think of it as his. Ditto money I have inherited (a much smaller amount).

I can say, hand on heart, that If he was to spend his on, say, our house extension, I would be pleased to enjoy the benefits. However, if we subsequently split up, I would ensure he received the equity that would represent his share of our home plus the indexed up value of the investment from the inheritance.

xyzandabc · 26/01/2021 18:59

It would go in to the family pot here. We've not had seperate finances here for 20+ years, it's all joint. I can't actually thinking anything I would use it on that wouldn't be a 'family' purchase anyway. Maybe a small piece of jewellery to remember someone by ? But apart from that, it would likely go in to the house, car, holidays, savings, university funds etc etc

Scottishskifun · 26/01/2021 19:00

@MrsBrunch

Joint. A marriage is a marriage, you share everything.
It depends on how a marriage does finances though. Some people are terrible with money it's definitely not advisable in these circumstances for all money to be joint.

Likewise we have joint savings and separate savings accounts as we save differently (I consider stocks and share too risky my DH plays the long game with them)

dontdisturbmenow · 26/01/2021 19:01

Surely it depends on the relationship and financial arrangements as it stands.

Vtech · 26/01/2021 19:02

I would treat it as joint money. I see my husband and I as an inseparable team, and all money is shared as part of that.