Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think inherited money is not family money

479 replies

Viviennemary · 26/01/2021 18:41

There have been a lot of threads about partners not sharing their earnings when the other person earns less or is a SAHP. And of course money needs to be dealt with in a fair way and shared with the other person having access.

But what about inherited money. I think that belongs totally to the person inheriting. Of course if it was a huge sum you would probably give something to your partner but I certainly wouldn't think it was half theirs.

OP posts:
kidscreatemess · 27/01/2021 18:34

Absolutely family money in my family.
But we have a joint account and the same amount of personal spending money each month. We both work hard (whether at work or at home with the kids!) and it's the only fair way.

jwpetal · 27/01/2021 18:39

I inherited money from my father. In his will/trust, it stipulates that the line of inheritance is through the children. I have a will that stipulates that if I pass away that the money will go to the children with the exception of X money going to support the children through school. If my husband is to remarry, the money is to be used to support our children only and will not pass to the new spouse. and once kids are x age, they will then take over the money with a yearly sum to my husband. He has signed away some rights as they are tide to citizens of a certain country only and my kids are dual national. It is complicated but possible. all is in my name with no mixing of funds. Now, I am using the money for work on our home and I am passing money to him on a yearly basis to use in pensions as part of our tax plan. We have been married 20 years and are quite prudent with our money. I see it as my pension for the future that will enhance our lives in retirement. It is more of where the money goes once I am gone. If there is any money left....

HappyFlamingo · 27/01/2021 18:40

Personally I'd share any inheritance with DH.

Levirandal · 27/01/2021 18:42

I’m due to inherit some money from my uncle who recently passed (around 60k). I intent to put the majority into the family account but will be holding some back in a private account. I’ve been a sahm for many years as our children are disabled. My dh has a good career and pension. I have neither though I do now work, the pay is very poor as it’s a term time job. I’ve seen a lot of marriages that seemed so solid disintegrate and I’d like to have access to money should I need to. It won’t be much 20k but if worst comes to worst then I have a small far back.

Waferbiscuit · 27/01/2021 18:43

These comments are fascinating as 95% of responses say it was family money.

I wonder if you'd get a similar response if this was 'Mansnet'?

howmuchistoomuch2021 · 27/01/2021 18:43

If I ever inherit money I'll be using it as my "getting the fuck out of here" fund

Scotland32 · 27/01/2021 18:43

@moonlight1705

Well if I inherited (not a given), I would use it to pay off the mortgage and do things on the house. I wouldn't 'give' half to my DH but he and the family pot would massively benefit.

However I would take a lump sum just for myself if funds allowed to do something just for me.

This!
Fizbosshoes · 27/01/2021 18:46

I'm due to inherit some money after my Ddad passed away in 2019.
The most obvious thing would be to pay off our mortgage (which is fairly small)which we plan to do, and there will be a larger amount left.
My DH has been planning how to spend it for about a year!Blush

Tinkerbell456 · 27/01/2021 18:47

No his and her money here. It’s our money and it would apply to inherited money too.

CauliflowerBalti · 27/01/2021 18:49

It would be joint here and used to pay off mortgage. But I’d make sure that was reflected in my will so if my husband went on to marry someone else, the value of the inheritance I put in would be passed to my son. I wouldn’t feel comfortable it being just my money to spend as I saw fit.

karala · 27/01/2021 18:49

family money in this house - and we have both inherited

Tal45 · 27/01/2021 18:55

If we'd been married a year or two I'd consider it OH's money. But after 26 long years of putting up with his parents I have feelings of entitlement towards it.

Mesoavocado · 27/01/2021 18:57

My inheritance is mine alone.

I gave DH some to pay off debts of car but we have no other debts eg no mortgage so rest is mine

Put away for my retirement

winniestone37 · 27/01/2021 18:58

It will be shared between us. I might buy myself something like a new second hand car but he would understand. Legally if your married they have a claim anyway.

winniestone37 · 27/01/2021 18:59

@Waferbiscuit my OH just inherited and has used it for both of us.

VinylDetective · 27/01/2021 19:00

@winniestone37

It will be shared between us. I might buy myself something like a new second hand car but he would understand. Legally if your married they have a claim anyway.
Only if you divorce - and not always even then. God, women are so eager to give their money away!
Carpedimum · 27/01/2021 19:06

My exH inherited a fortune (from a multimillionaire spinster aunt), no question that it was our money. We divorced after less than 5 years (nothing to do with money, or disliking each other, we’re still mates) and he gave me a very generous settlement plus usual half house etc. when he didn’t need to. It’s about being generous with money regardless of how much or little you have, it’s a personality trait.

MrKlaw · 27/01/2021 19:11

Woudlnl’t it be weird if you eg both paid 50/50 into a joint mortagage. Your partner then inherits a couple hundred thousand - enough to pay off the mortgage, but doesn’t? Instead expecting you to pay your 50% every month while they sit on a pile of cash?

I mean people have their own setups but for me it’d be family money. I’d also pay off our own mortgage before even tjhinking about savings accounts for our children. A safe roof over our heads is a safe roof over theirs. we can build up savings for them with the money we would have put into a mortage if needed.

SquigglePigs · 27/01/2021 19:11

When we were younger and didn't have much money or children, the small inheritances we received were kept and spent on something special to honour the person who left us the money.

More recently (and we now have DC) we have each received reasonably substantial inheritances and they have very much been considered family money. Some has been spent on home improvements and the rest has been saved/invested to make sure our family is secure in these times. If either of us had wanted to buy something in memory of the person concerned then of course that would have been ok but as it happened the home improvements (substantial garden upgrade) is something that both the people who left us the money would have loved so that feels like a gesture to them as well as for our family.

I think some of it depends on your family position - we got together straight out of university when neither of us had much money (albeit one of us had notably more debt than the other) and we've both had good careers where who the highest earner is has swapped back and forth over the years so we've never really had his/hers money since the very early days so it's natural to us that any inheritances would be family money. Also in our cases I think the people who have left us the money would very much have approved of that.

PuddyMuddles4 · 27/01/2021 19:12

I have an absolutely zero chance of inheriting anything from anyone, but if I did I'd probably squirrel it away somewhere safe for a rainy day.

I say this because my ex cleaned me out - when I left him I had NOTHING to my name - just my kids and our clothes. I will never be put in a situation again where I have nothing to fall back on if the worst happens.

adriennewillfly · 27/01/2021 19:26

Depends on how much. Less than 100k, definitely family money. More than a million, well that's setting up a trust territory. In between, and it could go either way.

SharkBrilliant · 27/01/2021 19:27

It totally depends on the circumstances. If all finances are shared and both have similar outlooks on money (whether that’s spending or saving) it’s fine to split.

What wouldn’t be fine is if the non-inheriting husband or wife spent “their” half of the inheritance on a sports car as a “treat” while the inheriting partner pays off the mortgage or saves for the kids etc... I know my parents wouldn’t want half of any inheritance I get to buy my husband/partner a Lamborghini Hmm

MrsKoala · 27/01/2021 19:34

We have seen it as family money. Pils house sale bought a portion of our house and when my parents go I’ll use whatever I get to pay of the remaining mortgage. H never kept any back to get himself anything (pils wouldn’t have been impressed with that at all) and neither would it occur to me to do that.

EugenesAxe · 27/01/2021 19:38

I voted YANBU but within reason. I would definitely lose out by this arrangement considering what my DH and me each stand to inherit. I tend to consider that if DH dies before FIL, his share of inheritance should go directly to our children, but if he'd inherited and then died, anything not already in trust for the children would pass to me as next of kin.

I inherited a decent amount when my DGM died but put most of it straight into the mortgage and bought a small thing to remember her by with the bits left over. That was fine by me as most of our house has been paid for by DH.

I think if it's a substantial amount a 'family line' has amassed, it's not unreasonable to keep in within the direct line.

Devlesko · 27/01/2021 19:48

I think it's the person who inherited the money to have the final say how it is spent and on what, but it shouldn't be just goodies for themself.
But if all the necessaries are taken care of the person inheriting should treat themselves out of some of it.
That's what I hope my kids will do, not that they'll be left a huge amount.