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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think inherited money is not family money

479 replies

Viviennemary · 26/01/2021 18:41

There have been a lot of threads about partners not sharing their earnings when the other person earns less or is a SAHP. And of course money needs to be dealt with in a fair way and shared with the other person having access.

But what about inherited money. I think that belongs totally to the person inheriting. Of course if it was a huge sum you would probably give something to your partner but I certainly wouldn't think it was half theirs.

OP posts:
haliborange0verdose · 27/01/2021 17:38

No, I wouldn't think that inherited money was "half theirs" - I would think it was "all ours"! Like all other money coming into the house.
I was left some money by a relative quite recently - it would never have crossed my mind to keep it all for myself, nor to keep most of it but give my husband a small amount! We spent some of it on home improvements and the rest is in our joint savings account.

TrixieMixie · 27/01/2021 17:43

When my husband inherited we used some on a new bathroom and kept the remainder in a pot to use on house, holidays etc. I won't inherit much if anything but when I get bonuses etc, I tend to keep the money myself LOL! DH seems to think it's mine not his when I receive it, but when he gets share options or inheritance he seems to think it's joint. Fine by me :-) Once I got a £17K windfall and I gave DH £1K of it and he was amazed. The rest I saved. By the way I am the main breadwinner as he is ill and took early retirement, so it's not like I don't contribute.

Dontknowanymore2 · 27/01/2021 17:46

If I inherit, I will consider it my money as left to me from my parents. It is what they would want. That's not to say I wouldn't spend some on the house, or give some to husband. But I know what my mother would want me to do, it would be down to their hard work. So very different money.

Sarahrellyboo1987 · 27/01/2021 17:47

Personally I wouldn’t expect to be given any or have a say in how it is spent. It was inherited by me so it’s not mine. Legally or morally not mine. If they wanted to leave you with money then they would have chosen to do that.

However, if I inherited money I would choose to spend it in a way that best suited my family.

Mumgonenuts2020 · 27/01/2021 17:47

Yes I would say Joint and I was made redundant in 2010 and we put the money towards paying the mortgage...

mdh2020 · 27/01/2021 17:49

Of course inherited money is family money. When my husband inherited money it never occurred to him to say it was his! We ploughed it into improving and enlarging our home.

Cheeseandwin5 · 27/01/2021 17:50

I suppose it depends on the length of your relationship. I have been with my DH for over 30 years and have 4 kids togeather. All money that comes into the house is seen as family money.
I don't understand how it could be any other way and I would hate if are relationship where it would be different.
Also if I was the OP DH's I would be very unhappy and be considering options. I would definitely start putting money aside for my own needs

Coffeeandaride · 27/01/2021 17:51

Before I was married it was mine.
After I got married it was joint.
For richer, for poorer, we are each others family/next-of-kin.

LovelyIssues · 27/01/2021 17:52

100% joint. We're not married and don't intend to ever marry but money has always been equal and joint bank account

dottiedodah · 27/01/2021 17:55

All shared out here .We inherited a fairly large sum from DH parents .Have used for hols ,and to pay off some of our mortgage .Same with my DF /DGM money too.

TommyJoesMummy · 27/01/2021 17:55

If I inherited money, I wouldn’t share half with a partner.
But, I am not married, everything mortgage and bill wise is in my name, and I have 2 DS to take care of. Because I am not in a marriage or similar partnership I am already solely responsible for myself and the kids, so it would still go into paying bills, for things that were needed and maybe treats. I would still discuss the options with my partner and even help them out if I had enough to spare after sorting the necessary things, but I guess I would feel that the decisions were ultimately with me, as I feel responsible for everyone around me.
In an equal marriage/partnership, I would love to think that this would be more shared, but all the money-related mental load is mine. I’d have it suitably eat-marked in seconds! I suppose I know that if I mentioned my ideas I would just be nodded at...
Also, why give away the money that wasn’t instantly needed when it could be saved?
That would be preferred as some security for the family unit going forward, instead of splitting it between the adults that are in a partnership.

CustardySergeant · 27/01/2021 17:56

We share inherited money equally.

upthekyber · 27/01/2021 17:57

Joint and I am the only one who has inherited and likely to

LahndonTown · 27/01/2021 18:02

My parents have always given a share of elderly relatives to DB and I. We've always been surprised but extremely grateful and appreciative because that's what our relatives would have wanted.

DH's side are completely different and a new Aibu thread entirely. They don't share inheritance, they bought an unnecessarily bigger house with DH's grandparents inherited money and also have a house abroad as well. When they die the money will be split between DH and his step siblings. They had nothing to do with DH's grandparents and DH is very bitter about it to the point of going NC. There's a lot more history to it but they retired early and have lived it up on various expensive hobbies.

I know when the time comes for our DC inheritance money will be put away for them when they are old enough.

WinnerwinnerGinfordinner · 27/01/2021 18:04

I'll be inheriting a sizeable chunk of money soon (really wish I wouldn't be but sadly that's the case) it will be joint money. I'll probably put some into trusts for the kids so they have it for when they are older then I'll pay off a loan that is in my husbands name that we took out for a car and new kitchen, finishing doing up the house and then out the rest towards a deposit for our dream home (keeping some aside for emergencies) all completely joint

longandwide · 27/01/2021 18:05

I bet if the shoe was one the other foot, you'd be demanding your cut - perhaps to spend on shoes

joles12 · 27/01/2021 18:08

If you are married and the divorce , then without a prenup or Deed of Trust , all property wherever it came from is marital property and in divorce is spilt 50:50

Nicknacky · 27/01/2021 18:08

H has just received a small inheritance, I consider it his money as I did mine when my mum died. It will be spent on house improvements but it’s up to him to decide what he wants done with it. I decorated the hall with mine but if I had spent it on handbags and shoes H wouldn’t have cared.

Chilledchablis · 27/01/2021 18:09

I divorced my husband after 3 years separation. My father died during this time and under Scottish law, thank goodness, I found out that inherited money could not be touched by my now ex husband.

shinynewapple2021 · 27/01/2021 18:10

It might depend on how you currently manage your money, and how much the inheritance is.

DH and I have a joint account . He has previously worked full time, me PT since DC. All our earnings are joint and we spend what is needed .

My DH is currently waiting for an inheritance to come through from his father which will be quite substantial . He is using this as an opportunity to take early retirement, which is something of his choice , but the money will be to fund us jointly until we can access state pensions .

misskatamari · 27/01/2021 18:14

Joint here. I inherited from my mum and used it mostly on our house deposit and doing up the place. 100% both of ours

DinosApple · 27/01/2021 18:14

DH's mum died in 2020, they've just sorted probate and after costs him and his brother will have £7k each. She left her money to them specifically, and very kindly her jewellery to me. I'm not going to lay claim to anything, if she'd have wanted me to have a share of the money then she'd have said so!

DH's money is his, he'll give a bit to the DC, buy a leather armchair and invest the rest that'll be that.

I do think it's easier to not have lots of money, it really does seem to cause arguments.

Madamum18 · 27/01/2021 18:21

Joint definitely. But joint money might also be spent on something for one in the partnership. Joint doesn't mean going halves. It just means agreeing expenditure based on money available

BunsyGirl · 27/01/2021 18:25

Inherited money is family money in our house. The last lot we received was used on home improvements and school fees for our DCs. If we get any more, it will be paid off the mortgage.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 27/01/2021 18:26

We have separate current accounts but shared savings. I would consider this shared too