To think inherited money is not family money

[Viviennemary]

There have been a lot of threads about partners not sharing their earnings when the other person earns less or is a SAHP. And of course money needs to be dealt with in a fair way and shared with the other person having access.

But what about inherited money. I think that belongs totally to the person inheriting. Of course if it was a huge sum you would probably give something to your partner but I certainly wouldn't think it was half theirs.

All money is family money here. Unless it’s money given for a specific purpose like money given for children’s trust funds etc. But otherwise if it’s mine then it’s his and vice versa.

If you're keeping money separately, are you committed to the longevity of your marriage?

Totally committed and realistic. No amount of commitment can prevent a marriage going tits up under certain circumstances - cheating or addiction can happen in the most unexpected places.

If you're keeping money separately, are you committed to the longevity of your marriage?

Surely it depends on the wealth of the individuals. For two high earning people with respective seven figure inheritances excluding property there may be many reasons why this would be a sensible approach. Nothing to do with commitment.

Legally, if you are married it is shared.

I've lost count of the number of people on the thread who have said something like this. It's utterly false. Whatever the nice words in the marriage ceremony, they have no effect on any assets you hold in your own name at the time, or aquire afterwards.

I repeat, there is no such thing, in law, as "family money." (Regardless of marriage, you can choose to share money by having a joint account. But neither law nor marriage forces anyone to do so.)

Any money paid into an account in your own name belongs solely to you. This includes inheritances.

It's divorce, not marriage, that may force one partners money to become the property of the other. Even then, as several posters have said, inheritances can be treated specially, and may not need to be shared.

if you divorce - the courts will see it as joint money because it is joint money - asset of the marriage etc.

I can't imagine having money that is just mine. All money is family money. Both DH and I would want to spend it on something that benefits the whole family (house, holiday, investments etc). I guess if we were getting divorced and DH had had literally just had a large inheritence I wouldn't really feel entitled to a claim on it. If we're still married both of us have always shared inherited money. It wouldn't even occur to me to keep it to myself.

You can be sharing all money apart from inheritance too.
Sharing doesn’t have to be sharing everything. Just like sharing your life with your spouse doesn’t mean you are spending all your free time with them. You are still allowed a life of your own

'Good case for' is not the same thing as 'it's yours'.

You're confused. Divorce may re-allocate money from one person to another. Compared to money from other sources, inheritances can be more protected from this. But regardless of whether a later divorce will reallocated the inheritance, from the moment the individual receives it until divorce comes into view, the money is 100% theirs to do whatever they like with.

A wife/husband does not own anything their spouse keeps in an account in their own name. They may be able to lay their hands on some of it after divorcing them. It's divorce, not marriage, that can give you access to the money of a person you married.

Joint here. My FIL left a large amount to DH. I kept telling him to spend it on himself-even took him to test drive a sports car. He just wasn’t interested. He wanted all of us to share it.

@Floppywin

if you divorce - the courts will see it as joint money because it is joint money - asset of the marriage etc.

It’s not an asset of the marriage if it’s kept separately. How many times does this have to be said?

if you divorce - the courts will see it as joint money because it is joint money - asset of the marriage etc.

Marital assets is a concept that only exists during divorce. For non-divorcing couples, the only joint assets are those in joint names.

@WombatChocolate I think there is also a cultural side.

In the U.K. people seem to think that family money is all in the common pot because in case of divorce it probably will be in the common pot.
However, if you look at inheritance, it certainly is NOT in the common pot and the deceased can chose to leave all the money in their name to someone else!

My parents weren’t married in the U.K. Where they got married, you can chose what you want to do and they chose to put everything in common BAR inheritance. Some countries have a very strong feeling that inheritance should go the the blood relative only and not the spouse. Often the reasons are the one you are citing. That basically, people can get divorced, remarry, live with an abusive arsehole or someone who can’t be trusted for many reasons (eg what if said partner is a serial cheater but the spouse doesn’t feel they can leave because it’s also giving them he right of said inheritance? Or the heartache to see them destroying the marriage AND leave better off than they started?).

Also there is he feeling that the money should go to their children and grand children. Not the spouse!

In reality, and my parents are a good example, when the relationship is good, that money is used ‘for the common good’. But I think it’s different than ASSUMING it will be. It is THEIR money afterall.
See also all the talk about ring fencing a house/inheritance before getting remarried to be sure you still have something if things go to pot etc....

Yes we understand the difference and that assets are only brought to the test of being joint on a divorce.

However, the point everyone is making clearly on this thread is that a very good way to avoid ending up divorced with the courts "re- allocating " your funds is to be happy sharing along the way during the marriage. So having an equal marriage and sharing assets will avoid a court stepping in to explain that actually yes assets are joint.

Protecting an inheritance from divorce isn't the norm if the inheritance was received during the marriage without explicit terms under the inheritance ie. a trust, or skipping a generation etc etc

All a lot of effort to avoid how most people expect and understand a marriage is to share. (yes, you'll have to divorce the skinflint to prove assets are joint if they won't share during the marriage.)

Of course, an account in your own name is your own unless you're in an unhappy marriage and assets are shared out by the court and then own account becomes asset of marriage.

Seems to have got stuck on only way assets are joint is at divorce - by sharing in first place may have avoided divoce.

Everything is joint in this house. My DH had savings when we got together and I didn't- we used them for a deposit on a house. I earn twice as much as him but both salaries go into one shared account and we have the same access to it. I inherited £40k from my dad and we used it to do some house renovations and to buy the next house. When his parents pass he will inherit a sizable sum and all will be family money

Inheritance would be shared here. We've lot one parent between the 2 of us so far, my dad. We decided then that the person whose loss it was would be able to spend some of the inheritance in something for them. I chose art. The rest went into our shared pot.

@TonMoulin I do agree with you there. I do think in most healthy marriages the money is used to benefit the common good. It technically belongs to me or dp if we get any but it is assumed I will not be running off to buy a birkin bag or he won't buy a sports car.

Totally joint money in our house. Used for things to benefit us all.
See it as really odd and a weird relationship if you’d want to keep it to yourself.

@MsMarvellous

Inheritance would be shared here. We've lot one parent between the 2 of us so far, my dad. We decided then that the person whose loss it was would be able to spend some of the inheritance in something for them. I chose art. The rest went into our shared pot.

I'd like to do this. But hilariously, I don't think my Dad would approve. My mum would and arguably, half of any inheritance is from her but....

I'd definitely be using it to benefit us as a family yeah

In our house we generally keep our finances seperate so if my DH or I inherited anywhere up to £10k for example that would be personal money. That being said if there was a family emergency and that was the only money either of us had to deal with it, that money would then be used. But neither of us would expect to other to spend it on a new bathroom suite or whatever if they didn't want to do that.

But if it was a life changing amount (such as enough to pay off the mortgage/retire early/massively change our living situation) then we would use it as family money.

Not married and separate finances here, shared costs are shared equally. That's the way I like it as I have no interest in having to ask permission or discuss spending my money, if I've got it I can spend it, if I don't then I can't.

The same would apply to inherited money. I will never inherit a bean, her family are all loaded so she'll probably inherit lots at various points. I don't see myself as entitled to it in any way, if she chooses to use it for paying off the joint mortgage etc that would be entirely discretionary.

Joint here. We don't have "my money" and "your money"

We did choose to do something nice with some of mine, though, that was related to my family. We went on holiday to the place I was born. The rest of it went into the house.

I can only imagine the volcano on the surface of the sun level of flaming that would be forthcoming if a DH posted this.

I inherited our home and some money. My DH says it’s mine, I say it’s ours.

In our house all money is family money. When either set of parents go the plan is to use the inheritance to pay off or towards the mortgage. Whatever it goes on will be discussed and decided together and would be for the good of the family. I've got no problem if my dh wants to buy something for him/memory of parents and he would feel the same if I wanted to buy something for me, but it wouldn't be the case that one of us got to spend all the money.

We have shared everything thing from day one of marriage. Neither massively out earns the other and we have both always worked.