To ask why we struggle with money so much.

[whatismyusername29]

Hi all, probably not the right place but guess posting here for traffic.

I am SAHP. I have two dc with additional needs. My partner works and brings home around £500 a week after tax plus he usually does overtime so can be more. He gets paid monthly so usually around £2000 take home maybe a little more with overtime. . Up until last year he was paid weekly so we have struggled with this transition and making it stretch.

We also get child benefit, I get £30 a week for my son from his father. DS also gets DLA (low rate mobility and middle rate care) and I receive Carers allowance for DS as his needs are quite significant. Despite Dd having additional needs too we do not claim for her yet.

We own our own home. Our mortgage is just a little less than £400 a month on our home worth around £200,000 We do run two cars which is quite a big expense. Our bills tend to be quite high - gas/electric/water. We do spend quite a lot on food. We have some debt (maybe around 2 grand).

We don’t have many luxuries. Haven’t had a holiday in several years, neither of us drink alcohol so that isn’t an added cost.

But why are we skint? Our mortgage is low, we aren’t in a huge amount of debt, don’t have luxuries. We do have subscriptions for Netflix, prime etc but who doesn’t?! Both have phone contracts but again who doesn’t?!

DS’s school lunches are costing me a fortune normally. Around £45 a month but he won’t eat a packed lunch. Dd is younger and gets free lunches in infants.

A holiday (covid allowing) would be nice but how?!

Aibu to think we really shouldn’t struggle so much?!

We are overdrawn by the end of the month always.

Advice? Best ways to save money? How to cut down on food costs.

I appreciate we are in a better position then some. Are bills are paid and we have food but there just isn’t a lot left. I cannot remember the last time I bought clothes for myself!

We need new carpet but how?! Unless we put it on credit but want to avoid that.

We want to get married but not sure how we could possibly avoid it?!

We do have some savings but only around 2 grand. It’s saved for a rainy day - cars going wrong, stuff going wrong in the house etc.

We’ve just spend £700 getting out heating system fixed!

I know many people will tell me to get a job. I want to but that easy with my two and the unsociable hours dp works!

Yes that may well help. But the reality is that is is a small income to support 4 people so it's not a huge surprise that they are struggling with it, even without large housing costs. Hencey suggestion that in the longer term it may be better for them both to be working, so things aren't so tight. The reality is that because of Brexit and other impacts of globalisation (that we'll be less protected from as a result of Brexit) earnings in the UK will fall proportionately compared to the cost of living over the next decade or more, so realistically families need a cushion to protect themselves from that almost inevitability of us getting poorer as a nation.

But its not a small income. Its smaller than yours so maybe it seems it to you. But its twice mine. And my housing cost is double theirs! And 2 small children eat a similar amount to 1 teen boy in my experience so 2 adults and 2 small dc cost the same to feed as 3 adults. (Actually my brothers food shop is similar in price to mine. Hes feeding 2 adults and 3 children, similar ages to OPs and a toddler)
I'm sorry. But I fail to see how its not enough.
Of course OP getting a job is probably better in the long run. But that's not what she was asking.

I suppose it very much depends on the cost of living where they are and what the essential demands on their income are. I take my hat off to you managing to do all of that on the income you have stated. Where I live it would be completely impossible. But it is amazing and a credit to you that you can.

Well quite. And based on the figures the OP has given (which is frankly all we have to go on) they have more than enough money.

I'm the the SE. Its not possible to live on that income. Every month I get more and more into debt . I pay the essential bills. The others have to be alternated.

Same here @WhatWouldPhyllisCraneDo

People think we are "rich" here based on gross salaries but once you take off the tax and mortgage etc, and childcare, nothing is left. Obviously no child benefit etc.

I think it's so differenr depending where you live. People forget that it's not just housing costs that are different regionally, we are charged way more council tax in the SE, more for food, way more for public transport, way more for childcare etc. It's comparing apples with oranges and not really helpful for the OP unless she tells us which region she lives in.

She might have a very tiny mortgage payment like that because they have loads of equity and the mortgage is a tiny percentage. Or it may be because she lives somewhere that houses and everything else is relatively cheap. Without knowing this I'm not sure anybody can give useful advice about what to prioritise or how to budget; as this thread makes clear the struggles in different parts of the country are worlds apart.

she has mentioned south west water.

Hi OP - as PP mentioned, definitely check out the MSE budget breakdown. You will also need to get both your and DH bank statements so you can be completely accurate and transparent in how much you are spending on each thing. It can be eye-opening to see where money goes!

I agree with PPs, just over £2K a month is not a huge amount to live off, especially running 2 cars. We used to have a similar income, though our mortgage payments are higher than yours, there was not a lot left for savings.

The one thing that helped us was budgeting fairly strictly. So we looked at all our income and outgoings for the month (bills etc) and then worked out a budget for food and petrol each week. Pre-Covid I would take out a certain amount of cash from the bank at the start of the week and that would be what we had to use for everything. It does make it tricky for online shopping, but it definitely was good for a while to make us think about what we were spending on. Didn't always manage to stick to it, but I did feel it helped us cut down when we needed to. And it might help you see how much you could put towards a holiday each week.

I would consider getting rid of the second car, and then saving the cost of that for a holiday.

Some good advice here.

@whatismyusername29 on 3 grand a month with no childcare costs, you really should have money left over. I'd recommend tracking every single penny for February and really seeing where it all goes. Then making some good goals and a budget for March. Ideally you should be able to save at least 10% so see if you can get your budget to balance at 2700/month.

Good luck!

People think we are "rich" here based on gross salaries but once you take off the tax and mortgage etc, and childcare, nothing is left. Obviously no child benefit etc.

@MagentaDoesNotExist take off the tax yes but why are you taking off mortgage and childcare? That COUNTS towards your expenditures, and the mere fact that you can afford to have them is a bonus. You are investing in your own house and paying to have your children cared for. These are expenditures you have actually chosen believe it or not!

@scubadub it reminds me of a thread recently where a poster claimed they didn't have a high income (despite it being way above national average) because they had a large house in a nice area and therefore an expensive mortgage.
Your income is your income regardless of your outgoings. If you choose to have an expensive house in an expensive area then that's your choice. You can always downsize/move to a cheaper part of town!

I guess childcare is less 'optional' because its often the only way people can work.

OP actually has a decent income (£2800 ish) and should be in a good position with low mortgage (£400) and no childcare.

There will be many people on the thread that earn more, but also pay significantly more on rent/mortgage and childcare and have less money left over just after these 2 expenses.

Impossible to manage on close to 3k per month with a £400 mortgage???

Someone earning 100k will take home between 5-5.5k a month depending upon pension & easily pay 2k in rent/mortgage as a higher wage is generally indicative of higher housing. So therefore it must be also very difficult for them to manage to support 2 adults, 2 dc.

Part time jobs, working from home jobs where you can do school runs in a break, self-employed jobs where you choose your own hours

Yes, these jobs are few and far between in my area. Love the idea OP can just become self employed and choose her own hours. If you actually want to make money in your self employed job, you have to put in a whole lot of hours. And what do you do with the kids when you've done the school run after your break? Or do you think there are a plethora of childminders out there who will take kids with disabilities too? Those part time jobs are also going to be really happy to accommodate the large number of medical and therapy appointments, are they? Most families aren't having to do that.

The vast (and I mean vast) majority of parents of children with disabilities do not work. Primarily because employers, social work and healthcare organisations make it really difficult for them to do so.

Some people just have no idea.

Hi OP

I think you’re doing a great job managing a disposable income of £1600 (after mortgage payments). We have been on that and really struggled to manage without ending up using credit cards.

Do go through your direct debits as suggested. Give yourself a spending allowance and cut back where you can. Anything left over pay off your debt.

Netflix is going up to £14 per month, so call them and threaten to cancel if they don’t give you at least 6 months on the current fee. With prime, it will be costing you £264 per year. I would suggest ditching prime and reducing your Amazon spends. Loads of free deliveries, so you may save here.

After bills, food is our biggest outlay. I’m on the process of going online, which you’ve already done. Avoid takeout. Instead, bulk cook and freeze a portion for lazy days instead. Eliminate crisps, sweets, choc from your shop or at least halve this. And don’t buy lots of juice or squash. Have more water instead. I found I was spending an extra £30 a week on all this. It soon adds up.

With the cars, you could consider selling one and getting a car that’s cheaper to run, but same age etc. You could be quite savvy here and maybe get a private sale, then buy one for a couple of grand less. You’d still have a car, but it might give you the extra cash to clear your debt or go on holiday.

Is your dp expecting a bonus at all, or maybe overtime? If he can earn more, this could be your holiday fund.

The other way is to get some income. What skills do you have and what time do you have to take up another job? It could be as simple as doing some upcycling and selling items on eBay, or maybe go through your house and clear everything out, sell clothes/furniture online. It may only raise £100, but would be worth the hassle.

Plenty of budgets on money expert to try, but I think you’re doing well. It takes time to adjust to a smaller budget.

I do agree with the other posts on remortgaging. You might get a better deal elsewhere. Worth investigating.

Good luck 😉

@ANP88 just saw your comment re Netflix and Prime, I have prime it costs £7.99 a month but you're saying its £264?? How did you get this amount?

That’s per year, sorry for any confusion.

It’s £8 per month for prime, so £96 per year. Netflix is up to £14 per month from Feb, so that’s £168 per year. Combined, that’s £264 per year (I think... did the maths in my head...)

Also, channel 4 have a free streaming service, which has tons of stuff on for anyone who wants to cut back for a few months.

I think you’re doing a great job managing a disposable income of £1600 (after mortgage payments). We have been on that and really struggled to manage without ending up using credit cards

Eh? Firstly, the OP has more like £2.5k after mortgage payments and she's not really doing a great job, because she has no idea where about half of it goes.

A very minor point in the great scheme of things, but there are 3 levels of Netflix and the middle one is probably more than enough for most people. In order to get use out of the most expensive version, you need to have more than two people watching different things at the same time and on devices capable of showing the very highest definition content.

So unless you have a large family with older DC and the latest tech, it's likely you can save a few quid a month without any detriment in your viewing experience.

I worked it out at nearly 3k a month with maintenance, child benefits, carers allowance etc.

Hi @Barbaraofseville

Valid point, and I agree, OP may have more income from elsewhere, but having lived on similar money, it does feel like it seems to go quickly. As other posts mention, birthdays, Christmas, trips out all add up. Any extra income for disability is for the child’s well-being, and not part of household expenses, this is an acknowledgment of the additional costs of caring for children with needs. I don’t profess to know the cost, but I expect the additional income is not there to cover basics such a heating and water and food and shouldn’t necessarily be factored into disposable income and to pay for holidays.

I’ve said it before

3k take hone is equivalent to a salary just under 50k

Anyone starting an “I can’t cope on 50k” thread gets ripped apart. On this one it’s sympathy and “how do you manage?”

This thread is very different and I can only imagine a lot of people don’t read, or don’t add up

And yes, it can be hard to budget (on 50k) so OP needs to list out all expenditure, then she’ll see and/or get good advice

I'm also surprised at the amount of sympathy the OP is getting when she seems to be causing the issue herself with her dh.

@SunshineCake

I'm also surprised at the amount of sympathy the OP is getting when she seems to be causing the issue herself with her dh.

I suspect its because her OP made it sound as though she has much less to live on than she actually does.

Yep.

@BillMasen

I’ve said it before

3k take hone is equivalent to a salary just under 50k

Anyone starting an “I can’t cope on 50k” thread gets ripped apart. On this one it’s sympathy and “how do you manage?”

This thread is very different and I can only imagine a lot of people don’t read, or don’t add up

And yes, it can be hard to budget (on 50k) so OP needs to list out all expenditure, then she’ll see and/or get good advice

Many people, including the OP, can’t manage money, budget or, apparently, count.