To ask why we struggle with money so much.

[whatismyusername29]

Hi all, probably not the right place but guess posting here for traffic.

I am SAHP. I have two dc with additional needs. My partner works and brings home around £500 a week after tax plus he usually does overtime so can be more. He gets paid monthly so usually around £2000 take home maybe a little more with overtime. . Up until last year he was paid weekly so we have struggled with this transition and making it stretch.

We also get child benefit, I get £30 a week for my son from his father. DS also gets DLA (low rate mobility and middle rate care) and I receive Carers allowance for DS as his needs are quite significant. Despite Dd having additional needs too we do not claim for her yet.

We own our own home. Our mortgage is just a little less than £400 a month on our home worth around £200,000 We do run two cars which is quite a big expense. Our bills tend to be quite high - gas/electric/water. We do spend quite a lot on food. We have some debt (maybe around 2 grand).

We don’t have many luxuries. Haven’t had a holiday in several years, neither of us drink alcohol so that isn’t an added cost.

But why are we skint? Our mortgage is low, we aren’t in a huge amount of debt, don’t have luxuries. We do have subscriptions for Netflix, prime etc but who doesn’t?! Both have phone contracts but again who doesn’t?!

DS’s school lunches are costing me a fortune normally. Around £45 a month but he won’t eat a packed lunch. Dd is younger and gets free lunches in infants.

A holiday (covid allowing) would be nice but how?!

Aibu to think we really shouldn’t struggle so much?!

We are overdrawn by the end of the month always.

Advice? Best ways to save money? How to cut down on food costs.

I appreciate we are in a better position then some. Are bills are paid and we have food but there just isn’t a lot left. I cannot remember the last time I bought clothes for myself!

We need new carpet but how?! Unless we put it on credit but want to avoid that.

We want to get married but not sure how we could possibly avoid it?!

We do have some savings but only around 2 grand. It’s saved for a rainy day - cars going wrong, stuff going wrong in the house etc.

We’ve just spend £700 getting out heating system fixed!

I know many people will tell me to get a job. I want to but that easy with my two and the unsociable hours dp works!

The next time anyone wants to do an “I can’t cope on £50k” thread and avoid getting piled on, this one is a great template.

Op takes home the equivalent of someone on just under 50k and because she’s been vague and dripped income in, and doesn’t understand her costs, she gets loads of posts saying of course it’s a low income and it’s amazing she copes.

I have sympathy, it can be hard to budget, but blimey. Responses are massively more helpful when it’s done like this

I think essentially OP You need to realise that the money behave incoming is actually sufficient for you all. It's not a race to the bottom but there are people all around you who have way less. You own a home and 2 cars outright, you are clothing and feeding your family and you have savings. What more do you actually want??a holiday?? Jesus Christ sure we would all love a holiday without having to work for it. But if you are relying on one wage and not Willing to sacrifice something else then what do you expect??

@BillMasen

The next time anyone wants to do an “I can’t cope on £50k” thread and avoid getting piled on, this one is a great template.

Op takes home the equivalent of someone on just under 50k and because she’s been vague and dripped income in, and doesn’t understand her costs, she gets loads of posts saying of course it’s a low income and it’s amazing she copes.

I have sympathy, it can be hard to budget, but blimey. Responses are massively more helpful when it’s done like this

Exactly. Plus the OP doesn't have the usual reason of high rent/mortgage or childcare costs as the reason for struggling with money.

And she says they don't drink, smoke, eat out, buy lunches, or have payments to make on either car, plus insurance isn't expensive.

I think it's probably the first time that I'm totally baffled as to where the money is going - the OP appears to have a £1-1.5k pm black hole in her finances and it appears that it's none of the usual suspects that are taking all the money but hard to cut down on due to living in an expensive area and needing childcare to work.

Only thing I can think of is that the OP is like one of the families who appear on Eat Wess for Less and are totally oblivious to spending a grand a month or more on food. Or maybe car fuel is a lot more than she says? OP I think you said £100 pm? That's not a huge amount, could it be more?

And on the decorating - you only need a new kitchen if yours is actually, literally, falling apart. I mean the shelves need to be sagging so badly you think they will actually break.

And even then, you don’t need a new kitchen, you need a used kitchen. So you need to find somebody who is ripping one out, and ask for it. Some people will even give them to you for free, if you do the work or getting it out and taking it away.

For new carpets, you actually might find carpet being given away from people who are doing refurbishments. People often refurbish when there is plenty of life left in the carpet, so as long as you can find one that’s big enough for any given room, you can put it to good use.

If you think things just look a bit grubby, a lick of paint can work wonders.

I think you need to start differentiating much more clearly between things you want and things you need. And you really need to understand what ‘need’ means. Nobody needs two take aways each month – just make sure you’ve got frozen pizza or something similar in the freezer, it will take 10 minutes to cook, and everyone will be happy.

Do not upgrade your phone. Run it until it dies completely, and when you finally hit that point - which will not be for quite a few years - buy a new one as a secondhand phone.

Finally, dogs are really expensive. Pets of any kind are expensive. You’re probably spending a lot of money on your dog if you don’t even realise it. Since you have the dog, there’s not a huge amount you can do about that, but you do need to budget for it.

Adding up your outgoings vs your incomings, there's obviously quite a big gap.

I think you should go onto your online banking and print off some bank statements for a couple of months last year and really look and be honest with yourself about where your money is going. I bet you spend more on Amazon than you think, if you have Prime for deliveries you must be using it a lot, and if the debt you have is for Paypal credit for online purchases, it really sounds like this might be the issue. You don't have to stop spending on this kind of thing, but just work out a reasonable budget, whether it's you or DH or what you spend on the kids.

You could also swap from food shopping deliveries to click and collect, I imagine that would save about £20 a month. You'll probably easily save that again when you swap to a SIM only deal soon. See if there's any brands you can change in your food shopping, downgrade from Walkers crisps to supermarket brand for example. Small changes like those all put together could add up to £100 a month which could be a savings pot for your holiday, and if you're happy with a caravan holiday it would be enough to pay for that every year.

Still impossible given the stated circumstances and outgoings and dependent children. Either he needs to earn more or she needs to work too, or they will contine to struggle, despite the benefit top ups.

Impossible to manage on close to 3k per month with a £400 mortgage??? Really??? I must be superwoman then!

Im not saying its not hard to budget. And I have sympathy if OP is struggling. But I refuse to accept that 3k is small income!!!

How much is your debt repayment each month?

@BillMasen

The next time anyone wants to do an “I can’t cope on £50k” thread and avoid getting piled on, this one is a great template.

Op takes home the equivalent of someone on just under 50k and because she’s been vague and dripped income in, and doesn’t understand her costs, she gets loads of posts saying of course it’s a low income and it’s amazing she copes.

I have sympathy, it can be hard to budget, but blimey. Responses are massively more helpful when it’s done like this

MNers love to get their “grim” on when it comes to a money thread and are happy to overlook the fact that the Ops household income is actually close to £3k per month (and some months £500 more) for the opportunity to give such life altering advice as Cancel Netflix 🙄.

The OP isn’t struggling, she just has fuck all inclination to do some basic sums that might give her more than the vaguest idea of how much is coming in and how much is going out each month. The fact that she cba to check her own bank account before starting a where does our money go??? thread is a strong hint that she’s not overly concerned and that’s before you read all her flippant responses ...

You're not on a miniscule amount like some people seem to be saying. You should be able to afford netflix and amazon prime!
You say you take home £2860 minimum, some months well over £3000.
For comparison we pick up about £4850 but our mortgage is £1000 more than yours and our childcare is £900 which wipes out the extra we're earning plus more (given that we cannot get any paid overtime in our jobs). We have netflix and amazon prime, and spend about £600/month on groceries, I have a brand new iPhone on contract, DHs is £35 a month too. Our water is much less (£40) but gas/electric is a lot more (£140), and our council tax is ridiculous (£248/month). OK we only run one car but every month we manage to save £1000. You should have more disposable income than us and we afford 2 holidays every year and have no problem affording to save to pay for a brand new kitchen. There's somewhere all your money is going and £8 on amazon prime doesn't explain it.
If you get on top of where that is you should easily be able to afford all these things you want.

If you have a landline, a SIM only deal is probably the best for phones. My BT one is only £5 a month and my daughters is £12, which includes lots of data

If you are paying £65 a month Im assuming you upgraded a phone - this is really an expensive way to do it. As others say, buy a phone thats not the newest model secondhand, and run it to the ground. It will save you a bloody fortune.

I dont know why you have not engaged with anyone who has suggested applying for universal credit - it could be the difference between going overdrawn every month or not! Several people have pointed out that you could be getting between £50-£100 extra a week right there, and it has knock on effects such as free prescriptions, access to the Family Fund (which actuially paid for holidays for us for several years when my eldest was a child), discounts of around £120 over winter off your gas and electric bills, lots of different things that all add up. You have ignored everyone who has suggested this and Im not sure why.

Op are you sure your DP bought the brand new car outright?

The thing is, earning maybe £30k a year at most, where did he get about £15k in cash from? As well as a £30k house deposit? That's a huge amount to have saved on that salary.

Is is possible he's servicing some car finance from his account and hasnt been honest about that?

So I've been through the thread and logged everything you've accounted for, and made a very generous assumption on your loan repayment.

Even without bonus you should have £800 minimum left after all the essentials and luxuries you've listed.

You absoloutley need to go through your bank accounts and log everything and see where you are underestimating your spend.

Op do come back and update once you’ve identified the other areas the money is being spent. I think the Netflix and Amazon subscription are getting a lot of attention because they are the main areas of discretionary spending you’ve mentioned that are easy to deal with.

I do agree with other pp that it should be possible for you to be comfortable on close to 3k coming in each month. We have always had a high family income but we’ve had to be careful from time to time due to high rent/childcare costs and saving a deposit for a house. We could have spent plenty as it was there in the bank (house deposit money) but we actually spent a fraction of what you are spending once you take out our v high housing and childcare costs - cheapest mobile contracts (I don’t think I’ve spent more than £10/month over the last 10 years), cooking from scratch, no monthly subscriptions, we didn’t have a car so perhaps that’s on area which accounts for some of your higher spending versus ours. We felt quite comfortable, still had a holiday twice a year, money for clothes etc.

Having savings in the bank gives you a lot of peace of mind. I guess you need to work out what you’re willing to sacrifice now in order to achieve your other goals of having a holiday and having both savings and no debt.

I do think the suggestions for using Amazon and Netflix more flexible (ie for shorter periods, nor year round) are a good idea! I might do that too There are a lot of good tv series on iPlayer so you could temporarily disable Netflix while working your way through those. But again it all depends on where the rest of the money is going and whether you can make savings elsewhere which you think will be more worthwhile.

Be brutally honest when listing outgoings, miss nothing. Every time you spend cash WRITE IT DOWN and keep a spreadsheet (if you can).

Be honest about your needs. Do you need two cars?

Do you check comparison website for car insurances/utilities and so on? If not, do so.

Mortgage? Doubt that this could be lowered much without any reductions being swallowed by switching costs...

Phone contracts and broadband? Are you on the best deals you can get? Remember, you probably are not using data anywhere near as much as you think you do.

Where do you shop? Aldi etc?

Do not even think about a wedding anytime soon. Believe me, it's an expense that you just don't need.

You need to look at your bank account and see where the money is going. Or get an app to do it for you- I use Emma, it categorises all of my spending and let’s me know when I’m getting ahead of my budget.

We have about £2000 a month, one child with some nursery fees (£200-300 a month) and one car, but otherwise very very similar rent and bills to what you’ve stated. The two areas I tend to overspend on are Amazon (too easy to just quickly buy “essentials”) and takeaway, but even with that we manage to save each month. I have £150 automatically put into savings via direct debit and put anything extra at the end of the month in there too. Your money is going SOMEWHERE, you just need to take some time to find out where.

Until you know where your money is actually going you won't get a grip on the problem, bank statements (for all accounts and cards) are the only way to get on top of that. Hope you make some helpful discoveries. You could have long forgotten subscriptions or something. I once discovered an electric bill still going from a house we moved out of. No better time than now when we aren't using cash.

A few things stand out to me to save a little.

I’d cancel the prime, there are free delivery options available on many items anyway, you have Netflix and it removes the temptation of impulse shopping.

Mobile phone bills seem quite high, even your DP’s, I’m on a rolling plan at £7.50 a month. I have a tiny amount of data but just use WiFi at home.

Food bill, we spend a similar amount as you for 2 adults and 2 children but we buy loads of treats for that. When we need to cut down we stop buying the unnecessary stuff. Also which supermarket do you shop at? Lidl and Aldi will be cheaper.

Fuel, we have 2 cars and I work in the community so drive daily and I fill my tank up every 2 months I’d say so £25/month. DH is wfh but drives to shops, errands etc in his and we’ve only filled it up twice in a year. I know you live rurally but it still seems high for a pandemic where we’re stuck at home.

Takeaways. Twice a month does seem a lot to me, I know they’re cheap ish but you could recreate at home for less than half the price and it’ll be tastier and healthier than a McD’s. If you cut it down to one a month you’re saving £240 a year - we’ve had weekends away for that.

You must also be frittering money on something. Your earnings aren’t high but they’re plenty I’d have thought. Go through 2 months of your spending and highlight what was absolutely essential and what was just for wants or fun. Be brutally honest and you’ll see where your money is going.

Ditch the takeaways and use the money to pay for a caravan holiday.
Shave a tenner of your food shop a week.
Sort your mobile phone out.

Oh water, we pay on a meter and it saved us £15 a month

Just read your update that you get almost £3k a month. With your small mortgage of £400 per month your income is actually pretty good. Our mortgage is almost £1k more than yours and we take home around £1k more so equivalent income to you once mortgage is paid. We are very comfortable and have plenty of spare money for extras and holidays, as well as decent amounts saved each month. You really need to look at your outgoings and see where it’s all going as really you shouldn’t be skint each month on that income.

What are you spending on amazon to justify prime costs? We earn between us 3200 a month after taxes. Have just under 800 a month childcare, 200 c tax and 700 mortgage yet still go on holiday- abroad at least once a year. Prioritse and budget.

@LemonSwan

I have read the thread. Its max 3k. Shes running an extra car, is SAH so the utilities are on more, has multiple children and a house which is falling apart! I honestly can see why its not working and sympathise.

Ours is 2.5. rent marginally higher. 3 kids. SAHM. The difference is the cars. And people wonder why I don't drive.

Nearly three grand a month with a mortgage of £400 isn't 'low income'. The OP should have a lot more money spare than she does

This. OP must be spending on unmentioned stuff. When we had less income, higher rent, and more kids, we still had a holiday every year!

On the matter of mobile phones, MSE has a list of cheap SIM only contracts. No-one really needs to pay more than a tenner a month for calls, texts and data, unless you don't have a landline and are streaming and WFH on mobile data, which I doubt applies to the OP as the signal is unlikely to be good enough.

www.moneysavingexpert.com/mobiles/cheap-sim-only-contracts/

So if your contract is over £10 a month, the amount above that is either paying for an extremely expensive phone or wasted. A 45 pm contract over 2 years is therefore costing at least £840 for the phone, which is insane.

A year ago, I paid £75 after cashback for a Motorola G7 power and I'm not likely to replace it for another 2 or 3 years at least, its a great phone, that does all that anyone needs. I pay a fiver a month for my SIM only contract. I get 2 Gb data, which is loads at the moment because I don't spend much time away from my home wifi. So at most, my mobile phone costs a tenner a month, in reality, a little less.

So while you say, OP, everyone has a phone, if you're paying £45 pm for one, that's hundreds of pounds a year more than you need to, which would go a long way towards a little caravan break that you currently can't find the money for.

Lots of things are like this, and even if you don't have a paid job, this is something that you can really embrace - making your money work as hard as possible for you.

Make time to shop around, look for discount codes, wait for sales, look for second hand, get deals on your broadband, cook from scratch, possibly grow some of your own fruit and veg (I'm not convinced this is always cheaper to be honest, but if you can put the time in, without treating it as a shopping exercise when starting up, it might be). Keep a store cupboard of grocery essentials that you buy regularly, so you never have to pay full price for toiletries, cleaning products, canned goods, cereal etc. These things are always on offer somewhere.

The difference between just buying the first thing you see from whoever can deliver it the fastest, to applying a few basic moneysaving techniques can add up to tens, if not hundreds of pounds a month, and that's all a gain in your disposable income.

Lots of good money saving tips listed throughout this thread. However the OP can comfortably afford everything they've listed. They don't need to save money from what they've told you they spend - they need to identify what they are spending over and above the stuff they've told us.