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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask why we struggle with money so much.

477 replies

whatismyusername29 · 25/01/2021 19:20

Hi all, probably not the right place but guess posting here for traffic.

I am SAHP. I have two dc with additional needs. My partner works and brings home around £500 a week after tax plus he usually does overtime so can be more. He gets paid monthly so usually around £2000 take home maybe a little more with overtime. . Up until last year he was paid weekly so we have struggled with this transition and making it stretch.

We also get child benefit, I get £30 a week for my son from his father. DS also gets DLA (low rate mobility and middle rate care) and I receive Carers allowance for DS as his needs are quite significant. Despite Dd having additional needs too we do not claim for her yet.

We own our own home. Our mortgage is just a little less than £400 a month on our home worth around £200,000 We do run two cars which is quite a big expense. Our bills tend to be quite high - gas/electric/water. We do spend quite a lot on food. We have some debt (maybe around 2 grand).

We don’t have many luxuries. Haven’t had a holiday in several years, neither of us drink alcohol so that isn’t an added cost.

But why are we skint? Our mortgage is low, we aren’t in a huge amount of debt, don’t have luxuries. We do have subscriptions for Netflix, prime etc but who doesn’t?! Both have phone contracts but again who doesn’t?!

DS’s school lunches are costing me a fortune normally. Around £45 a month but he won’t eat a packed lunch. Dd is younger and gets free lunches in infants.

A holiday (covid allowing) would be nice but how?!

Aibu to think we really shouldn’t struggle so much?!

We are overdrawn by the end of the month always.

Advice? Best ways to save money? How to cut down on food costs.

I appreciate we are in a better position then some. Are bills are paid and we have food but there just isn’t a lot left. I cannot remember the last time I bought clothes for myself!

We need new carpet but how?! Unless we put it on credit but want to avoid that.

We want to get married but not sure how we could possibly avoid it?!

We do have some savings but only around 2 grand. It’s saved for a rainy day - cars going wrong, stuff going wrong in the house etc.

We’ve just spend £700 getting out heating system fixed!

I know many people will tell me to get a job. I want to but that easy with my two and the unsociable hours dp works!

OP posts:
soundofsilence1 · 26/01/2021 15:06

How much interest are you paying on your mortgage? Given your amount of equity could you remortgage to a lower rate and maybe borrow a bit extra to pay off your debts and give you a small savings buffer?

Mousehole10 · 26/01/2021 15:09

For everyone saying it’s a low income and wondering how op copes, it really isn’t. Our household income is around £80k and with our much larger mortgage we have pretty much the same money each month. We are very comfortable. Something is going wrong here for the op to have nothing left each month.

TornadoOfSouls · 26/01/2021 15:30

How much interest are you paying on your mortgage? Given your amount of equity could you remortgage to a lower rate and maybe borrow a bit extra to pay off your debts and give you a small savings buffer?

No! OP should not convert unsecured into secured debt.
Adding to your mortgage to have ‘savings’ is an insane idea.
OP isn’t hard up, there is no emergency here. OP should be overpaying the mortgage if anything, at £400/m with interest rates at an all time low.

Indecisive12 · 26/01/2021 15:31

@TornadoOfSouls

How much interest are you paying on your mortgage? Given your amount of equity could you remortgage to a lower rate and maybe borrow a bit extra to pay off your debts and give you a small savings buffer?

No! OP should not convert unsecured into secured debt.
Adding to your mortgage to have ‘savings’ is an insane idea.
OP isn’t hard up, there is no emergency here. OP should be overpaying the mortgage if anything, at £400/m with interest rates at an all time low.

Definitely don’t remortgage. You just need to see where your money is going because on your income you should be ok
BarbaraofSeville · 26/01/2021 15:43

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

Lots of good money saving tips listed throughout this thread. However the OP can comfortably afford everything they've listed. They don't need to save money from what they've told you they spend - they need to identify what they are spending over and above the stuff they've told us.
I disagree about not needing to save money. Everyone can benefit from spending less until they are in a position where they are mortgage free, have an income that covers their outgoings and have savings for retirement, loss of income, DC education and large purchases like future cars and home improvements. And it sounds like the OP is a long way from this position.

Why would you pay more than you need to for the things you buy if you could avoid it?

SleepingStandingUp · 26/01/2021 15:50

Eother op is over spending or the DH is syphoning off money into a side account and pleading poverty

soundofsilence1 · 26/01/2021 15:59

@TornadoOfSouls

How much interest are you paying on your mortgage? Given your amount of equity could you remortgage to a lower rate and maybe borrow a bit extra to pay off your debts and give you a small savings buffer?

No! OP should not convert unsecured into secured debt.
Adding to your mortgage to have ‘savings’ is an insane idea.
OP isn’t hard up, there is no emergency here. OP should be overpaying the mortgage if anything, at £400/m with interest rates at an all time low.

It depends on interest rates. Paying 1% on secured debt makes a lot more sense than 30% on unsecured debt. A savings buffer is always a sensible plan plus if the OP puts it into an account which pays higher interest than her mortgage it is at zero cost. It means if there is an emergency she is not paying out exorbitant interest.
AnxiousSM · 26/01/2021 16:03

Words fail me. I'm broke, I have no money for new things and luxuries. I don't work and don't want to. Stay broke!

augetout · 26/01/2021 16:05

I’m also confused how people are saying it’s a low income, £2800 a month after tax with a £400 a month mortgage should hardly be seen as ‘OMG how do they cope??’

userxx · 26/01/2021 16:08

@augetout Yep, hardly what I'd class as skint.

popgoestyeweasel · 26/01/2021 16:14

This thread has been frustrating to read. OP a number of people have suggested claiming UC. The calculation would include a disabled child element and a caters element so not just the standard allowance for a couple and 2 children.

Someone has also suggested the waterside scheme. You'd probably meet the last point on the eligibility criteria list.

www.southwestwater.co.uk/bills/need-help-paying-bill/watersure/

Tier10 · 26/01/2021 16:14

OP there’s loads of good tips on this thread. Basically you have to decide if you want to follow some of them. All the little things do add up, use your dryer less (my household income is over 8 times yours and I feel a bit naughty using mine), sort your phone out etc, etc, etc. Then you’ll have money for a holiday and/or pay your debts off. It’s easy to explain why your spend your money on certain things but I think you have to look at the big picture and see how you can change what you are spending on.

Tier10 · 26/01/2021 16:15

Oh and the ‘doesn’t everyone have one’ argument is not a thing.

greeneyedlulu · 26/01/2021 16:15

I saw your DH is savvy on the bills so food wise where do you do your food shop? I did mine at Asda and was spending £180 a week last year then I tried Aldi and now its around £80. I would also suggest doing a stock take of what you have in the cupboards/freezer so that you not just buying stuff because you think you need it. Meal planning helps with that too as you can create a shopping list for the things you need.
Also, be careful of what you are spending on Amazon, do you really need it? As it can be a bit of shock once you've tallied up a month's spend on Amazon.
Also try just sticking £100 in to the savings at the beginning of the month and only retrieve it if you really desperately need it, you might be surprised at that because even if you need some of it, you may not need all of it.
And a yearly thing, but I've got one of those money tins that you need to open with a tin opener for xmas and stick £5 or £10 each week depending what's in my purse and then open it at the beginning of December. Its a great help to spread the cost and doesn't leave you so skint in January. £5 for 48 weeks = £240 so it really is worth trying to do.
Good luck op x

Original poster
whatismyusername29 · 26/01/2021 16:45

Thank you all. First time I’ve been on today. Internet went down which was fine with the children and home schooling!

Not had time to look at bank statements yet!! Don’t even have time to wee alone at the minute with dc off 🤣

Tjhanks all for your ideas. We really need to start saving some more money.

Dp gets paid Friday. We are currently £150 overdrawn and I don’t have any in my account!

I’ve spoke to dp and he he actually putting some into savings each month. Not a lot but a small amount. But because we keep having unexpected costs it’s not going up like we want it to.

I shop around with food. Generally Tesco currently as it’s the only one you can get slots here and I pay a delivery saver each month to save on delivery costs but I also like Asda and Aldi. If Aldi delivered that would be amazing.

OP posts:
Cairnterrorist · 26/01/2021 17:12

Why are you getting deliveries?

I reckon Lidl is over 1/3 cheaper than Tesco. I do Tesco once a month th for the stuff I can’t get in Lidl.

I have a drier and I only use it for towels and bedding. Means I often have a clothes horse up in the living room but it saves a fortune.

RedskyBynight · 26/01/2021 17:13

@Tier10

Oh and the ‘doesn’t everyone have one’ argument is not a thing.
Particularly when everyone "doesn't" have one. Which I suspect is where OP is under representing her spending. There's probably a bunch of things she's forgotten about on the basis that it's something "everyone" spends money on.
Cairnterrorist · 26/01/2021 17:14

You actually need to sit down and do a budget and stick to it.

And find out where every penny goes.

For example My weakness is make up. I spend on it first if I have any extra. That and eyebrows. But if I was skint again it would be the first to go.

Plussizejumpsuit · 26/01/2021 17:21

Jesus there's some judgemental comments here. In all honesty the Netflix would be bottom of my list to cancel as you're likely at home all of the time so it's probably really worth the money.

I would also question the blanket advice to pay off any debt with savings. All well and good if you have plenty of accessible credit. For when things need fixing or something goes wrong. You don't want to end up in a position where you pay loads to get credit to fix the car for example when your debt isn't costing loads. So I'd prioritise making the debt as low cost as possible

Cairnterrorist · 26/01/2021 17:22

Why are you paying for a landline? If you have internet you can WhatsApp call most people these days? I don’t have a landline.

sunflowersandbuttercups · 26/01/2021 17:24

I shop around with food. Generally Tesco currently as it’s the only one you can get slots here and I pay a delivery saver each month to save on delivery costs but I also like Asda and Aldi. If Aldi delivered that would be amazing.

Would it not be much cheaper to just go to ALDI once a week?

Plussizejumpsuit · 26/01/2021 17:28

[quote whatismyusername29]@givemepastaplease who says I’m not? I’m taking it all on board. I never said they are essential?

DLa pays for school lunches. DS eats stuff he doesn’t at home at school so I’m not giving that up for now. Everything else I’ll take on board.[/quote]
Dla is for additional costs of being disabled or having a disabled child. So honestly you're totally justified in paying for this. It is what the money is for. It's not just about feeding your child like everyone needs to do. He has additional needs which mean eating a packed lunch is a no go for him. Don't feel bad about this op.

givemepastaplease · 26/01/2021 17:39

@sunflowersandbuttercups

I shop around with food. Generally Tesco currently as it’s the only one you can get slots here and I pay a delivery saver each month to save on delivery costs but I also like Asda and Aldi. If Aldi delivered that would be amazing.

Would it not be much cheaper to just go to ALDI once a week?

This. Or click and collect. My Asda click and collect slots take 30 minutes out of my day if that, are free and saves me between £3-£7 that I would normally pay for delivery if I wanted it delivered. Tesco's is ridiculously expensive compared to other supermarkets, especially if you're trying to cut down on costs.
Indecisive12 · 26/01/2021 17:40

Tesco is one of the more expensive supermarkets. You could easily save £100 a month going to Aldi or Lidl weekly.

movingonup20 · 26/01/2021 17:40

I strongly suspect it's food- we earned a lot more than you and still had no money, when I added up all the food (supermarkets, takeaways, meals out) it was quite frankly embarrassing! Make sure you are on the best utility tariffs and turn it down a little and for fewer hours. Avoid using the tumble dryer too. Your income should be sufficient to not be short - batch cooking buying from Aldi for a couple of months should make a dent in that debt you have, get it paid off before you save