To ask why we struggle with money so much.

[whatismyusername29]

Hi all, probably not the right place but guess posting here for traffic.

I am SAHP. I have two dc with additional needs. My partner works and brings home around £500 a week after tax plus he usually does overtime so can be more. He gets paid monthly so usually around £2000 take home maybe a little more with overtime. . Up until last year he was paid weekly so we have struggled with this transition and making it stretch.

We also get child benefit, I get £30 a week for my son from his father. DS also gets DLA (low rate mobility and middle rate care) and I receive Carers allowance for DS as his needs are quite significant. Despite Dd having additional needs too we do not claim for her yet.

We own our own home. Our mortgage is just a little less than £400 a month on our home worth around £200,000 We do run two cars which is quite a big expense. Our bills tend to be quite high - gas/electric/water. We do spend quite a lot on food. We have some debt (maybe around 2 grand).

We don’t have many luxuries. Haven’t had a holiday in several years, neither of us drink alcohol so that isn’t an added cost.

But why are we skint? Our mortgage is low, we aren’t in a huge amount of debt, don’t have luxuries. We do have subscriptions for Netflix, prime etc but who doesn’t?! Both have phone contracts but again who doesn’t?!

DS’s school lunches are costing me a fortune normally. Around £45 a month but he won’t eat a packed lunch. Dd is younger and gets free lunches in infants.

A holiday (covid allowing) would be nice but how?!

Aibu to think we really shouldn’t struggle so much?!

We are overdrawn by the end of the month always.

Advice? Best ways to save money? How to cut down on food costs.

I appreciate we are in a better position then some. Are bills are paid and we have food but there just isn’t a lot left. I cannot remember the last time I bought clothes for myself!

We need new carpet but how?! Unless we put it on credit but want to avoid that.

We want to get married but not sure how we could possibly avoid it?!

We do have some savings but only around 2 grand. It’s saved for a rainy day - cars going wrong, stuff going wrong in the house etc.

We’ve just spend £700 getting out heating system fixed!

I know many people will tell me to get a job. I want to but that easy with my two and the unsociable hours dp works!

I’ve not read the full thread so I don’t know if it’s been mentioned but I can’t recommend YNAB highly enough(YNAB stands for you need a budget) It’s budgeting software that helps you to see exactly where your money goes and helps you to budget for the regular bills as well as stuff like Christmas, birthdays, your friend’s sponsored walk etc. Yes there’s a few ( about £6 a month iirc) but I saved more than twice the yearly fee in the first couple of months of using it, thanks to finding stuff I’d forgotten but also just being more aware of where the money goes. There’s a months free trial ( no card details taken) and they send you videos to explain all about it and support you. I love it ( no I’m not sponsored by them - just a huge fan ) youneedabudget.com

*fee not few

Have you looked at moving your mortgage to another provider? You don't need to see a bank or mortgage broker to do this, it's very easy to do online. I know you said that your mortgage is £400 p/month but you may find a better rate elsewhere.

I cannot recommend the money saving expert forums highly enough. The debt free wannabe section has already been mentioned - they are brutally honest but in a very good way. Old-style money saving section of the forum is also good for things like saving on food shopping etc.

Don't think I can post a link, but the money saving expert site also has something called the demotivator. Type it into a search engine to find it. You enter all your non-essentials like your subscriptions etc and work out how much it's costing you in total over a month or year. It was an eye opener for me and really helped me change certain spending behaviours.

Good luck OP

You need to get a job. Both your DC are at school.

OP, I live in a rural area in the same water area, so understand some of the things that others don't seem to. The train station is miles away, there is 1 or 2 buses a day and the nearest supermarkets are 20 miles away. I understand the need for 2 cars and the having to shop at Tesco as there is noone else who will deliver...

I do think you should download the Martin Lewis budget planner. I did it and it makes you think of all the little expenses that you only pay out once a year, and reminds of things you forget like haircuts and family birthdays etc.

If your mobile contract is ending soon, then switch to GiffGaff or Smarty as they have some great deals on SIM only. I kept my iphone 6 for several years and went SIM only, in order to save a fortune.

You don't need Amazon Prime if you organise yourself to order presents in time. Keep Netflix as your treat to yourselves. You don't need takeaways. Identify shopping where you can drop a brand level. For example, I love Heinz so won't drop on that, that is my luxury treat, but I do use supermarket own brand for lots of other things.

I freeze bread and milk especially this time of year in case we get snowed in, as the local shop sells out at the first sign of a snowflake. It stops you from popping out to the shop if you have it in the freezer.

As others have said, assess all insurances and utilities to see if you can save money.

Do you belong to any sites like topcashback? I have earned hundreds of pounds over the years by using them and it pays for Christmas presents.

Look at your bank account too. My mortgage is Santander and I have the 123 Lite account, which means I get cashback on mortgage and utilities and I get £6-7 a month on that, which I put towards a holiday.

I also have cheap caravan holidays every year, or cheap Travelodges, because that is what we can afford. I save £10 a week towards that.

I have long term savings account that I put £10 a week into as well. It helps to separate the money out because then you dont spend it on anything else.

I would also pay off half of your debt and set up a standing order to clear the remainder as quickly as you can.

You need to get a job. Both your DC are at school.

I don’t think OP needs to get a job because of that - but it’s no good to want all the extras in life such as Netflix and regular take aways but then not work for them. If you want to be a SAHM that’s fine - but when your partner doesn’t earn a huge salary to support the many little luxuries you want you’ll have to live more frugally. If you want extras like Amazon prime then you need to get a job - the only way you’ll really save is by bringing in more money.

I am pretty sure you would be entitled to universal credit. We are in a very similar situation to you except we rent so we get a rental element. I think you could well get a couple of hundred quid a month. The application is so easy and you wouldn't lose anything if you are not entitled. It is calculated every month so you are never over paid.

We do The Sun £9.50pp holidays every year. Brilliant value. Can't fault them.

We have just got rid of our second car - how often are your appointments? We worked out that getting taxis when we needed to (also have children with multiple medical appts here) would still work out cheaper, is that a possibility? You could then pay your debt off with the money from the car sale. It is a bit limiting day to day, but both DC are at school in normal times.

We also only use Prime on free trials, is that a possibility for you? How much "stuff" do you actually need to buy from them?

DS also gets DLA (low rate mobility and middle rate care) and I receive Carers allowance for DS as his needs are quite significant

I'd be looking to have this re-assessed. DD is on high rate mobility and middle rate care and has been since she was a toddler. I wouldn't consider her needs "significant."

You need to get a job. Both your DC are at school.

Where are all these lovely jobs that let you work from 9.30 to 2.30 so you can do the school runs?

There are very few of these in my area.

Hi OP. Don’t mean to be rude but we don’t have Prime we just watch Netflix!! I’m a SAHM mom and my husband takes home more than twice your partner. Our mortgage is 4 x yours. We get no benefits, no credits, nothing. We’re not short of cash at all but we’re still careful. We pay £23,50 per month for Talk Talk which is tv and Internet. Netflix I think is £9 extra. My phone is I think only £10 a month. Check each thing and see if you can cut back. We only have one car but I understand that might not be possible for you. Good luck and I hope you work something out, stressing about money all the time is not fun!

All the people saying the OP doesn't earn enough isn't she taking home 3k with a £400 mortgage!!!

Our income is double but mortgage is triple.

With a mortgage coming out of one salary you are left with very little.
Why can't you get a job during the hours that kids are at school? Do you have qualifications?
Shopping at Tesco is a fortune. We earn good salaries but still shop at Lidl. Do one shop at Aldi/Lidl and see how much you get for your money compared to Tesco!

Another thing to look at is your water bill. If your child's needs mean you use extra water you will be entitled to a reduction. I am south east and the tariff is called watersure. Worth looking at.

Just want to say I empathise with OP. Sounds like we have children of similar age and one of mine is severely disabled.
I took voluntary redundancy from a senior position nearly 4 years ago as the appointments and therapies were just getting too much. I was the main earner and I took VR always with a view that I'd get another role when he was in school. Little did I know that there's no such thing as wrap around or summer holiday childcare for disabled kids unless you pay a hefty premium. Plus it inly became apparent how far behind his peers he was later, we'd always hoped he'd catch up (full time wheelchair user, incontinent, unable to stand up, SEN school - you get the idea. He's also very chatty and kind natured).
With carers allowance and any benefits you get, you are limited as to what you could earn before they are reduced or simply taken away (not DLA but that is for the needs if the child).
Working and having disabled children needs to be opened up as there are so many capable women stuck in a benefits situation simply because they have no affordable and acceptable childcare. Also, disabled children generally don't go on play dates and will need people to watch and mind over them beyond the age of 12.
Good luck OP. It's hard to cut things out when sometimes just buying that McDonald's treat gets you through the week.

@Cairnterrorist

You actually need to sit down and do a budget and stick to it.

And find out where every penny goes.

For example My weakness is make up. I spend on it first if I have any extra. That and eyebrows. But if I was skint again it would be the first to go.

YES, THIS! Do a real budget. List every necessary expense. Every single one. List how much you pay for each expense, and I suggest using the highest amount you expect to pay for utilities and petrol, not the lowest. Don't forget groceries. Once you know how much the basics are costing, you can factor in incidentals. Or not, depending! My budget allows for damned few incidentals!

We bought our carpets through Carpetright. At the time it was free installation and 0% interest for 4 years

@WhatWouldPhyllisCraneDo

Still impossible given the stated circumstances and outgoings and dependent children. Either he needs to earn more or she needs to work too, or they will contine to struggle, despite the benefit top ups.

Impossible to manage on close to 3k per month with a £400 mortgage??? Really??? I must be superwoman then!

Im not saying its not hard to budget. And I have sympathy if OP is struggling. But I refuse to accept that 3k is small income!!!

Of course it is to support 4 people. OP is lucky to have a very small mortgage but for a lot of families mortgage plus childcare for two is much more than their total income! Even with a very tiny mortgage payment once you add in bills and food and children's clothes etc on top of the rest it must be a massive struggle to support a family.

@MintyMabel

You need to get a job. Both your DC are at school.

Where are all these lovely jobs that let you work from 9.30 to 2.30 so you can do the school runs?

There are very few of these in my area.

Part time jobs, working from home jobs where you can do school runs in a break, self-employed jobs where you choose your own hours, or with two parents working opposite shifts so one does drop off at school and one collects etc. All of the things that thousands of families do to manage this problem. Or you use afterschool clubs and collect your children later so that the family can have more money and not struggle. The idea that one parent has to not work because children are at school is absurd. I'm a single parent and manage to have a full time job.

But op doesn't have childcare costs.
I support me and 2 teens (who eat more than I do and wear adult sized clothes but are all growing) on half of OPs income. My housing costs are twice as much as well. So sorry. Not buying that its a struggle.

@MyNameIsArthur

You should put it all down on a spreadsheet like my example here

Where are children's clothes and shoes (or even adult's ones?), travel or day trips for school holidays, leisure activities, extra curricular activities or school trips, meals out etc? Or savings (other than the small leftover each month) in case of unexpected expenses such as boiler or car breakdown, emergencies, increases in rent or utilities or food costs, one of the earners being unwell and unable to work for a while (or is that covered by the insurance element)? It's all very well budgeting but if there is no realistic cushion or alternative plan for such (not unforeseeable) circumstances then it seems rather pointless and certainly not a position from which to advise other posters.

@WhatWouldPhyllisCraneDo

But op doesn't have childcare costs. I support me and 2 teens (who eat more than I do and wear adult sized clothes but are all growing) on half of OPs income. My housing costs are twice as much as well. So sorry. Not buying that its a struggle.

Yes but she's be better off longer term by the sounds of it by having childcqre costs and a job. And a realistic budget that considers all costs of living not just the ones per PP.

As a single parent my take home pay on my own is more than twice what the OP's family earns and we have far from an exteavagent lifestyle. Almost all of what I earn is taken by childcare and mortgage but each family has their own higher expenses depending on circumstance. I struggle to make ends meet so I sympathise with her situation (though the specifics of our situations and the strains on our budgets happen to be different) even if you don't.

I do sympathise with her. I even said I do in the post you quoted. But on an income of circa 3k per month, with low housing costs and no childcare they shouldn't be struggling. If she'd quoted massive housing costs, or mentioned paying for childcare then it would be easy to see where the money was going. But she didn't. They are obviously spending money somewhere without knowing where. Hence my comment right back at the beginning about keeping a note of every penny they spend so they can be realistic about what they can cut back on.