To ask why we struggle with money so much.

[whatismyusername29]

Hi all, probably not the right place but guess posting here for traffic.

I am SAHP. I have two dc with additional needs. My partner works and brings home around £500 a week after tax plus he usually does overtime so can be more. He gets paid monthly so usually around £2000 take home maybe a little more with overtime. . Up until last year he was paid weekly so we have struggled with this transition and making it stretch.

We also get child benefit, I get £30 a week for my son from his father. DS also gets DLA (low rate mobility and middle rate care) and I receive Carers allowance for DS as his needs are quite significant. Despite Dd having additional needs too we do not claim for her yet.

We own our own home. Our mortgage is just a little less than £400 a month on our home worth around £200,000 We do run two cars which is quite a big expense. Our bills tend to be quite high - gas/electric/water. We do spend quite a lot on food. We have some debt (maybe around 2 grand).

We don’t have many luxuries. Haven’t had a holiday in several years, neither of us drink alcohol so that isn’t an added cost.

But why are we skint? Our mortgage is low, we aren’t in a huge amount of debt, don’t have luxuries. We do have subscriptions for Netflix, prime etc but who doesn’t?! Both have phone contracts but again who doesn’t?!

DS’s school lunches are costing me a fortune normally. Around £45 a month but he won’t eat a packed lunch. Dd is younger and gets free lunches in infants.

A holiday (covid allowing) would be nice but how?!

Aibu to think we really shouldn’t struggle so much?!

We are overdrawn by the end of the month always.

Advice? Best ways to save money? How to cut down on food costs.

I appreciate we are in a better position then some. Are bills are paid and we have food but there just isn’t a lot left. I cannot remember the last time I bought clothes for myself!

We need new carpet but how?! Unless we put it on credit but want to avoid that.

We want to get married but not sure how we could possibly avoid it?!

We do have some savings but only around 2 grand. It’s saved for a rainy day - cars going wrong, stuff going wrong in the house etc.

We’ve just spend £700 getting out heating system fixed!

I know many people will tell me to get a job. I want to but that easy with my two and the unsociable hours dp works!

Can you list your outgoings?

I think first off would be finding the best deals on all your bills. Then perhaps ensuring all debts are on the lowest interest you can get, balance transfer etc. Then you need to work your budget out. Income minus bills, what’s left divide between the weeks so you ca understand just how much money you actually have. By doing this has made me realise that £10 here and there made a big dent in my budget every month. Write up your budget and stick to it, allow so much for weekly extras like treats, take away etc but that’s it. Once it’s gone it’s gone. Work out where it’s all going before trying to understand how to afford a holiday etc.

Stuff costs a lot. I would trim - Netflix or Prime, not both, cheapest phone and giffgaff cheapest contract, can you manage with one car? I find if I can trim £25 a week off the food spending then that's £100 more at the end of the month.

I expect other people will be along soon who have children with additional needs and may be able to give specific advice.

However in your shoes I’d take your £2k savings and use it to pay off your £2k debt. The interest rate on the debt will be high while inflation is effectively eroding your savings. Are you making more than just minimum payments on your debt? If you’re not then you’ll take forever to pay it off.

I’d also say we can’t give you more of an accurate assessment without seeing all your outgoings in a list- we need more info to go on.

Your bank account online should be able to show all your monthly direct debits. Write them down and you will know how much money is "dead" every month I.e. you don't even get a chance to spend it because it's already committed!

Start a Google Sheets or something to write monthly payments into. E.g. last month. What came in, what went out?

Any mystery cash note down what it was actually spent on, too.

You will soon see what you're paying for that could be reduced

You're skint because unfortunately £2k a month doesn't go that far especially if you are running 2 cars. I would highly recommend getting a Monzo bank account. The banking app has very good budgeting tools built in and it's transformed our finances. Highly recommend.

Head over to the debt free wannabe page of the money saving expert forum. They’re brutal but very efficient, they’ll soon help you work out where all your cash is going!

I’d almost guarantee that you’re spending a lot of money on unplanned expenses, coffees, snacks, face cream, that sort of thing.

And yes you’re right two cars is going to cost a lot, especially if they’re both new and / or powerful models.

Use your 2 grand savings to pay off your 2 grand debt. They are not really savings if you also have debt. Then aim to build the savings up again.
Cancel your subscriptions. You can watch things for free on ITV, you tube etc. No everyone does not have subscriptions if they can't afford them (and you can't if you are out of money each month).
Have you shopped around for the cheapest deals on bills? Get cheaper phone contracts - second hand phone and sim only for £5 a month.
Are your cars your own or do you lease them? Leasing is expensive, you are better off just buying an old car outright. Or manage with one car (maybe difficult with disabled children - but maybe your husband can walk or cycle to work sometimes?)

How much are your phone contracts each month? Those subscriptions & contract soon add up.

You're supporting 4 people on £2k a month - well done 👍🏻 (that's less than average household income)

Frankly you're doing brilliantly

We do have subscriptions for Netflix, prime etc but who doesn’t?!

We don’t. We have plenty of money but there is no need if you want afford it.

Both have phone contracts but again who doesn’t?!

We do, but it’s £11 a month each.

we want to get married but can’t afford it

It costs about £130 to get married at a register office. If you’re not working you’ll make that back twice over in the first year in a Married Couples Allowance.

You need to list all of your outgoing for a month or so and work out where you can cut back. Put money into savings on the day you are paid, then work out how to live on the rest.

And pay off the debt. It is just costing you money.

Have you checked to see if you're entitled to universal credit? I think you could be.

2k per month plus carers allowance and CB, with a housing cost of £400? You shouldn't be totally skint on that. You need to keep an honest list of everything you spend for a month. All the coffees/cakes/top up shops add up.
Can you get cheaper phone deals? How much do the cars cost (I don't have 1 so don't have a clue)

I wouldn’t use my 2k savings to pay 2k debt. I understand the logic but what do you do if the car needs attention, or the refrigerator breaks down?

I’d try to shave some money off the weekly shop (meal plan, budget carefully), and get rid of a car, if feasible.

If you track all the money you spend in a month you will see where it’s going and can make savings accordingly.
Review utility suppliers
Phone contracts
Cancel prime, Netflix etc.
Can you manage with one car?

That's not a lot of money for 4 people to live off; that's why you're skint.

You need to write down EVERY SINGLE outgoing. EVERYTHING. see where you are spending and question every spend.

Obvious savers-
Switch utility suppliers?
Cancel or streamline any subscriptions.
Meal plan and stick to it
Think about how you heat your house- are you loosing heat from crappy windows? Things like sealing windows properly or using draft excluders are small wins but they help
Can you do any part time work to fit with your children? Anything home based? Can you do anything via zoom? Just thinking out the box.

Can you remortgage and change your mortgage repayments?

Phones- we use a sim only with gif gaf. Very very cheap. Much better to buy a phone outright and then have a cheap plan. My sim is £10/month and so is DH. I have an old iPhone 8 and DH had an X which we bought afew years ago now. They will get used until they die. You can buy half decent phones outright. Look into it.

The only way you'll find out is by listing each of every spend out of your accts (honestly) for a month.

We found that little trips to the co-op for treats was easily spanking £50 a month. You'll be surprised how much the little things add up.

IME phone contracts are a big expense if you want the likes of an iPhone. So paying £40‐£50 a month when my phone contract is less than £10 as I dont switch phoned until mine dies and then I buy a new phone outright for around £160.

Streaming services, again not expensive until you're paying extra to be able to watch it on multiple TVs. Suddenly your £6 a month bill has trebled.

PCP car payments are such a con, if you use these hand those cars back. HCP might be more expensive but you'll own the car at the end. Do you need 2 cars?

Moral of my ramble, list EVERYTHING!!

Wow you do a great job in these circs.

Some suggestions;
Gif gaff for phone (I pay £6 a month)
Lidl or Aldi for shopping
Cheap home made batch meals using mince (chilli, spag bol, cottage pie)
£10 a day threads for additional income

I’d guess you can cut your spending if you want to. DH and I have old phones and spend £7 (I think) each on Giffgaff a month. Only have Netflix. Do you shop around each year for the cheapest car insurance (we just saved almost £200), change energy provider (at end of fixed period if applicable) to make sure you’re on the cheapest deal etc.

You’re on the right track - great to have savings and great to recognise that eg getting carpet on credit is only going to cost you more. Now you just need to understand what you are spending on - small amounts here and there really do all add up.

Thanks all. Two cars can be expensive. Thankfully they are pretty reliable but the savings are there to unexpected car costs. We don’t really want to spend that for now. We’ve just used some to out towards fixing the heating.

My partners phone contract is around £20 a month on a rolling sim deal. Mines higher at £45 but my contracts up soon so I’ll be dropping it.

We don’t have sky so we watch Netflix so not sure dp would be willing to give up (I wouldn’t care as j don’t watch tv). We also don’t have a tv antenna upstairs so we watch netflix in bed. Our prime isn’t really for TV, it’s for ordering things on Amazon not the TV part of it. I do use Amazon prime for things (mainly needed and not impulse buys 😅.

Our water is high. Around £80-90 a month. We live in one of the most expensive water areas (south west water)

Our gas and electric is around £90 - £100 a month combined.

we spend around £100 a week on food. So £400 a month. We get take away maybe twice a month so not excessive I don’t think?

Probably about £100 a month on fuel for both cars, sometimes less.

£45 a month for DS’s school lunches

£10 a month each payment plan for private dentistry!

We are also still paying off £50 a month for a sofa we bought but that won’t be for long.

The only direct debit that comes out of my bank is my phone contract and dentistry fee. The rest is from dp’s bank.

We pay around £50 a month to by for internet and phone I think. No other provider provides internet where we live so no choice but to stay with them.

Cant think of what else we spend at the top of my head!

Definitely the two cars - does your DP need his for work? Could he get public transport or cycle?

Get rid of either Netflix or Prime. Both is a waste of money.

Your phone contracts - when you renew them, get cheap phones with a low monthly payment. No need to get the latest iPhone.

When you buy clothes, get stuff online - eBay usually has cheap bundles of kids clothing. Noone will know or care that it's second hand.

Shopping - have a look at Jack Monroe's website/recipes. You'll be amazed how far she can make money stretch. Shop at Aldi/Lidl, don't bother with branded foods unless you know the own brand isn't nice.

Lastly - you are supporting 4 people, 2 with additional needs, on not a lot of money per month. You're doing far, far better than many thousands who earn more than you and are in huge amounts of crippling debt. You're doing a great job.

Money saving expert and do their budget.

Forgot car insurance. We tend to change every year to get the best deal. Our car insurance isn’t overly expensive these days (used to be so much when I was younger a few years ago!)

We won't be able to tell from that detail...
How much is carers allowance?
Do you own the cars outright or are you paying monthly for them? If you are paying monthly for them then that could be quite a big chunk of your budget. Are smaller /more economical cars an option?

Do you have lots of subscription to things? Fancy phones? Do you fritter money on little bits. The only way to really know what it is going on is to properly look at your expenditure.