To ask why we struggle with money so much.

[whatismyusername29]

Hi all, probably not the right place but guess posting here for traffic.

I am SAHP. I have two dc with additional needs. My partner works and brings home around £500 a week after tax plus he usually does overtime so can be more. He gets paid monthly so usually around £2000 take home maybe a little more with overtime. . Up until last year he was paid weekly so we have struggled with this transition and making it stretch.

We also get child benefit, I get £30 a week for my son from his father. DS also gets DLA (low rate mobility and middle rate care) and I receive Carers allowance for DS as his needs are quite significant. Despite Dd having additional needs too we do not claim for her yet.

We own our own home. Our mortgage is just a little less than £400 a month on our home worth around £200,000 We do run two cars which is quite a big expense. Our bills tend to be quite high - gas/electric/water. We do spend quite a lot on food. We have some debt (maybe around 2 grand).

We don’t have many luxuries. Haven’t had a holiday in several years, neither of us drink alcohol so that isn’t an added cost.

But why are we skint? Our mortgage is low, we aren’t in a huge amount of debt, don’t have luxuries. We do have subscriptions for Netflix, prime etc but who doesn’t?! Both have phone contracts but again who doesn’t?!

DS’s school lunches are costing me a fortune normally. Around £45 a month but he won’t eat a packed lunch. Dd is younger and gets free lunches in infants.

A holiday (covid allowing) would be nice but how?!

Aibu to think we really shouldn’t struggle so much?!

We are overdrawn by the end of the month always.

Advice? Best ways to save money? How to cut down on food costs.

I appreciate we are in a better position then some. Are bills are paid and we have food but there just isn’t a lot left. I cannot remember the last time I bought clothes for myself!

We need new carpet but how?! Unless we put it on credit but want to avoid that.

We want to get married but not sure how we could possibly avoid it?!

We do have some savings but only around 2 grand. It’s saved for a rainy day - cars going wrong, stuff going wrong in the house etc.

We’ve just spend £700 getting out heating system fixed!

I know many people will tell me to get a job. I want to but that easy with my two and the unsociable hours dp works!

@MostlyAmbridgeandcoffee

As others have said - you’re doing well on that income - it’s a low income for a family with 2 kids so well done! You could work a few hours extra now both kids are in school??

Not in school due for obvious reasons but potentially soon when they go back. Dd hasn’t long been in school. She’s only 5 😀

The fact you've only just mentioned the dog suggests to me that you really aren't aware of where your money goes. Look at that in detail.

all the people saying it's a low income and proclaiming how they couldn't possibly manage on such a small amount... not helpful. it's an average income, lots manage on it and many manage on less so get your head out of your arse and either give useful suggestions or dont comment

I think you're outgoings sound reasonable tbh. Yes you could do away with Netflix and prime and the takeaways but why make life so bloody miserable. You could possibly cut down the £100 a week food. A few cheap meals like jacket potato and beans, scrambled egg on toast, chips egg and beans etc could save a bit if you mix them in to your food plan.

I know it's cliche but have you tried Aldi or Lidl? They really are cheaper!

Have you had to adapt your home for the child you get cares allowance for?
If so you maybe entitled to council take reduction.
We changed a downstairs toilet into a bathroom as dad couldn't manage the stairs.

A single salary of £30k for a family of 4 isn't a lot IMO.

I get why you need 2 cars, i would never go down to 1 car in the family.

My advice is log all your outgoings (I use an excel spreadsheet) and then highlight the ones that you have ability to change. Some you can’t but many you can look for cheaper contracts etc. I find the biggest one to shave money off is food shopping. I save money every month for Christmas and birthdays so I have the same expense every month for that, and can then just transfer the money over if I have a birthday to pay for. Also do that for car problems. 2k isn’t a lot but guess the DLA / CB adds to that. Could you look for some home work?

@Manteo

£2000 per month would be a salary of about £30k wouldn't it? Which is average as a salary but as a whole household income for a family of 4 it's very low. I only have one child but would still massively struggle on that.

But it’s not her whole household income, the other stuff she lists will probably be another £600 or so.

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

You are carefully ignoring anyone who suggests you get a job, OP.

I want a job. I have worked bleddy hard in the past. So I could afford to save and buy a house. Just struggling now.

Dd is only 5 and not long been in school. Job opportunities in my area are low and school hours jobs are hard to come by. Children aren’t even in school atm! So how would I manage? I get no help from family at all!!

Dp works long hours. His shifts change every week so I cannot work around that. I cannot do evenings as every other week he’s on a late shift.

He is not jn position to cut hours! It’s not that type of job.

The only day I fully commit to working is a Sunday.

My children’s school is small and does not have wrap around care either.

Plus dc having sen makes it harder - school meetings, hospital apps, speech therapy etc.

Aside from £2000 wages you have £120 maintenance, £120 CB plus carers and DLA? That's a pretty decent amount.

You maybe need to shop around for your food. I do a big shop at Aldi/Iceland/Tesco once a month. I top of fresh stuff each week.

I think really if you are struggling you maybe need to be creative. Could you get a self employed job? Take in some ironing locally or something just to give you some extra? What did you do for work before children?

I have one bank account for all the bills and one to live on. Whatever is left in the bank account that I live on on pay day I transfer to savings. Even if it's £30. You need to take a look at you're bank. If his wages cover bills separate the money, one lump sum for bills and the rest for savings and spends.

You’ve not given full details so nobody on here can really tell you.

You need to look through your online bank statements with a pen and paper. Write down all income then add up every single outgoing. Only then will you have a clear idea of where money goes every month and where you are able to save if possible.

I'm just cherry-picking a few costs you've listed here - but they're where I can see you easily saving some money.

car costs
Yep, two cars are expensive. You have two lots of insurance, two lots of MOT and service costs, two lots of fuel etc. However, if you need them, you need them. I would just make sure you have the best value policies you can get.

phone and internet
£65 on phone bills is a LOT of money. Can you not both switch to Giff-Gaff? You could easily save £50 per month just on your phone bills. In the future, buy your phones outright and just get a cheap SIM deal.

You don't need Prime - just save everything in your basket until you qualify for free delivery, or wait until you get a month of free prime and buy everything then, then cancel it. I've never once paid for Prime or for delivery off Amazon. Just stick with Netflix.

food/takeaways
£100 a week on food for a family of four is quite a lot of money, and if you add two takeaways on top, you're probably taking it closer to £500 - especially once you include top-up shops etc. You don't need takeaways - get supermarket meal deals or frozen pizzas etc. instead.

other
You also haven't listed costs like house insurance, council tax, TV license, pet insurance and related costs (you say you have a dog), top-up shops, any hobbies you and your DC do every month etc.

How much does all that come to each month that you've not yet accounted for? It's the little costs you need to watch as they all add up very quickly!

OPs partner must be on around £30k a year. Most lenders will give you a mortgage from £25k.

Thank you.

I am still on old tax credits and get about £500 pcm. My child gets high rate DLA care which means I get disability tax credits at a higher amount than if middle rate. Its worth checking on the right rate of DLA as that would make a big difference. You can also ask Family Fund to give you a grant for a dryer,. the Govt has given them alot of money to distribute as a way of trying to pretend it has met the needs of parent carers during covid. Using the benefit calculators will help but the key may be DLA as that will unlock more UC. I dont really qualify for much UC based on my earnings but the disability elements make it worth claiming. I'm trying a water meter.

@LunaHeather

The fact you've only just mentioned the dog suggests to me that you really aren't aware of where your money goes. Look at that in detail.

I forgot to mention the dog as she’s a very very small amount of our outgoings.

you need a budget OP, a budget that includes haircuts, clothes and a sinking fund for emergencies, also - look up Dave Ramsey on youtube.

The point is, you can’t have your cake and eat it.

You don’t seem to know exactly what your income is, let alone your outgoings. If you don’t know what’s coming in and what’s going out, you will continue to have debt and it will probably creep up.

If you want to be able to afford not to work and to have two cars, (which I don’t think is all that unreasonable given your circs) I think you can do it on your income but you will have to change your approach.

Stop comparing your spending to what you imagine is ‘reasonable’. All that matters is whether or not you can afford it.

You must go to moneysavingexpert and do a proper budget. It is very empowering and will help you make wise decisions instead of sticking your head in the sand.

I think you’re doing well to support 4 people on your income.

The expenses you’ve listed including mortgage total £1336 so you’re missing expenditure (I’m assuming Netflix and prime are both £8 each). You’ve missed council tax off the list. Is the sofa payment the debt you mentioned or is that something else?

I bet the rest of it is mostly day to day expenditure you’re not thinking about. You’ve mentioned takeaway for the family twice a month which isn’t counted. I expect there will be coffees or the odd nice thing and you need to buy clothes at some point. I also expect you spend more than groceries than you think (I know I do). I also find that almost every month I have a one-off expense of some kind (car tax, fixing something broken etc.)

Checking where your money would be a good start. My bank analyses my expenditure for me so I can easily see where my money’s going on a pie chart. I think most banks offer something these days.

@sunflowersandbuttercupsdo you really think 400 a month is a lot on food for a family of 4?idont think it's much.

This just show how difficult these threads are.

I forgot to mention the dog as she’s a very very small amount of our outgoings.

But all the little costs add up.

You've been really dismissive of monthly Netflix and Prime subscriptions, and now it's the same for the dog.

I imagine her insurance, food, treats, worm/flea treatment and things like collars, leads, beds etc. adds up to a fair bit more than you think.

I forgot to mention the dog as she’s a very very small amount of our outgoings.

Unfortunately it's probably a collection of small amounts that you don't really think about that is causing the problem. If you have 10 expenses that are £5 weekly each, that's 10% of your weekly income in total.

I’m amazed how well you live on £2000 a month! Netflix, prime, two cars, two mobiles, own home, two takeouts a month - these are all luxuries for a lot of people!

As per holiday, could you afford to put a deposit on a caravan type holiday in the summer (parc are good) and they have low deposits. It will give you the incentive to save to paying off the rest a few weeks before. Then if you change mobile phone contract (£45 a month is a lot - my dm has Tesco mobile and I think it’s £10 pm) maybe get rid of prime, try to reduce your food bill by £10 per week/and/or get rid of the takeouts (try making fakeaways? I did a Nando’s one the other day coz the dc’s are missing it -it was lovely and all Nando’s sauces from Asda as recommended by someone on here were really cheap) etc. That could save you around £100 per month and would make saving for a little break manageable.
Also agree with pp’s re getting married. You can do it for very little at a registry office.

Also people saying 2k a month isn’t much for a family of 4 are ignoring all the extras OP has listed- mid rate dla is 250ish a month, 130 a month CM, child benefit 150 a month, low rate mobility 100 a month which is an extra £600. She also mentions carers allowance but I’m not sure what that is.

£2600+ a month after tax with a £400 per month mortgage seems like a perfectly ok amount to me.

[quote Plussizejumpsuit]@sunflowersandbuttercupsdo you really think 400 a month is a lot on food for a family of 4?idont think it's much.

This just show how difficult these threads are.[/quote]
That's £400 a month, not including £45 on school dinners for one child or 2 lots of takeaway each month. £400 all-in would be reasonable but that's not what they're spending.

She's actually spending probably more like £500 a month when everything is considered, and that's not including top-up shops or coffees etc. while out.

Hi OP, another person here who thinks you're doing OK as it is.

The main thing I gained from my own debt free wannabe journey was that all the little things add up, so if you have a few 'red lines' (eg 2 cars, Netflix etc) then you have to look at other things to spend smarter on. It can be an eye opener to review your last year's worth of Amazon orders and work out (a) how much you spent, (b) whether it was really value for money or a waste and (c) whether you've really saved money on P&P compared to the ££ you spent.

Also make sure your new budget covers absolutely everything you ever need to spend money on (hair cuts, window cleaner, car parking, stamps, school charity donations etc) - I find these a surprisingly significant amount. Pre lock down I used a cash system for this: I'd allow myself a set amount each week and when it was gone, it was gone. I work out of the house, so it was also a bit of an allowance for lunches for me, and it allowed me to have a bit of choice and 'fun money' - if I had coffee and cake out then it would be soup and a roll for the rest of the week.

And as for holidays, I love them but they're strictly self-catering cottages or static caravans - thankfully my children's idea of heaven! As a dog owner it's also generally cheaper to bring it with you than pay for a kennel/sitter.