To ask why we struggle with money so much.

[whatismyusername29]

Hi all, probably not the right place but guess posting here for traffic.

I am SAHP. I have two dc with additional needs. My partner works and brings home around £500 a week after tax plus he usually does overtime so can be more. He gets paid monthly so usually around £2000 take home maybe a little more with overtime. . Up until last year he was paid weekly so we have struggled with this transition and making it stretch.

We also get child benefit, I get £30 a week for my son from his father. DS also gets DLA (low rate mobility and middle rate care) and I receive Carers allowance for DS as his needs are quite significant. Despite Dd having additional needs too we do not claim for her yet.

We own our own home. Our mortgage is just a little less than £400 a month on our home worth around £200,000 We do run two cars which is quite a big expense. Our bills tend to be quite high - gas/electric/water. We do spend quite a lot on food. We have some debt (maybe around 2 grand).

We don’t have many luxuries. Haven’t had a holiday in several years, neither of us drink alcohol so that isn’t an added cost.

But why are we skint? Our mortgage is low, we aren’t in a huge amount of debt, don’t have luxuries. We do have subscriptions for Netflix, prime etc but who doesn’t?! Both have phone contracts but again who doesn’t?!

DS’s school lunches are costing me a fortune normally. Around £45 a month but he won’t eat a packed lunch. Dd is younger and gets free lunches in infants.

A holiday (covid allowing) would be nice but how?!

Aibu to think we really shouldn’t struggle so much?!

We are overdrawn by the end of the month always.

Advice? Best ways to save money? How to cut down on food costs.

I appreciate we are in a better position then some. Are bills are paid and we have food but there just isn’t a lot left. I cannot remember the last time I bought clothes for myself!

We need new carpet but how?! Unless we put it on credit but want to avoid that.

We want to get married but not sure how we could possibly avoid it?!

We do have some savings but only around 2 grand. It’s saved for a rainy day - cars going wrong, stuff going wrong in the house etc.

We’ve just spend £700 getting out heating system fixed!

I know many people will tell me to get a job. I want to but that easy with my two and the unsociable hours dp works!

I think it all sounds about normal. We were in similar position when ours were tiny. Still overdrawn but more coming in now. We seemed to be hovering on the amount needed for tax credits, so around the £30k mark for quite a while. It's not actually that much for 4 people.

How much is total monthly income? As other suggest you need to sit down and work out exactly how much is left after bills. Agree you mortgage is cheap.

£30 per month is not much allowance from your ex - are you sure that's right? Don't the carers allowance and DLA help quite a bit?

I don't think Netflix is a ridiculous extravagance tbh if you never go out. It's about £2.50 a week for all 4 of you.

Holidays - we still don't have what some people call a holiday. It's never abroad, flying anywhere hot to a hotel. We've done camping in UK, youth hostelling, Canvas Holidays abroad but low season, caravanning. But the kids do get holidays - just not the type some would be prepared to do.

I think it will only get better once you can start working. I always have to Ebay stuff to make money for Christmas for example. There might be something you can do in your own time to make a bit extra.

Your water rates seem high to me, check that usage.

Pay off the debt first. 100%

Then do a tough budget- lay out every single penny and where you can spend it or save it. It will feel tough at first but you’ll grow into it.

We struggled with debt and over spending for about eight years. But three years ago we drew up a monthly budget that had to be stuck to. We review at the end of each month for the upcoming - just in case anything has changed.

Over time we’ve moved from scraping together £100 a month for savings to paying off all our debt and saving nearly £1000 per month. And we still budget really tightly.

Lots of good advice, but it is worth recording every penny spent during a one month period, to get a real picture of what you are spending and where and not use guess work. These sites might be of use too www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/tools/budget-planner

www.turn2us.org.uk/
www.moneysavingexpert.com/
and maybe think about alternating tv subscriptions, so use one, watch their offerings and then switch, rather than running more than one at a time.

Also can you use a cashback credit card to help your money go further.

You can also talk to utility providers about their deals and social tariffs, including those providing phone and broadband and many are doing much deals at present, including some offering free access to sites for home schooling.

Like others say get better phone and energy deals, change your cars, check your insurance prices (both car and home). When you search for better energy deals tick the box for the cheap deals the comparison website doesn't get commission for.

Shop around for food. There is a massive difference in price between Sainsbury's and Aldi for instance. Cook more from scratch and you will save money, eat better and taste better.

You answered your own op. You said you just paid 700 to get the heating fixed. One off big expenses - these crop up all the time. My washing machine broke last week. The month before, we had a laptop break (we didn’t damage it). It’s just life imo. As a family, more stuff breaks. It was much easier with just the 2 of us - both at work all day, low wear and tear, low usage of most household stuff - washing machine etc, whatever. I find with a family and dog, stuff is used constantly and wears out and breaks. Anything. I threw out a baking tray last week as the coating peeled off. I threw out a kettle the week before that stopped working. My ds neeeed textbooks off Amazon. The list is endless. That’s why all the money gets spent.

@AnnaMagnani

Private dentistry - what are you teeth actually like?

After a while there are no surprises really. DH and I pay each time for our private dentist and we know that every time DH will have nothing done and I'll be having X-rays, fillings and at some point £1000s of work done but so far not yet.

Are you me, or my DH? If my DH you are wasting your money on the dental payments, it's how they make their money.

We were nhs patients up until last year but the surgery went fully private for adults . To stay on we had to pay private. If we pay private the kids can still be nhs. Cant afford to pay private for a check up in one go. £10 is a check up and hygienist each year plus x rays. There are no nhs dentists around. I just want to stay with a densit tbh.

@ekidmxcl

You answered your own op. You said you just paid 700 to get the heating fixed. One off big expenses - these crop up all the time. My washing machine broke last week. The month before, we had a laptop break (we didn’t damage it). It’s just life imo. As a family, more stuff breaks. It was much easier with just the 2 of us - both at work all day, low wear and tear, low usage of most household stuff - washing machine etc, whatever. I find with a family and dog, stuff is used constantly and wears out and breaks. Anything. I threw out a baking tray last week as the coating peeled off. I threw out a kettle the week before that stopped working. My ds neeeed textbooks off Amazon. The list is endless. That’s why all the money gets spent.

Yes and my dryer is on the way out right now and that’ll be another cost 😩 and before anyone adds a dryer is essential. Two children with sen create a lot of washing to dry! 😩

We have a dog too but she doesn’t cost us much. She’s been very healthy so far and is only little so doesn’t eat a lot 😀

I don't mean any of these to sound harsh but these were my thoughts when I read your post:

1. Google YNAB
2. listen to Dave Ramsey
3. get thee to money saving expert.com. Especially the debt free wannabe forum.
4. we take home more than you but don't think we can afford both Netflix and prime or two takeaways a month. It's one takeaway a month and Netflix or prime and that's just because we're stuck at home.
5. are you both paying into a pension
6. are your kids at school? What do you do during that time?
7. can dh request o/t? If you are a SAHM I'd have him working every hour god sent till that debt was paid off and you had an emergency fund. Once you have the latter things get far easier to cope with.

@DietrichandDiMaggio

We have some debt (maybe around 2 grand).

We do have some savings but only around 2 grand. It’s saved for a rainy day - cars going wrong, stuff going wrong in the house etc.

Unless you are earning interest on the savings and/or the debt is interest free, this makes no sense- just clear the debt.

Then the car goes wrong? We haven’t got any savings to fix it? If we didn’t have savings we’d have been sat with no heating right now! Just cost us £700! 😩

Sadly you are in a position where there isn't much to give.

I'd strongly suggest looking at your non-essentials though and working out whether you think they are worth the money spent on them or whether that money could be used elsewhere
e.g.
Prime - if you're only using it for delivery, then really not worth it, just get more organised with ordering!
2 cars - I get that you are rural but does DH have no other options? Scooter? Cycling (if not too far)? Can he car share? Running 2 cars is one of the things crippling you
Phone contracts - I know you say you will ditch but for reference we have 4 PAYG phones her and pay approx £5 for each in a month. You are paying a lot of broadband, so you should be making the most of that and just using your phone as a phone!
Takeaways - 2 a month is fine if you can afford, but it's a luxury
School dinners - again a luxury. Really nothing DS will eat? Hot food in a flask?

Sure you can think of more.
Good luck.

Head over to Martin Lewis website.

There is a spreadsheet thing where you list everything you have coming in and everything going out.

Look at swapping energy suppliers.

Do you use Netflix and prime enough to warrant the expense.

Can you get a cheaper deal on your mobiles?

Are you getting g all the benefits you should be? Could you be entitled to free school meals for your older child?

Do you plan your meals and snacks, so only buy what you need, can you swap for cheaper brands

Honestly the magic money tree DOES exist when you have school age kids - the wraparound care never costs more than about 50% of earnings at most so you can easily bring in an extra £500 a month by getting a job.

We usually go about £200 overdrawn each month so it’s not through the roof. Overdraft is £1000 but we’ve never reached that point thankfully!

Just saying, it costs £70 to marry in a register office.

As others have said - you’re doing well on that income - it’s a low income for a family with 2 kids so well done! You could work a few hours extra now both kids are in school??

The dog might not cost much yet but a dog owner is only ever one big vet bill away from skint.

Paying for prime only for the delivery is a waste.

Others up thread have advised about UC and the water bill reduction schemes, are you going to look at them?

Something has got to give, but you keep saying no to everything.

What type of heating do you have? I know it sucks to pay into a repair plan but it can be worth it.

@10kstepsaroundthegardenthen

Head over to Martin Lewis website.

There is a spreadsheet thing where you list everything you have coming in and everything going out.

Look at swapping energy suppliers.

Do you use Netflix and prime enough to warrant the expense.

Can you get a cheaper deal on your mobiles?

Are you getting g all the benefits you should be? Could you be entitled to free school meals for your older child?

Do you plan your meals and snacks, so only buy what you need, can you swap for cheaper brands

We swap suppliers every year without fail. We are good at that surprisingly!

Yes Netflix is used heavily tbf. We don’t have normal tv upstairs. Dp is a tv addict and will watch it when he comes home from late shift before he winds down and goes sleep.

I’m planning to lower my phone bill very soon. Dp’s is cheaper.

DS isn’t entitled to free lunches. It’s if you earn less than 16000 isn’t it?

Also get rid of the landline. If you have wifi you can make/receive calls via that (WhatsApp etc) if signal is bad.

Pay off the debt and then sit down and do a budget and go through your expenses for the last three months.

It will be eye-opening, I'm sure. It was for me. And the envelope system/baby steps from Dave Ramsay helped me so much. Check it out. You can do envelopes digitally with the Monzo app.

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

Honestly the magic money tree DOES exist when you have school age kids - the wraparound care never costs more than about 50% of earnings at most so you can easily bring in an extra £500 a month by getting a job.

Did you read that the OP has a disabled child?

And where are all these part time jobs during the pandemic, and it's resulting job crisis, I wonder?

I think you need to work out the lowest amount your DH receives per month and the benefits you receive each month and stick to that, save/ put aside money when he receives overtime- it is hard when your pay fluctuates each month and you are still getting used to monthly vs weekly pay. I too think you are doing a great job on a relatively low income.
I used to love getting paid weekly! Somehow the money seemed to stretch further and it was never long until the next payday.
Do you pay council tax over 10 or 12 months? If 10 use the next two months "free" to over pay your debt, then arrange to pay over 12 months next year.
For the cars - work out how much they cost you per year, tax, MOT, insurance, servicing plus a bit extra for repairs and save this each month into a savings account for the cars only.
Do this for all known outgoings, DS's lunches, £45 a month but probably £35 a month is spread over the year rather than term time only.
I used to open a different savings account for each category but I have been doing it for 10yrs now so I just have a spreadsheet and one savings account.
Save this as soon as you get paid - if you leave it to the end of the month you will never save it.

As PPs have said Moneysaving expert is a great website, go through all your direct debits and see if you can reduce them.

You are carefully ignoring anyone who suggests you get a job, OP.