To not be ashamed of being a teen mother?

[Cash02]

I’m worked up tonight, I saw another thread on a woman annoyed at a teen couples pregnancy (I won’t go into detail as to not highjack that thread, but if you saw me, hello)

I’m a teenage mother, became pregnant at 17, gave birth at 18. I’m with the father.

Everyone in that thread saying things like ‘poor baby’ and basically calling them idiots really upset me.

I feel I’m just as capable of loving a baby just as any 30 year old woman, comments like that make teen parents feel like terrible parents, and that our babies are better of without us.

I love how everyone is against ‘mum shaming’ until that mother is under the age of 20, the double standard is absolutely shocking.

Am I being stupid and should I just accept that I’m an awful evil mother?

There were 2 teen pregnancies in my family. One of those babies one is now a management accountant and the other a solicitor. I know these buck the statistics but a life of poverty isn’t the inevitable outcome. What both of these had in common was a driven mother and help and support from the wider family. Best of luck OP, you sound determined to give your child the best you can.

You’re always going to get the parents who raised high achievers after having them as a teen or them themselves having teen mothers and doing amazingly well.

Bluntness nailed it.

As always, mn is not representative of society.

@timetest

There were 2 teen pregnancies in my family. One of those babies one is now a management accountant and the other a solicitor. I know these buck the statistics but a life of poverty isn’t the inevitable outcome. What both of these had in common was a driven mother and help and support from the wider family. Best of luck OP, you sound determined to give your child the best you can.

I think it’s more likely to be driven children who don’t want their kids having the same lives they had. At least that’s what it is for all of my friends’ (almost all my friends were teen parents) kids. These kids worked so hard and took on a lot of stress to succeed and those who could stopped using their parents as useful resources when they were only kids. Imagine how hurtful that is when your child prefers to go to other family members / family friends for everything from homework help go child rearing advice.

The latter is a huge bug bear for some of my older friends who’ve been frozen out of their daughters’ lives in favour of in laws and family who weren’t teen parents.

And all of this comes from a culture where married teen parents is in the range of normal and always has been

Of course some teenagers will be competent mothers who parent well and are able to provide financially for their family.

However it is simply less likely that a 17 year old will be able to provide financially and support themselves and a baby fully, than a 30 year old. It doesnt mean that's always the case but it's less likely.

I think there is no doubt the op is caring for her child, she had her in a sling all day yesterday and is up at six every morning with her. I’m also sure from the way she talks about her she loves her child and wishes to support her.

But as everyone said there is much much more to being a parent that providing love and care. If only it was that simple. It’s half the battle but certainly not all of it.

I’m not sure anyone is buying she’s a successful music producer though.

As plenty of women have testified on here, you can make it work. Even if her and the father don’t ultimately stay together. It’s just something that teenagers should understand the reality of so they can be dissuaded from it if possible.

On a seperate note, carrying your baby about all day in a sling is not ideal. They learn to rely on it, then you can never put them down and it becomes a whole new level of hard.

[quote Cash02]@Fufumuji
No it isn’t all about love, I also provide financially, we have a stable home, I’m invested in her development, she has healthy home cooked meals everyday, she has (now) a loving family, we are in a bubble and she socialises.
My DP is an IT apprentice as I said, I produce music and study.

If you actually spoke to young mothers, you’ll find most of them are capable of easing children, have plans or already have a job.

We’re past the age of claiming benefits and doing nothing with your life, most young people, child or not, don’t want that for themselves.[/quote]
OP did guy start a thread the other day about your sister making shitty comments about your weight? And you both live with your grandmother?

My mom was pregnant with me at 18. She was a marvellous mom and I would not in any way undermine or look down on mums in their teens. However, as the child of a teenager there were some downsides. My mom was quite poor when we were growing up. She was looking after us, largely could not work because of this, and we did not have many of the things that other kids took for granted- holidays being the example I remember most vividly. Also, when I got to my teenage years I like most teenagers wanted my independence, and this left me feeling sad for my mom as all she lived for was us as kids. There was very little life for her outside of this and looking back I can see that this was quite limiting for her. I could not recommend early motherhood on this basis.

Oh dear op. Your other threads tell a very different story to the one you’re presenting on this thread, even about your relationship, your home life, your financials, everything

I hope you’re ok. We all get your point on teen mums and the stigma. There is no need to present an unrealistic image. Everyone is happy to engage with you on the reality of it. 💐

What a cunty remark @SendHelp30

Who is preparing your DC to be kind human beings? The nanny?

More than happy to support you, OP.

I’ve just read your other thread title which bares the honest truth. You, your DP and baby are all sharing a room in your grandmothers home. I’m sure this is stable in that your grandmother is a great support to you and very loving and helpful but it’s certainly not what you’ve tried to portray in this thread.

There’s nothing wrong with needing help. If you’re honest, people will support you.

I’ve also seen your thread from last April where you say how lonely you are. I hope you’re doing okay.

How old is your daughter? You said on your April 2020 thread she was 6 months.

@RickiTarr pardon? You think a home cooked meal every day provides financial and emotional support throughout a child’s life?

Sorry op, it was December not April.

It’s all to do with aspirations and what you expect from life. I wouldn’t have had a baby at that age as I was at university, that was my priority then. Then travelling / professing in my career. Then being in a stable relationship, living together, getting married, buying a house, enduring my job has good maternity leads package etc. We thought about bear time to have a baby emotionally, financially etc. All my friends had their first when they were 30. You say you work but you also say a number of times that “benefits are there to be taken”. Yes they are there because people like me pay into a system we never receive any money from. I think that’s why people get pissed off with young kids having kids. At some point we responsible adults who have never claimed benefits are paying for your choices.

Various typos as currently feeding baby whilst helping middle child with home schooling!

I think the thread the op took offence at maybe hit home and that’s why she started this thread, and likely why she tried to present herself as not the statistical poster child for teen pregnancy.

I also think she’s trying really hard, and has it quite tough, and does nearly all the caring for her child. And for that I think a lot of us have empathy.

There were 2 teen pregnancies in my family. One of those babies one is now a management accountant and the other a solicitor.

How did the mothers do? And how did the fathers do?

@WINKINGatyourage oh dear.

There were 2 teen pregnancies in my family. One of those babies one is now a management accountant and the other a solicitor

Those pregnancies were a long time ago then.

You are actually the better age to have a child. Ignore anyone who ever says anything different

This from a 40 year old poster, which goes to show that older mothers can be immature idiots as well.
17 is not the better age to have a child

It seems OP has, unsurprisingly, been telling a lot of fibs about her life and how great it is. Like I said, she knows that she is not in the best place to have a child and that love is not enough, despite people saying it is.

I had my first at 17, second one is on the way due July at 21. Would do it all over again any day and wouldn't have it any other way.

I had my first at 17, second one is on the way due July at 21. Would do it all over again any day and wouldn't have it any other way

Would you be happy if your own daughter had a baby at 17?