To ask how you and OH manage finances?

[Strawberryfelineforever]

Just wondering how to go about organising financial responsibilities when I move in with future husband later this year. I earn about half of what FH earns at the moment but he has more expenses than me eg he has a car to pay off whereas I don't drive. We have no children and he is covering more than I am for the wedding as I earn significantly less. He suggested he could cover rent/mortgage and I could cover the food shop and bills? We didn't talk about what specific bills just yet. We both agreed we would set up a joint account whilst still having our own separate accounts (I think it's important to have your own account as well). Does this sound reasonable? Should I be putting the same amount in the joint account if I earn less? Just wondering if anyone has tips on splitting things and what is fair. Thanks!

When we both worked we paid into a joint account in proportion to our salaries. We worked out the amount based on estimates for everything except food then added a chunk on top to build up a savings buffer. We took turns food shopping.

Now I'm the only earner, we still have the joint account but I pay it all in. DH runs the house so he does most of the spending from it although I have access should I need to. The buffer is used for holidays and big expenses like if we replaced the car. We have a joint credit card which covers food shopping and other household expenses, which I pay off every month. It's also my personal spending card (put as much through as we can for cashback) and if we go away, eat out etc it goes on the joint card as well. I give DH 300 a month for his own spending (hobbies, clothes, travel, gifts) and he can transfer more from savings if he is short, but that rarely happens because he's very un-materialistic. He has some savings in his own name as do I, and we own the house equally. I've asked him if he wants more spending money as there is now a big difference in our personal money but he says no, what he has is fine day by day and if he needs to buy something big he'll just ask me for the money when he needs it.

When we first started living together I was in a better place financially so we agreed a sum that he would give to me at the beginning of every month and I would then pay all the bills. Over time he has become better off and he now pays for additional things that I also benefit from (e.g. Sky). He is about to retire and one of his first jobs will be to calculate exactly what we spend every month on household bills, pets, car maintenance etc, and we will both put the same amount into a joint account. I will keep the same amount as he has left over for personal spending, and whatever is left over after that will go into a savings account for big expenses like house repairs and replacement white goods, and for holidays etc. We think that is fair. That way we know we will always have enough for our day to day expenses and a buffer for emergencies and fun money, plus each of us having some money to spend on ourselves.

Same @Bluesheep8. It has been ideal for us. I do know some people who it doesnt work for, especially if one person doesnt work and the other likes to shop. But both me and DH are very even when it comes to spending habits and we have never had a single argument about money. We have our hobbies, we buy clothes, whatever we want, out of the joint account and there has never been an argument. We discuss all big purchases and buy it together. DH bought a ps5 last year out of our joint account, out of an account my wages went into. No issues. It's our money, not my money, or his money. We have our own accounts but we only use them to but each other presents as then the other person doesnt get any hints about what has been bought 😆

I moved in with my boyfriend early this year. He has a council house and still pays all the bills as he did before I moved in and I have taken over the food shopping.

We have our own current accounts that our salaries get paid into. We have a third account that we pay an equal amount in to each month. Works for us and we've been together 29 years.

@SeasTheDay

We have one pot. Both salaries goes in. All bills come out. We use leftovers as and when we need and just use common decency to run big purchases by the other person.

Same here. DH doesn’t really look at the bank account though, I just say to him things like “we had x extra so I put it in the isa” or “ stop with the bloody daily Amazon delivery”

We have individual accounts but a complicated spreadsheet. All income is pooled, household costs are taken off (and for our children), savings taken off, the remainder is split equally for personal spends. This way if one of us is working more, or on maternity leave, or gets a promotion, or goes part time, the burden is shared. It's worked for us through two maternity leaves and a number of work related changes.

It also means we have individual 'fritter' money and don't have to justify our individual money wasting ways - mine on kindle books, his on energy drinks!

@DustyMaiden

You should do whatever you feel comfortable with. In my 24+ year marriage, there is no "your money and my money." All money belongs equally to both of us and who earns more is totally irrelevant. There is no "his car and my car", they are both our cars equally. We have never once had disagreements about money because everything is both of ours equally. To me, that is how a marriage should be, but everyone is entitled to do whatever they wish.

Ditto

I did this with my ExH and it turned out we had very different attitudes to money. We had a screaming argument where he took the last money out of the account to buy a computer game and the electricity bill bounced as a result. Not the only reason he is an Ex, but one of many.

Based on that experience, I decided I would never share money with anyone again. As such, DP and I transfer an amount to a joint account each month and all household expenses (including food shopping) go out of that. We have our own cars that we are both responsible for and pay for our own petrol.

We earn roughly the same (within 500pa) as each other and put in the same amount. However, a couple of years ago, I took some time out to study and went down to 40% earnings. I still wanted to split things equally as I didn't want to feel like I was taking advantage of him, or indeed that he should be financially responsible for my life choices.

Also, he has an (adult) DD who he was helping through uni at the time. Equally, I didn't feel it was my responsibility to contribute to that, although I chose to help her by getting the occasional grocery shop for her.

It all comes down to your individual circumstances and what you feel comfortable with. DBro and DSIL have pooled everything from day one. That works for them, although DSIL wasn't working at the start of their relationship and I thought it was a bit odd, now DBro has cut down on his time at work and DSIL has stepped up.

If you have DC, it's a bit different. Not only do we not have DC together, he has one that isn't mine, so it just adds a layer of complication.

Should add that we don't own equal shares in our house, again, because DP came to the table with a lot more than me, we bought our house as tenants in common and ring fenced his share. We agreed that we would pay the mortgage equally and any increase in equity would be shared equally. His share will go to DSD in the event anything happens to us.

We're retired now. Have always had completely separate finances. When we were working my husband paid most of the bills and gave me a generous sum monthly, as he was much the higher earner. We have always been mortgage free though. Obviously when we retired we needed a different financial model so we did a rough calculation of all the bills plus a generous allowance for food and I transfer half of that amount to my husbands account monthly. We both have savings too. We each buy whatever we need or like without any problem from the other. Big bills like house improvements or holidays are always halved. Works for us.

We have our own accounts into which we get our salaries and a joint account into which we pay the same amount each month. This covers all household expenses including mortgage, bills and food.

From our personal accounts we pay for our own cars and personal expenditure. We have separate savings accounts.

As for savings when had at the start of the relationship: he had none and I had a house with substantial equity. We used the equity when we bought our joint home but we own it in as tenants in common and in unequal shares to reflect my greater contribution.

This works for us as we earn similar salaries. If we didn't I think we'd go for the joint account with each of us getting the same personal spending money each month. There is no right and wrong, just what works for your circumstances.

I agree with pp who say that the mentality of "I paid the mortgage" can be problematic if a couple split up.

We share money and have a joint account, no individual accounts, and all money goes straight into that. We run purchases of £50+ past each other.

My husband earns a lot more than me ask work part time. We work it out by putting the same percentage of our take home pay in. So I put in significantly less but it seems fairer.

Everything goes into a joint account, then an allowance paid into our own accounts for us to use as and when we want, big purchases come out of the joint account.

It doesn't work for everyone but DH and I have simply had a joint account since we first bought a house together. All money goes into the one account and all money is "our" money. This worked for us when he wasn't working and I was, when we were both working, when he was working and I was a SAHM and now with him the main wage earner and me earning a small amount.

We share all money - one bank account - various savings in our names for tax reasons etc. Own pension funds (obviously) but my DH is by far the higher earner and contributes to my pension fund. It's always worked for us - finance is the one thing we never argue about but it is important to have similar views on 'spending' - neither of us is extravagant, we are both focussed on long term investments and future pension (mortgage paid off years ago) we are not into buying designer stuff etc but if one of wants to join a golf club, we can afford that, if one of us wants a week away in the sun with a friend we can afford that and neither would begrudge the other.

I see problems when one is a 'saver' and one is a 'spender'. I had a friend who would insist in 'spending' exactly the same as her DH on 'personal stuff' even if she didn't want or need anything just because she didn't think it was 'fair' otherwise. . The marriage didn't last.

But whatever you do, please discuss it carefully and make sure you are both happy before moving in together and discuss what might change things in the future ie; having children. Over half the threads on the relationship boards seem to be about disagreements over money.

2 joint bank accounts, a personal account and a LISA each for a house deposit. All money goes into one joint account, bill money transferred to the other joint account. A set amount a month into each isa and all household expenses paid out of the non bill joint account. Anything left we split between our personal accounts equally, he spends the lot, I'm building up a decent amount of savings. We have different attitudes towards savings but both decided all money was our money when we had our eldest so this works well for us.

In your situation I’d pay for all bills equally out of the joint pot. Both put your wages in the joint pot and keep £200 a month or so (whatever’s affordable) back in your own accounts. Then all bills and food goes out of joint pot and you can decide together how to spend whatever’s left. That way you also have an equal amount of spends left in your own account.

Pay for your wedding out of the joint account money.

If you have children make sure you both pay the childcare bill and all children’s related costs out of the joint account.

DH and I have a joint account and I still have my own account from before we merged them. My phone bill still goes from that account so I keep enough money in it to pay my phone bill and the odd Amazon purchase- then the rest is pooled.

We have individual savings accounts with similar amounts in them; we put savings in to both each month from the joint account. We’re saving for a house deposit.

When me and my dh first got together we put a % of our wages into the joint account to cover all household costs & bills. He had some savings I didn’t and they stayed separate.

But once we got engaged we just pooled everything including savings (I had some by this point). If we want to buy something large we would just run it past each other but otherwise we use it for anything.

Of course everyone is different in what they want to do and it very much comes down to personalities (if someone was really bad with money I’d be more wary) but on the whole if your getting married what’s the benefit of keeping things separate? I can’t imagine earning more than my dh and not wanting to share it with him? Initially my dh earned a lot more than me but splitting everything equally would of left me struggling and him with lots left which he didn’t want.

Just my opinion but if you are having concerns or perhaps he isn’t so keen on sharing I’d wonder what that means in the future? Ie you want something for the house future dc but he doesn’t deem it necessary?

I did this with my ExH and it turned out we had very different attitudes to money. We had a screaming argument where he took the last money out of the account to buy a computer game and the electricity bill bounced as a result

Exactly. The 'all in one pot and we both just spend as we like from the pot' have obviously never been in a position where their partner spends on their individual wants with no thought for joint needs.

It is alarmingly stressful and worrying to be in such a position.

Early Relationship (mostly when students) - Split 50/50. No joint account, just kept a tally and transferred each other money

Later (after we moved to a new city together) - Joint account, paid in about 50% of wages to cover all bills and food. I earnt more and also paid for my car, home improvements and holidays.

Now (engaged/married/kids) - Pay into joint account minus a set personal spend amount, the same for each of us even though we don't earn the same. Most things come out of the joint account including all travel/car expenses.

It's difficult to know what to do sometimes to avoid one person feeling hard done by. In our case he loves spending, and I've always been a saver (and on a much higher salary), so we were probably slower than most to combine finances. Some would probably say we still haven't since we still have individual accounts!

We pay a proportional amount of our salaries into a joint account (actually just a 'spare' current account of mine because it was there and easier than setting a new one up, so he's very trusting - especially as he is the higher earner haha) and paid all bills out of that.

We put a chunk in there for food shopping, but takeaways or eating out we just took in turns to pay from our own accounts, which had everything else seperate.

Fun stuff we tend to take in turns and it balances out. But we're also pretty free with our personal accounts - if we're going to the shop we'll just grab whichever bank card is nearest, if one of us wanted something near payday and had no money left in our personal account we'd just pay using the other's card, so really we may as well just have one big joint account.

Not married, but planning to soon.

It's a marriage. What's mine is his and what's his is mine. Both salaries into joint account, all bills out. We do have separate accounts too and occasionally transfer a bit of money over to keep them 'topped up'. We don't ask if we do this, it's still both of ours but just stored in a different place. I use my separate account for gifts for him and also cos it's handy to have two accounts in case one debit card stops working or something.
We talked about this before marriage and if he hadn't wanted to share everything that would have been a deal-breaker for me. We are husband and wife: we were two people but we are now one! Not sharing everything would be like not sharing with your own self! This is what marriage means to me. Obviously there are other types of marriage and if it works for others fine ☺️ But to me it is sharing everything... love, life, dreams, support, and yes, money.

we share all our money - sometimes I've earned more and other times he has but we chose to share our lives and so we share the money too.

We have separate finances, my car is my car and his car is his car. We don't have disagreements about money, the bills come out of his account and I pay half. Separate savings accounts. It works for us, we hage never discussed a joint account as it seems rather pointless.