To ask how you and OH manage finances?

[Strawberryfelineforever]

Just wondering how to go about organising financial responsibilities when I move in with future husband later this year. I earn about half of what FH earns at the moment but he has more expenses than me eg he has a car to pay off whereas I don't drive. We have no children and he is covering more than I am for the wedding as I earn significantly less. He suggested he could cover rent/mortgage and I could cover the food shop and bills? We didn't talk about what specific bills just yet. We both agreed we would set up a joint account whilst still having our own separate accounts (I think it's important to have your own account as well). Does this sound reasonable? Should I be putting the same amount in the joint account if I earn less? Just wondering if anyone has tips on splitting things and what is fair. Thanks!

We both get paid into a joint account and everything comes out of it. We also each have a personal account but only £100 a month each goes into that as it’s just for hobby stuff really.

I earn more than my DP. We put all our money into a joint account except for £100 each of pocket money a month that we keep in our own accounts (we get paid into our own accounts). We thus contribute proportionally to the joint account, which we use for all joint expenses and essentials like bills, mortgage (in both our names), groceries, things for the house, essential clothing etc.
We have joint savings too - emergency fund, holiday savings, Christmas savings and a pot for home renovations.

Keep personal accounts then % into a joint account, % into joint savings for house things, then some into personal savings, then the rest is spending

Very important to maintain personal savings

NEVER pay your wages into a joint account

Can I ask why? We both have personal savings but it has worked well for us having everything paid into and out of a joint account.

NEVER pay your wages into a joint account

That may not work for you- but it works for many.
Been working for OH and I fine for 25 years.

Woman as a generalisation tend to be the one who are the victim of financial abuse. Even in a living committed relationship its important a woman has access to her own money.

My own parents work on the pay everything into one pot and have done for 50 years BUT I also seen friends left begging other people for food when their so called loving partners have emptied the joint bank account or had it frozen

When we first started out we had joint accounts and both wages went in there

Now dh earns the money but we still have a joint account

I would recommend to my children what hankunamatata (and others) have said and put an agreed percentage in a joint account...its what ive suggested ds1 and partner do ( they seem to have a weird way of doing it...but thats just my opinion)

Or woman here on mumsnet who partner have developed mental health issues like an addiction and blown all the money

We’ve been paid into a joint account for 13 years and it works really well for us. I can’t imagine not doing. Absolutely everything is split. We consider each other and ask before making large purchases out of it. When I was on maternity leave we didn’t have to recalculate anything etc. I always wonder who pays for days out, meals out, kids clothes etc when money is so separate. We find it much easier having one big pot.
I understand about financial abuse but after a few years of living together (renting) it felt safe to join finances.

Everything in one pot, we take the same amount back for pocket change. In the 19 years we've been together, we've been students, unemployed, very low income, I've been full time on an equal wage, I've been a SAHP, I've worked part time, now on full time but a lot less than DP. Throughout all of these circumstances the approach has been the same.

We started out doing distaste accounts and paying into a joint for all household expenses based on a ratio of take-home pay.

However, the disparity in our incomes widened so much over the years that I was still ending up with significantly more spending money than him which didn't feel fair after week over a decade together and after we had children so I decided to up my contribution and him to lower his. He insisted I should still have a bit more spending money than him to reflect my higher income because he thought that was fair.

So I think there's a certain amount of starting out with a philosophy and then feeling your way to something that feels fair to both of you. Don't be a martyr, though!

We are quite blasé about it really. Had some separate savings before we met. He moved into my flat, we got married, sold it and bought a house together. He provided a lot of the deposit bit his parents also contributed. I used profit from the sale to pay my parents back. Now we have a decent chunk of sav9ngs which actually only I can access. Just because my banking app set up a savings account automatically and we started using that.

Probably ought to get round to making that joint officially but it's certainly morally joint. We've kept our own accounts and get paid into them but both move about 95% of our wages into joint current or into the savings leaving just a buffer each. Only option it that way becuase neither of us could be arsed changing our bank details with our employers.

I moved into my husband's house when we married. Nothing really changed. We kept separate accounts. He kept on paying the mortgage and regular bills as before. I pay for food and petrol. Other bills tend to get paid by whoever opens the envelope first.

We've never felt the need for complicated algorithms or allowances as we both have a very similar outlook when it comes to money and treat all money as joint, regardless of whose account it is actually in. This includes savings prior to marriage and other chunks of money coming in (or out) since.

You should do whatever you feel comfortable with. In my 24+ year marriage, there is no "your money and my money." All money belongs equally to both of us and who earns more is totally irrelevant. There is no "his car and my car", they are both our cars equally. We have never once had disagreements about money because everything is both of ours equally. To me, that is how a marriage should be, but everyone is entitled to do whatever they wish.

Exactly this. DP and I have a joint account and both salaries are paid into it. All bills and food are paid from this account. We then have a sole account for an equal amount of spending money. Who earns what is irrelevant.

@Hankunamatata

NEVER pay your wages into a joint account

Even if it would come to the worst, I can set up a new account and get my employer to change the payment instruction.

Thanks to DH being a higher tax payer our savings are actually in my name only, I am the one having an advantage, not DH.

I don't think there's a right or wrong answer to this depends what works for you as a couple and it may change over time. For me personally we have a joint account for bills which we split down the middle & a joint savings account, we are also currently saving for a wedding, I pay more into our savings as I am the higher earner. I also cover the food bills. We keep our own accounts for day to day expenses and have no plans to change this once we are married.

When I was married 1 joint current account and 1 joint savings account (ultimately stupid i agree best to keep own account too)

But we did the budget as:

Total income
Less essential outgoings
Remainder divided by 2 = spending money each.

Although when we could afford remainder was divided by 3 and one portion put in savings account

We reviewed everything quarterly, to see if we were getting into bad habits, also checking if we were still on best option for bills so doing any switching/haggling as necessary eg with energy companies.

Worked for us after a few teething troubles at the beginning, mainly due to ex's financial illiteracy which was fairly quickly resolved.

Sometimes he earned more, sometimes I did, sometimes I wasn't earning at all (army wife so it would take a wee while to find a new job after each move)

Never an issue in terms of either thinking it was "my money" we treated it as "our money"

What about savings that you had before marriage?

Treated as joint in my case. Ex had some I had some but not as much as him, we just pooled them - actually before marriage really as a fair portion of them went on the wedding

Yes it's what you're comfy with but ime having known couples where at least one party is fastidious about everything being split down the middle to the penny regardless of wide income disparity... well those are not happy and healthy relationships.

Neither was mine at the end but until that point no issues with money at least.

[quote Strawberryfelineforever]@BashfulClam I worked it out using your system, if we did that I would be left with about 685 per month discretionary spending and he would have about 1300. Does it really matter if one person has more discretionary income than the other? LOL sorry I'm used to living either at home or on my own so I'm still figuring it out![/quote]
You've identified the big flaw with both partners paying the same percentage of their wages into a joint account. If there is a big difference in earnings, there will be a big difference in personal spending money. Unless one of you is working part time by choice and not to look after DC or the house, I do think it's unfair if one of you has nearly twice as much personal spending money as the other.

Easier to get all income paid into a joint account, pay all joint costs from that account, including savings for annual and irregular expenses, which could be quite a significant sum if you run cars, go on holiday, want to do home improvements etc. Or even have DC in the future.

If you currently have £2k a month spare, you can really put some savings away for the future, rather than frittering it on rubbish. Until you are mortgage free, have decent pensions and emergency funds, plus savings for any planned home improvements, cars etc, there's always going to be something to save up for.

After all that, just split whatever's left 50/50 for personal spending (clothes, haircut, mobile, gadgets, work lunches etc etc).

I alway had joint accounts with XHs. All the income went into one pot and everything paid out of that. This is the simplest way.

If either of you doesn't like that idea, I would suggest the percentage method where each of you puts in 70% (or whatever %works to cover joint expenses) of your income to joint account to cover the basics and what is left is yours.

Other people work backwards from "We agree we will each have £X disposable income each month (the same each) to spend on hobbies, clothes etc and everything else goes into the pot."

what isn't fair is when you are left with £2.50 a month for extras and he has £700

I always had a joint account when I was with stbexh, far easier, everything goes in and we then spend what we needed, but we had similar attitudes to spending. With dp we have separate accounts and he pays for most things to be honest, I buy groceries, my own clothes etc and contribute to the up front costs of holidays (he pays the spending money mostly) huge income differential in both my relationships because I work in a role that helps society rather than my bank balance.

I am planning to massively decrease my earnings in a couple of years, as I want a career change. I can do this without it impacting on my DP because we've always kept our finances separate. As long as I can still maintain the amount we put into our joint account every month (which isn't a huge sum) for bills, he will be relatively unaffected by me dropping tens of thousands from my salary. Having separate finances gives you more freedom, in my experience. If my salary cut impacted his lifestyle I would have more guilt about doing it.

NEVER pay your wages into a joint account

Why not? It's worked for us for 25 years, during which time there hasn't been a single disagreement about money.