To ask how you and OH manage finances?

[Strawberryfelineforever]

Just wondering how to go about organising financial responsibilities when I move in with future husband later this year. I earn about half of what FH earns at the moment but he has more expenses than me eg he has a car to pay off whereas I don't drive. We have no children and he is covering more than I am for the wedding as I earn significantly less. He suggested he could cover rent/mortgage and I could cover the food shop and bills? We didn't talk about what specific bills just yet. We both agreed we would set up a joint account whilst still having our own separate accounts (I think it's important to have your own account as well). Does this sound reasonable? Should I be putting the same amount in the joint account if I earn less? Just wondering if anyone has tips on splitting things and what is fair. Thanks!

We just have the one account that all money goes into and all money comes out of. We also have joint savings. I think you would be better paying into a joint account and taking all bills from that rather than specifying what you are each paying for. Bills and expenses can vary from month to month which won't matter so much if you are using a joint account to pay them.

We keep our finances completely separate. He pays some bills and I pay some. We have our own savings and make separate investments. Its worked for us for almost 20 years. But that doesn't mean it'll be right for you.

Before we earned broadly the same amount, we just split it as roughly proportionate to earnings. So if he brought in 2 thirds of the income he paid 2 thirds of the expenses. I'd include his car as an expense in your list as you will both benefit from it.

I can see why people keep their finances separate, I think making everything joint feels like a far bigger commitment than marriage.
I earn 3x as much as DH, and probably always will, at the start it felt like I was supporting him, it didn't feel fair that I worked so much harder than him but he was spending more of 'our' money. There were certainly teething problems and it took some getting used to.
However, now it works brilliantly and I wouldn't have it any other way.

We have totally separate finances and split everything 50/50

All the bills come out of my account but he transfers me 50%

No I wouldn’t do that,

Open a joint account, set all your bills, household holiday xs to go out of it, and then set up standing orders of the same amount into your own accounts for spending money. Really important to do this now when you have some financial independence, you don’t want to be asking for money if you stop work for kids. You don’t want him going down as the only one paying mortgage either.

Also OP learn to drive before you have kids - unless you live in London you will want a car, and you may well need to drive for work I’m future (and put that down under joint bills).

What about savings that you had before marriage?

I'd have all bills and mortgage payments coming out of a joint account. Definitely not having one person paying the mortgage.
I'd also do it proportionately to who earns more although we didnt have a set up like that until we had kids and my income went down hugely.
Boring stuff for joint, keep your own accounts for other spends, going out (well not right now!) and clothes etc.

Regardless of who earns more we both keep 500 in our own acc each mth and transfer anything above that to the joint acc. Nearly everything is paid from the joint acc then except for personal stuff ...night out pre COVID, spa day, hair etc

All our money goes into one joint bank account. All bills come out of it. We don't really think of having two separate
salaries. It's more a case that it's a pot of money for us both to use as we want (within reason). This works well as long as you've similar spending habits.

We share everything. We both get paid into a joint account from which all our direct debits and mortgage repayments come out. No one has an allotted amount of ‘spending money’. We would naturally discuss with one another before making any purchases over a couple of hundred pounds. Neither of us police the others spending though so nights out, new clothes etc aren’t a problem.
I think this set up works well for us because neither of us is a profligate spender or especially frugal. We are fairly well matched in our approach to money. We only have a shared child, no step kids. All property was purchased together because we were in our early twenties when we met so neither had accumulated anything beforehand.

RE discretionary spending: I think it depends on what your future plans are. If you are going to have children together it absolutely does matter and you will be resentful that you only have access to half as much as your DH, especially because you’re probably more likely to do the shopping for items they need. It can also make you feel unequal in your relationship if your DH wants to go on a holiday/meal out etc and you can’t afford it so he ends up subbing you. Potentially either you feel beholden to his wishes or he becomes resentful.

RE savings: In my experience, adults have savings for either a rainy day or a specific reason, such as home improvements, new vehicle etc. In my opinion those are a shared goal and so our savings are combined.

We have a joint account as well as individual accounts and the same amount goes in there each month for food, bills, mortgage etc. I didn’t really have much in the way of savings before marriage, have a bit more now, dh definitely has more but we just keep that separate

I suggest you write down all the costs you’ll have and then decide how to split it

You should do whatever you feel comfortable with. In my 24+ year marriage, there is no "your money and my money." All money belongs equally to both of us and who earns more is totally irrelevant. There is no "his car and my car", they are both our cars equally. We have never once had disagreements about money because everything is both of ours equally. To me, that is how a marriage should be, but everyone is entitled to do whatever they wish.

Same here.

OP there is no "right way", just a way that workd for you.

I really couldn't be arsed having separate money.

It's all one pot for OH and I. We are each pretty responsible with money and dont overspend.

@Aquamarine1029

You should do whatever you feel comfortable with. In my 24+ year marriage, there is no "your money and my money." All money belongs equally to both of us and who earns more is totally irrelevant. There is no "his car and my car", they are both our cars equally. We have never once had disagreements about money because everything is both of ours equally. To me, that is how a marriage should be, but everyone is entitled to do whatever they wish.

Same here . Works perfectly for us . One pot of money for everything and the whole family.

We only have be joint account. All money comes in, all money goes out. We have never ever quibbled about how he/I buy. Or calculated %'s!

@Strawberryfelineforever

What about savings that you had before marriage?

It became joint along with both salaries as we were married.

Same as Aqua. One pot. I am now a sahm. Previously when I worked, we did it such that we have an equal disposable amount after everything was paid even though dh earned 4x my salary. It was never a thing of mine and yours.
It's good that you are asking these questions now. Also PLEASE have the discussion about what happens when you decide to have children. Don't wait for that to happen and then you find yourself struggling. It is so so important to have these finance discussions before moving in and committing long term with a partner.

All in to one account and each take £300 for spending money! Then the remaining money is split between different accounts such as savings, stocks and shares, bills and fun!

We get paid into our separate accounts but both transfer an amount into our joint account which covers all joint expenses such as mortgage, bills and food. We also transfer some into a joint savings account. We transfer different amounts as we earn different amounts, but it's designed to leave us with the same personal money.

I much prefer this over having everything in a joint account. We have very different spending habits so it works for us. We also have our own savings accounts.

Our money gets pooled and then we each get a set amount for our own accounts (an equal amount) so we both have the same amount of spending money.

We both earn roughly the same amount and have our own bank accounts. Both put same amount of money in to joint account each month, mortgage and all bills come out of that.

I have more outgoings as my commuting costs are awful, but he pays for the car (which is his) and puts more money in to joint savings account for unforeseen expenses and house things. It works out we both have similar left each month.

We aren’t married though. Each have our own savings as well as a joint savings.

I would strongly suggest keeping your own account if you get married, so you have access to your own funds in case of emergency or the worst happening.

We paid both salaries into one pot and then each got an equal amount of 'spends' at the end of the month.

This worked when either of us was the higher earner (me initially) and when I was a SAHM.

@Strawberryfelineforever

What about savings that you had before marriage?

"with all my worldly goods I thee endow" I had savings when we met, he didn't. When we got married they went into the pot.

All wages into one account. Both get the same monthly spends. The rest in to a joint savings or spent as agreed.
This covers you for maternity, deciding to be a SAHP or whatever else comes your way. You're either a partnership or not.