AIBU in thinking I can afford to move to Dubai?

[Partygirl2021]

I’m a single mum of a 15 month old, divorce should be finalised in a couple of months. It was always my dream to move abroad and Dubai is my first choice. My ex always refused to relocate. I earn £46k in London in a resourcing job. AIB unrealistic in thinking I could afford to live there? I know accommodation and school fees are high but I would love anyone’s experience.

Try Singapore.

@TiersForFears1

Try Singapore.

On £46K? Exceptionally hard to get a permission to work in SG these days and expat contracts are scarce. It is an incredibly expensive place to live and work.

It would be almost impossible without organising visa sponsorship before you move.

I’m so shocked at the uneducated comments on this thread. People who can’t differentiate between Arab states, have no concept of laws and rules in these countries, making sweeping generalizations based on nothing about the treatment of women. It’s awfully suspect that perhaps some posters have some significant biases around ethnicity and religion.

Anyway OP, for what it’s worth, my PA is a single mum. She is fantastic, and manages everything superbly. The UAE government are very supportive of single mums, and childcare is easy to get/schools are good quality. Plenty of managers, including myself, are flexible and supportive - it’s a very warm, inclusive community. I hope you can post elsewhere and get some good, informed advice!

Lived there for 6 months, but a few years ago now and without kids - HATED it. But it is really not my sort of place. Hated being unable to spend much time outdoors, lacking significantly in culture and very expensive. I also felt quite uncomfortable if I was shopping alone/ with other white women - not threatened exactly or at risk, just judged and uncomfortable.

Food is nice though and the lifestyle is pretty luxurious but it is very "us and them" seeming, which really doesn't sit well with me. I'll never go back and was very glad to return home.

@sergeilavrov

I’m so shocked at the uneducated comments on this thread. People who can’t differentiate between Arab states, have no concept of laws and rules in these countries, making sweeping generalizations based on nothing about the treatment of women. It’s awfully suspect that perhaps some posters have some significant biases around ethnicity and religion.

Anyway OP, for what it’s worth, my PA is a single mum. She is fantastic, and manages everything superbly. The UAE government are very supportive of single mums, and childcare is easy to get/schools are good quality. Plenty of managers, including myself, are flexible and supportive - it’s a very warm, inclusive community. I hope you can post elsewhere and get some good, informed advice!

Astonishing, isn't it?

OP you might struggle with being a single parent but generally Dubai is lovely and employers offer very generous expenses packages that will usually help towards relocation, living costs, health insurance etc.

God the amount of PPs who have no idea that when you move to Dubai/Singapore/etc you get paid MORE than you would in the UK to do the same job. I wonder if people are really this thick or if they have to make an effort to come up with these silly naysays. Obviously there are more practical considerations for you to look into but from a financial point of view, it's a good move. There's a few websites about being an expat in Dubai. Contrary to everyone else on here, everyone I know who moved to Dubai loved it and came back with a lot of money in the bank (apart from one woman who hated it but she was the type who nothing was ever good enough for her). You can spend a lot out there if you buy expensive cars, the best of everything etc, but you can also live well on a medium income as long as you don't go crazy splashing money everywhere. We almost made the move but I was too pregnant to fly by the time our visas were sorted so we're waiting until DS is a bit older. I costed up the price of a C-section over there at one point to stress-test whether we could afford to go (we were in east Asia at the time), and it was about the same price as going private in London.

Have you actually been to Dubai OP? I'm not clear from your posts. If you haven't, then you really can't consider moving there until you have visited and experienced it for yourself.

I've never lived there, but have visited the UAE many times for work reasons. It's a great place, and I would visit for a holiday, but I would never choose to live there. I know many people who do, and they love it, but it wouldn't be for me. But I can only say that because I've visited many times.

I haven't been, however, if your ex wont be an issue. Absolutely go if you can get the right package, life is short and the world is a big place so might as well go and experience different places and try new things if possible.

@SameToo

My friend was raised there for part of her life. Hated it. It is so sexist. And her mum was treated like shit for being a single woman with kids. If she needed work doing in the house she had to have a male friend come over and arrange it all so she wouldn’t get ripped off. I’d never raise a daughter there.

Hm, but that happens in the UK too. That's just builders...well some of them. After being messed about and ripped off for an extension I got a male friend in to come in and deal with them and it speeded things up massively.

All the other reasons why some wouldn’t move to Dubai aside, the fact here is that all the posters posting that they live there and love it have husbands and are therefore not doing it on their own.

It’s hard enough being the single parent of a toddler when you’re in your own country and with potential support nearby, moving with a 15 month old to a foreign country, any foreign country, is going to be fraught with issues.

Forget the lifestyle, as a single parent you won’t be going out because you won’t have anyone to look after your child, and your child will be too young to enjoy the kind of lifestyle Dubai offers.

Forget dating, because again, as above, plus the rules around e.g. cohabiting are very clear.

Added to which, if you were fortunate enough to meet someone out there and were married and have children that would mean you will be stuck there permanently as the father is automatically given residence of the children on divorce.

@AlternativePerspective

All the other reasons why some wouldn’t move to Dubai aside, the fact here is that all the posters posting that they live there and love it have husbands and are therefore not doing it on their own.

It’s hard enough being the single parent of a toddler when you’re in your own country and with potential support nearby, moving with a 15 month old to a foreign country, any foreign country, is going to be fraught with issues.

Forget the lifestyle, as a single parent you won’t be going out because you won’t have anyone to look after your child, and your child will be too young to enjoy the kind of lifestyle Dubai offers.

Forget dating, because again, as above, plus the rules around e.g. cohabiting are very clear.

Added to which, if you were fortunate enough to meet someone out there and were married and have children that would mean you will be stuck there permanently as the father is automatically given residence of the children on divorce.

The laws changed in Nov last year regarding cohabitation and unmarried, its now legal.

Assuming for a moment that your ex doesn’t take you to court to stop you, which he should, you are going to need to budget in multiple trips per year back for visitation. That means flights, hotels, and missed work. It’s going to be extremely expensive. He might agree to some visitation in Dubai, but you will be on the hook for his travel expenses.

Added to which, if you were fortunate enough to meet someone out there and were married and have children that would mean you will be stuck there permanently as the father is automatically given residence of the children on divorce.

And that's not true either. Its more complex than that, the nationality of the parents and the age of the child are factors in the process.

travellingjezebel.com/modern-slavery-dubai/

God the amount of PPs who have no idea that when you move to Dubai/Singapore/etc you get paid MORE than you would in the UK to do the same job.

Actually not always.
The taxation is different but the base salary is often similar or even less.

Singapore is in no way comparable to Dubai- Singapore doesn't want white Europeans telling them what to do any more and the attitude towards expats has changed significantly in the past 30 years. Singapore is very much a declining expat place, there is an active government policy to reduce expats. Most migrants in Singapore are low paid workers who live in 'camps' (yes I have been there and seen them).

@Shmithecat2

Added to which, if you were fortunate enough to meet someone out there and were married and have children that would mean you will be stuck there permanently as the father is automatically given residence of the children on divorce.

And that's not true either. Its more complex than that, the nationality of the parents and the age of the child are factors in the process.

Plus there have been updates on the divorce laws meaning that the laws of the country of origin can apply - see new divorce law

@Partygirl2021

Oh I didn’t know there was a living overseas board, thank you *@ShanghaiDiva*

And spot on @Hellothere19999 that’s exactly what I was asking for. Insight only, not bombarded about my ex stopping me. Who says he doesn’t live in Dubai? Or hasn’t fucked off to Oz? Or died?

To be fair, I doubt you’d bother finalising the divorce if he was dead 🤷🏻‍♀️

If you want to try then there is absolutely no reason why you shouldn’t.

I’ve been a few times as my sister lived there.

It’s very centred around the lavish single party life style, which will be difficult with a child and no support. Taxis are relatively cheap but eveything else is eye watering just expensive: even Irish bars attached to hotels are £12-£15 a glass of wine.

The main problem my sister found is the lack of things to do, it’s not really like here, you can’t just go for a walk, find a nice park, mooch around the wee shops. It’s too hot, there are few pavements, most folk drive everywhere, and the things there are to do are centred around tourists/the rich. There’s no cheap activities to do with kids.

She went across on a spousal visa and really struggled to get work despite earning £90k + over here. You need UAE experience for most jobs, and unfortunately they do seem to discriminate against woman/westerners/single parents when hiring...

If I was you I’d find it very lonely with a toddler: you won’t be able to solo alone with work mates much as you’ll neeed/want to get home to your daughter, and you won’t really get to socialise other mums as you’ll be working and come the weekend it will be “family time” (((((I say this as a single mum myself)))))

There are some beautiful less expensive more family friendly places in the world, most without the weather of Dubai, but most far more suited to your lifestyle.

But. If it’s your dream then follow it, if you want something bad enough you will make it work

@CaribouCarafe

Yeah, but don't let the facts get in the way of a good, ill informed rant.

@NoOneOwnsTheRainbow

OP you might struggle with being a single parent but generally Dubai is lovely and employers offer very generous expenses packages that will usually help towards relocation, living costs, health insurance etc.

God the amount of PPs who have no idea that when you move to Dubai/Singapore/etc you get paid MORE than you would in the UK to do the same job. I wonder if people are really this thick or if they have to make an effort to come up with these silly naysays. Obviously there are more practical considerations for you to look into but from a financial point of view, it's a good move. There's a few websites about being an expat in Dubai. Contrary to everyone else on here, everyone I know who moved to Dubai loved it and came back with a lot of money in the bank (apart from one woman who hated it but she was the type who nothing was ever good enough for her). You can spend a lot out there if you buy expensive cars, the best of everything etc, but you can also live well on a medium income as long as you don't go crazy splashing money everywhere. We almost made the move but I was too pregnant to fly by the time our visas were sorted so we're waiting until DS is a bit older. I costed up the price of a C-section over there at one point to stress-test whether we could afford to go (we were in east Asia at the time), and it was about the same price as going private in London.

We know you may get more money do YOU think we are that thick to think you get paid much less in Dubai than UK with FAR higher living costs!

@WTAFIhavelosttheferret

God the amount of PPs who have no idea that when you move to Dubai/Singapore/etc you get paid MORE than you would in the UK to do the same job.

Actually not always.
The taxation is different but the base salary is often similar or even less.

Singapore is in no way comparable to Dubai- Singapore doesn't want white Europeans telling them what to do any more and the attitude towards expats has changed significantly in the past 30 years. Singapore is very much a declining expat place, there is an active government policy to reduce expats. Most migrants in Singapore are low paid workers who live in 'camps' (yes I have been there and seen them).

I'd argue that Dubai's moving that way too (or is already there). There are increasingly small numbers of employers willing to pay massive amounts to people without UAE experience. You do get paid more than in the UK but I don't know any employers who would double gross salary, which is what realistically the OP needs. The days where having a UK passport meant the Brit got a well paid job they'd never get anywhere else in the world are long gone. I'm not saying there are non of them about but they're a dwindling number.

@WTAFIhavelosttheferret I'm not sure why you're calling people stupid! People are talking about the OP's current salary (1) as a guide for how much more she'd need to be paid in Dubai, (2) because one option was moving with her current company and expecting a massive pay jump in that situation is unrealistic (unless it's a move the company wants not her), and (3) someone suggested getting a freelance visa and working remotely for the currently company.

Sorry that was to @NoOneOwnsTheRainbow not @WTAFIhavelosttheferret.

I'm loving advice being given from someone who once costed up a move to Singapore as being in any well relevant 😁 Actually (as someone else has said) private medical is good value in Dubai. You absolutely could get a C-section for about the same as in London. The issue is that when your baby ends up in NICU, there's no NHS to help with the cost. If you don't have decent medical insurance you can be in trouble very quickly. The cost is that a lot of employers will only cover the employee (and maybe only with basic insurance) and you have to factor in the cost of buying for your child.

@Cheongfan

Sorry that was to *@NoOneOwnsTheRainbow not @WTAFIhavelosttheferret*.

I'm loving advice being given from someone who once costed up a move to Singapore as being in any well relevant 😁 Actually (as someone else has said) private medical is good value in Dubai. You absolutely could get a C-section for about the same as in London. The issue is that when your baby ends up in NICU, there's no NHS to help with the cost. If you don't have decent medical insurance you can be in trouble very quickly. The cost is that a lot of employers will only cover the employee (and maybe only with basic insurance) and you have to factor in the cost of buying for your child.

Ok so you quoted me, attributing it to someone else, and said I'd called people stupid for telling OP not to do something they'd never actually done for silly reasons like their perception of women's rights, money etc that they had never actually looked into in a country they hadn't ever visited. Personally I think that's a bit daft; if you like listening to some randomer for life advice rather than people who have experience with it, crack on, no one is stopping you. Then you said I'd costed up going to Singapore when I actually costed up going to Dubai (which is what I said) while I was pregnant and living in East Asia. It's actually possible to live abroad and move to another country abroad you know.

We had trawled job listings, gone through interviews, and had the job offers in Dubai, which means I knew exactly what sort of benefits package was standard, how salary compared etc. Someone else mentioned Singapore and I included it as a country where you generally do get more pay for doing the same job. Do you always go off half-cocked at people without reading the post?

But since you brought it up (despite it being irrelevant to OP) with regs to NICU your argument is invalid for people on a residence visa with family health insurance offered by employer (a standard relocation package for an employer looking to hire someone with kids to fill a skilled role); you would add the baby to your health insurance (which most employers offer) at birth from day 1 and there's no waiting on something like that. So paying upfront for an EMCS (because there's usually 1-2 years waiting on health insurance before maternity benefits kick in) actually was our worst-case scenario. People who get stranded abroad with an NICU baby tend to be travellers whose baby was a preemie. I don't know why you've fixated on that though because it's currently irrelevant to OP, it was just an example of something that was a comparable price.