Page 5 | Should i be worried about paying for boyfriends house

Centaurpede · 2021-01-24T15:05:14+00:00

So, I live with my boyfriend in his house, we are planning to move into our own one in a few years. He wants to do up this house and wants to share costs of doing that. I have enough to share costs comfortably but I would rather keep the money for new house which would actually be mine too. Aibu? Or should I set a limit on how much I will spend on this one?

nimbuscloud · 24/01/2021 16:38

How much money are you talking about? How long have you been with him?

DaphneDuBois · 24/01/2021 16:38

Absolutely no way should you be spending significant money of your own doing up someone else’s home when you don’t have any share in its value. If you split up, you’ll lose everything you could have saved for your own home.

MaMaD1990 · 24/01/2021 16:40

When my partner moved in with me I refused to let him pay for anything that needed doing with the place, big or small. He just paid bills so that if the worst happened he would have no entitlement to my property. I wouldn't advise you for our for anything.

bourbonne · 24/01/2021 16:41

@Centaurpede

Minicooper, big things like kitchen etc

Logically I agree with most of you it doesn't seem wise, but I'm not intending on splitting up with him so I'm worried it makes me seem cold hearted and tight..

It makes him seem cold-hearted and tight.

EveryoneRevealsThemselves · 24/01/2021 16:42

And I know you're all going to flame me as being naive and old fashioned. Perhaps you're right. But to me if you're together, you're together

If you’re together then you should make sure you’re legally and financially protected equally and not risking fuxking over one of you if anything changes. And yes you’re going to get flamed, because if you and your son don’t think that his girlfriend deserves that protection and should have it, then I have worse words than naive.

Ribboninthesky · 24/01/2021 16:44

@DareIask if your son is so committed, he could also marry her, which would give her protection too.

20CMB21 · 24/01/2021 16:44

@Thepilotlightsgoneout

I'm not intending on splitting up with him

Make all financial decisions based on one day you might split up.

This, sadly, is good advice.

XH and I were never going to split up.

Your boyfriend shouldn't have asked you to do this.

Mmn654123 · 24/01/2021 16:45

It really depends if you pay him a fair rent or if, when you moved in, you stopped having rental costs yourself and never paid anything.

If you pay a fair rent then no don’t give him money.

If you don’t, then how long have you been living rent free and how much are you saving as a result? If half a kitchen more or less than that?

If he’s doing the house up to sell and you are buying together, then it might be in your interest to get the best sale price but it really depends on the circumstances.

bourbonne · 24/01/2021 16:46

@DareIask

I'm saddened by these answers

My son owns a house and his lovely gf has moved in with him. Together they're doing it up, as it's their home together

One day they will sell and buy another. Together.

I would be horrified if either felt they were doing the other over. I don't see their commitment as less because they're not married, and neither would my son

To me it's just a lack of total commitment and maybe the reason relationships don't last.

And I know you're all going to flame me as being naive and old fashioned. Perhaps you're right. But to me if you're together, you're together

Er... The law sees their commitment as less. Because it literally is.

Of course nobody's going to call you old-fashioned. The old-fashioned way would be for them to get married! Not for her invest money into a home she has no legal right to!

Your son presumably knows this, which might be why he hasn't committed to her in any materially meaningful way.

DareIask · 24/01/2021 16:46

I'm sure they will marry.

I think they're relationship is based on trust... I hope so anyway. Both ways.

Rewis · 24/01/2021 16:46

I'm saddened by these answers

My son owns a house and his lovely gf has moved in with him. Together they're doing it up, as it's their home together

One day they will sell and buy another. Together.

I would be horrified if either felt they were doing the other over. I don't see their commitment as less because they're not married, and neither would my son

To me it's just a lack of total commitment and maybe the reason relationships don't last.

And I know you're all going to flame me as being naive and old fashioned. Perhaps you're right. But to me if you're together, you're together

Would you feel the same If it was the girlfriends house? Your son would put more than his fair share (by this I mean more than reasonable rent) of his own money to this house that he has zero rights to without any type of paperwork. It's not about commitment. People who are married make different contracts all the time. It's about being smart. People when they break up are not usually the most fair and whip out an excel sheet to calculate contributions towards the household when they could get 100%.

bourbonne · 24/01/2021 16:49

@DareIask

I'm sure they will marry.

I think they're relationship is based on trust... I hope so anyway. Both ways.

Who is trusting who? She is taking a lot on trust. What about him?

Why doesn't he marry her if he trusts her so much? What makes you so sure he will?

Higgeldypiggeldy35 · 24/01/2021 16:50

Absolutely not. Save it towards deposit for a house together. Unless he's happy to put you on the deeds and mortgage.

sunflowersandbuttercups · 24/01/2021 16:50

@DareIask

I'm sure they will marry.

I think they're relationship is based on trust... I hope so anyway. Both ways.

It's a HUGE risk to take.

DareIask · 24/01/2021 16:51

@EveryoneRevealsThemselves

And I know you're all going to flame me as being naive and old fashioned. Perhaps you're right. But to me if you're together, you're together

If you’re together then you should make sure you’re legally and financially protected equally and not risking fuxking over one of you if anything changes. And yes you’re going to get flamed, because if you and your son don’t think that his girlfriend deserves that protection and should have it, then I have worse words than naive.

That's rubbish

If anyone is going to be disadvantaged it's going to be my son

He saved long and hard. Pays the mortgage. She lives with him rent free and they pool their money to live and do it up to sell

If they split she'll have lived rent free. Yes she will have shared some house renovation costs instead.

I'm sure neither would be petty enough to say who paid for which kitchen item or which it of furniture.

And my son would never do her over. Of that I am totally sure. Equally sure she wouldn't

SchadenfreudePersonified · 24/01/2021 16:51

@AnathemaPulsifer

If it’s his house you shouldn’t be contributing to doing it up. If he dumps you next year your money would be lost.

This - tell him you will split the costs if he puts the house in joint names first,

lazarusb · 24/01/2021 16:52

No. My ds was with his girlfriend for 7 years. She had a house bought for her by her grandparents. My ds funded two complete new bathrooms and updating the kitchen (she was doing a PhD and working part-time only). Then she cheated on him. He had no claim to anything and he lost thousands. She gave him 10 days to leave.

She's still living in the house with the man she cheated with.

Protect yourself because you never know what the future might hold.

EveryoneRevealsThemselves · 24/01/2021 16:54

I think they're relationship is based on trust... I hope so anyway. Both ways.

But it’s not about trust. And it’s not about just the risk of splitting up. Heaven forbid something happened to him tomorrow. Not only will she no longer have her partner, she’ll also not have a home or a penny of the investment she’s put into it.

Although this BS about trust is how women have repeatedly found themselves fuxked over in situations like this. If he trusts her, her investment in THEIR home should be legally protected. Trust is a two way street, if he trusts her, why isn’t he putting her on the deeds already?

Suzi888 · 24/01/2021 16:56

@AnathemaPulsifer

If it’s his house you shouldn’t be contributing to doing it up. If he dumps you next year your money would be lost.

^^ don’t do it. A long time ago this happened to a work colleague.

Tana433 · 24/01/2021 16:56

When i wanted to sell my house to buy one with my fiance (2nd marriage for me, 1st for him) I needed to make improvements in order to sell. New garage door, fence panel, tiling in kitchen, fresh coat of paint throughout. My fiance lent me the money and we had a contract. As soon as i sold my house i paid him back (no interest). Romance doesnt come in to it where money is concerned. Protect yourself.

DareIask · 24/01/2021 16:56

@EveryoneRevealsThemselves

I think they're relationship is based on trust... I hope so anyway. Both ways.

But it’s not about trust. And it’s not about just the risk of splitting up. Heaven forbid something happened to him tomorrow. Not only will she no longer have her partner, she’ll also not have a home or a penny of the investment she’s put into it.

Although this BS about trust is how women have repeatedly found themselves fuxked over in situations like this. If he trusts her, her investment in THEIR home should be legally protected. Trust is a two way street, if he trusts her, why isn’t he putting her on the deeds already?

I'm fairly sure if he hasn't made a will as his parents we would be benefit

She would be more than fine.

Ribboninthesky · 24/01/2021 16:56

@DareIask if they pool their money, how is she not contributing to the mortgage? Do you mean the mortgage is in his name only? This makes things worse, if anything, than if he had paid the deposit and she was on the deeds. If they break up, he takes the house and the benefits of the money she has spent on it. She has nothing.

Suzi888 · 24/01/2021 16:56

She ended up losing a ton of money and had to move back in with her mum.

SummerBlondey · 24/01/2021 17:01

If he is ringfencing his equity when you buy the new property, then you'd have to ringfence what you invested in the old one.

MandalaYogaTapestry · 24/01/2021 17:01

Dareask what do you mean when you say that your son will not do his GF over? He can 100% promise her that he will be with her forever? Or, that if they split, he will pay her back her investment? Because she may believe that as his partner she did not to need pay rent and that he owes her thousands. They may disagree on anything, in case of a split.