Should i be worried about paying for boyfriends house

[Centaurpede]

So, I live with my boyfriend in his house, we are planning to move into our own one in a few years. He wants to do up this house and wants to share costs of doing that. I have enough to share costs comfortably but I would rather keep the money for new house which would actually be mine too. Aibu? Or should I set a limit on how much I will spend on this one?

[Vixyboo]

Please please please be careful. I spent 13.5 years with the only man I had ever slept with. We had 2 children, a car, a joint bank account and a house together. I poured everything I had into the relationship and the house. Then I got cancer. During my illness he was there but not there. Very distant with me. Long story short turns out he had been spending hundreds behind my back in a lap dancing club on a regular basis. We broke up, sold the house and because we jointly owned it I walked with 75k. Had I not jointly owned it I would have walked with nothing as we were not married. Now the children (and our cat!) and I have a new home. It has been really rough trying to get better, bring up 2 children and move home but I have done it. Please do not end up in a situation where you end up with nothing. I didn't imagine this happening at all even after years together. Just be wise. If you're questioning something then it may indicate you need to err on the side of caution. I have recently met a new man, life moves on, I am much happier now but I'm in no rush to change the deeds of my flat! It is mine lol

[VickyEadieofThigh]

Hell, no!

[EssentiallyDelighted]

No, my friend did this they stayed together for maybe 10 years like this. Her partner became terminally ill, their relationship hit the rocks, he moved back to his parents, sold the house and when he died his entire estate went to his family.

[Bobbi73]

My brother spent alot of time and money helping his girlfriend do up her house (including painting the whole outside, buying new radiators etc.). A few months later, he discovered her affair and they broke up. He was heartbroken and poorer. He was paying rent too.
Definitely do not pay anything but offer some help painting etc. He is unreasonable to ask for money which would concern me. His response to your refusal should give you a hint of his character.

[Morgysmum]

Is the kitchen really bad?
Why don't you suggest something, like painting the cupboard doors a different colour, if it's dark, a light colour might look better, or you could replace the door handles. Little things, that could make the kitchen look nicer, for when you sell. But will not cost a fortune. If any doors are hanging off, you could replace all the doors we new ones. Dearer, but not as much as a whole new kitchen. You can get some paint to go over the tiles, if he thinks they are a problem. Small ways to make the kitchen look new, but not brake the bank.
Tell him, that way you have more money for your house together.

[TooTrusting]

Reading and running so apologies for NRTFT.
Family lawyer here.
You may not be intending to slit up, nor him. But shit happens.
When you buy together he will put in what he's got, which will be vastly enhanced because of the improvements you paid for.
So just agree that you will share the costs, get it valued now and then after it's done and agree your share will be half of that increase in value. It's not a biggie. I don't think you even need to formally document it via solicitors. If you fund the works unequally then you get the relevant %age of the profit rather than half.
Arguably you've already acquired an interest by paying half the mortgage (but nowhere near half if he owned it before you and there was already equity in it). I'm ignoring that aspect of things because you haven't asked about that in your OP.

[Motherhenmichelle]

Tony died on the 10th not the 20th, typing error, well the thing is apparently he never wanted to change the will,, as his girlfriend refused to marry him, she never had a house when they met, she was never asked to contribute to any bills etc, so her money was all her own fir all them years, so at the time of our split half was mine snd half was his, but I just left it as my half would go to my daughter, nothing unfair about it, but that’s why I was saying to be careful, it needs to be in black and white x

[Tessabelle1]

@TooTrusting that's horrible advice! Absolutely DO get any agreements drawn up with a solicitor, hand shake deals are in no way legally enforceable and you may aswell not bother!

[winniestone37]

If you contribute to repairs in a house you don’t own then you can actually claim some ownership. However I wouldn’t do it, should you break up it will be a nasty situation.

[79andnotout]

Don't do it. My DP lives in my house and I've never charged him mortgage or for repairs. I told him to save in case we buy somewhere more expensive together some day, or invest in a rental property.

[TooTrusting]

Tessabelle yes they are. I specialise in these cases. As long as they bear relation to what happens then they are fine.
A contract does not have to be drawn up by a solicitor.

[TooTrusting]

It's not a "handshake" if it is in writing. If it was grossly unfair there would be a chance of getting out of it, but a very small one - even a bad deal is still a deal.

[Brefugee]

Why? Why do it? Why ask this here? Read ALL the other threads: unless you have your contributions sewn up and watertight it is precarious.
You're not planning on leaving him? great. Doesn't mean you won't break up and lose out.

[Scotland32]

Don’t spend any of your money on his house. Unless you arrange joint ownership first.

[supersplodge]

Gosh - nobody trusts their partners.....

When (now) DH and I bought this house it needed work doing, so I kept my place and remortgaged it, and he bought this house in his name. He took out a mortgage for the difference that we didn't have in cash - some was 'his' debt and some mine. When I sold my house I gave him the money for my bit of the mortgage and he paid it off. So we each paid exactly half once that was sorted - but the house is still in his name.

We did get married a couple of years later - but technically you could argue I was taking a risk by doing things the way we did. But we trusted each other. And even if relationships don't work out - that doesn't mean the people aren't trustworthy financially.

OP - do whatever you feel comfortable with.

[Brefugee]

we could argue you were taking a risk because you were taking a risk

I don't get how it's difficult to understand that.

You might have been here 18 years in with 3 kids and the house still in his name and being a SAHP because that's what you both decided was right and asking us if it's weird that he won't marry you...

[bemusedmoose]

No, just no.

Not unless you protect yourself by being put on the deeds (unless he rents in which case definitely not as money will be lost completely).

What happens if you break up - he just walks off with a nice freshly done up house that's now worth more for a make over and you are left with no home and no savings and pretty much screwed.

So if he isn't willing to protect your future finances then don't do it. Take it from someone how learnt the hard way!

[TeachesOfPeaches]

I read about a woman who had a builder boyfriend who did up her whole house and when it was finished she dumped him. He took her to court and won.

[Ddot]

Get him to sign something saying if you split or pop off you will get your share back

[ZippedyDooDa]

Unless he puts your name on the deeds, or allows you to protect your investment somehow, then it's a big no. I don't see why he would expect you to contribute large sums to a property that you have no rights over (potential red flag here OP). And you will feel mean if you don't? Why don't you see as him being unreasonable to expect you to hand over money when you have no actual legal right to the property and no legal commitment to each other? Please be wise about this OP. 'Plan on getting married someday' - again, be wise about this OP, it may well never happen.

[luanmapo]

I definitely wouldn’t be contributing to his house at all.
This happened to a friend of mine, exactly the same, they were going to purchase a place together.
As soon as his house was finished; he ditched her!
Thankfully she was strong enough to see it through and took him to court over how much she put into his house and managed to get her money back.
But not everyone would be successful in doing so.
Please protect yourself and yourself finances.

[DuchessHastings]

@Bananalanacake

Why live together if you don't have dc.

@Bananalanacake
its pretty common to live together before having kids, is she only supposed to move in when shes pregnant?

[Amberleaf12]

If you were sure about it, you wouldn’t have asked the question in the first place OP.

I think the only reason you asked is because some part of you knows it’s not right.

You’re not cold hearted. You’re smart.

Not wanting to pay for whatever it is he thinks you should pay for doesn’t mean you don’t love him, it means you’re capable of making logical decisions.

Please listen to the other ladies. Don’t renovate with your money until your name is on those deeds.

Don’t be naive.

[FortniteBoysMum]

I would say I am uncomfortable putting into a house I don't own. Draw ut some kind of contract if you decide to put in so that if things go wrong your covered. No one plans a breakup but they happen and you wouldn't want to invest all your savings in his house then find it goes wrong meaning you have nothing to fall back on.

[Ddot]

I do hope everything works out lovely for you. BUT better safe than sorry. Iam sure a little letter drawn up by you both wouldnt rock the boat. He will understand just as putting your name on the house deeds is a step too far for him, handing over your savings is a leap into the unknown for you.
If he is there for the long run he will be proud you've got a level head on your shoulders.