Should i be worried about paying for boyfriends house

[Centaurpede]

So, I live with my boyfriend in his house, we are planning to move into our own one in a few years. He wants to do up this house and wants to share costs of doing that. I have enough to share costs comfortably but I would rather keep the money for new house which would actually be mine too. Aibu? Or should I set a limit on how much I will spend on this one?

Wait - so he wants you to pay towards his house to make it look better? It doesn’t matter I you don’t plan on leaving him, you don’t know if he plans on leaving you.

When you move into your own house, will he sell his house that you helped upgrade and put more towards the new house, but still share the new house 50/50? Or is he wanting you to find his new kitchen, sell it for more, make a profit and keep it for himself?

Nope.

However, if you live rent free then I can see contributing to paint and fixing something. Not a full kitchen. If you pay rent, then you've already made your contribution.

Is the new house going to be 50/50 and are you going to put equal down payment or is the majority going to be the current house? In that case I can see contributing to renovations but there should be some paperwork done.

I'm not intending on splitting up with him

Make all financial decisions based on one day you might split up.

If you are putting in a set amount eg £20k, ask to be put on the deeds with that ring fenced. Everything is possible. It's what I'm doing

Doing the kitchen for a sale doesn't make sense. All the advice I've ever had has been that people like to pick their own kitchens, so may be put off by one they don't like. It makes more sense to set the price accordingly and a lot of people will go for a slightly cheaper house and think they'll get the kitchen done afterwards in the way they want it.

Why not just buy together now and start doing that house up? Use the money you could put towards doing up this house as the deposit on the new joint house? Otherwise you're increasing the value of his part of it, as @PlanDeRaccordement said above.

@Centaurpede

Minicooper, big things like kitchen etc

Logically I agree with most of you it doesn't seem wise, but I'm not intending on splitting up with him so I'm worried it makes me seem cold hearted and tight..

He might split with you!

No No No!!

Please use a prudent, sensible head here.

A few tins of paint or some wallpaper maybe, to freshen things up before going to market. That’s it.

There is no way of protecting your investment or easily quantifying or evidencing your equitable interest in his house if a) you split up or b) his house increases in value due to the improvements and you sell it to put towards the new house.

Put a limit on your spending, if you really must contribute something now. I mean £250 or something. Put the rest away for your new, jointly owned home.

And when you do buy together, unless you are married or very much about to be married, please buy as tenants in common and get a robust Declaration of Trust drawn up.

Come on, look down the long road here.

I moved in to my boyfriends flat for about a year before we bought our house. I didn't pay him rent as I told him I wasn't renting from him if I wanted to rent I would. We halved the bills. We did a few small improvements, fully painted and put in a new built in wardrobe for about £500 which we went halves on. He wanted to do new floor and kitchen and I said no or said if he did I wasn't paying half as I didn't want to stay in a flat and it wouldn't increase the value by the same amount it cost so I'd rather we just freshened up and sold. I wouldn't recommend spending money as you won't get anything out of it.

God, no! I do think you should be paying some sort of rent/board and splitting the bills in whatever way you both feel is fair (you may already be doing this) but do not pay for repairs or enhancements!! For the sake of worrying about looking cheap, you could lose £ks if you split up. If your boyfriend is decent, he'll understand this. You could lend it to him, but make sure you have a formal agreement made up so you get it back when he sells.

If he has the front to ask you to make contributions towards big purchases like that then have the front to ask him to
Be put on the deeds.

Not your house OP. Why don't he ask the neighbours to pay towards it. They get the joy of living next door. Yes I'm joking but why would you pay?!?

@Butterymuffin

Doing the kitchen for a sale doesn't make sense. All the advice I've ever had has been that people like to pick their own kitchens, so may be put off by one they don't like. It makes more sense to set the price accordingly and a lot of people will go for a slightly cheaper house and think they'll get the kitchen done afterwards in the way they want it.

Why not just buy together now and start doing that house up? Use the money you could put towards doing up this house as the deposit on the new joint house? Otherwise you're increasing the value of his part of it, as @PlanDeRaccordement said above.

I agree with this. Putting in a new kitchen is unlikely to add more value than the cost of the renovation.

Surely he shouldn't be asking this of you? He is putting YOU in an uncomfortable spot

I need some home improvements, why not come and live with me and share the cost...?

I bet I know what your answer would be

You might not be planning to split up with him now, but you never know what will happen in a year or two. Also, what's to stop him taking your money, doing up the house and splitting up with you?

When DH and I met, I moved into his house but I didn't spend a penny on it. We split utilities and food etc. but he paid the mortgage as it was in his name.

Be smart.

Make all financial decisions based on one day you might split up.

^

This is what we need to teach all women.

Forget romance

Nobody expects to break up with somebody while the relationship is still OK. But it happens. You intend to spend several years in his house - is he expecting you to hand over hundreds, or tens of thousands?

I would either pay rent and let him use that (you will be paying rent anyway if you were single), OR give him the additional money, but make it legally clear that it is a loan, and you will want it back if you split. Otherwise you are just giving him cash, and he could keep it all if you separate. If it's entirely his house, any added value is his.

If you can't discuss this properly, I think it isn't a particularly good relationship. You are not being "mean", your are being careful, like a responsible adult should be.

No.

My friend spent thousands on her boyfriends house (+ rent) , it became clear that he had no intention of marrying her and when they eventually split she got none of those thousands back.

He was also a lovely guy and they were a seemingly perfect couple.

@Centaurpede

Minicooper, big things like kitchen etc

Logically I agree with most of you it doesn't seem wise, but I'm not intending on splitting up with him so I'm worried it makes me seem cold hearted and tight..

Nobody goes into potentially a serious relationship planning to break up, OP. There are plenty of threads on here, though, showing the unwary generously and trustingly committing their personal money into a boyfriend's/partner's property with no legal documentation in place which might enable them to get their funds back in case things don't work out.

I think your first thought of keeping your funds separate is wiser. Even if you move in together, without being married, you should still protect your money legally. That should be something both of you should consider. Look up Deed of Trust or, better still, get some professional legal advice. 🌹

Absolutely not, please do not do this! You may not plan on splitting up but anything could happen. He could break up with you, (god forbid) something could happen to him and you lose your money. Unless you’re on the deeds it would be crazy to do this.
I know it seems cold and heartless but it’s the way to be without protection.

Why don't you do it as a loan and have it registered with the land registry with a restriction on the register. That way you will have a legal interest in the property. There is a CH1 land registry form for private charges.

@Centaurpede

Minicooper, big things like kitchen etc

Logically I agree with most of you it doesn't seem wise, but I'm not intending on splitting up with him so I'm worried it makes me seem cold hearted and tight..

Do you currently contribute towards mortgage as a rent?

Logically I agree with most of you it doesn't seem wise, but I'm not intending on splitting up with him so I'm worried it makes me seem cold hearted and tight

It is absolutely not wise.

I didn't have any intention of splitting up with my DH 10 years ago. Turns out he had other ideas and he left suddenly one night and never returned. You can't know what is going to happen.

Either don't invest in improving his house, and pay rent for living there.

Or get yourself put on the deeds as a tenant in common, and have a declaration of trust written up to the extent of your investment.

He is stupid in asking you - if you split you could try claiming a constructive trust over his property and it could be a nightmare. You both need to be clear exactly where you stand.

I think the fact you've come here to ask means your gut is telling you it's not a good idea. You've got nothing to gain but a lot to lose.

Listen to it.

NO. WAY.

You don't want to seem 'tight'? I very, very strongly suggest you practice hard at being A-ok with drawing your boundaries much more strongly than this, fuck yes you should be smiling broadly and feeling quite happy to breezily say well obviously I can't contribute to the cost of things like the kitchen with my name not on the deeds, you'd do the same.

But the obvious get out if you really feel you need one is to say that you don't agree with putting in a new kitchen to sell. It's a waste and could lose him money. If he wants to do it out of his own funds, fine.

Get tougher.

And if you can't say what you think and expect a. him to understand that of course you wouldn't leave yourself vulnerable and b. respect your wishes... you have bigger issues than a kitchen.