Should i be worried about paying for boyfriends house

[Centaurpede]

So, I live with my boyfriend in his house, we are planning to move into our own one in a few years. He wants to do up this house and wants to share costs of doing that. I have enough to share costs comfortably but I would rather keep the money for new house which would actually be mine too. Aibu? Or should I set a limit on how much I will spend on this one?

[donquixotedelamancha]

I'm not intending on splitting up with him so I'm worried it makes me seem cold hearted and tight.

Is he putting his house in joint names? If not, do you think that makes him cold-hearted and tight or just not-an-idiot?

What if you want to buy a fancy car in your name only, will he pay half?

[DareIask]

I'm saddened by these answers

My son owns a house and his lovely gf has moved in with him. Together they're doing it up, as it's their home together

One day they will sell and buy another. Together.

I would be horrified if either felt they were doing the other over. I don't see their commitment as less because they're not married, and neither would my son

To me it's just a lack of total commitment and maybe the reason relationships don't last.

And I know you're all going to flame me as being naive and old fashioned. Perhaps you're right. But to me if you're together, you're together

[BurningRed]

@Centaurpede absolutely DO NOT pay for anything big. Absolutely NOT. You save your money and put it towards half when you eventually move.

I am in a similar position. I am now engaged to be married at the end of the year. I’ve never paid for anything apart from half of the utilities/food bills here. My fiancé pays for the mortgage and any house things because it’s his house. Once we are married, we will share everything. I earn twice as much as him but my principle is that it’s his house and I have my savings from selling my old house when I moved in.

Please be very careful. Any money you put in, you have no rights to should you split. Be sensible.

[BurningRed]

@DareIask I’d agree with you, but unfortunately relationships aren’t like this anymore and there have been too many cases of people being screwed out of large sums because the owner of the house decided to take it all when they broke up.

It’s 2021 @Centaurpede. Be sensible.

[AnathemaPulsifer]

@DareIask

I'm saddened by these answers

My son owns a house and his lovely gf has moved in with him. Together they're doing it up, as it's their home together

One day they will sell and buy another. Together.

I would be horrified if either felt they were doing the other over. I don't see their commitment as less because they're not married, and neither would my son

To me it's just a lack of total commitment and maybe the reason relationships don't last.

And I know you're all going to flame me as being naive and old fashioned. Perhaps you're right. But to me if you're together, you're together

But if you stop being together the one who paid into a house they don’t own has lost out massively.

[SalemsPot22]

Well I helped my boyfriend finish his kitchen so he could sell and buy us a house! If you’re committed to eachother I don’t really see why you wouldn’t want to help eachother out.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

@DareIask as long as your son pays her back every penny if they split. And you should advise him of that. Even if she dumps him, even if she cheats. Every penny.

[Deadringer]

I think you should be splitting bills and possibly paying rent, but i don't think you should pay a penny towards renovating a house you have no share of.

[CuriousaboutSamphire]

Think it through. You are not married, so you each have an individual stake, there is no 'joint pot'

You buy a house together and you each put in our % deposit

You have paid for his kicthen so his house sells for more.

His deposit has increased : yours decreased

So he gets a larger % of the new property ring fenced for him

You get a smaller % of the new property ring fenced for you

He benefits from your savings, You do not.

It really is that simple.

[C152]

Just tell your boyfriend that you'd like to keep your savings to spend on doing up a house you will own together. That's perfectly reasonable.

[Deathraystare]

but I'm not intending on splitting up with him

But if he dumps you. Have a care! Anything could happen and yu would not get the money back .

[CuriousaboutSamphire]

@DareIask

I'm saddened by these answers

My son owns a house and his lovely gf has moved in with him. Together they're doing it up, as it's their home together

One day they will sell and buy another. Together.

I would be horrified if either felt they were doing the other over. I don't see their commitment as less because they're not married, and neither would my son

To me it's just a lack of total commitment and maybe the reason relationships don't last.

And I know you're all going to flame me as being naive and old fashioned. Perhaps you're right. But to me if you're together, you're together

I hope that in the worst case scenario - she cheats on him and leaves - you make him pay back every single penny she put into his house!

Until her name is on the deeds, protected, she is in a precarious financial position.

[Ribboninthesky]

NO!

My boyfriend lives with me in my house I wouldn’t dream of asking this. My house, I pay for anything that will add significant value and repairs. When I sell the money will come back to ME not both of us - at that point I could take it and run if I wanted! Unless you are taking legal advice this is a huge no. You’re not intending on splitting up with him but he might be intending on splitting up with you! If you’re not married there are other considerations/implications if he dies too as you’re not his next of kin.

@DareIask you’re right that’s an incredibly old fashioned and naive view. Would you say the same if it was your daughter, ploughing her own money into a property she has no legal rights over and may never see again?

@SalemsPot22 ‘so he could sell and buy us a house’ are you on the deeds?

[CuriousaboutSamphire]

@SalemsPot22

Well I helped my boyfriend finish his kitchen so he could sell and buy us a house! If you’re committed to eachother I don’t really see why you wouldn’t want to help eachother out.

Are you on the deeds of the new house?

[DareIask]

If she cheats on him I trust she'd do the right thing

Failing that he can always add up what she owes him in rent?

Such cynicism

Btw I put a lot of money in to his deposit. Fine with me...I didn't attach strings to it

[Noshowlomo]

@CuriousaboutSamphire is 100% correct

[Changethetoner]

It's not cold-hearted or tight. You must protect yourself. Of course neither of you plans on splitting up, but it would be naive to ignore this as a possibility.

[SalemsPot22]

Yes Im on everything. But I didn’t have any money towards a deposit but that didn’t matter because we are a family and it’s our money.

[torquewench]

Why would you spend your money on a house that you have no legal interest in?🤯

[ScienceSensibility]

Never in a million years!

If he calls you ‘tight’ then that just shows you what sort of person he is, looking to use you for money.

This is a HEAD issue, not a HEART one. Keep your money for yourself

He is taking you for a fool if he is thinking he can get a new kitchen on you, don’t prove him right.

[GreySkyClouds]

Do you pay rent?

[Ribboninthesky]

@SalemsPot22 if you are on the deeds that’s different as you are entitled to a share in the house.

@DareIask what do you think ‘the right thing’ would be in this scenario? Is she paying half the mortgage?

[SalemsPot22]

But I didn’t know that at the time, I was just helping my partner out.

[SuperbGorgonzola]

I think it's too risky for that amount of money as well.

[Ribboninthesky]

@SalemsPot22 then you were naive, and luckily it worked out. I would not be trusting anyone to ‘do the right thing’. It’s not cynicism it’s being sensible and protecting my interests.