Page 10 | Should i be worried about paying for boyfriends house

Centaurpede · 2021-01-24T15:05:14+00:00

So, I live with my boyfriend in his house, we are planning to move into our own one in a few years. He wants to do up this house and wants to share costs of doing that. I have enough to share costs comfortably but I would rather keep the money for new house which would actually be mine too. Aibu? Or should I set a limit on how much I will spend on this one?

SparklingLime · 24/01/2021 20:02

@Cheeseandwin5

The problem with this sort of question. is that there are a lot of people who feel, most DHs are trying to commit some kind of crime again their women. People on here believing that he is trying to get you too pay for his costs before dumping you is incredible but normal for MNS. As he is charging you less than the going rate rent ( and I notice no one seems to be calling you up for that as I assume only one gender is the victim), then it is unlikely he is using you for your money. If you want to be fair I would tot up what the fair rent would have been and ofer that. If there is an additional amount, do a contract and agree the money is owned to you either by return of funds or part of your contribution towards the new house. Sorry OP, you may get a few reasonable and fair replies, but they are too many rabid members who have a biased attitude - try asking the same question from his standpoint and see how many ppl would be saying he is cheap etc etc

What absolute rot. He may genuinely intend and wish to stay with OP forever. That won’t help her at all if things do go wrong. Plus his wanting her to invest in his property raises questions about his character.

whenindoubtBake · 24/01/2021 20:06

It depends what/how much we're talking. Going halves painting it and superficial cosmetic work is fine since you will enjoy living there for the next few years but any expensive work such as kitchen/bathroom/extension doesn't make sense.

Mmn654123 · 24/01/2021 20:06

@LolaSmiles

As I said, how many people (unrelated to you) live in your home? And do you let them live with you for free? None because I don't want to share my home with a stranger. I wouldn't be expecting them to cover half my mortgage though.

Then again, I'm of the view that homes are for people to live in, and also have strong feelings about people buying up property as investments, career landlords making money off housing benefit (vs councils providing decent affordable housing for those who need it), large corporations charging sky high rents that kill town centres and so on, so those views will affect my feelings towards people expecting others to cover their mortgages.

You need to climb down off your high horse.

You don’t want to share your home with a stranger. If you did it wouldn’t make you a ‘career landlord’ anyway. If you have a 25 year mortgage and choose to accept the inconvenience of a lodger in order to pay it off in 10 years, giving you financial security then, one day if the bad times come and you lose your job or get sick, you will have a good pot of savings so you won’t need to go ‘sponging’ off the state.

You need to understand there is a difference between someone generating income on their own main residence with lodger versus owning a portfolio of rental properties.

Personally I find it disgusting that people live in homes that they don’t need. If you have a spare room and you aren’t willing to let it out to assist with the national housing shortage then maybe you should move to a smaller property.

Nobody likes others telling them how to live their lives.

Sethy38 · 24/01/2021 20:09

* Or was it that you could afford the mortgage but wanted to keep a certain lifestyle so decided to get someone else to fund your property investment?*

@LolaSmiles

Pretty much.

They got to live in a superb central located flat at the going rate of rent.

I also got to live there AND pay off my mortgage AND carry on living the life I wanted without lots of sacrifices

ScrapThatThen · 24/01/2021 20:13

Just have a sensible conversation about how to plan your finances now and in a hypothetical future when you are married. Could you save towards the next house while he does his up? You can just say 'I'm conscious our finances are getting intertwined without any formal agreement, if we do get married in the future - which I hope we will - then we will both be throwing our lot in together for better or for worse, but I think we should think a bit about how we protect our own assets and still save for the things we want to do right now '.

StarsonaString · 24/01/2021 20:15

@LolaSmiles

As I said, how many people (unrelated to you) live in your home? And do you let them live with you for free? None because I don't want to share my home with a stranger. I wouldn't be expecting them to cover half my mortgage though.

Then again, I'm of the view that homes are for people to live in, and also have strong feelings about people buying up property as investments, career landlords making money off housing benefit (vs councils providing decent affordable housing for those who need it), large corporations charging sky high rents that kill town centres and so on, so those views will affect my feelings towards people expecting others to cover their mortgages.

BTLs and property investment portfolios have little to nothing to do with lodgers. A live in landlord is actively combating the housing crisis by making one property house more than one person or family, adding capacity to the housing available.

Monthly mortgage payments often have little to nothing to do with the rental value of the house, especially a room rate. As I say, I have had lodgers both single and couples living with me for years. When I lived up North, they paid roughly my monthly mortgage payment as I didn't owe loads and had a 20yr term. I could have easily paid my bills without them and did for several years before the room was ready. Now I live down South and have a much larger mortgage that I overpay significantly. My current lodger pays more than my previous ones but its less than half what I pay on the mortgage. Again, I could easily pay my bills without the income as it would be unwise to rely on a lodger for essentials.

Having a lodger suits me as usually they can feed the cats while I'm away, provide a bit of company on occasion and gets me extra money to save/spend. In return, I provide a nice clean house, household basics excluding food and am easygoing to live with.

But I'm a landlady so must be an evil, capitalist pig.

Seasaltyhair · 24/01/2021 20:17

It doesn’t make you cold hearted ot just makes you switched on.

This is a bad deal for you.

If he sells the house and invests the money in the new house that money is still ringed marked as his. If you were to split up he could take that money out of the sale of your joint house.

Dont be afraid about being smart about your money. We all go in to relationships thinking they will last for ever. You only have to look at the relationship boards to see they don’t.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 24/01/2021 20:18

Don't be crazy. Why the fuck would you spend your money on doing up someones house when they could dump you and keep all of the money you spent on it.
Say no, you will spend your money on the house you buy together.
Don't be stupid - there are way too many stupid women about who agree to this kind of nonsense then lose everything.
Paying rent is one thing, this is another thing altogether.

themummyway · 24/01/2021 20:22

@Parkperson

I am not at all sure that posters are legally correct who appear to be saying if someone lives in someone else's house as part of a couple, they automatically can claim on the house if they split up (as long as there is a paper trail that shows they are a couple). Think of the number of women on here who have been divorced and have their new partner live with them but will not marry them because they don't want to lose the house. I really don't think this is true.

I had a thread a couple of days ago with a similar(ish) question to OP (since deleted at my request due to oversharing) that had lots of women sharing experiences of having the rug pulled under their feet by men who did not own their house but ended up with half or at least some amount that let them worse off.

These were men whose names weren't on bills but contributed in some substantive way which meant they could claim.

I also spoke to a solicitor who advised that so long as the amount paid wasn't nominal (i.e. just the cost of food), a live in partner would have no serious claim.
As soon as a partner contributes larger sums in the form of rent and/or bills, they can stake a claim.
^ She advised that as I was thinking of moving my partner in on a basis like that - I should get a cohab agreement or deed/declaration of trust drawn up.

I think a lot of women don't know/aren't bolshy enough to go to court over a house that's not theirs. Men on the other hand have no shame a lot of the time and will go for it to try thier luck!

BackwardsGoing · 24/01/2021 20:22

It's not just if you split up OP. If he died you would have zero claim to any investment you put into his house.

themummyway · 24/01/2021 20:23

was nominal*

Whatisthis543 · 24/01/2021 20:25

Also, to add to others excellent points. If you do go down the deed of trust route consider if you want money or % ringfenced. In a growing market % would be sensible, in an upcoming recession possibly £ as house prices likely to fall.

GreySkyClouds · 24/01/2021 20:32

@Centaurpede

OK, everyone has asked if I'm paying rent, yes half of mortgage and outgoings which is less than I would pay to privately rent on my own. And someone asked about percentages of owning new home, I'm not sure about that yet. We have been together 4 years and hope to marry at some point. I want to agree with osirus but most of the advice is overwhelmingly opposite!

Do you have a rental agreement?

If you break up you may have accrued some rights to the property. But you’re on shaky financial ground as you’re not married and your name isn’t on the deeds.

You’ll be fine, unless he breaks up with you.

bourbonne · 24/01/2021 20:40

Or dies.

MrsTerryPratchett · 24/01/2021 20:53

You’ll be fine, unless he breaks up with you.

Or dies

Or she wants to break up with him. At least if he breaks up with her he might feel some modicum of guilt and responsibility. If she falls out of love in two years and dumps him, she's utterly screwed.

carly2803 · 24/01/2021 20:54

either marry him, get on the deeds etc

or absolutely not put anything in this house unless its half in your name

wise up, quickly! you might not see splitting with him but it happens

thenightsky · 24/01/2021 20:55

@bourbonne

Or dies.

See my previous post...

buckeejit · 24/01/2021 21:04

I wouldn't spend lots on doing it up. Yes if he adds you to the mortgage-have you enough to buy half or a portion of it?

Liverbird77 · 24/01/2021 21:07

Don't do it. If he's reasonable then he'll understand.

heLacksnotluster · 24/01/2021 21:15

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

notanothertakeaway · 24/01/2021 22:04

My friend moved in with her boyfriend. He paid for furniture, she paid utility bills. They spent the same amount off month (approx). When they split, he kept all the furniture. She left with nothing

I think you should pay rent, and it's up to him to pay to renovate the house if he wants

partyatthepalace · 25/01/2021 00:43

It’s his asset, so his to keep up.

You pay rent and that’s it.

Jeeperscreepers69 · 25/01/2021 17:29

Wow he's got you hoodwinked. Why would you tart up his house.

HarryGa · 25/01/2021 17:32

Tessabelle1 · 25/01/2021 17:33

Absolutely in no way shape or form put any money onto HIS house without a legal agreement to say you'll get it back if you split or when the house sells. It's a one way trip to skintsville if you break up