"What? You?!" Sneery Teen

[PyongyangKipperbang]

He is 15 and literally NOTHING existed in the world until he heard of it, which I am sure he is not alone in.

He is into musical theatre. Goes on and on about various musicals he has found and likes. Ok, no problem there except he does it in a very sneery way as if I coudlnt possibly know about these things but I generally let it go.

When I was younger I planned to go into acting and part of my unofficial training when I was waiting to go to drama school was being trained in theatre production. There is a really good theatre nearish to me and I did some am-dram and got a lot of training in sound for stage productions and I really loved it. I decided that I would rather do sound than acting. Then life happened and I didnt go to school and blah blah but I did still do sound for am dram for a few years.

Last night I get "You probably wont have heard of it but there is this great musical called Blood Brothers which has great songs" and I said "yeah I know, they are good". "Oh you've heard of it?" and it just put my back up. So I said "Of course. Its been around for years and is very well known. I did the sound on it when it was on at X theatre about 20 years ago"

That was when I got "What? You?!" in an incredulous disbelieving sneery way. "You dont seem to me to be someone who could do that" And I got really annoyed and did shout that yes believe it or not I do actually know things, that I did have a life that didnt involve being a mother and to not look down his fucking nose at me. Oh and by the way, no he doesnt fucking know it all. I then asked him a few technical questions "do you know how to....." which he didnt and I could say "Well I do, so...." and he bogged off upstairs!

AIBU to think that sometimes it is justified to give them a smack round the earhole, because I have had the most incredible urge to do just that ever since.

My 4 year-old has been insisting for weeks that the word is “summerine” and I am WRONG to say “submarine”. I love the strength of his conviction but feel it will wear thin if he keeps this up for the next 15 years.

Sounds like you should have given him the verbal smacking a while ago. Teenagers are frustrating, but you dont need to just sit there whilst they act like smarmy gits.

Teenagers are utter twats.

This thread makes me sad in a way. My brother was only 19 when my Dad died in his early fifties and he hadn’t really emerged from that awful teen stage. He harbours a lot of guilt about heir relationship now that he is much older and wiser. Even I feel a bit that way and I was 25.

My DS was shocked to his core that I used to play video games! I was his age in the early 90s and owned all the old Nintendo and Sega consoles that are now cool again. I was reminiscing about a certain game with DH and DS was gobsmacked. He won’t play with me though.

@Skatastic

Does anybody else have to suffer their teens explaining stuff with their half baked Internet ideas? "Well that can't be true because xxxx on Twitter says.." Gives me the rage. I keep telling them to come back to me with proper references from reliable sources. Nobbers.

God yeah. DS15 and I had a very serious disagreement over Jonny Depp and Amber Heard which still upsets me greatly. Although there are plenty of grown-ass women on MN who still think Depp is the innocent victim in all of this so at least he's not the only one, I suppose.

My DD5 was in full mummy worship mode on today's walk, lots of 'i love you to the stars and planets Mummy!' Made me think that in a few years time it'll be a different story so enjoying it while it lasts! Good on you OP, sometimes they need a sharp reminder about respect. My DN is similar, he's into musical theatre and gets so sneery about it. Teenagers can be 'orrible

A lot of teen know-it-all-ness springs from insecurity. "You'll never publish that book", "Get in to drama school- her!!!" was the expression of ds' inner fear that he would never manage adult life. His attempts to portray his (happily married and perfectly functional) father as a hen-pecked victim were about his fears about masculinity and whether he would be able to do it right. His respect for the people around him grew with his own respect for himself.

In the meantime, we insisted he must not be rude to other people but tried not to let his negativity get to us.

I regularly remind my kids that I'm better than them at everything. This keeps them in check.

I tell mine they’re solipsistic. One day they’ll look it up and may (or may not) be offended.

YANBU OP, I regularly have to point out I’m not a piece of furniture but am human, like them (see above). It’s a process!

YANBU, and he should respect you more, but I mean, he is a teenager, and a lot of teenagers are a bit gobby.

If it really bothers you then you should implement some kind of punishment for him being rude and disrepectful (Not hitting, obviously, but taking his phone away or something).

Or another option - you both have similar interest in this area and is there not a way you could turn that around into something positive that you could enjoy exploring together, rather than a competition? Tell you son more about what you did and what you were into, go along to some musicals with him (after Covid obvs!) or sit down and explore things together on YouTube.

It's really nice that you have a similar interest and a shame that it should be a source of animosity between you when it could help you to bond.

Ah the gift of eternal knowledge, lasts for years it does

All teens need slapping down on occasion but I do agree on trying to join the same team on the same type of interest. You would both benefit from the sounds of it.

Yep, I get it. Now mine are teens I open up more about my own life and their faces are a picture when I tell them about the illegal raves/clubbing in Ibiza etc I frequented! They lead such sheltered lives compared to my life, I don’t tell them the half of it.
They are know it all’s at that age - we often debate (shout) about more political stuff round the dinner table in our house as they are much more left-leaning than dh and I - but I always think that’s par for the course at that age until they’re older and know the ways of the world a bit more.

I don’t know why some people are so convinced that he’ll grow out of it by himself if OP doesn’t come down hard on it. So very many men speak like this to women into adulthood. I’m sure most of us have worked with or dated them

This is also true. I have a brother in his twenties and I hate the way he talks to our mother. She wasn't hard enough on him being gobby when he was younger, although, even if she had been he may have still been this way. I don't know how much parents can do sometimes as there are also messages they get from wider society and other friends and family members.

My DSS can be similarly sneery at me and DP. He thinks we're thick as pigshit. We're really not. I know education doesn't = intelligence, but I have stronge GCSEs and A Levels, plus a degree and various professional qualifications since. Plus we're both (DP and I) proficient in several musical instruments having completed all grade/diploma exams in them.

Yet the number of times DSS has sat there and laughed nastily in our faces for not knowing things is shocking. He does history at A Level and enjoys it, so likes debating various aspects of his course with us. I can join in with some of it, as I too have a history A Level, but the course content is very different now, so there are some aspects we didn't cover - for example he did ancient history whereas we did US modern history.

He will be disgusted at me when I can't join in certain debates, because I didn't cover the stuff. He has called us thick, and has this horrible sneery laugh that he does when he knows something we don't. I will admit that I once acted like a child and played him at his own game by trying to talk about something HE knew nothing about, and saying I can't believe he didn't know that .. but it didn't bother him whatsoever, he just changed the subject.

He hates me and his dad listening to music he enjoys. He'll come downstairs and say 'why are you listening to that, don't pretend you like stuff just to look cool' .. we've been listening to these bands since before he was bloody born!! And the urge to 'look cool' hasn't been with me since I was about 14! (And I failed at it then!)

He also looks down his nose at me a lot when I'm cooking. His mum absolutely adores cooking, so will spend hours in the kitchen for a meal that takes 15 minutes to eat. That's not me. I cook, and I cook well, but only because I have to - and I will cut corners, like grabbing a stir fry mix of veg instead of standing and chopping everything. And he will stand there and say things like 'my mum always does everything from scratch' or 'my mum would never use oven chips' - but it's always with this horrible tone that sounds like I'm something he's stepped in.

I actually ended up in tears over it once. His mum and DP split 15 years before I was on the scene so there's no competition whatsoever. I try my best. I don't find stepparenting easy, having no kids of my own, but I have tried my absolute best to get on with him, be there for him, and generally step up and take on the things that a 'mum' would do if she was living here. But it gets so trying sometimes with him looking over my shoulder passing comment on everything I do.

I'm sure there's more to the story than what you've said. There's more to my story too. It doesn't sound bad when I type it like this, but when it's an all the time, general sneery attitude, it becomes tiresome.

Is there a reason you need to be in conversation with this person? Of course you can’t „give him a smack round the earhole”, but you certainly don’t need to give him the benefit of your time, attention, and considerable relevant experience either.

I believe there is a middle way where you can both feel understanding for their insecurities and insist on good manners.

I do think it's part of the job description of a mother of sons to be that little bit impressive. Not necessarily in terms of career or coolness, but in the conviction that you deserve respect and that that is a given.

@BitOfFun

Tell him you won't stand for it one day more?

GCSE English?? DD is doing Blood Brothers too. Brilliant show

This thread makes me sad in a way. My brother was only 19 when my Dad died in his early fifties and he hadn’t really emerged from that awful teen stage. He harbours a lot of guilt about heir relationship now that he is much older and wiser. Even I feel a bit that way and I was 25.

Yes I feel the same I was 17 when my dad died.

My tween can be like this. She's almost 11. I've got fucking years of it to look fwd to.
Yanbu to put him straight from time to time!

I'm sure there's more to the story than what you've said. There's more to my story too. It doesn't sound bad when I type it like this, but when it's an all the time, general sneery attitude, it becomes tiresome.

Actually, LindaEllen, it does sound bad; he sounds absolutely awful. You're a saint to put up with it. It must be really hard to keep your annoyance to yourself when he is around.

Is there a reason you need to be in conversation with this person? Of course you can’t „give him a smack round the earhole”, but you certainly don’t need to give him the benefit of your time, attention, and considerable relevant experience either.

Might be because he is her son and she is the resident parent?

@PyongyangKipperbang you’re not alone in this. My eldest DS often tells me stuff about how telly is made. And though I have worked on the telly stuff (off-screen) for nigh on 25 years, apparently I’m lucky to get through the days because I know nothing. Sometimes I let it go but every so often he says something so dickish I just react. What he doesn’t know isn’t worth knowing.

@LindaEllen I would 100% be telling him that if he wants dinner he's to cook it himself seeing as he knows it all. He's in sixth form and is old enough. Does your DH do anything about the fact your stepson is a massive prick to you? You poor thing!

Can I just say I teach teenagers and being a prick is most certainly not par for the course or something they'll grow out of. Most of my pupils are angels in school and (according to their parents) at home. The odd one is a prick and it absolutely has to be checked before it does become more than a phase.