Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

"What? You?!" Sneery Teen

360 replies

PyongyangKipperbang · 23/01/2021 22:25

He is 15 and literally NOTHING existed in the world until he heard of it, which I am sure he is not alone in.

He is into musical theatre. Goes on and on about various musicals he has found and likes. Ok, no problem there except he does it in a very sneery way as if I coudlnt possibly know about these things but I generally let it go.

When I was younger I planned to go into acting and part of my unofficial training when I was waiting to go to drama school was being trained in theatre production. There is a really good theatre nearish to me and I did some am-dram and got a lot of training in sound for stage productions and I really loved it. I decided that I would rather do sound than acting. Then life happened and I didnt go to school and blah blah but I did still do sound for am dram for a few years.

Last night I get "You probably wont have heard of it but there is this great musical called Blood Brothers which has great songs" and I said "yeah I know, they are good". "Oh you've heard of it?" and it just put my back up. So I said "Of course. Its been around for years and is very well known. I did the sound on it when it was on at X theatre about 20 years ago"

That was when I got "What? You?!" in an incredulous disbelieving sneery way. "You dont seem to me to be someone who could do that" And I got really annoyed and did shout that yes believe it or not I do actually know things, that I did have a life that didnt involve being a mother and to not look down his fucking nose at me. Oh and by the way, no he doesnt fucking know it all. I then asked him a few technical questions "do you know how to....." which he didnt and I could say "Well I do, so...." and he bogged off upstairs!

AIBU to think that sometimes it is justified to give them a smack round the earhole, because I have had the most incredible urge to do just that ever since.

OP posts:
CantBeAssed · 24/01/2021 10:46

Totally justifies a clip round the lugholesGrin teenages are twats!

CantBeAssed · 24/01/2021 10:46

@teenagers

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 24/01/2021 10:51

No jury would convict you...

They're bloody horrible at that age.

OhioOhioOhio · 24/01/2021 10:52

This thread is a real eye opener. When he is bamboozling you with all of his wise knowledge could you not remind him that it was you that taught him how to use a spoon?!!

CounsellorTroi · 24/01/2021 10:54

John Bishop did a routine about this teenage alpha male stuff as a wildlife documentary. How eventually he would be locked out in the garden on Christmas Day, watching his son sitting in HIS chair eating Christmas dinner.

Bananabuddy3 · 24/01/2021 10:55

Nah I think what you did was fine!

I remember giving my dad some teenage crap like that about topics he had an interest in, and in fact life in general. And using that sneery patronising tone and firing all sorts at him. I was shouted down and clipped round the ear (not literally). Angry at the time but I look back and cringe Grin

Sometimes children and teenagers just need an outright firm telling off and to be turned down multiple notches. I think you were spot on.

spoonrace · 24/01/2021 10:56

You did right to knock him down a peg or two OP. He wasn't just amazed that you'd heard of something, he was sneery about your capabilities.

I had a friend you constantly did this, dismissively stating - 'oh no I can't imagine you doing that' about my job, travelling, decorating my house...despite the fact that they were things I had ALREADY done, I wasn't just floating the ideas. Safe to say, she's no longer a friend. So it's good to teach kids not to do it before they grow into clueless adults.

Siddalee · 24/01/2021 11:01

I’d just like to give you a ray of hope.
One of my sons was just like this through his teenage years. We had some very intense times - some of which involved me putting all his clothes in my car boot so he couldn’t go out. And the lead on his PlayStation got shorter and shorter as his dad kept cutting the plug off. Through out these times I still told him at least once a day how much I loved him.

He’s 21 now

Yesterday he was talking about how he couldn’t believe how men could physically hurt women. His thought was “If you love your mum, how could you hurt a woman”

He also commented about how as a teenager you think you know everything and your parents know nothing. He was all - I wish I’d known then what I know now. He said he wished there was some kind of time machine you could put a 15year old in, move them to being 22 for a bit, then back to being a 15 year old.

Minky37 · 24/01/2021 11:02

I think he needs a good ‘metaphorical’ slap down. My DS15 gets above himself and announces his opinion with utter confidence and contradicts me on topics he knows nothing about with regularity. He gets told stop being such a fucking know it all when in fact he knows very little.
It is trying to be an alpha thing, he’s taller than both me and his older brother (who doesn’t do it). The difference is their dad steps in if needed and order is restored. But it doesn’t stop him from trying it very regularly.

Siddalee · 24/01/2021 11:03

I also read something by a man yesterday who commented that having a teenager gave him a deep understanding how women on Twitter feel when a man steps into the conversation. 🤣

Skatastic · 24/01/2021 11:05

YANBU arent they fucking awful. I keep saying to mine that I had a life before them and I continue to be an interesting person even if all they see me as is a cook or a cleaner. Fucks sakes.

GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom · 24/01/2021 11:09

To add a bit of balance here (and I did give OP a sympathetic post earlier), yes teenagers know, invented and discovered everything, but some parents are pretty bad and in some cases, that's where the kids learned it. I'm interested that so many people got more respect for their parents as they got older, because the more I age and parent, the worse and more stupid I realise they were. And I did get told constantly as a teenager that I didn't know shit, often with the face slap that so many people on here find so funny. It didn't make me respect them, then or now, and actually it's worse because they really didn't know what they were on about. If they did, they wouldn't have done that. It just showed them up to be more stupid.

What I wish they had done was to rise above and be the grown ups, because at 15 you have an excuse for being an ignorant and self-righteous twat, but at 45 it's a bit harder to explain away.

Name calling and overt rudeness is obviously absolutely out, of course. And again, I think of my adolescence, because the behaviours my parents hated in me were only the ones that they were modelling to me all the time. I'm not saying that's the case with anyone posting here, just asking people to keep it in mind.

Parenting is not supposed to be about point scoring and face saving and being hurt by the fact that your kids think you're a dinosaur.

On a side note, interesting that so many of these revolve around music. I wonder why it is that music always seems to be what people get performative and judgemental about; that this music must be bad if X listens to it, or only this type of person should enjoy that music. Doesn't seem to happen so much with other types of art.

Skatastic · 24/01/2021 11:13

Does anybody else have to suffer their teens explaining stuff with their half baked Internet ideas? "Well that can't be true because xxxx on Twitter says.." Gives me the rage. I keep telling them to come back to me with proper references from reliable sources. Nobbers.

KateF · 24/01/2021 11:14

DD is a bit of a hypochondriac and will appear after consulting Dr Google and announce that she has X disease. I ask why and then say I think it's unlikely
DD 'How would you know?'
Me. 'Six years of medical school love, but by all means book yourself a GP appointment'
She never does.

Ohbuggeroffcovid · 24/01/2021 11:14

My ds frequently tries to debate with me about feminism. He does this by mansplaining feminism.

I can’t tell you how well every one of those debates ends.

DenisetheMenace · 24/01/2021 11:17

A cuff round the ‘earhole is probably not on but know how you feel 😁
“Yes, I did exist before you arrived” is a fairly commonly used phrase here.

spiderlight · 24/01/2021 11:20

Mine came back from a school residential having discovered an incredible new dessert that I couldn't possibly have heard of. It's hard to keep a straight face when a pre-teen is mansplaining Angel Delight to you!

Ohbuggeroffcovid · 24/01/2021 11:23

‘Have you ever tried Vienetta?’

Fuck off! It was the worlds most expensive dessert in the 80s. Now it’s a £1.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 24/01/2021 11:27

It's standard, I think.
DS1 is just 13 and has been doing this for the last 2+ years, since puberty started.
It's like they can't deal with the fact that you were ever as young as they are, or young and not a parent - as though your life only started once they came along.

Mind you, DH is almost as bad - he forgets I had 3 decades of living before he showed up, and I did a lot of stuff in those 3 decades!!

lottiegarbanzo · 24/01/2021 11:28

I know a few adults who still behave like this! Who always begin conversations from the position that what they know (however little that is) must be at the forefront of knowledge on the subject. Even if the people they're talking to are plainly more educated or experienced in a relevant area, it would not occur to them to begin by finding out what the starting position of the other person is, before telling them all about it, or how to do it, in a definitive manner.

Some will continue to argue the point, even when the other person's far greater knowledge becomes apparent, because 'everyone's opinion is equally valid' an 'if you can't explain it convincingly to me, there's a flaw in your argument that undermines everything you claim to know'. (No dude, you don't understand it because you don't know enough about the subject to recognise the distinction being made. No, I'm not your teacher, don't have a duty to summarise years of learning into handy soundbites for you, which you're not bright enough to use to grasp the basics anyway and, I'm bored and would like to talk to someone more interesting now).

I've generally seen them do this to women (though suspect the biggest offender is so unaware, that he does it to men too and no, he's not autistic), including on the subject of another man who is an habitual arsehole towards women. 'Well, I always like to make my own mind up about people, based on my own experience'. 'Um, dude, you're never going to experience his woman-targeted-arseholery, what with you not being a woman'. 'Oh' (Complete surprise and incredulity at the unfamiliarity of this concept).

So anyway, yes, your DS is just being a typical teenager.

Also yes, especially given you're a single parent, I suspect there's a big dollop of sexism in there, that he may or may not grow out of.

Yes, asserting yourself from time to time is perfectly reasonable, especially pulling him up on being rude and dismissive, towards anyone.

But, it is important for him to find his own way with his interests and to carve out his own niche, which will be a bit different form yours, even if involving the same subject matter.

If you can just drop in the odd mention of your technical knowledge occasionally, it's quite possible that in a few years' time, or when talking to other people, he'll suddenly recognise its relevance.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 24/01/2021 11:29

Mind you, I had some of that with my own mother as well - despite working in blood labs for 10+ years, I still didn't know as much about it as she did, from her brief conversation with a doctor some 30 years previously...

Sethy38 · 24/01/2021 11:34

* Also yes, especially given you're a single parent, I suspect there's a big dollop of sexism in there, that he may or may not grow out of. *

Sexism? Highly unlikely given his mother is a single parent so he would have seen over many years his mother do everything and anything a man can. Added to which, sexism really is not prevalent amongst teens. I have worked extensively with this age a group.

sundaysgirls · 24/01/2021 11:34

[quote PyongyangKipperbang]@Footle

Thank you!! That might have to go on the fridge :o[/quote]
Mark Twain can usually be relied upon for a good quote.

CecilyP · 24/01/2021 11:36

DD is a bit of a hypochondriac and will appear after consulting Dr Google and announce that she has X disease. I ask why and then say I think it's unlikely
DD 'How would you know?'
Me. 'Six years of medical school love, but by all means book yourself a GP appointment'
She never does.

Now that is funny! And presumably she does know you're a doctor.

In OP's case things seem to have escalated really quickly from virtually nothing. All she needed to say was, 'well actually Blood Brothers is a pretty well known musical - there probably are some obscure ones but Blood Brothers certainly isn't' Not sure why 'Oh you've heard of it' got OP's back up. I would have found it amusing that he thought that something so popular was somehow obscure. Then OP chooses this moment when a row is already brewing to inform her DS of he past accomplishments. I am just surprised that she never mentioned it before when her DS first became interested in musical theatre. It would have come as quite a surprise to him. Then things escalated still further into a swearing match because:

And FYI we are sweary family. So the "usual" swear words are not offensive to us. If they are to you, then thats your issue.

so I can't really have much sympathy when she complains that he swore at her.

Sorry, but I think the problem is that both parties have very similar temperaments and personalities rather than on being a teen and the other being maybe a 40 something.

fourquenelles · 24/01/2021 11:37

Mind you, DH is almost as bad - he forgets I had 3 decades of living before he showed up, and I did a lot of stuff in those 3 decades!!

Ditto my late DH who I met when I was 40! Had to keep reminding him that I had had a life before him and was perfectly capable of changing a bulb, papering a wall, using a drill etc etc. I wonder if he was an obnoxious teen to his parents?

Swipe left for the next trending thread